Power Rankings: Episode 20 – S3

JDT:

In death, the Seminole proved to be more entertaining than they ever were or would have been in life. With their dying breaths, the shamans of the crocoboys cursed the lands of the Everglades, gripping the US with an untimely curse, and Micanopy’s death has caused a mass uprising across large swathes of the US’s tropical regions. The Seminole weren’t expected to be a big power in any means. However, even said expectation was tempered when the USA decided to larp and seized Apopka within the first 5 parts. From then on, the Seminole bided their time in their reservation in the Everglades, watching the world go by and becoming a contender for most boring civ. With their death, and their last gasp suffocating the USA however, I can say this - Micanopy, you have firmly fought out from the ranks of the most boring with the final uprising. If this harkens the fall from grace of the USA, then how fitting would it be that it comes from one of the tribes that were sturdiest against them in real life. F.

Emu

Ainu's exile to northern Honshu may be just about at its end, as their southern neighbors who decided they didn't want to settle the region for so long decide they actually do want it very much and are willing to straight up murder Shakushain for it. There's not really much at all to say about Ainu, they lived up to everyone's expectations pretty much exactly. There was no way they weren't going to end up severely boxed in.

Emu

After getting Khazaria again, I'm beginning to think Bulan and I are trapped in the same hell. Bulan gained a city-state friend in Tomyris this week, but I'm not really sure how much that will help them in a practical sense. I gained the motivation to finish editing some video that had been sitting on my hard drive for a few months this week, but I'm not sure how much that will help me in a practical sense. Bulan has a trireme, though, and I don't, so I think he's winning this one so far.

Msurdej:

Welcome to the city state club Tomyris. After your double dealt beatdown brought to you by Tuva and the Permians, you now only have the city of Asir to their name. This means you’ll probably die either to Afghanistan or Turkey. So enjoy the last bits of life you have, you won’t have them for long.

CelestialDalek:I really regret putting Central America in 10th in part 0. Let’s look on the bright side: they have their capital. Somehow. They have good tech for a rump state, a dead army, a dead navy, and a graveyard of dead dreams. They will die soon. But Morazon has ensured that their death will not be today, because the power rankings release on Mondays and episodes on Tuesdays.

Cloudy:

After what happened to Seminole,Vermont had better believe that they’re next.

JDT:

We say that it ain’t over till the fat lady sings. Unfortunately for the Tetouan, the fat lady is singing rather hard right about now. Sayyida has lost her home base, and is now confined to a meager territory around the city of Sale. Surrounded completely by the Malians, Normans and Castillians, two of which could crush her in a dime, it's looking rather grim for our favourite female pirate.

Reformer:

I have more drywall about Egypt than I- Fuck, I did it again!

JDT:

Cambodia is actually the greatest civ in the game. Wanna know why? Because they’re an exercise in describing increasingly creative ways of saying “this civ did nothing.” Take this writeup for example. I could give a very simple, “this civ did nothing and went up 2 ranks because 2 previously better civs are getting bodied,” but no, I am not doing that! I like to pad out and describe, and look, I did a quasi-meta analysis of the PRs while still accurately describing Cambodia’s position! Truly incredible! Best civ, 10/10, would have them again!

Cloudy:

I’m going to make a bold prediction: Uganda survives until total war. You heard it here first.

Orange:

Now that was a bold fuckin’ play wasn’t it Jose? To be fair it was probably the best play, seeing if they could attack the Incas while their army is off in the Pacific. Too bad Jose forgot that the Incas have a lot of production ready to push those waves back. Maybe if they focused down one city they could’ve done something, but it seems RDLP is just going to keep slipping further down.

Msurdej:

Things continue to be bad for Vlad, but not as bad as you think. Sure, they keep losing cities to Lithuania, but the cities they’ve lost are mostly Siberian exclaves. The core remains strong, and continues to weather the assault while Lithuania is running lower and lower on troops. Can Vsevolod hold out long enough and secure his country’s (nominal) safety?

Leman:

Kyiv’s brief foray into the thirties is over for now. Let’s see if enough other civs die for them to make it back there.

Leman:

The best future for Ming is as a stepping stone on the Mori redemption arc.

Altima:

Cloudy:

For some unknown reason, Castile holds steady despite facing a potentially disastrous Malian invasion. Maybe we’re just waiting to see if it’s actually as bad as it looks. But personally, I think they deserve a drop, because they’re all but certain to lose Burgos, even if the war stalls out after that. And when you only have four cities,* losing one of them is... kind of a big deal.

*Oviedo, a depopulated husk, barely counts. On the plus side though, if this new war prompts Isabella to make peace with Michael Collins, then they might actually keep it.

Msurdej:

North Korea had a Golden Age in this episode. Yay for them.

CelestialDalek:

The most accurate way to describe Pandya is probably “India’s toenail”. With little land, hopelessly outclassed military, and bad stats, there’s little hope left for the two fish on their icon to wreak havoc upon the world. It’s just a waiting game to see who will muster the effort to kill them.

Orange:

Well this wasn’t a great part for William, gotta say. Though to be fair, what is a good part for the A-D? Is it just when they don’t get attacked? Or do they have to conquer something for it to be a good part? Maybe they’ll win a religious victory or something, honestly good on them for doing well in that department at least.

CelestialDalek:The Mori keep climbing up the ranks by not being as awful as some of the other civs. They now have a good chance to take down the Ainu, assuming that they don’t peace out after screwing an easy invasion up. Civs have done much dumber, and the Ainu will be there for a while unless the Gokturks get to them. Is Mori good, though? No. They’re still far behind everyone else, even though they have tried to catch up.

Emu

The Maori haven't really recovered after giving away that city on their home island, and I wouldn't really expect them to in the future either. I had high hopes for them, but by now it's very apparent they're far from the legendary performance of their mk2 predecessors, or even X1's New Zealand. I suppose a weak Oceania had to happen eventually.

Reformer:

Ireland’s a funny civ, there’s a lot going on but not much to talk about. They’re still fighting Castile, yes. Oviedo must be REALLY valuable considering how much the two are willing to sacrifice for it. In the meantime, America and Greenland, former foes, unite forces to beat up Ireland from the other end. A true spitroast. If only Greenland didn’t almost immediately peace out, and America sent more than 6 units over. At this rate the American war is gonna be a net positive, not that it matters much when everyone hates your guts anyway. Poor Michael.

CelestialDalek:Christianshab escapes from the dastardly clutches of Ireland’s military. Greenland does not deserve to get away with this. I had high hopes for them, but maybe they’ll do what they did in the test runs and take over Brandenburg. All they need to do is build up a tech lead over Ireland, conquer Ireland, take down the Anglo-Dutch, hold off Brandenburg in a land war briefly, take their island holdings, blitz through Castile, and then they might be a few ranks below Brandenburg. Greenland sweep!

JDT:

Woah, the Zulu! Yeah, they did… nothing… and… why am I feeling so sleepy…

CelestialDalek:Kilwa is back into the top 30 civs! It’s time for a Kilwa sweep! They’re above the Zulu now! Could they wage war on anyone? Beats me! We didn’t see them all part because they aren’t doing anything! This just means they are building up to take over Brandenburg with their navy and then have Kayapo cede all their cities to them in a peace deal. Naysayers will be thrown over a Kilwan ship of their choosing.

JDT:

Well well well, this part certainly was not a good one for the Wiradjuri. After rising up the ranks with the subjugation of the Maori, it all comes crashing down as the Timorese and Incans come pounding on their empire. Most of the pacific isles and the entirety of Papua have fallen to the two, split perfectly down the middle, and both nations retain statistically significant military forces by their doorstep. Their army is shot, and while the rest of their stats remain very strong, we simply don’t know if they are “strong enough to take on two great powers at once,” level strong. And yes, they now have a proper intrusion into their own turf in the form of Timorese North Australia. Prepare for some more bashing courtesy of the Inca, before a peace deal and some major licking of wounds.

Altima

The good: They might take Meknes by sea, one boat at a time. They went up a rank, probably mostly from the statistical noise of other’s failures.

The mixed: They might breach the Anglo-Dutch, but probably not. They’re definitely losing those African holdings, but to be fair, they didn’t really matter much anyway.

The bad: Their stats are sliding. Nothing irreparable in theory, but not a great sign when you’re already losing turf on one front and stagnating against a weaker foe.

Orange:

Chad (the country) continues to do the Chad (the term used for people but said ironically) thing of getting caught up in a war they can hardly fight, just some light squabbles with the Normans. At least their stats are better than the rest of Africa (if you ignore Angola), though that’s not saying much… Maybe they can finally get around to killing Egypt soon, that’d be neat.

Cloudy:

This would be a great time for the Normans to attack... well, anyone except Chad, really. They could easily finish off Tetouan or snag a couple cities from Mali, but for whatever reason, they aren’t. They have the fourth largest army in the world, most of which is boats, and they’re trying to invade a civ with which they only share land borders. Ridiculous.

Leman

Arwa is still not using that bigass army for anything and it's starting to be concerning. As other armies around Yemen grow, the one they have isn’t looking quite as impressive as it once was. The really spooky thing is Yemen’s weirdly low production, which is one lower than Greenland! That means that even in a war, Yemen won’t be able to sustain troop production against a powerful opponent like Turkey or Afghanistan. One of those two problems has to be fixed. Yemen either has to use its large army for some conquest or fix that production problem, and soon.

Msurdej:

Chile is probably the sleepiest of the South American at the moment. While Inca, RDLP, and Muisca are all at war, and Kayapo are busy building, Chile is living up to its namesake and chilling. While biding their time may seem silly, if Allende can strike when Rio De La Plata has exhausted its army, they might be able to sweep their enemy’s holdings.

Leman:

The war with Central America seems to be tipping decisively into Muisca’s favor. Central America is down to two measly cities (thanks to Muisca) and Guatemala City is flipping. It’s only a matter of time before Muisca makes its first elimination of the game and gets to start contesting America for Caribbean dominance!

Just kidding. Muisca peaced out at the last minute. lol

Rosay:

Bengal is a civ that is decent on its own, pretty mediocre when compared to its competition. Like don't get me wrong they're perfectly fine but when compared to an established Afghanistan and an emerging Timor Leste and Indonesia, Bengal is looking a little lacking. That's not to say that their situation isn't completely unsalvageable by any means, just that they're really going to need to get strategic so I'm going to spitball a few ideas and see if Bengal goes with any of them.

Idea number 1: Take Pandya, just brute force a rump out of the game, would definitely make the PRs lives easier

Idea number 2: Work on Kokang, play incrementally against Kokang, Bengal does have a slight military advantage so the could chip away a city at a time

Idea number 3: Invade Madagascar, look Africa is really weak this game so if Bengal shows up in there with a successful invasion they take the area by default

Emu:

FDR finds himself engaged in a battle for Philly, and he takes out his anger at the fact that his supply lines don't reach by taking Cuscowilla. This unites the American core with its Caribbean possessions. Manifest Destiny still looks very achievable, but the window isn't looking very big now. America is probably the weakest contender for North America at the moment, but they are still a contender. It really says a lot about the continent that they have four top 20 civs at this stage in the game.

Cloudy:

I honestly can’t remember the last time Angola did something. Can you?

Rosay:

Kayapo continues to be one of if not the goofiest civ this run as they seem to have forgotten that they are in a domination only game, yet are (debatably) the 2nd best civ in South America due to tech advantage alone. Despite Turkey closing that gap, Kayapo's raw technological prowess (and to a lesser extent, their high production) simply cannot be ignored, and unlike some civs, Kayapo has terrain to protect them. There is actually a new opportunity that is arising however in the form of Rio de La Plata's last stand against the Inca. The Incan cities of Machu and Sao Salvador are currently under attack by a desperate Rio de La Plata, and this could actually be a huge opportunity for Kayapo. Rio de La Plata is probably going to take at least Machu with heavy losses, and that might result in just enough of a warmonger penalty for Kayapo to declare war on Rio and take Machu for themselves, followed by the entirety of Rio De La Plata. There is actual precedent for this too with Brazil, and Kayapo's troops are already in position so this might actually happen.

Leman:

Kokang is weird. Like none of their stats are bad but none of them are incredible either? They’ve got a bunch of really strong neighbors, few expansion opportunities, and seem to have a lot of vulnerable cities (see the recent war with Indonesia). That being said, their science is top ten, they have an above average number of cities, and a top fifteenish army and production. Putting all that together, I never really know where to rank them. I know its somewhere in the teens but I waffle on exactly where. I hope they have a nice, decisive war with Han or someone so I can know the answer to this question finally, but until then, I guess 16th is good for now.

Msurdej:

Congratulations Mali, on your first capital of the game. With the capture of Tetouan, and their subsequent capitulation, Mali has proven themselves to be capable warriors. And they show no signs of stopping, hoping to conquer Castile and control the entrance to the Mediterranean. While it seems like they have the clear advantage in military and production, it remains to be seen whether Sundiata will be able to bring his force to bear.

Reformer:

Arapaho’s stats continue to fall while their neighbors all continue to fight wars, whether offensive or defensive. Normally when a civ of this size is turtling, you’d expect their stats comparatively to improve. Arapaho is managing to be both horribly inactive while failing to keep up. It’d make me sad if I hadn’t disliked the civ from the get-go. Anyway, for opportunities…I’d probably go for Cree, but even that’d probably be a defeat despite Cree already fighting two great powers.

Leman:

Indonesia and Timor-Leste are still our rising stars from Oceania. While Timor-Leste has better science and production, Indonesia has a few more cities and a much bigger military, and is no slouch in its other stats either. We’re a little disappointed that Indonesia didn’t capture Muse a part ago, and then didn’t really do much this part, but as long as the stats keep up with their powerful neighbors, Indonesia is in a really good spot.

Rosay:

Damn Lithuania, you really blew it. Lithuania's rank drops to the lowest point since part 1, after failing horrendously in taking anything off of Vladimir, the Permians have stepped in and have actually managed to swipe a few cities. Hell even Tuva got a piece of the action this part taking a free city in northern siberia. Now Lithuania's military has been horribly gutted and vultures like the Kyivan Rus or actual present dangers like Brandenburg could cause serious damage to the Lithuanian core. If I had to name one thing that went right for Lithuania this part it's that they made some progress on T'ver, that's it.

Altima

Congratulations, Timor-Leste. You have successfully done what no other Civ in your region has done this early on, and breached into Superfortress Australia, and held your gains in actual combat. Next question; what now? Can you carpet up the beachhead in advance of future conflict with Wiradjuri, who will surely want to take the north once their current hellfight with the Inca ends? Will you take the fight on the seas to Indonesia, to halt the growth of a potential future rival in the bud? Maybe the Inca? Either way, it is time to build up. You’ve little time to savor your four point swing, there’s too much still to do.

Reformer:

The Permians achieve victories on all fronts, first reducing Massagetae to a city-state on the Caspian, then taking two Lithuanian cities. And seeing as their stats are on the rise as well, raising them back to the top 10 for the first time since Part 9 seems apt. They had their struggles, and they’ve come out stronger, but the struggle is far from over. Tuva, a #1 candidate, still stands to the east. Lithuania, one of the strongest civs on the cylinder since the dawn of time, is attempting to breach through Vladimir to properly border Perm. And, of course, with Massagetae gone, Afghanistan is a neighbor to the south now. The time of weak neighbors is over, and the next war for Perm must be a war against a fellow top 10 civ…and I don’t like their odds against any option. We’ll have to wait and see.

Altima

The Mohave rank stays stagnant into their war against the Cree. While they’ve taken some early clay, the rough terrain stands to seriously impede their further moves even with two other relevant powers fighting alongside them, and Wabasca as a city is just not worth a rank alone.  If they can push out past the myriad mountains in the coming part, we’ll have more to say, but for now, the war is too young.

Orange:

Han stays chilling this part, just consolidating and growing their recent conquests. They are pretty safe to attack despite the other powers on their borders, they’ve shown enough of that in wars already, so it seems their best bet right now is to try and move into Korea and Japan. Either way though, they are the happiest civ so they are clearly doing something right and I shouldn’t tell them what to do. :)

Orange:

As an ardent Mohave fan I laugh as Poundmaker tumbles out of their second place standing. Though I must note that they still do have insane production and don’t have the happiness issues Mohave is struggling with (Altima didn’t say but they are at -13 rn). However, that unhappiness in their attacker isn’t going to change the fact that they have 10k more troops and are gaining a further lead in tech. Will they manage to build troops fast enough to beat back the stronger horde?

Orange:

The Gokturks are in a pretty prime position at this point, they are quickly consolidating the Bering Strait and are working on attacking the Cree now. Only thing that is an issue really is their tech, 8 below Poundmaker, which is pretty significant at this point in the game. But for now, they do have the production and men to keep fighting as much as they need to, and it seems the only thing that’s going to stop them now is a joint Tuva-Han attack from behind.

Altima

The funny thing about the “graveyard of Empires” bit is that the factors that go into that nickname also make it kinda ass to push out of, as can be seen by their failure to breach the weaker Kokang because of all these mountains and hills. They’re still a strong civ, but what they can do with that strength remains to be seen.

Emu

Brandy rebounds a bit as their eastern neighbor falters in their fight to make their way to the Urals. Europe is strange this game—there are plenty of civs I could identify as powerhouses (powerhice?), but none of them are really doing much of anything. Nonetheless, I have to recognize Fred-Willy as the leader in the fight for Europe. It remains to be seen whether they'll ever actually conquer Europe, but I don't think any other power indigenous to the continent will ever have it in them to pierce into the heart of our German frontrunner.

Altima

Fairly solid part for the Inca. They’ve taken a large swathe of Wiradjuran island holdings, and now stand within sight of Australia proper, though an actual assault on the continent is probably out of the cards for now. Still, there are some issues on the docket; the last-ditch Rio assault on Machu actually stands more of a chance than it has any right to, and the Kayapo continue to be a scary question mark standing right on their border. Rio probably won’t breach Machu, and Kayapo will probably stay sleepy and under-armed, but these are still factors to consider. The world’s Inca’s oyster, but we’ll have to see what they make of it; how much more Wiradjuri clay they can make off with, and if they can hold their isolated holdings on the Rio border.

Cloudy:

Turkey’s stint back at #1 didn’t last long, but we did decided to keep them in #2, given their extremely strong science—now only two beakers behind the Kayapo—and their well-rounded stats in other areas. That said, this episode marked the first time Yemen had more troops than Turkey, which is a warning sign, given that Yemen has already had a large army on Turkey’s sudden border for some time. If Arwa al-Sulayhi were to attack soon—and the relative army sizes increase the probability that she will do so—then Turkey could be in trouble.

Emu

Tuva tops the stats, and that's enough to catapult them from bronze to gold this part. The stability of this position is by no means ensured though, there's been a lot of discussion over the past month over how no one really deserves 1st. None of the current frontrunners have really wowed the rankers in a way that makes us say ”You. You will be the one with all the figgy pudding.” So here Tuva stands, first place in the way Siberian civs usually end up there for a while, its armies waiting to either do something or be rendered obsolete by some upstart to the south or west. Best of luck to you, Donduk Kuular.