Power Rankings: Episode 24 – S3

Release Date:

April 04, 2023

Narrated by:

Power-Rankers

Abstract

Power Rankings! They’re rankings of power! (But only as of the instant of the end of the previous episode, as these are not meant to be future predictions!) Power Rankings!

Viewing: Vertical

Jump to scene

Vladimir

1 / 0

1: Vladimir

CelestialDalek:

Rest in piss, Vsevolod. I would consider what you did a “fall from grace”, but I can’t remember when you were graceful. It’s hard to be when you have to fight tooth and nail for relevancy when your empire is a thin filling between the vast empires of the Permians and Lithuania. It really just was a waiting game, and while you put up a valiant fight against Lithuania, taking Siaulaia’s health down more than deserved, you ended the war by giving away your city. We should have known you were a paper tiger from your pasty white color. Not just a middling civ without many prospects like the Mori, just plain bad. You put up a facade of being decent and many fell for it.

1: Vladimir

CelestialDalek:

2: Egypt

CelestialDalek:If Chad is competent, Egypt will finally die. Their miserable existence will come to an end, not in a blaze of fire, but with a sad burst of one piece of confetti. I’ll save the eulogizing for the imminent eulogy, but I will say this: they better fucking not take Fada.

3: Massagetae

Reformer:

Just another Monday in Central Asia, where great powers clash on the ruins of your civilization. Ahhh…time to relax and enjoy the show.

4: Cambodia

Msurdej:

Another dead civ, another corpse Cambodia has managed to crawl up over. With roughly twenty parts since becoming a city state, Norodom has managed to grow his rank to nearly the highest it has ever been.

5: Tetouan

Leman:

I’m pleased to report Tetouan is alive, which is neat, cause I like Tetouan.

6: Castile

Msurdej:

Castile is looking more and more like a dangerous position. Mali has citadeled the land around Toledo, making the capital of the two capital city far more precarious than what could be otherwise.

7: Uganda

Altima

Uganda, the only Civ in CBR history to give itself terminal leukemia out of spite. Uganda, unloved by all except for how fun they are to hate. Uganda, they who continue to cling to life solely on the merit of their hellish geography and utter irrelevance. Uganda, evidence that sometimes determination isn’t a virtue. Uganda, the same as they were months ago, the same as they will be for weeks until the leukemia gets them.

But you ganda hand it to them…

8: Kyivan Rus’

Cloudy:

After absolute ages, it seems like Turkey is finally getting the better of the Kyivan Rus’, and guess what: we barely care! We’d already written Olga off as dead a while ago. Of course, it’s also possible that Kyiv flips the city back and Turkey never takes it again... after all, Ukraine and a tenacious defense go together like PB&J.

9: Pandya

Pandya:

For one beautiful moment, it seemed like Pandya might make the greatest upset and snag Chaghcharan from the overburdened and overextended Afghans. And that all came crashing down in a heartbeat. Even while taking a beating from Bengal and Permians, Afghanistan found a moment to snipe Toothukudi, and bring Mannar down to half health with a handful of destroyers. Luckily for Pandya, there’s still a sizable fleet in the Bay of Bengal and Afghanistan’s land army is very distracted, so I don’t expect death, but this war has not been the saving grace that we hoped.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Rio de la Plata

10: Rio de la Plata

Emu

Well. Their recent antics have been entertaining for sure, but this was always going to happen sooner or later. Most of us expected it to be Chile, but no one doubted that 6 cities was the peak of La Plata's power. Kayapo riflemen flow south, cutting through the heavily outteched forces in blue, already having taken one city with more under threat. An elimination isn't the most likely outcome, but it's in the cards here, and a rumping is almost certain.

11: Anglo-Dutch

Orange:

Willy. William. Willmerton. Wallachia. What the FUCK mate? I believed in you. I trusted you. So what the actual fuck William?

12: North Korea

Emu

Our old failure of a friend Norky Nork licks their wounds from yet another failed invasion of Mori and looks north to the two clashing titans that could do them in with a stern look. Really says a lot for their future prospects that they couldn't even manage to snipe a city now if they wanted.

13: Ming

JDT:

The Ming as a contender are pretty bog-standard boring. They have few future prospects due to how disparate their empire is, they can’t muster up the strength to come back against most of their rivals, and they are just kinda fucked. However, there is one really big aspect setting them apart - the Han are using them as a legitimate buffer state to protect their exposed rear. Though this may not be the best strategy, it is incredibly interesting, and knowing how bad the Ming are, backfiring probably won't happen.

14: Botswana

Cloudy:

Botswana climbs four ranks, it’s party time!

15: Mori

Leman:

Things seemed bad for Mori for a moment, as the Gokturks prepared to push into the isles, but luckily, the Cree and Han have come to Mori’s rescue. It seems somewhat unlikely that Mori will be able to snipe Sat Poro Pet, but it's kind of crazy that that’s on the table at all.

16: Maori

Reformer:

Uh-oh! Did someone get DoW’d by a stronger neighbor? Poor Wiradjuri. Would be a real shame if Maori took revenge while Wiradjuri’s army goes to die to Timor’s planes (which are about to exist next part). Real shame I tell ya.

17: Zulu

Cloudy:

Lol, time to take back everything I wrote last week. The Zulus suck after all. Not only did they not capture any more Yemeni cities, they actually dropped the ball so hard that Yemen retook the city Cetshwayo captured earlier, plus an original Zulu city, with another on the way, and there’s no way they’re coming back into the fold. If things weren’t already over for Cetshwayo, they sure seem to be now, given the incompetence which he just displayed.

18: Ireland

Cloudy:

Suffice to say it, I think Ireland has peaked. Fight me all you want Algernon, but I’m right.

Ireland has lost two cities to Greenland, and while they may not lose more, they look completely exhausted, without many military units and surrounded on three sides by Brandenburg. If they can’t even fight off Greenland, then Brandenburg will probably flatten them. Hell, they couldn’t even make gains against the Anglo-Dutch. I’d love to be wrong, but things are not looking good; we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

19: Kilwa

Orange:

Kilwa continues to do almost nothing. However they do have the opportunity to join in on Zulu falling and nab some cities they really should’ve grabbed ages ago. Every moment they are waiting here is just more time lost and more strength for Yemen and the others around them. Get moving Ali.

20: Yugoslavia

Msurdej:

Alas poor Tito, the war with the Normans did not great. Africaslavia is lost, along with the islands in the Mediterranean. And he had nothing to show for it since the siege on Melfi failed. On the plus side, Tito managed to hold onto Zagreb, but the fight for the city isn’t over. And it will be fierce as Brandenburg shows no sign of letting up.

21: Greenland

Orange:

Greenland is like a back and forth of good and bad. They gave away a big city to America for no reason at all and then followed it up by launching a so far successful invasion of Ireland. If they can secure these lands then hopefully they can use that to build themselves up a bit more, their stats are so weak. Only 12k troops, 46 techs, 217 production. Their main saving grace here is that Ireland only has 6k troops and didn’t grab the right naval techs to deal with this invasion.

22: Chile

CelestialDalek:

Chile’s prospects are looking weaker and weaker. To be good and not just ok, Allende needs somewhere to expand. He doesn’t have that somewhere. Rio de la Plata would be a rollover, but it’s Kayapo’s rollover. It’s my opinion that Kayapo will be brought down by not building units, but their technological advantage would still prove good enough against Chile. The Inca’s lands are mountainous and hard to get through. However, we’re forgetting one obvious prospect. Chile can totally come back from this by launching a huge naval invasion of Wiradjuri, then going on to beat Kilwa, and finishing off by overcoming their tech deficit over Kayapo and winning the game. The fact that this is the most realistic way they can expand is disheartening.

23: Wiradjuri

Reformer:

This might be it for Wiradjuri’s chances. Timor is coming in - albeit slowly - and has a significant manpower and technological advantage. And it’s only about to get worse. Timor is currently researching Flight, and almost certainly has the oil necessary to build a good fleet of planes to butcher Wiradjuri’s army. Still, I’ll grant to Wiradjuri that they have a chance to hold on, here, as Timor is not moving units with a particularly coherent purpose in mind, more just fighting for the sake of fighting. It’ll be a struggle, the greatest struggle Wiradjuri will ever face, one way or another, but the chance of a stalemate exists.

24: Chad

Altima

RIP Egypt. Unless Chad really bungles this one, they’re snagging a free capital here. They’re also expanding their borders with Turkey and earning an elimination penalty while being weaker than three of their neighbors. So you know, this could backfire quite a bit.

25: Muisca

Emu

Muisca drops three ranks despite not really getting any weaker, but in my eyes this is justified. They're far weaker than all of their neighbors, and with the American naval buildup cutting off any dream of an escape by sea, their helplessness has become all the more apparent. For now they're likely safe from land, but that's hardly high praise.

26: Bengal

Msurdej: Bengal was going back and forth with Indonesia this part, and managed to pull out some victories. While they continue to fight, they are certainly showing that the Bengal tigers weren’t paper, merely sleeping. While they still have to get Chittagong back, they look to be in a good position to do so.

27: Angola

Emu:

Angola continues to avoid Paingola even as the only real power on the African continent looks ascendant. We saw their core this part, and while they're advanced enough to have an ideology, you wouldn't know it. Their territory is filled with muskets and crossbows, and even a couple Pikemen. Pikemen. Their land army looks on par with Botswana's technologically, and multiple eras behind Mali's or even Chad's. The sad thing is, Africa is so weak this doesn't even put them out of the running. Do better, Savimbi.

28: Yemen

JDT:

Yemen rises by a whopping 6 as they prove themselves more than capable of manhandling the Zulu in their home turf. Their stats also remain steady, though they are understandably too scared to take on the Turks. Honestly, despite their stats being very strong, I still can’t really see why they’re ranked so high if I wanna be honest. I guess its their potential paired with the vulnerability of nearby powers? Someone else really should take over this writeup next time cos I ain’t the biggest believer.

29: Normans

Altima:

While they didn’t take any continental clay from the Yugoslavians, the Yugo-Norman war was still a massive win for the Normans, who consolidated their hold on the Mediterranean and captured Tito’s North African holdings, creating a solid buffer for their pre-existing holdings when conflict with Mali inevitably springs back up. They also made the map a lot more legible, which is a solid plus. All told, pretty good part for the Normans; they’ve reduced the threat and power of a relevant neighbor, they’ve consolidated their holdings, and oh yeah, they somehow talked the cowardly Anglo-Dutch into just… giving them a 19 pop city for free. Nice.

Anyway they dropped two ranks because a 7 rank gain last part was probably overgenerous, but +5 from where they were pre-war is probably quite fair.

30: Lithuania

Leman:

Lithuania continues to stagnate as their neighbors Brandenburg and Permians continue to strengthen. They’re behind on basically every relevant stat besides population and city count, which just makes me nervous. Granted, Lithuania isn’t so weak that they could never recover from this, but with Vladimir gone and Kyiv finally cracking under Turkish pressure, opportunities for Lithuania are drying up quickly. We’re gonna need Gedimidas to look inward and bulk up, quickly.

31: Kayapo

Leman:

Kayapo, realizing that it’s no longer the technological monster that it's been this entire game, decides another garbage South American civ needs to die. Rio de la Plata is in Kayapo’s crosshairs and Kayapo makes a successful, albeit a bit slow, start to its invasion. I’d love to see the war pick up the pace, but outside of a poorly timed peace treaty Rio de la Plata is so, so screwed. They’re still fielding swordsmen against Kayapo’s Rifles. It’s only two ranks, but as RDLP crumbles the Kayapo haters will come around.

32: Mali

Emu:

Mali continues to look like the only power who can reasonably accomplish anything of consequence in Africa. They've certainly been a very entertaining competitor, and their latest move (getting Carlos III as a Great General and forcing him to citadel his own capital) is no different. Honestly, I just want anyone in Africa to not be a complete fuckup. Them, Chad, Angola even, doesn't matter. Just someone.

33: Indonesia

Altima

Bengal and Indonesia continue to stalemate across the archipelago, caught on the rough terrain and their own technical near-parity. In theory, it should favor Indonesia, who both aren’t fighting another power on land and have higher stats across the board (except in techs, oddly enough). In practice, they’ve kept too much of their fleet in reserve to the north in case of Kokang fuckery. For now, unless Indonesia can bring that massive reserve fleet to bear, expect the war to continue to flip and flop back and forth like the fish feasting on the dead sailors of both combatants.

34: Gokturks

Emu

The mighty Gok doesn't look quite so mighty anymore. In a move reminiscent of Northern Yuan of last season, Han sweeps in and decapitates the Gokturk capital. At the moment, Han has the overall advantage in this war, and the Gokturks are sure to come out weaker than they went in, and that's to say nothing with the bites the Cree are taking out of the Arctic periphery of the empire. This by no means dooms them as a great power, but we may very well look back and say this was the beginning of their boxing in and ultimate decline to irrelevance.

35: Afghanistan

Leman:

Afghanistan is struggling, but I will say that despite their small ranking dip, I think Afghanistan is recovering from last week's performance quite well. They’ve thwarted Bengal’s attack, more-or-less halted the Permian invasion and have been a surprisingly effective attack against Pandya. Honestly, if they can make peace with Permian’s and clean up Pandya, a very easy task, I could see Afghanistan re-entering the top ten pretty quickly.

36: Arapaho

JDT:

And like a bungee cord, the Arapaho hop back up to 12th place. This is mostly brought upon by the PR’s belief that the Arapaho are actually building an army, as they sit on roughly 30k troops right now. That's not huge, but that's decent enough for a top tier. The thing about the Arapaho is that if they actually had a defense force, they’d easily be top tier statswise. It's just their geography and unwillingness to build defenses are really harming their rank, because they’re surrounded by 3 civs of the same, if not higher, caliber, and all of whom are militarily far more prepared than they are.

37: Kokang

Reformer:

Kokang continues a level of inactivity while maintaining the Cambodian war. It may be hard to believe, but this war has been ongoing for 185 turns now. The only relevant war that comes even close is the first Irish-Castilian war, which lasted for 150 turns. On a technicality, one could argue that the Arapaho-Comanche war (which is still ongoing) is longer at 248 turns, but let’s be real here, that war hasn’t been relevant in forever, Arapaho just fell asleep before they could make peace with the remaining Comanche units. It happens! Kokang certainly knows the feeling…

38: America

Msurdej:Good news. America now has an ideology (Yayyyy!) Bad news: America has adopted fascism as their ideology (...yay?)

39: Inca

Reformer:

Inca slides down a rank because the new 8th civ deserves it more. Tough luck, classic story, all that. But let’s talk a bit about Inca’s own situation. In South America, home continent, RDLP is currently getting gnawed to death by a turtle. Unfortunate. This means taking Machu back will be much harder in the near future. Though in all fairness holding the city seemed real difficult in the first place. Meanwhile, across the vast ocean, Timor and Wiradjuri clash again, and this time Wiradjuri looks much weaker in comparison. Inca could benefit from jumping in again, but I wouldn’t count on it. Finally, on the tech front, Inca has followed in the footsteps of Mohave, and finished researching Flight. A great boon especially if they have to challenge Kayapo in the near future. And an equalizer if they end up fighting other great powers in the Pacific. Things are looking up for Inca, just in a less sparkly fashion.

40: Permians

Cloudy:

The Permians’ inexorable rise continues, reaching 8th place, a new high since their massive plunge in episode 10. And they are doing it by playing like an absolute beast. Azykay has held his gains vs. former top 5 power Afghanistan, even capturing the major city of Lashkargah, while simultaneously finishing off Vladimir, becoming the first civ to control four capitals. At the same time, their stats are steadily rising, as more and more conquered cities are incorporated into the empire. Things are looking up for the Permians, and no one would be surprised if they kept rising in the foreseeable future.

41: Brandenburg

Orange:

I’ve been saying for a while that Brandenburg has been sucking at war this game. Well they have finally taken a decently well defended city for once. Zagreb looks to be the jewel of Yugoslavia and managing to take it cements their domination of central Europe. Now, Yugoslavia did take it back and I’ll of course have my reservations about Brandenburg until they have properly secured the city, but they are certainly getting stronger and more capable.

42: Cree

Emu:

Cree drops a few ranks this part, mostly due to other civs proving they're more top 5 worthy at the moment. They're nibbling at the Gokturks to some results, but overall they're in the same position they've always been in. Very strong, plenty of opportunity, yada yada. Just get to moving south already, even I'm starting to get annoyed.

43: Timor-Leste

Altima:

Someone call Olive Yang, ‘cause I feel Kok-teased by the new Outback War. We saw its declaration, and some opening moves, but we haven’t seen much actual fighting yet. What we have indicates what you’d expect- broad TL superiority across the board, strong naval superiority, somewhat weaker position by land. TL’s got a good track record of leveraging that naval supremacy into tangible gains on land, and Wiradjuri’s forces are mostly cavalry units (which notably do not punch up well), so we should see some good progress this war unless Forgie has his way with things.

44: Han

Orange:

No one was expecting Han to pop off so fucking hard like what the hell they flipped the capital of a top 10 power. It's insane that they were able to do that. And it looks like this offensive is just going to continue as the Gokturks lack the manpower on the front and don’t have as much production as Han does. Wu might just be the winner at this rate.

45: Mohave

JDT:

The Mohave take the bronze medal this week as their technological superiority and the inadequacy of other contenders bring them as an obvious frontrunner and, to several PRs, the number one. It’s not hard to see why. They have the military advantage, the production advantage, the growth advantage, the scientific advantage, and even the tactical advantage with the Cree and Arapaho. All they need to do now is roll the dice and put down the chips.

46: Turkey

Emu

Turkey drops from first place here for one simple reason: Incompetence. Regardless of the theoretical power any civ has, no one wants to put them first when they've spent the last real life month bonking their heads against a tiny, doomed civ on the other side of the Black Sea. Not a single person put them first this part. Kayapo gets a lot of criticism for being an advanced civ that never does anything of consequence, but I think Turkey is a far better example.

47: Tuva

JDT:

And the winner of this week is… Tuva! I don’t really know what's left to say, they have two vulnerable neighbours, ridiculously good stats, the world is practically their oyster. All they need to do is pick a target and move, but right now they’re just… biding. And as they bide, their enemies will heal, and their opportunities will lessen. Will they work on it? Find out tomorrow!

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