Power Rankings: Episode 35 – S3

Release Date:

July 3, 2023

Narrated by:

Power-Rankers

Abstract

Power Rankings! They’re rankings of power! (But only as of the instant of the end of the previous episode, as these are not meant to be future predictions!) Power Rankings!

Viewing: Vertical

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Indonesia

1 / 0

1: Indonesia

JDT:

It's quite fitting that I begin writing this writeup in the real life location of their death - Singapore. Indonesia, negaraku, a certain fixture of the royale. After a fairly painful and slow early game, Indonesia started ramping up with impactful settles and opportunistic attacks, most famously killing the Philippines and creating a grand army capable of terrorizing the seas. They reigned side-by-side with their fellow Indonesian vote-in Timor-Leste, joint powers strong in their own right. This continued until Indonesia attacked Kokang. Despite having a clear advantage, they instead sued for peace with nothing but luxuries, a large mistake that put them in at least 20 turns of anarchy, greatly ruining their production and science gain. A war with Bengal, then considered a paper tiger, resulted in a stalemate, and in the confusion, the Timorese took upon their inherited hatred of Indonesian oppression and demolished them. Left with only 4 cities around Malaya, the only thing of note they did afterwards was giving Semarang to Afghanistan for no reason, and now they’re dead. A pitiful end for a nation that once brimmed with potential, a necessary end for another one to bloom.

1: Indonesia

JDT:

2: Lithuania

JDT:

Good news Gediminas, Total War is approaching! That means your continued suffering of Iberian exile is almost over. The real question that lingers though, is whether Lithuania will be able to survive until Total War.

3: Cree

Altima

The Cree are left with two arctic cities for a grave. In the coming total war, they will die quite quickly; their only hope to die in a higher rank is that their remoteness lets them last longer than other powers. That hope is reasonably legitimate; there are other powers of functionally equal weakness but greater accessibility. We shall see if enough of the Yugoslavias, Chads, Ugandas, and Lithuanias die to bump their rank up; but as is, they do seem decently likely to just get murk’d early into the convalescence.

4: Uganda

Leman:

I don’t like Uganda and I wish they were eliminated 400 turns ago.

5: Castile

Cloudy:

Since total war is now on the horizon and nexuses have been sighted in Kayapo and Turkey, Castile is no longer as safe as it once was, and elimination is becoming a possibility. All it would take is one stray nexus smashing into their city and Isabella is gone for real this time. Considering that, we’ve dropped them 3 ranks.

6: Chad

Cloudy:

With several distant civs ganging up on Chad as of late, we’re beginning to wonder whether Chad will survive until total war. All it would take is Turkey or Angola rolling over in their sleep...

7: Yugoslavia

Leman:

Yugoslavia makes peace with the Normans, managing to sneak out of the war holding onto Salerno! This isn’t going to help Tito much when total war breaks out, but honestly, I expect them to embarrass just one more significantly more powerful civ on their way out.

8: Greenland

Msurdej:

Hans finds themselves on the defensive as Arapaho, finished with the Cree, turns her gaze on them. Unfortunately, that means Hansa has been kicked out of 20% of their cities, including their capital. This could quickly lead to them being wiped away, despite having legions of paratroopers kicking around in Brandenburg.

9: Normans

Msurdej:

Guiscard looked to be in dire straits in this part. Tito wrangled them into a peace deal which cost them their capital, and Angola continued to push them out of Africa. But then, Guiscard made a few key pushes taking back several cities and managing to hold them. Then, Han units began to overflow into these territories, preventing Angolan troops from advancing further. While this doesn’t bode well for Total War, it gives Guiscard more time to make some more savvy plays. He may be down, but he’s not out.

10: America

Rosay:

America is in a weird situation right now where they're basically out of the game with all their neighbors surpassing them while being unable to go anywhere, but they're not entirely a non-factor. Now obviously Arapaho can just drop a tactical nuke and take out the US north east in a quick and easy war, but America can easily mess with the Anglo Dutch and Muisca in key geopolitical events. Also keep in mind America does have wacky green boom-booms, so they could easily screw even major powers at least a little bit if they enter a chemically altered state.

11: Muisca

Reformer:

That’s a bit of an oof. A yikes even. Kayapo runs in, takes a few cities, and leaves without a word. But Muisca did not stand idly while this happened, and unleashed nuclear wrath on some of the most populous and utopian cities on the cylinder. That’s gotta sting. And it’s exactly the kind of petty vengeful behaviour I like to see! I can only hope this is the kind of attitude they’ll have when total war rolls around, ‘cause they definitely ain’t hitting enemy cities with conventional warfare.

12: Anglo-Dutch

CelestialDalek:

The Anglo-Dutch are screwed when total war hits the cylinder. Even though, by some miracle, they are pulling even with Brandenburg on tech and have more effective science, their units are still markedly worse and fewer in number. Whoever kills Greenland quickly becomes a threat. Even America could bully them a bit. William will have to have fun flaunting his stats and the fact that he did far better than expected, managing to avoid being killed by Brandenburg and eventually usurping them in key stats. But when the curtain closes, it looks like death beckons.

13: Göktürks

Reformer:

A calm part in Siberia. Well, Cree did get nuked into the stone age and banished to the north pole, but psh, that’s nothing. The Gökturk core is still a mess of citadels, and they’re still easy pickings for Han and Tuva. Don’t forget, 16th is in the bottom half of the living civs.

14: Bengal

Leman:

Bengal is one of several civilizations that have become a parking lot of Han drones. Luckily, these drones are bugged and should not exist thanks to unit limits. Meaning Bengal has plenty of time to carpet and tech up before total war. Which they’re doing. Bengal almost doubled their military in the last episode.

15: Yemen

Rosay:

This late in the game, being a science heavy civ is going to show diminishing returns. Now this isn't really significant for civs that are strong on their own merit and their big research base amplifies it (both Timor Leste and Turkey come to mind) but for civs who's rank is solo carried by their science generation, this is going to hurt. There are other civs that are going to suffer from this but the biggest loser is definitely going to be Yemen. Yemen's mid tier status is held up for the sole reason of them out-teching their non-turkish neighbors, and now their stats are going to slowly depict their harsh reality of future fodder to any neighbor, not just Turkey. Angola for example is not too much of a threat to Yemen right now, but slap some GDRs on them and suddenly Yemen is feeling awfully less cozy. Now granted there's still a few more parts until Yemen does reach max techs, which may result in them building a proper military industrial complex but that's an if that ignores Turkey finally seeing them as decent target practice.

16: Kokang

Rosay:

Honestly Kokang is saved by the sole fact of its neighbors having better things to do. Han is dealing with a bankruptcy and Bengal is prepping to be Timor’s next likely target. The second that changes however is when we see if.

17: Kayapo

Altima:

Kayapo are a bizarre fucking civ in a bizarre fucking position. They are one of the only civs to have capped out the tech tree. They have the smallest army of the top ten civs by stats, and almost a fifth the production of the Inca. The Muisca are an easy neighbor. The Inca are Kayapo’s other neighbor. They’re probably fucked, but between terrain and distance they may well last a while once Total War commeth.

18: Brandenburg

CelestialDalek:

Brandenburg looks a lot less like a top contender and a lot more like a regional contender. Come total war, they will easily be able to take out the Anglo-Dutch and Yugoslavia, but they have a giant, Turkey-shaped issue. Brandenburg’s unit-making capacity has been stifled by an overflow of Greenlandic and Tuvan troops, they have really bad effective science (less than the Anglo-Dutch somehow), and poor tech (equal to the Anglo-Dutch). They need to eat a neighbor, and fast - the problem is, there’s nobody thin enough to take down fast enough.

19: Angola

Orange:

Angola, Angola, Angola… Doing the narration and seeing you just fumble your invasion was very frustrating to say the least. I really thought the Normans were dead but instead they ended the part in basically the same place they started, over 80 turns of war and it was practically a standstill. How does this look Angola? Not good. Currently it’s looking like Mali will be able to just roll over you, Mali of all people! So go build up a proper army and do a proper invasion or else you’re dead in the water.

20: Mali

Reformer:

Mali spent the episode getting a bit more buff, resorting to just watching while Angola ravaged Norman Africa, only for the Normans to invite Han “peacekeepers”, stalemating the war before Angola could decisively hold the Mediterranean coast. A curious case. Mali is far from the strongest civ on the cylinder, but they have a unique chance on account of weak neighbors. Angola, for one, will almost immediately have to face against Turkey, whereas Mali can commit almost everything against Angola. Kayapo’s minimal navy is unlikely to be much of a problem, as we’ve seen. Kayapo has bigger problems, anyway. But despite these positional advantages, I absolutely would not grant Mali a chance of U L T I M A T E V I C T O R Y. Their weaknesses at this point are too much to bear, and even if they’ll vanquish Angola, an outside power will inevitably enter the fray and unite the continent before any local power can.

21: Afghanistan

Altima

Afghanistan’s in a funny position going into Total War. Strong natural borders, not being broke and thus still researching effectively, their biggest neighbor is sparse on ground, their other neighbor is a runt… They have the potential to swing back out of their rut here; eat Bengal, exploit Turkey’s lack of Real Units, push out into the wider world and make a stab at winning it. They might also just get nuked into oblivion by the comically nuclear Turks. Total War’s complicated, man. Either way, having an actual chance puts them above a lot of people right now.

22: Han

Leman:

So, it has come to light that the reason Han has an unending supply of UAV Drones is because unit limits is bugged and does not apply to them. Unfortunately, this is cheating, and these drones will be culled in the coming future. So Han’s military is going to be smaller than it is right now when Total War rolls around. Meanwhile, they’re 36 techs behind with a carpet full of outdated units.

Luckily, Han has a plan. First, during total war use the huge army to monster Kokang and Gokturks. Hopefully by losing a lot of units and gaining 20 cities, Han will finally restart its economy and start generating science. Then hope that Timor-Leste or Mohave or whoever are too busy fighting other civs to kill you until you can declare peace. Then, hope that peace lasts long enough that you can finish the tech tree and actually fight the big boys. See? There’s a plan. Everything is under control.

23: Tuva

CelestialDalek:

It’s the age-old question: is there too much of a good thing? Tuva is learning that yes, there is. Due to a bug, Tuva is now overflowing the world with drones, which has led to them going bankrupt, which has led to them having zero science, which has led to them being abysmally behind in techs. They don’t even get to keep the drones before total war because of that bug! This is not good for them, but at least Tuvan cities are fairly productive. Until the drones are killed, Tuva will remain stuck and unable to dig themselves out of the hole they made. But, since they’re in a better position than some other civs with their high production, they get maybe a higher rank than they deserve.

24: Mohave

Cloudy:

Mohave is, as usual, the bridge between the top superpowers and everyone else. They’re strong on paper, but their empire is awkwardly shaped, and they’re right in between the Inca and the Arapaho. Can they use total war to their advantage? We’re really not sure. All we know is that they’re going to need to strike hard and fast, but if they do, then they’ll still be in contention, even if the path isn’t easy.

In other news, Mohave still hasn’t joined the war.

25: Turkey

Leman:

The top four at this point is pretty set-in-stone at this point, and Turkey is undoubtedly a member of this elite group of civilizations. They are ranked at the bottom of the four, but honestly, I think you could do just about any order of the top four and I wouldn’t have any complaints. They are all so close together.

Turkey has a few things setting it apart from its peers though. They have the most neighbors of all of them, and while none of those neighbors are incredibly strong, a few of them – Angola, Brandenburg, Tuva, and Afghanistan, aren’t quite pushovers. Turkey is also among the first civs to finish the tech tree. Even though Arapaho, Inca, Yemen, and Afghanistan are probably going to finish it up next part, this means Turkey gets a few cracks at Future Tech, which spawns units in CBR. Plus, they’ve got 117 nukes.

26: Arapaho

Orange:

Arapaho finally breaks into the top spot for number of cities after taking basically all of the Cree. They also have an army twice the size of anyone else, albeit an army that is almost entirely nukes… We will have to see how that army composition fares against an opponent who can match them in other ways. Anyways, the conquest of the Cree does put Arapaho pretty firmly above Mohave, sadly, and easily secures them their place as top dog of the continent. So now we just gotta see if Mohave will actually try and meet them or if Arapaho will take out another small nation and reaffirm their lead.

27: Timor-Leste

Leman:

Timor-Leste finishes the episode in a more than satisfactory second place. It wasn’t an exciting part for them, but it was a productive one. Timor-Leste finished the tech tree, uploaded its population, regrew all the population they uploaded, and finally got around to putting Indonesia out of its misery. Tim’s sitting pretty on the top of the stats ranking with massive population, military, and production stats, and honestly, if total war was starting now, I think Timor-Leste would be my pick for number one.

28: Inca

Orange:

Inca stays on top with their massive stats, but I’d like to point out that more people ranked Timor-Leste first then the Inca. It just happened that no one else ranked Inca below three and someone ranked Timor-Leste fourth, which was apparently enough for Inca to get the crown. But anyways, they definitely do deserve their high rankings, they got a massive empire, have shown themselves to be able to crush their only continental rival, have insane production, and are set up to be able to conquer a lot of land easily without being in much danger. When total war starts after this part no doubt we will see them sweep South America and keep their Pacific holdings at the same time, and it’s only up from there.

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