Power Rankings: Episode 4 – S3

Emu:

Qocho are just as fucked as ever. One city, at war with a much stronger neighbor, no army, no production, no nothing. I severely doubt they'll survive long enough to settle another badly-placed city. After all, if they wanted to live, why do they have their civilization so close to Han's army?  Honestly, it's amusing how they've fucked up this hard, but the circus is about to end here. Imagine getting taken out by warriors.

JDT:

The Seminoles' already precarious situation has gotten even worse. The Americans have seized all their cities bar their capital, the most important of which, Apopka, was handed on a silver platter in the peace deal. Though said city has a chance of getting taken by the Comanche, the previous no.60, there really is little grace left for the Seminole. They’re completely hemmed in by the mountains and swamps, their army is nonexistent, and the US of A can attempt to repeat the irl Seminole campaigns at any time. All they can do now is hide out in those swamps until the tourists come knocking.

CelestialDalek:

Welcome to the “ok definitely going to win the game” club, Sammuramat! Enjoy your stay, as you’ll be here for a while. The army you need to get back in the game will be huge. Assur is Egyptian now. You have two cities, but you’re bound by the mountain ranges behind you. You are fucked.

Emu:

Cambodia is another civ that just continues to be totally fucked. Remember the test runs where they went to settle Australia? Yeah, me neither. They're a city-state that isn't doing anything interesting and they still haven't even ended the war with Kokang that put them in this state to begin with. Their capital is probably safe for now, but still not a good look at all. They haven't really made absolutely braindead moves like every other civ down here has, they just started next to someone way better. That's just how it is in the CBR sometimes, geography is destiny.

Altima

In what is either the worst mistake of their life or their one last chance at relevance, the Comanche in alliance with Vermont have declared war upon FDR, seeking to unmanifest America’s destiny. They will probably fail, but the effort is fun all the same.

Pros: They only have one city to attack, and America will have a bitch of a time reinforcing it.

Cons: The hellaciously rough terrain means that the Comanche will have a similarly rough time attacking the city in the first place. Warriors have a rough time against 20 DEF cities, though spearmen do better. The Comanche will also themselves have a hard time getting reinforcements to the front line once casualties start piling.

They could win. They do have the numbers to do so if they really knuckle down on it. They could also very easily fail and just waste even more time on one city, and even if they win, they’ll still be a complete runt. Still, can’t count them out yet I guess.

Leman:

Well, that’s not great. Vladmir declares war on Khazaria right as Khazaria sends its entire army to go attack Massagetae! It’s a comedy of errors for Bulan that results in a 15 point drop for the Khazars. It would be a miracle if they came out of this without losing a city.

Msurdej:

The Philippines only got two appearances this part, and in both they were overshadowed by Kokang. Olive Yang’s expansion has greatly outpaced that of Emilio’s, even with the Fillipino leader trying to get out settlers. And even if he manages to settle in Cambodia, he could very well earn the ire of Kokang, if he hasn’t already. My advice Emilio: Head to Borneo.

Leman:

The Anglo-Dutch manage to weather the storm of the Castilian invasion, but not without a cost. Lots of infrastructure damage and London even lost a bit of population. But Anglo-Dutch still have all of their cities, something we didn’t really expect going into this episode. They aren’t looking stellar, but they’re intact, and that's more than we can say about a lot of the civs below them.

CelestialDalek:

Surprising nobody who is in the Discord, Tetouan is going at a snail’s pace. Two cities simply aren’t enough. Their distance from their neighbors is a redeeming factor, but it’s not going to matter if they refuse to settle a third city. We know where all of their production went, though, as they threw a lot of military away trying to attack Mali. Two cities is a horrible position to be in, but Tetouan is doing fine for the two city club. Their dumb-as-bricks AI will make things impossible to do in the future, though. Hey, at least they have more cities than Comanche.

Orange:

Modoc built another settler! And then immediately sent it out west into the sea. Maybe this is some giga brain strat but they are at war with Kwakwaka’wakw so that settler is probably going to die before it can plant its flag. They could’ve just kept it nearby and settled the small bit of space they have left but instead they shall leave that for someone else to fill.

Cloudberg:

North Korea continues to slide into the bottom tier of the rankings because... well, frankly, they just suck. Anyone who hasn’t founded a third city at this point is in trouble, and North Korea doesn’t even make up for it with better stats in other areas. Furthermore, a lot of their potential expansion room is currently being settled by the Ainu and Goturks. So it’s really looking like Kim Il-sung is going to be boxed in.

Leman:

Last few parts we were (relatively) high on Canute. He had boxed in Brandenburg, had a perfectly respectable three cities, and he was on his way to consolidating Scandinavia. Now, somehow, Brandenburg pulled an uno reverse card and has settled Frankfurt and Brandenburg on Scandinavia and boxed in Anglo-Norse! Two Brandenburg more settlers are on the way! Honestly, the only reason Anglo-Norse’s rank didn’t crash is other civs are actively dying.

Cloudberg:

Uganda continues to drop as Idi Amin refuses to found more than two cities. A settler was seen this episode, heading south toward the Kilwa border, but then Kilwa declared war on Uganda, so who knows what happened to it. Idi Amin’s war against Yemen also failed to bear any fruit, and Chad has finally figured out that settlers are a thing. Overall, then, Uganda isn’t quite out yet, but their chances are circling the drain.

Msurdej:

Good news all two Botswana fans! Botswana has managed to pull itself out of the bottom 50s for the first time in the game! This is mostly due to their third city settle of Molepolole, the end of the war with the Zulu, and the failures of other civs. But don't get too happy folks: Botswana is still in the unenviable position of being between the rock of Angola, and the hard place of Zulu. If he can’t break free, it’ll only be a matter of time before Botswana is Botsgonna.

Shaggy

I’m just as surprised as you are to see Yolngu rise 7 ranks this week after a part where we’ve seen Wiradjuri claim Uluru and continue their strategy of simply settling cities in places where Yolngu need them. All the while, of all the civs on the cylinder, Timor-Leste is simply beating them in the stats game and have no reason to not be able to build up a navy to go steal one of Yolngu’s cities sometime soonish. It must be the stats…

CelestialDalek:Vermont, much to my surprise, has done something. They settled Iceland, effectively blocking one of Greenland’s main avenues to their famed hilarious escapades in Europe, and are launching an invasion of America. The latter will probably fizzle due to the Appalachians blocking the path of the military. And that’s what Vermont has going for it. They’re hemmed in, don’t have great stats, and usually don’t have good AI. Maybe America will give them a city in the peace deal? I don’t know, but it’s not looking good for them.

Emu:

Mori confusingly moves their settler away from the amazing spot they had it in, and their stats are revealed to be really pretty terrible. So we dropped them 13 ranks. Sorry for anyone who wanted $MOR. They were masterfully keeping up the pressure on Kimmy, taking his own peninsula out from under him, and then they just..... stopped. Japanese civs are already at a huge disadvantage; the last thing Mori needs right now is to increase their chances of being locked out of the continent. You know, like the exact thing they just did. Even the *Ainu* are doing a better job at breaking out. That's just sad. I mean you have to be a special kind of fuckup to start next to them and end up at a disadvantage.

Altima

Ainu, more like- shit, I made that joke last week. Well, the Ainu attempted to do A Thing this week, joining Adjective Korea in their war against the Mori. While neither party got anything from the war, continuing to box in Japan is still a net positive for the Ainu, though their middling stats and growing external pressure are still Problems they will have to bear in the times to come.

Msurdej:

Yongle continues his trend of downward spiraling this week, as both Kokang and Han effectively trap him in place. With only three cities, mediocre production, and a small army, Ming doesn't have a lot of options. The best I can think of is to act as a vassal to one of them, wait for them to fight, and try to snipe as much as they can.

Orange:

Brazil holds steady as they deal with a precarious election irl distracting them from the game. In game they are currently fighting both RDLP and the Inca, luckily not much progress is being made.

Anyways Bolsonaro lost so we take those W’s.

Emu:

Vladimir is badimir no more......imir. They struck at Khazaria at just the right time, catching them with their pants and their army both down south. They look primed to take at least two cities, rocketing them from a boxed-in nobody to a boxed-in nobody with double the land. Their problems are still present (*cough* Perm *cough* Lithuania*), but eviscerating one of their neighbors will do a lot to abate that, and the region needs to be unified if it wants to stand up to the giants it's sandwiched between. Vladimir has rapidly become the civ most posed to do that. The only worry is that they'll turn around and split their force like AIs do, grinding them all to dust against even poorly-defended cities.

JDT:

The invasion of Lithuania fizzles out, and Olga finds herself in a far worse position than she used to be in. They’re firmly fastened in the belts of southeastern Europe, with two of the continent's greatest powers playing ball right next to them. Oh, yeah, and Vladimir. Things seem to grow increasingly dire for our favourite saint of arson, better hope for a miracle now.

Leman:

As far as I can tell, Indonesia didn’t show up at all this episode. I assume that’s because they didn’t do anything. They acquired two social policies and a technology. It’s not the worst. At least most of their neighbors, besides Timor-Leste of all civs, are being equally passive.

Orange:

Yemen continues to hover around the 30s as they refuse to build settlers and would rather have more trade routes. They were able to defend Uganda okay but what happens when someone stronger comes along and they are still sitting on empty land? Not good things I can tell you that. But at least they still have the room to grow for now so they should do that while they still can.

Leman:

When Chad got voted into CBR I was hoping we’d get Mk 2 Sparta style shitposts where everyone types in caps and is really hype, cause that’s how I imagine the youths talk about Chad memes. Then Chad took 60 turns to found a third and that dream went down the drain.

Altima

How in the hell did Vermont get there before you, Hans? What are you waiting for that’s so important that Vermont of all civs is settling your home theater? Whatever, at least you’re still in North America, and you’ve still got three cities. Please just actually settle some more turf.

JDT:

The Castilian army seems to have remembered that they, in fact, do not exist, and dissipated back into the void at the gates of London. This of course leaves our non-existent Spanish friends in a far worse position, getting more firmly boxed in for the moment. While this can change at any time, given just how weak the Anglo-Dutch are, they certainly aren’t doing themselves any favours this part with that mockery of an invasion.

Leman:

Congratulations Jose! You got a third city! On turn 60. Exactly what we expected from our former #1. Congrats. Good job.

Leman:

It’s really unfortunate that Mali is spending most of its time throwing piles of units at Tetouan instead of building settlers, but luckily, unlike some other civs throwing units at a wall, at least Mali has a bunch of room to continue settling. Hopefully they get there before Chad decides to start playing the game.

CelestialDalek:Take to the streets! Tell your friends! After climbing slowly, Timor-Leste has taken a huge leap in the rankings up to 28th! They have plenty of production, a sizable navy, and three cities! They aren’t in any wars, but they have the potential to do things. For Timor, that’s a fucking miracle. Perhaps they don’t deserve too much hype, they don’t seem to have another settler out. Is this an overcorrection? I don’t think so. Unlike some civs (Tetouan), Timor-Leste doesn’t have the original Kilwa AI. They have a navy for days, population for weeks, and production for months. All they need is a war before you can start spamming #TimorSweep.

CelestialDalek:Tomyris

Emu:

Chile really didn't get much of anything done this part, more just played the wandering settler game and continued to chill. Their neighbors didn't do much either though (excepting Inca), so this doesn't really count against them too much. They are still on three cities despite having room for more, which is a tad concerning at this point. The silver river failing to flow is still the dream situation it's always been though, and all the talent on the continent is up north. All in all, Allende heads up a solid mid-tier.

Msurdej:

Don’t let the rank rise fool you, Central America had a rough part. Mohave moving into Mexico means that Morazon now has closer competition from both north and south. Unless we see some rapid expansion coming out of Central America, expect to see Morazon dropping during the next few parts.

Leman:

Not an exciting part out of Ireland this week. They did enhance their religion, so that’s good. Nobody’s filled in the isles yet, so that’s also good. Honestly, as long as they keep moving forward and Brandenburg doesn’t send a settler their way, I’m happy putting Ireland in the middle of the pack.

Leman:

Maori, a civ built around settlers, has not built any settlers since part 2. And that is very bad. There’s still quite a bit of space left but Maori have been entirely stagnant this part, resulting in another slide down the PR ranks.

Orange:

Kayapo is an interesting civ because some people, like me, rank them really low down in the low 40s (and have done so since the start), while many others have ranked them in the top ten. However this part it starts to slip a bit as those top 10’s become top 20s leading to solid drop. They have the science and population of the meme Gary Oak civ while having basically all their other stats as utter garbage. Will they be able to turn that science lead into military might to conquer those around them or will they continue to turtle until one of their neighbors decides that it’s time for them to go?

Shaggy

Zulu continues to benefit from the prophesied bloodbath in sub-Saharan Africa being more of a blood thimble and rises a smidge in the ranks this week. A bit of a lazy part for them, their rise is much more a product of improving stats and multiple regional rivals continuing to flounder. The region isn’t theirs until they take it, so go for it!

Msurdej:

Last Power Rankings. I mentioned that Pandya should try to avoid a war with Bengal. Well, it seems the Bengali were reading as well, as they marched to war against the Pandya this part. To her credit, Queen Alli Rani is putting up a good fight, and hasn’t lost anything major yet. But Bengal still has quite a number of forces, and a settler out to boot. Pandya may find themselves getting boxed in. And while it's possible to pivot into a more coastal empire (ie, the Chola), the AI of Pandya doesn’t seem like it will do such a thing.

Leman:

Turkey takes a hit this week, falling out of the top 20, as Egypt seems to be taking all the spoils of the war against Assyria. There’s still plenty of time for Turkey to grab a city off of their beleaguered foe, but until then, Turkey feels like an above average civ in a competitive region, that’s running out of room fast.

Altima

Muisca have a quiet part, settling some, building up a bit, and just generally doing foundation work in a quiet part of the world. Nothing to complain about yet, really.

Shaggy

Kilwa is *loving* the news it keeps hearing around their region, which is to say that not much land is changing hands. Botswana hanging around and Uganda just completely bungling their war with Yemen have put Kilwa in the wonderful position of not only being a relatively unreachable or uninteresting target for opponents like Zulu or Angola, but with the luxury of further settlement options to expand to more territory on the mainland. Yes, Madagascar is an amazing spit of land to turtle on should things go south (though, there isn’t much more south below Madagascar), but why turtle in the ocean when you can prowl the jungle? If Ali can cross the torrential seas of… Lake Malawi… then he’ll have some prime mid-continent real estate.

Orange:

Kwak take a tumble back down to 20th from their high of 7 (though still nicely above their starting rank). They started stagnating a bit and while they still have good stats and a good position, they really need to make use of it before the Cree get too powerful. Get those settlers out or go attack Modoc, but Willie you have to do something at least.

Orange:

Let’s go baby Mohave number 1!. Wait, we're still not quite there. Drat… Well we can still celebrate Mohave breaking into the top 20 woooo! Starting ranked 55th, making it all the way to here is pretty impressive, but what’s more impressive is that they are basically set to go up further in the coming parts. Why is that? Simple: Land and neighbors. Their northern neighbor is Modoc who is quite weak, and their eastern neighbor is Comanche who is Comanche. They have all of southwest America for themselves but what more, they have all of Mexico for themselves. Central America and Comanche aren’t expanding down which means that the whole area is Mohave’s and they’ve already begun to settle it. Keep it up Irataba!

Leman:

The stronger Han and Tuva get the weaker Gokturks look. It wasn’t shown off in the narration, but they did finally get their fourth city out and we spotted a few more settlers milling around their core. It’s slow out of the gates for Bumin Qaghan but he’s definitely got things going for him.

Shaggy

The Normans maintain their strength in the Power Rankers’ eyes this week by becoming the civ that is far and away the most invested in maintaining Mediterranean dominance while peacing out with Yugoslavia for now. And that’s a good thing here. Nobody is going to get out of the inevitable European Clusterfuck unscathed and the ones that will still be fighting when the continent begins getting culled are the ones with contingency plans. Frankly, I see them having a few opportunities against civs that might not be expecting them to come a-knocking. Looking at you, Egypt, but Yugoslavia and Turkey also have naval targets that the Normans could be eyeing down the line.

Cloudberg:

Afghanistan holds steady as the power rankers continue to withhold judgment on their future prospects. At the moment, Afghanistan has a lot of things going for it, including lots of expansion room, decent stats, and no threatening neighbors. However, Afghanistan will need to convert these opportunities into actual progress in order to be considering a major power. If they don’t settle more of that empty space in episode five, we may begin to doubt.

Msurdej:

Arapaho got zero mentions throughout this episode, which is fair since they did practically nothing. The biggest change was the end of the war with the Cree, leaving Pretty Nose to deal with her eastern war front. And with the Semionle and Vermont attacking, now is a great time to do so. So what’s the reason for this massive drop? Well, a lot more civs are getting their act together now, making Arapaho’s good stats from the last part far less impressive.

Leman:

Hot take, despite being one rank below Egypt, I think Angola is the strongest civ in Africa. They leap up nine spots in the ranking after jumping up to five cities total, tied for the most out of any civ on the continent. Their neighbors seem to be struggling to get any more than three cities out as well and might end up being easy pickings for Jonas in the future. Angola even has a little bit more room to squeeze a few more cities into their core and could always move into West Africa as well. It’s not like Chad or Mali are settling there.

Shaggy

Could Egypt be the first civ on the cylinder to get a full kill? Their war with Assyria shows little signs of letting up and reinforcements are trickling across the desert to bolster the attack on Nimrud, though the city seems to be tanking the Egyptian army well enough so far. I count a total of 2 Assyrian units that are able to defend at the moment, so the biggest task for Egypt here will be getting through the city defenses themselves. Keep in mind that part of the reason Egypt has been so effective at cutting through the Assyrian defenses has been their UU which gives a 25% combat bonus against wounded units, quite handy against an opposing army when you have the numbers advantage but cities are a different beast. This more difficult hurdle is the core of why Egypt falls out of the top 10 this week. Speaking of cities, Memphis is looking mighty vacant at the moment should the Normans look to acquire more Mediterranean islands for vacationing. Thebes is also rich in coastline and poor in units, but the terrain is less conducive to a naval invasion until ranged naval units start populating the Mediterranean. If Egypt can properly rebuild their core army once they’ve gotten what they want out of Assyria, the threat of Norman invasion shouldn’t be their biggest problem.

Shaggy

One and done with Messina, it seems, as Tito’s war with the Normans peters out for both sides to regroup. Not much action from Yugoslavia otherwise this part so I’ll take the time to give the civ a quick once-over at this point in the game. They are definitely contenders for the continent, but nobody is going to steamroll through civs at the moment. Their military is actually beginning to carpet somewhat, but it is primarily composed of spearmen and archers so it seems to be poised to be a primarily defensive army in the short-term. They do have some sparse-looking cities but the terrain and nearby neighbors that could capitalize on that make a sparse military sufficient. Cutting off the Normans’ access to mainland Europe is huge for them both short and long-term. All in all, they are positioned well to turn into a regional power but their first test will have to be making a statement to the cylinder that they can cut through proper land armies to take cities.

Cloudberg:

The Wiradjuri still haven’t made any major moves, but thanks to their settlement on New Guinea this episode, they’re now up to five cities vs. Yolngu’s two. The Maori also haven’t settled any new cities in a while, so it remains unclear who will challenge Wiradjuri for control of Oceania.

JDT: The Inca make some moves as they get up to 5 cities this part. Tupac also decides to go on the attack, going after Brazil. The jungle might make this a little bit difficult, but with 68 production and one of the largest armies on the cylinder, Brazil should be shaking in its boots. With these top tier stats and proactive moves, Inca has risen to the top 10! Well deserved too.

JDT:

We’re going full manifest destiny this part, as the USA ends their conquest of the Seminole two cities up. Out of fear of the potential power of these conquerors, the Arapaho, Vermontians and Comanche have teamed up in a grand alliance to contain their irl subjugators. However, there is one problem. Aside from ironically, the Comanche, this alliance will likely lead to little gain for any of its power and would act as little more than a stumbling block for the USA. The US has a hearty army situated in the north, and a mixture of natural terrain and a few scraps of military might in the south. In fact, it really does seem like they’re poised to threaten a few Arapaho lands! Prepare to Manifest Destiny baby, FDR ain’t going nowhere.

JDT:

This part, Brandenburg confirmed that they have indeed woken up, and that they indeed are going to put up a helluva fight. They have settled two additional cities in Norway, with two more settlers being primed to go, and the Anglo-Norse are almost certainly going to be their next target with the engulfment and the size of that army. Very decent production as well to complement this army and go larger or replace losses. With more of Scandinavia still open, and the west still rather weak, we are eager here in the PR team for a resurgence of the black eagle of Germany.

Cloudberg:

Bengal rises to an all-time high of 7th place as they continue to show great stats in all areas. It’s not clear that their war against Pandya will result in any cities changing hands, but there will be more opportunities in the future, and Bengal still has a lot of room to expand. Their future looks bright, but they will also have to watch their back, as Kokang and Afghanistan begin to grow in strength.

Emu:

$KOK rises hard as they smash into Cambodia and.... okay okay I'm sorry. Kokang slide back into the top 10 as they take Sihanouk's second city, relegating them to one cramped city which, while easily defensible, is very much within Kokang's reach. It's almost a certainty at this point that Han will score the first elimination against Qocho, Kokang might not be far off. Their stats are good too, and they have the right inclination..... Southeast Asia is a region chock full of giants this time around, and Kokang look ready to go toe-to-toe with the best of them.

Leman:

Cree holds on to its top 5 position from last week, settling a fifth city and continuing to beef up its stats.  They ended the pointless war with Arapaho, too, so that’s great. If I had any notes to give to the Cree, its that they might want to start working on that science. 11 techs are kinda low compared to other civs in the top 10.

Leman:

I’m pretty disappointed that Wu decided to burn down that Qocho city. Yes, Han is a little short on Happiness at the moment (they only have 1), but come on, Wu! You can afford to spend a couple turns in the negatives! It’s not a big deal! Get that sixth city!

Besides that, Han’s doing real well. They’re still at war with Qocho, but I don’t expect Han to be able to finish the job. Next part is probably just gonna be more solid, quiet building up, hopefully with a few more cities. Everything’s looking pretty great for Han.

CelestialDalek:Lithuania’s empire proves resilient against the swarms of units from stupidly weak civs thanks to forests. Their expansive tendencies are showing to work wonders for them, and their neighbors are all cannon fodder. Vladimir, Kyivan Rus’, and the Anglo-Norse are all underperforming. Their biggest obstacle is the fact that behind the terrible civs are other highly-ranked civs. West is Brandenburg and Yugoslavia, East is the Permians, South is also Yugoslavia and Turkey. But all of them are buffered by the legion of bad civs. Lithuania has plenty of space to expand, and they are very good at spamming settlers. Expect Finland to fill up soon.

Leman:

Tuva seems to be nothing if not consistent, finding themselves at the number two for a third week in a row. They had a quiet episode, but settled a sixth city, researched a technology, and got a hell of a lot of production. They still have a bunch of room for more cities and fantastic stats. Their neighbors (besides Permians) are Qocho, lol, Gokturks, who have only just remembered what a settler is, and Han, who is a little far and a problem for future Tuva. Right now, Tuva’s looking great.

Cloudberg:

The Permians continue to hold the number one spot for a fourth straight episode thanks to their extremely robust expansion. Azykay is now on eight cities, the most in the cylinder, and shows no signs of slowing down. Two of his neighbors are Khazaria and the Massagetae, who look increasingly weak. So far, there’s just nothing that would convince us to put anyone above this extremely solid civ.