Civ Battle Royale Power Rankings! They’re rankings of power! (But only as of the instant of the end of the previous episode, as these are not meant to be future predictions!) Power Rankings!
Altima
Smacked back down to one city, a horde descends upon Quahadi to take even that. They may fail; the city is surrounded by decently rough terrain, and still holds a modest garrison. That the chance even exists is entirely on Iron Jacket’s baffling lack-of-settlement. But do not prime your F’s my friend; while they may die in the next part, the Comanche do not deserve your respects, for their fate is entirely born of their own idiocy.
Msurdej:
Surprise Surprise, Qocho is under attack again. This time it’s Tuva banging at the gates of Qarakhoja. And it seems they brought a decent enough army to take Qocho. Will Süngülüg Khagan be able to pull out a diplomatic victory and wriggle free? Or will his time finally come in the next part?
Leman:
Cambodia was declared war on by the Philippines this part. I hope Cambodia wins because I have a hard time spelling Philippines, so the faster they get eliminated the less I have to type “Philippines.” I don’t think they will be able to capture Cavite el Viejo, those mountains are rough. Oh well.
Leman:
Let’s be honest, I forgot about Seminole, and I wouldn’t be shocked if you did too. They aren’t quite as disastrously bad as Qocho or Comanche, not making any incredibly stupid plays these days like Vermont or Mori. But hey, remember, they pioneered the “give away a big city in a horrifying peace deal.” At least they did this season. That’s gotta count for something, right?
Reformer:Well it sure was a quiet part in Modoc land. We at least saw them a few times on the side when we were looking at cooler civs. And they gained a pop this part! That’s, like, +11% growth!
Shaggy:
Not dead yet
Orange:
While they continued to manage to hold off the Permians, things still aren’t looking good for ol’ Bulan. At the very least, they still have cities and a peace deal in which they don’t give any away would have them able to recover a bit. But either way, they’ve lost their chance at being a major player.
Msurdej:
The only mention Vermont got this part was the part author dunking on them. That should tell you just how bad Vermont is doing.
Cloudberg:
In an incredible twist of fate, Egypt is still alive! Certain that their capital would fall, we dropped them to last place in episode 7, only for episode 8 to hit us with a curveball as Chad peaced out right before taking the city. Although Egypt is still at war with Yemen and Turkey, they no longer appear to be in imminent danger, and as such they shoot eight ranks back up into the mere bottom tier instead of the “about to die” tier.
JDT:BUZZ DON’T YOU GET IT!
THE PHILIPPINES!
DO NOT!
EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CelestialDalek:Has anyone seen Brazil’s chances around? Oh, you didn’t? That’s because they’re not there. Pedro I can only dream of achieving the success of his son, and has solidified himself as the worst civ on the continent (fourth-worst if you think America is one continent). Their existence depends on Inca not deciding to invade them from their second city now.
Msurdej:
In a Maria Level stupidity move, Mori Motonari has given away Tajihi-Sarugake, their only mainland city. Now not only are the Mori on two cities, but both of them are stuck on Japan. While it may allow them to be isolated for a time, in the end, it will only doom Mori to irrelevancy.
Shaggy:
After not doing a whole heck of a lot so far, Ainu’s options are dwindling. A unified Korean Peninsula is bad news for Shakushain, as his people are Kim’s most obvious next target. Kengu Tarman has also been placed as a thorn in Ainu’s side. With a sparse military to speak of, taking the Gokturks’ forward settle might be a big ask at the moment. But at least they’re making friends internationally by joining the Anti-Turkey Coalition.
Cloudberg:
Botswana has given up its long-shot effort to knock down Angola without taking any cities. Unfortunately, even though Botswana’s performance in the war was better than expected, a draw isn’t good enough for them—in fact, it all but ensures that they’ll be boxed in for the rest of the game, relegated to a minor nation which will eventually be picked off by someone stronger.
Emu
Uganda is still trash. They're still stuck in their mountains, not expanding, not decaying, just..... there. And so they will be until someone decides to come put them out of our misery and make the horn of Africa even slightly interesting. Give it a while and they might take out Yemen? I don't know, I'm just looking for something they might possibly accomplish while they languish.
JDT:
The Anglo Dutch have made the effort to settle a new city just off the Breton coast, bringing them up to 4 cities once again. This time, though the front is much safer than with Rotterdam, caution must still be exercised as potential Brandenburger and Castilian assaults may belie it. Aside from that, their stats are still existent, and they’re still floating along just fine. At least until the day they inevitably get gangbanged.
JDT:
The Yolngu have slid a little down the rankings from last week. However, there is a very potent window of opportunity for them if they choose to exploit it. The Wiradjuri are fairly vulnerable, with only 1453 worth of manpower divided across a fairly large swathe of land. The Yolngu have roughly equal military power concentrated amongst a much smaller area in the north, primed to strike at Loowee, and perhaps even a little more. With every passing part however, that window will tighten, requiring swift action for any chance at relevance.
Msurdej:
Tetouan managed to pull off an upset victory over Mali, retaking the city of Fes they gave up a few parts ago.Plus, their stats went from “garbo” to “slightly less garbo”. All in all, that means Tetouan gets the highest rank they’ve EVER gotten: 43. A quick peace with Sundiata will be the best way to ensure they keep both Fes, and this rank.
JDT: The Massagetae tumble down the rankings as they fail to do anything of value this week. This is a massive problem, since the rise last week depended on the fact that they had a huge opportunity to strike the underbellies of the Khazars and Permians. Of course, Tomyris failed to follow through, and with stats that mediocre and neighbours that strong, she might never get the chance to strike out into the wide world again.
Msurdej: I was going to just goof on Rio De La Plata and repost their write up from last week, but that would be too good for RDLP. At least in episode 7, they got mentioned. The last part, Rio got no mention, and only a few cameos in talking about Chile and the Inca. Even worse are their stats, which are failing to keep up with the pack. Jose is going to need to make a big play to improve his chances of winning.
Reformer:
A crazy good part for North Korea this time, as all the pressure against Mori finally pays out in a great peace deal. With the peninsula now unified under North Korean rule, and Mori crippled beyond belief, Kim Il-sung can start looking elsewhere - to his west and northwest, significantly stronger civs are constantly waging war in one direction or another, so an opportunity could arise any moment. To his north, Ainu are sleeping soundly, but the terrain is rough, and Kim would have to grab another amazing peace deal to get anything that way. All things considered, even with the victory against Mori, North Korea’s future looks uncertain…
Cloudberg:
There’s really no excuse at this point for only having founded three cities. Central America had plenty of space, and they still have some, but jesus, talk about a lack of initiative. The longer they keep this up, the farther they’ll fall—in fact, this is their lowest rank so far.
Orange:
Pandya gets out of their war with Afghanistan without giving away any cities this time, so that’s a win in my books. Like the slimmest of wins. Like a win in a game where something bad only happens to the first loser and Pandya is doing second worst. But a win nonetheless. Maybe now they can go settle Australia or Tibet or something.
Leman:
Kyivan Rus’ takes a bit of a dip this week, and while two ranks this early on in the middle of the pack is mostly noise, I think this time it has a bit of significance. With Vladimir finally remembering what a settler is and pulling off an impressive conquest of Adana, it’s finally clear who the weakest civ of Eastern Europe is. It’s Kyivan Rus. Middling stats, three measly cities, and no room for any more means Olga’s future prospects aren’t looking so great.
Emu
Wait, what is this? Okay, this here claims there's a civ in Iberia, but the map doesn't show anything. What is this doing on the PR sheet? Is it a placeholder to reach an even 60? If they wanted me to write less, they could've just said so. You guys just stay right here, I'm going to go get this sorted out.
Emu
Greenland's position is a bit weird. Arapaho and Cree colonies are creeping toward their core, but from all other sides they're doing fine. Vermont is a total bust, and Iceland is basically theirs as soon as they declare on them. The east half of Quebec north of the St. Lawrence is theirs, and Arapaho encroachment seems to have kicked them into gear enough to realize that. They're kind of mediocre in just about every respect you can think of, and that's why we put them here. 35th place, the peak of mediocrity.
Shaggy:
Not getting mentioned in the part gets you dropped 2 ranks this week. Take note stonk traders.
Altima
Well that wasn’t particularly hard. Turkey may as well have offered that city with a side of chips for how much Vladimir had to struggle for it. Add in some settles in the north, and you have a six point rise for the boys in white and blue. They’re still boxed in by everyone, and they sure as hell ain’t penetrating those mountains to continue the war against Turkey, but hey, it’s a good showing this part.
Cloudberg:
After briefly flirting with putting Ming in the top half, the power rankers have said “nah.” That said, this might be the first episode where that would have been justifiable. Ming finally founded a fifth city, but more importantly, they’ve been producing units like crazy, and they now have the 12th largest army on the cylinder, a major surprise for such a backwater civ. In fact, they’ve almost reached military parity with Han.
Altima
The Zulu didn’t do anything on-screen this part. They settled a city off-screen, apparently.
JDT:
Yemen takes a slight rise up the rankings as they manage to successfully settle a fifth city and their greatest rival in Turkey takes a dip in the rankings. Of course, the Afghans are encroaching into the Arab peninsula, and most of what remains of that territory is inhospitable desert, meaning that their situation still isn’t great. There is a chance for some more power if the assault on Egypt pans out well, but that feels more unlikely with every passing part. Until then, Arwa can take solace in knowing Yemen is still around.
JDT:
The only way we can justify the constant flip flop in Irish ranks is that we are all ranking in a pub and ordering a bit too much Guiness before adjusting the ranks. That’s some damn fine beer though, cos the army is top 15, and so is the science.
Emu
The Maori finally wake up, and they're waking up to a world where things are actually much the same as when they went to sleep. Wiradjuri is still big but mostly powerless, Yolngu is still Anangu 2, I guess Timor-Leste got bigger? Potatau doesn't really care about that. What he cares about is that both Wiradjuri and Yolngu failed to settle all of Australia. Idiots. It's not that hard, here, let me show you. And let me take Polynesia while I'm at it. Inca??? How the hell did you let the *Inca* settle that? Oh, I have a lot of work to do here. Let's get started, shall we?
Cloudberg:
The Muisca lose five places this episode by virtue of doing nothing. We barely saw them on screen, except for a wayward settler which got beaten to Hispaniola by Brazil. Besides, their six cities, one of which is over by Brazil, makes them clearly second fiddle to the Inca, and honestly at this point they can’t hold a candle to Kayapo either.
Orange:
Normans continue to fall for one major reason: They broke. -30gpt and 0 in the bank means that they are going to be facing massive penalties to their stats, especially science. Until they can fix this finance issue, they will just continue to fall from their height. Maybe their war with Mali can somehow fix this if it goes well, but being at war on two fronts forcing them to build units certainly isn’t going to help get them out of debt.
Reformer:
Wiradjuri dips a fair amount of spots this part as we get a good big-picture view of the region. The war against Yolngu - though not even 20 turns in length - seems to have been a significant drain on the Wiradjuri military. Wiradjuri core barely has any units now that they’d come in handy as Maori settlers begin streaming in across the sea. It is also worth pointing out that Wiradjuri have chosen to send settlers out to New Guinea and the Bismarck Archipelago instead of making sure their core on Australia is solid. Indeed, Maori is enjoying plenty of good land that should’ve easily been Wiradjuri’s (or Yolngu’s, for that matter).Though Maori were looking god-awful for so long, they have managed to pull out of rock-bottom and are now looking credible again while Wiradjuri is wasting their production. Not a great look for the civ who looked to have an easy early game.
Emu
Mali might just be Songhaing it up, as they fail to make cross-Saharan conquests and even allow the great Tetouan mistake to be rescinded. Honestly, Mali is kind of infuriating to me. They're so bland and do-nothing-y, and I just can't bring myself to get excited for either their rise or their collapse. Maybe it's their color scheme, maybe it's their settling pattern, and maybe it's just their general behavior, but I'm having none of it. You know what? You can just go ahead rot in your alcove of mediocrity and ineffectiveness while you helplessly watch the world pass you by. Here's your minus 4 ranks Sundiata, I hope you choke on them.
Altima
Kayapo didn’t do anything this week, and as the Inca start to consolidate over the continent by runting Brazil, their inaction (and lackluster standing army) stands to be more of a problem. Still, their science is absurd. 133 Effective. The next highest is 99 Effective. Combined with the hell terrain that put them here, they stand to linger far longer than their position should indicate, and so, up they go.
Leman:
I’m not mad Idriss. I’m just disappointed. When Akhenaten was shown surrounded by Chadian composite bowmen, we all probably thought – classic AI not understanding melee units, but Idriss’ll figure it out eventually. There’s no way he would screw it all up and peace out without grabbing the city! What fools we were.
Chad still founded a sixth city and beefed up its stats. So, all in all not a bad part for Chad. Just a little embarrassing.
Shaggy:
Timor-Leste, aka “that civ that seems to always have a unit on the slide”, have been just amazing to watch so far. They’ve got it all: diplomacy, interesting (if not the most impactful) wars, a region that has given them the opportunity to make the most of their start, and a color scheme that you can pick out a mile away (or however high up the camera is canonically). Their joint assault on Chongjin with the Kwak this episode was never something I’d have predicted from their initial 61 rank start, but here they are pulling their weight in one of the most diverse coalitions yet this season.
Emu
Quacky spends another part working up the coast and- BY GOD WHAT IS THAT? IT'S THE TRIREME FLEET WITH A STEEL CHAIR! They're making serious headway in Korea of all places, as some passing triremes take an interest in the city at IRL Gwangju, and there's a non-zero chance they'll actually take it. Chances are high it'll just flip right back, but still it's a powerful reminder of how little it takes to be the dominant naval power in the North Pacific right now. Willie Seaweed is doing exactly what he needs to. He's not trying to expand on land where his enemies are strong, he's focusing on the coast, in order to start sending his navy where his enemies are weak. Very solid performance, enough to earn him a top 20 spot once again.
Orange:
America continues to exist. I’m not really sure why they are so low in stats when they have 8 cities and decent production, but they are managing it. America keeps having good things happen to them but just still isn’t doing well and I don’t know why. Getting cities off Seminole and Vermont yet still feeling like they are just mid of the pack of this stacked North America. C’mon Franklin, get up and start running with the rest of the- Oh right nevermind. Maybe just go improve your cities a bit more.
Emu
You'd think Kilwa would be lower. They only have 4 mainland cities, and they're in a fairly crowded region. But right now, they're doing a lot with a little. Their stats are about what you'd expect from this bracket, they've proven military competence, and Africa is so trash that what they're doing right now is enough to put them solidly in the top 20. Their prospects for land-based conquest don't look all that great right now, but they have a strong naval reputation and there's no shortage of lightly-defended coastal cities around. Given Kilwa is Kilwa, it's really impossible to predict where they'll go. One thing's for sure: Ali ibn al-Hassan is here to give us a show.
Emu
Allende finally takes his spot as second in South America as he starts to exploit the land he carved out for himself with that bold forward settle so long ago. His Southern Cone core outstrips any other civ on the continent save Inca in its productivity and size. Overall, not bad, and they're the one civ in South America not blocked by the rainforest from any sort of conquest whatsoever. Oh, and there's the small matter of the third biggest army in the world. Chile is one of the truest turnarounds of the CBR. They're the sole reason La Plata went from undisputed #1 to runt without a prayer. That's definitely worth a top 20 spot.
Emu
Even in an incredibly competitive Europe, Yugo holds its own. They're using the geography of the region to keep the Brandenburgers out, and they definitely have the strength to deal a decisive blow to the Normans whenever they want to, especially with their cheeky settle in northern Italy. The focus seems to be more towards northern and eastern Europe this game, but watch this space. There's some real potential down here, and if you keep a close eye out you may just find a front row seat to its realization.
Orange:
Angola is the highest rated civ in Africa and they are just not really doing too well. They’d be ranked probably outside of the top 20 if it weren’t for the fact that they are the strongest on the continent and therefore less competition then stronger civs on other continents. Angola really needs to get some war successes to break out of central Africa, otherwise they are just gonna end up getting stuck and falling to those with more opportunities for expansion like Kilwa or Mali.
Orange:
Losing a city to Vladimir of all civs isn’t the best look, and the Normans declaring war isn’t going to help either. But they are still expanding and growing and in general doing well. How long this prosperity and expansion might last though is unknown, and they can very easily lose their good placement as other Middle Eastern civs have done in the past like if Afghanistan decides that the fertile crescent is their domain what’s Turkey to do? Not much I can tell you that.
Altima
Well, on balance, Han didn’t lose any cities this part. They just traded one that was painfully exposed to the Gokturks for one painfully exposed to both the Gokturks and North Korea. While they’re definitely boxed in as a result of this trade, with Pengcheng’s fall being essentially a foregone conclusion at the moment, they’re far from out of the game, with powerful defensive terrain for their core, solid enough stats, and a weak neighbor in the Ming to potentially munch on in the future. They may stagnate and die, but they do still have the chance to avoid that, so they hold their rank this week.
Msurdej:
The peasant republic of Mohave continues to thrive, and bring their forces against the Comanche. While it's unlikely they’ll snipe it through the mountains, it's still a possibility. Plus, they (somehow) still have a city in Asia,meaning if they ever fully collapse in America, the peasants shall continue to rule!
Leman:
There we go! Two more settles and a cheeky invasion of Han nets Gokturks a trio of new cities this part, bringing the Gokturk total up to nine, a very respectable city count indeed. Their stats are a bit lacking, meaning Gokturks find themselves just a bit shy of the top ten, but if this momentum keeps going, and Gokturks keep having impressive episodes like this one, I can see them break that barrier in no time.
Shaggy:
This part highlighted exactly why I love Kokang (and no, I’m not Stitches in disguise), their core is virtually impenetrable to their greatest regional rivals. Currently defending against both Han and Bengal, they are nigh impossible to scratch through their labyrinth of mountains and strategic city placements. Now, this does go against them slightly. Their invasion of Cambodia faltered and sputtered out, but for an area of the cylinder where having a solid defensible core is a premium asset Kokang seem to be making the most of it.
Emu
For the first time in a month, most of the rankers think Cree is outshone by their southern neighbors. So what happened? Well, it's a simple case of Cree not making the most out of their opportunities. They haven't really done anything wrong, hence them holding rank from last part, but they're sure not doing anything right recently either. Let's break it down: Their stats are marvelous, third overall. They're building a strong core with a large military and the means to make more. They're expanding with most of the space they've been given. Ah, there it is! Did you catch it? *most*. With rapid Arapaho expansion, that's just not enough to keep up. They're outstripping Arapaho for the moment (which is why I still have them on top), but they're just not building the framework for the type of exponential growth that's starting down south. All that being said, they're not really at a huge disadvantage, as shown by our next civ.....
Cloudberg:
The Arapaho rise back into the top 10 for the first time since episode 3, riding the tide of their conquest of Penataka and their present siege of Quahadi. So far, the rankers are optimistic that they will soon eliminate the Comanche, opening up even more space to expand, and so for the first time we’ve decided to put them above their northern neighbors the Cree.
Altima
Quiet part for Bengal this week. Small incremental stat growth, a few settles here and there, some continued flailing at the absolute hell terrain that is Kokang, the works. All told, they’re about where they were last week relatively, and so their rank remains as it was.
Emu
Afghanistan spends another part quietly in the upper echelons. Despite being the most powerful in the region, there's just more action going on on every part of their periphery. They're looking just a little spread thin at the moment, but the mountains should be some sort of help with that. They're second overall in stats, and with eleven cities it's not hard to see why. Overall an incredibly solid civ with many future prospects. I can't imagine they have a lot of fans at the moment, but that's just fine for Durrani. He's not here for the attention, he's not here to be a star, he's here to win. What an asshole.
Shaggy:
If there’s one thing I love to see as a Power Ranker, it’s a civ that embraces settling. Lithuania is spamming cities and settlers so much that the rest of the cylinder can’t help but think about their car’s expired warranty, that is until they realize cars haven’t been invented yet. Or cell phones for that matter. Or even packaged meat. Anyway, Lithuania is growing into the major European rival to Brandenburg and is even beginning to put up a border as far east as future Permian clay. Their military looks like it can sustain through whatever meatgrinder comes their way in Europe so long as they don’t hurl themselves against Brandenburg’s Great Wall too early. I see Eurasia coming down to a tricolor of borders between Lithuania, Brandenburg, and the Permians.
Emu
Inca naval power? In my CBR? It's more likely than you think. Not only do the Inca maintain their spot as undisputed rulers of the South American continent, they've also started settling Polynesia. You know, as you do. Little side project. On top of that, their stats are great, their neighbors weak, and their competition sparse. What more could a civ want? A position where you can actually start conquering cities before the modern era? Don't be ridiculous. What is this, Central Asia?
Emu
The great bear is finally toppled! With decreasing statistical competitiveness and the rise of Brandy, Tuva, and Lithuania, we just couldn't justify keeping Azykay up top this time around. Not only does he fall below his old Tuvan rival, Freddy has leapfrogged him too! So what went wrong? Well, look at the stats. Not only are the Permians not first, cities and production are the only relevant stats in which they're even top 10! At this point, they've been in so many wars (mostly failed, I might add) that they've neglected their core and left their prodigious sprawl as the only thing really going for them. That sprawl's not nothing, of course, we did still keep them up here in the top 3, but at this level it takes far more than that to smoke the competition. And that's really the crux of it. Azykay's still in a great spot, but at this point it's just not fair to call him the greatest.
Leman:
At number two in production, number two in population, number two in city count and (tied for) number two in social policies, Brandenburg is just that, number two. Not that that’s bad – an average for 2 out of 60 civs is actively fantastic, but I imagine that seeing Brandenburg here after Permians fell to three is kind of a letdown for supporters of Freddy-dubs.
So, what would Frederick-William have to do to get that coveted number one spot? Not too much really. The only stat that Brandenburg is lacking in is its military manpower, so beefing up their army is a good start. Finishing off one of the handful of weenie neighbors is probably a great step two.
Emu
Tuvan persistence finally pays off. They bided their time, they played their cards right, they took every chance they could, and here it is. The top spot. They've been fighting the Permians for this since day one, and the lords of the steppe never fail. Their #1 isn't quite unanimous (a few dissenters for Brandy), but they're still head and shoulders above the rest, especially with their ridiculous production advantage. They're at 171 right now, which is almost 50 above second-place Brandenburg. That almost single-handedly gives them the stats lead by a mile. Amazingly, they also have space to grow more yet, with plenty more steppe to spread out over. I'd say their one obstacle is they're in an incredibly strong region. Even if you're beating everyone at the moment, being directly between the Permians and the Gokturks is no enviable position. Everyone can see that they've gone the distance, but this is no time for Donduk Kuular to rest on his laurels. He's still got a few favorable wars to go before he's really sealed the deal.
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