Power Rankings: Episode 25 – S4

ECH:

Oh dear Gregor, hard to weasel your way out of this situation, eh? As of the last episodes conclusion, your beloved capital Fernandia - which you absolutely actually care about and is more than just a quick stopgap on a list of confidence schemes and a place to deposit money - has fallen into the hands of the Taino, and with only a few composite bowmen and pikemen in reserves I’m not feeling your chances of recovery. The last bastion of the Florida dream, the reconstructed St. Augustine, is already at half-health with a stream of ships chipping away at it that isn’t depleting anytime soon. I’d say I’m sad to see you go, Gregor, but I won’t, because I have faith in your wily ways; if this guy doesn’t have a backdoor route to a cylinder tax haven to start up his next scheme already I’ll be shocked. His nation though? Yeah, F for Florida indeed.

CelestialDalek:

I gotta say, getting one of your cities sniped by Kanem-Bornu is a low point. It will be marginally harder to snipe Meknes, but there are large armies from both Sierra Leone and Kanem-Bornu advancing on it from both sides. Is this going to be the end for the Alaouites? Maybe! Maybe not! Who knows?

Leman:

My neighbor is learning how to sing and play the guitar. He’s not very good but I’d rather hear him than talk about Mamluks.

Msurdej:

Looks like war’s back on the menu boys! England has given up on  the Visigoths and looks at easier prey with Burgundy. But Charles isn’t taking this lying down. Autun has fallen into the red, and with melee units in the wings, it could flip back to Burgundy. If that happens, maybe it could lead to a Burgundy comebahahahahaha. Nope couldn’t finish that with a straight face.

Msurdej:  

Elizabeth goes up a smidge, but it’s still pretty abysmal for them. Their military is crumbling, they’re at war with two of their technologically superior neighbors, and  the walls are closing in. On the plus side they...finally reached the Renaissance Era.Yay?

NopeCopter:

Makhnovia drops one spot, trading places with the Kalmyks (who, not too long ago, they had a chance to take cities off of). This wasn’t really triggered by any events in-game, but rather by the reality slowly settling in that Makhnovia is nothing anymore. Well, that and their bankruptcy. Makhnovia is a four-city civ with two terrifying neighbors, no real defensive geography, an army that’s abandoned them, and not a cent to their name. The deciding factor between them and the Kalmyks has become which is likely to die sooner, and it’s looking more and more like Makhnovia’s the better bet there.

NopeCopter:

Of course, the Kalmyks aren’t much better off than Makhnovia. They’re still trapped between bigger powers, and they have even fewer cities - they just have better defensive geography and aren’t bankrupt yet (although they will go bankrupt soon if nothing changes). They have a solid carpet that’s actually mostly inside their borders too, which is nice. Still not a good spot to be in, but hey, a rank up is a rank up.

Leman:

Tehuelche dropped a whole city and we didn’t move them at all. Honestly, it wasn’t making or breaking their game. Bora-Bora being on the move is bad news, but until they make substantial gains it’s not a crisis yet.

Cloudy:

The Finns hold steady at rank 45 for the fourth straight episode. What else can I say?

ECH:

Bukhara went unmentioned, hell, barely even seen, this part, and likewise remains ranked 44th for the 5th PR in a row. They’ve shown a lot of perseverance throughout this game in spite of some terrible positioning, but man it’s pretty impossible to see a way out for them now, and the Afsharids are now even placing UU’s on the border, so I’d hedge against Shaybani to be truthful.

ECH:

Believe me, I checked. Eswatini got no mentions and a brief sighting on a shot of Mogadishu this episode, disappointing but befitting of their situation. They have next to no prospects and are fairly threatened by just about every neighbour they have, only saved by awkward geography. Yeah, I’d waste my days away napping too.

Msurdej:

Ol’ Cornplanter wasn’t mentioned at all in this part, and so they remained at 42nd place. Most of what they did was watch as the Taino beat the snot out of Florida. If Florida ends up eliminated, and the Taino become hated, there’s a chance Seneca could capture those recovering cities. But even then, is that going to help them stand up against the Osage, let alone the Faroe Islands or Yellowknives?

Nathanmasse:

Mongolia drops to 41st place in the ranks which is a new low for them.  Perhaps it would be even worse if not for the Dzungars interrupting the Selkups drive to Lake Baikal.  Even still, Hsai is on the brink of falling and Shang forces are at the gates of Karakorum.  I don’t think Shang has quite enough units to take the capital in this next episode but the defense will probably rule out the possibilities of retaking any other cities from the Selkups or Shang.

CelestialDalek:Stagnation continues in the Visigothic lands. A war with England is going nowhere fast, a war with the Faroes is going nowhere even faster, they STILL haven’t fucking taken Asturica. They could yet snipe Autun, but could the Faroes just get their shit together and kill them already?

CelestialDalek:

Damn, I get all the boring European civs this episode. Having driven away the Latvian army an episode ago, Nuremberg is now safe and sound in the Bavarian empire to which it belongs, and now can focus their full forces on Royal Hungary. Those forces ain’t much, but they’re honest work. If you can call it “work”. Bavaria is a bunch of welfare catboy nyakings. I don’t know where this joke went

Orange:

Mog is still just, waiting around. They have well enough army to attack eSwatini, or even Saba-D’mt (who is only really ahead in production and a slight amount of tech). And really, they don’t have super strong neighbors right now, so I guess they’ll be okay a bit longer. But sooner or later, someone will rise up, and Mog needs to be on the offensive if they want to be that someone.

Orange:

Unlike the previous, Qarm has a fair few stronger neighbors, but if they go south, or if they join a coalition, then they might be able to break out of their situation. Also like, looking at things, I’m not sure how we got Qarm ahead of Mog, maybe they just have more of Wanting It More.

Nathanmasse:

Tiwanaku just can’t catch a break and takes a nosedive in the rankings.  After fending off New Holland for ages, they’re now set upon by Ecuador and Bora-Bora again.  Their units are stretched to the absolute breaking point with many rankers thinking they will crumble to the combined onslaught.  It doesn’t help that Bora is bringing the next generation of land units with their newly-acquired riflemen likely to start playing a bigger role.  I’m still hopeful Tiwanaku could be able to hold the line in the Andes but losing more than 1 city in the north and south could allow Ecuador’s and Bora’s units to converge and cause a domino of captures.  In any event, it seems unlikely that Tiwanaku will resurrect their lost glory among the top civs and are consigned to being picked away at until there is nothing left.

Cloudy:

Taino hit their highest ever rank this week thanks to their conquest of Florida, which has netted them a second capital and will likely get them another city as well, if they fix their happiness in time to avoid razing it to the ground. But there are many of us who worry this will be as high as the Taino ever manage to get. Florida was the only weak neighbor that they could easily target. The Seneca are weak, but hard to attack. And their other major neighbors are Mexico and New Holland. So where do they go from here, especially with crippling unhappiness? Nobody is really quite sure.

NopeCopter:

The Nivkh, for all their failures, are at least still trying. With their more advanced units (somehow), they might actually be able to contest Honsho-ji and take it back from Thule, although I do admittedly have my doubts. At the very least, they’re definitely safe for the time being - they have two neighbors, both of whom are top-tier on paper but in practice can’t seem to field numerous or advanced enough armies to win any wars. A truly weird civ, the Nivkh are - surrounded by top-tiers and yet protected by their mediocrity. I kind of doubt they’d be able to beat either of them in a war, though, so this is probably game over, especially if they can’t regain their border with the Ikko-Ikki.

ECH:

In my head, Khoshuts are still the civ that gave away a city needlessly every single war they got into, despite their defensive position, and who were destined to simply rot away in the Himalaya’s for the rest of the game until  someone with substantial modern tech rolled in. I have not acclimated to the post-Harappan reality that Gushi Khan is a true regional contender again, one which folks had a lot of faith in when they were voted into the game, and one that’s now got a moment of peace to build on their newfound gains. Not unlike Shang, their prolonged time in the stats dump has left a definite strike on their record and ability to be a true contender, but when you consider the mockery and derision they were gathering just a few episodes ago, they certainly must be feeling better.

Orange:

Well the Khoshuts war was disappointing, maybe they can build up more and then fight Khoshuts again, and hope the Khoshuts don’t build up faster. Or maybe they can join against Singapore at some point, or east Africa. I’m still optimistic about Vijay, but they will have to work hard to break free of their chains.

JDT: The Ikko Ikki go up by two as the war with Zheng draws to a close, Oyama Gobo and all their mainland holdings aside from Nagashima being lost. The Ikko Ikki are not under existential threat anymore, sure, but their days of being relevant are over. Positionally, now Zheng and Gorguryeo can theoretically wipe them in a moment's notice. Statistically, they’re not that bad, but will never be a frontrunner again. Culturally, true to real life, the Ikko-Ikki has balked the turning tides of authoritarianism and instead chose Order, rendering them an enemy to Goguryeo. It seems the dream is over. Nowhere to go but down from here.

Reformer:

Ecuador cannot help themselves: They attack Tiwanaku once more. It is understandable, seeing as Tiwanaku is essentially the best option Ecuador has for conquest. That’s not to say Tiwanaku is easy pickings - they were able to hold back New Holland despite the disparity. But Ecuador does have an ace up their sleeve: Bora-Bora has joined your party! Unlike NH, Bora seems a fair bit more competent. Obviously Bora is taking advantage of a Tiwanaku that has been tired out by NH already, so it’s not exactly a fair comparison, but as far as Ecuador is concerned, this is one of the better times to declare war. Time will tell if they can convert the opportunity to actual gains this time, or if Bora will get all the spoils of war.

JDT:

The Osage continue to sit and do nothing. As such, they get a one rank drop.

Reformer:

Siam takes the week off. They’ve taken a lot of weeks off. When will these slackers face the consequences of their actions? Well, Singapore is at peace now, so maybe soon. What an exciting prospect!

Reformer:

Shang just can’t stop winning. Who knew that once you stop killing your citizens you’ll be successful again. This is the Shang that we missed for, what, 150+ turns? I certainly missed Shang. East Asia just isn’t the same without them. Crushing Mongolia with efficiency that Goguryeo can only dream of is exactly what one should expect of Shang. I do have to wonder what comes after Mongolia. Maybe Dzungars? They’re not exactly competent. And they’ll grind much of their military to dust against Selkups, too. Yes, yes, I see it now, clear as day…

CelestialDalek:

England takes a tumble (one spot) in the rankings. Why? Go look at slide 82. Autun is not not doing so hot right now, thanks to Henry making the small mistake of not putting any forces around the civ he declared war on. So, England is now stuck in a two-front war. The good news is that one of those fronts is two tiles in the Pyrenees and the other front is against a neighbor who could be stomped like a bug if the English army actually puts their mind to it. Also, in the 20 slides between the endangerment of Autun and the end of the episode, it failed to flip, so there’s an invisible but semi-competent defense force back there. Good (?) job!

Leman:

Kanem-Bornu gets a cheeky Alaouite city snipe, really embarrassing Sierra Leone. I think the big rise we’re seeing due to that is more about vibes than this being a really good move for them. Kanem can’t really capitalize on Marrakech and the city wasn’t very good to begin with. I expect Rome or Sierra Leone to pick it off eventually. But it was pretty funny.

JDT: As the game goes on, it becomes ever clearer that the Ume Sami are the new Snoryaks. Though unlike the Snoryaks unjustifiably sleepy gameplay, the Ume Sami at least have the excuse of getting bodied and half-covered by arguably the most terrifying civ in the whole game. They have top 10 stats by every metric, but none of that matters because they have shown zero initiative and haven’t the strength to strongarm some of the nearby cities. And because they have shown zero initiative, the Faroes and Latvia continue to get stronger and stronger with their conquest snowballs, while powers like Kazan and the Selkups continue to creep closer. Like, the Finns are right there man. And yet you sleep.

Leman:

Saba stays steady as they didn’t really do all that much this episode. They had another broken golden age last episode which means that this episode, they watched all their population gained starve away, having gained next to nothing. It’s really disheartening honestly. Saba could spawn an army bigger than anyone else in the cylinder during just one of those golden ages, but for some reason refuses to do that. They never have any lasting stat gain either, no production bounce or tech snipe. I’m curious if they’ll continue to waste these golden ages until finally Ndongo and Sierra Leone put them out of their misery, or finally step on the gas and use one of them to build an army and erase Kanem-Bornu.

Reformer:

Noongar manages to make peace with Singapore before Australia itself is breached. The war had gone well until Palawa joined in, and it is sad to see Noongar get nothing for the effort expended against Singapore. A draw in such a crucial war bodes poorly for Noongar’s future. Meanwhile, now able to focus solely on Palawa, Noongar is pushing into Palawan lands just like every other time the Australian powers have come head-to-head. Palawa has every advantage, and yet cannot help but throw. On the other hand, Noongar’s unit composition is…subpar, to say the least. Mostly consisting of cuirassiers (mounted units), the Noongar army will significantly struggle to actually siege cities. Yet another hurdle for Noongar. I do not place much confidence in them here, but if nothing else, they’ve survived the 2v1 to fight another day.

Msurdej:  

Galdan Khan goes up a rank as a bold attack on the Selkups begins. Attacking a top 5 civ in the middle of a war gives the Dzungars the chance to take the Selkups unaware, especially since the Dzungars have the edge when it comes to military troops.And so far, it seems to be working. Al’myak is surrounded, and while we last saw it in the green, it could easily fall given a few turns.But should Vonya make peace with Mongolia, and focus entirely on the war with Galdan, things could turn sour quickly for the Dzungars.  Especially since a few troops in the Dzungar army are armed with nothing but spears.

Leman:

Said this before, and I’m gonna say it again, and every time I do the Pontus write up: Pontus sucks. Stats are mid, city count was good 18 parts ago, and they suck. Just because they managed to snag a city from a civ that has four completely disconnected cities doesn’t make them suck less. They’re a sleepy, dorky, civ.

In a more real analysis, Pontus is just kind of here. They have weak neighbors and opportunities to claw themselves out of aggressive mediocrity, if they bother to take and not flub them. Realistically, I think Pontus is probably taking part in the cylinder’s most boring race with Afsharids. One of the two will probably take the opportunities presented to them and dominate the other one, I’m guessing. Who knows when that will happen.

NopeCopter:

The other side of last slide’s “most boring race” maintains their lead despite dropping just a bit for no real reason. Opinions on the Afsharids are as mixed as ever, with some expecting them to run over the Khoshuts and claim their rightful conquests any turn now, and others considering them the most worthless civ in the game. Personally, I’m cautiously optimistic, and would definitely consider them stronger than Pontus - but time is running out, and if they want to replicate the successes of X3’s Turkey or even Afghanistan, the Afsharids had better make use of their UUs quickly. They’re both pretty good, especially in combination, and they now have both! This is a make-or-break time for the Afsharids, where they’ll either take out a couple of their neighbors and turn into something big or let the opportunity slip and fade into mediocrity - given their performance so far, I bet they’ll at least try to take the opportunity, but whether they’ll succeed is… another matter.

JDT: Rome has entered a true Pax Romana, a period of total tranquility. So tranquil in fact, they got no direct images of this episode. Nevertheless, they go up by two, by virtue of every civ below them either having fewer options for potential expansion or being in the exact same position as them but with worse stats. Pax Romanum cannot last forever, however, if they wish to avert imperial decay. Expansion must soon occur, or their position will slip like jenga blocks.

Msurdej:  

The war between Mexico and Pueblo ended with a whimper, with Po’pay giving up the city of Santa Fe back to its original owner. This isn’t a massive loss for the Pueblo, his stats continue to improve with only the population taking a small dip. And sure, if they ever go back to war, Pueblo could probably take it off of Mexico easily. But it’s still a loss, another notch in the belt of decline for the former top 5 power.

JDT:

One word and one word only can describe Sierra Leone - C H O K E. These mfs have less clutch than Harry Kane and Tracy McGrady combined. How do you spend 4 parts attacking cannon fodder and then lose one of the only two objectives you’re supposed to focus on to your inferior rival? Who don’t even have a direct land border with your enemy no less! Logically, they’re in the best position of the African Big 3 with some fairly good stats. But the eye tests says it all - they’re chokers who were lucky to come up against even bigger chokers in the Alaouites.

ECH:

I’m gonna state a bias right off the bat: Kazan has kinda bored me so far. I can’t  quite explain it, I usually like the solid, gradual effective civs - for example I’m quite fond of the Afsharids - but Kazan’s approach is just colorless to me. Hence, I’m not too sad to see them drop three ranks this week, likely attributable to languishing stats and the upgrading of civs like Singapore and Ndongo back to where they were before recent stumbles. Kazan’s best move right now would probably be to swoop in on the Kalmyks and take some cities they really ought to have taken last war, as well as clearing out the peacekeepers for other wars, but that’s up to Möxämmädämin to decide.

ECH:

Some major ups and downs for Lee Kuan Yew of late. On one hand, the Noongar war brought only destruction, mostly to his cities, and an inglorious white peace. On the other, at least peace is here, and nothing was permanently lost in the end, save some population. On the other hand once more, the threat of Wahgi is at an existential level at this point, with the ever mysterious Bol’im starting to take to the skies, at which point decent naval mastery will matter a good deal less (assuming Singapore will even have that over Wahgi’s navy). The PR’s have still decided to raise Singapore into the top 15 again, as they’ve proven to be a good rebuilder and have rocketed up the Infoaddict ranks 7 places, but the urgency they need to possess now cannot be understated. It’s do or die in terms of expansion.

Cloudy:

Ndongo didn’t do anything this week, but they have reaffirmed their position and even ticked up another rank due to their suddenly massive army, which has ballooned overnight to the fourth largest in the world, larger even than the Faroe Islands. We haven’t gotten a good look at their empire to tell us what that army consists of, but if they direct it at Eswatini, I’m sure they’ll reap the benefits.

Cloudy:

Beset by multiple foes, Palawa finds itself outside the top 10 for the first time since episode 12. Noongar units aren’t particularly threatening their cities, but they are ravaging the countryside, leading to lost population and production. At the same time, Bora-Bora is picking off all of Palawa’s Pacific colonies one by one, encountering almost no resistance. All in all, Tarenorerer is finding herself looking like one of the more modest civs in a region of giants. Don’t get me wrong, their stats are still great, and they’re not in existential trouble. But some warning signs are starting to flash.

Nathanmasse:

Another quiet episode of Latvia. Their cities are as big as ever and they still show just as little interest in prosecuting the war with Royal Hungary.  It’s an annoying combination of strength and lethargy.  They’re stats too strong to be outright dismissed but too lazy to go out and seek expansion.  It’s the kind of strategy that could get them to the late game but is boring to watch and gives them little chance of winning it.

Leman:

The 10-12 slot was hotly contested for me, and the rest of the rankers, but we seem to have decided Thule gets to squeak into the top ten this week. Though to be honest I think all four 10-13 civs kind of all feel like 12s. (And Mexico kind of too). Thule is struggling to beat Nivkhs despite overwhelming production, Palawa has excellent stats  but is staring down the barrel of a two-front war with Bora-Bora and Noongar, and Latvia just doesn’t seem to perform and feels somewhat threatened by Kazan. All three civs are stats monsters that consistently seem to perform worse than I expect, which makes us all pretty cold on all of them. Thule has worse stats than Palawa, but got the ranking nod thanks to the fact that they aren’t losing a war.

Orange:

Well they beat Pueblo, so that’s something. Now please fight Osage. Or even Taino! Just don’t fight Pueblo again or Ecuador, those two aren’t gonna fall. They need to fight their squishy open neighbors already. They have the largest army by a fair bit, it would be a walk in the park. Come on Maximilian!

NopeCopter:

As the Palawa plummet down the rankings, Zheng rises to take their position in the Power Rankings. And honestly, they probably deserve the rise anyways - even if they did arguably peace out with the Ikko-Ikki early, they did still make some nice gains. Still, they have reasons to stay on their toes - Shang is growing in power by taking cities off Mongolia (even if they’re still far from an actual threat), and Singapore has gotten out of their war with the Noongar scot-free. For now, though, it’s looking like Zheng is safe from any real catastrophic failure for the time being, and has plenty of avenues of growth still open to them… they should just probably steer clear of the Wahgi.

Msurdej:  

Johan wraps up the war with Tiwanaku just as Ecuador starts getting involved. It’s a disappointing move by New Holland, even as they join the growing number of Autocratic civs. They might be one of the strongest civs in South America, but another rival is abora to contend for that crown...

Nathanmasse:

Bora-Bora jumps four ranks this week as they make a bold play to consolidate the eastern Pacific by seizing Palawa’s cities to the south/west and simultaneously striking in the east against Tiwanaku.  They made quick work of the more isolated Palawan cities of Pachacamac and Cona Niyeu but it may prove difficult to drive deeply into their territorial waters.  They may have been caught flat-footed but with greater production, Palawa has built up a navy which should be enough to keep them from any further losses.   Back on the mainland, Bora seems destined to take Tiwanaku’s coastal city and possibly even Alegrete with a little luck.  All in all, it was a great episode for Bora Bora and exactly the kinds of play they need to be making if they want to stay relevant.  I only hope they do not stretch themselves too thin fighting on either side of the Pacific.

Nathanmasse:

The Selkups take a small step back in the ranks as the Dzungars make a concerted effort to contain their rival to the north.  The wave of units rushing across the border is certainly impressive, but the unit composition is a bit sketchy.  The biggest concern is around Al’Myak but once the Selkups finish besieging Hsia they should be able to redeploy those forces to fend off this main Dzungar thrust.  I think it will look a little touch and go at times but ultimately the Selkups’ superior units and production should win the day.

Cloudy:

The Yellowknives have moved back down to 4th to make room for [SPOILER REDACTED], but they’re just as strong as before and there’s no reason to doubt their membership in the top 5. The only question is where they’ll turn next, now that the Crow have been eliminated. None of their neighbors are pushovers, but they’re strong enough it barely matters. So who will it be?

Msurdej:

Leapfrogging right over 4th place, Wahgi goes to the podium and receives the bronze medal. And looking at the stats, it’s clear to see why. Strong army, the most techs and population (nearly double the population of the next highest civ Latvia), numerous wonders. And with a few good wars under their belt, Wahgi has shown they have the ability to follow in the footsteps of Timor-Leste.

Orange:

Faroes stay in second, though this time some things need to be taken note of. And by things I mean one thing: Happiness. The Faroes have been dominant in all but one stat for the past 200 turns, they’ve been in deep unhappiness for ages and ages. But this part they unlocked an ideology, and with it, gained ~50 happiness, quite possibly permanently fixing their unhappiness. So once again Gogurt is gonna have to watch out, Trondur is coming for them.

Reformer:

Goguryeo, the autocratic powerhouse of surely crushing any resistance their neighbors can put up…is at complete peace. Not even a nominal war against a distant power tarnishes Goguryeo’s state of peace. Somehow, for the first time in history, the autocrats actually delivered on a promise of peace. Awful timing, though. We’d love to see some more bloodshed. The poorly timed peace deal with Mongolia is still fresh in our memories, not to mention how poorly Goguryeo waged the war in the first place. Truly to be #1 is a poor omen. I mean, Faroes literally started recovering from the massive unhappiness problem the moment we stopped ranking them first. The natural conclusion is that Gogureyo won’t wage war competently until we drop them out of the #1 position. Can’t wait!