Power Rankings: Episode 31 – S4

Release Date:

November 19, 2024

Narrated by:

Power-Rankers

Abstract

Power Rankings! The rankings…of power! Dun dun dunnnn!

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Tehuelche

1 / 0

1: Tehuelche

Cloudy:

The fires of Tierra del Fuego have at last gone out.

The Tehuelche were in a challenging spot from the beginning. Although they had a relatively large amount of room to expand, their tundra starting location significantly inhibited their early growth, and some of the best lands they could have claimed ended up being settled by Bora-Bora. Tehuelche was quickly left behind in the stats and never caught up. Although they did participate in wars with Rio Grande, resulting in their occupation of several islands in the South Atlantic, these islands were later lost to New Holland without much of a fight. They also gave up a city to Mexico in a peace treaty, which was razed. Later on, Pacific civs began to gnaw at their west coast, and Tiwanaku pressed them from the north. An island city was lost to Palawa, then to Bora-Bora. By episode 30, Bora-Bora surrounded them on three sides, with a tech difference amounting to several eras. It was speculated that if Bora-Bora declared war, Tehuelche would be swiftly eliminated. Those predictions turned out to be correct, as all that remained of Maria’s modest empire was consumed in less than 10 turns. A fitting end for a civ that never really got off the ground in the first place.

1: Tehuelche

Cloudy:

The fires of Tierra del Fuego have at last gone out.

2: Alaouites

Cloudy:

The Alaouites started off relatively strong. Throughout the first several episodes, they were top 10 in military strength and sometimes production, and by episode 4 they had 6 cities, the same amount as Latvia, the Yellowknives, Ndongo, and Sierra Leone. Unfortunately, their path didn’t take them to the same place as those civs. In fact, for a while it looked like the Alaouites might have the advantage in a hypothetical battle for control of West Africa. But instead of using the huge army they had lurking in the Sahara, the Alaouites did nothing as their desert cities stagnated at low population counts and their neighbors started to overtake them. In episode 5, they were ranked 18th; but by episode 8, they were in the 40s. That’s because in episode 8 they finally declared war on Sierra Leone, only to fail to capture any cities. The Alaouites turned out to be terrible at war and didn’t know how to use melee units. Their city populations were still stagnating. By episode 10, they had lost three cities to various neighbors, and the writing was on the wall. Nevertheless, it took several long, excruciating wars for the Alaouites to finally die, as Sierra Leone painstakingly clawed off a city here and there with great difficulty. By the time they finally died, their peak was but a distant memory.

RIP Ismail ibn Sharif. He is survived by his 500 wives and 868 children.

3: Eswatini

Nathanmasse:

It wasn’t an easy game for Eswatini. Trapped in southern Africa with Rozvi breathing down their neck, they tried to stake an early claim to a city inland from the coast but Rozvi would have none of it. The city was quickly captured—in fact, one of the three first captures on turn 35—but in doing so, Rozvi was so weakened they could not stand up to their own invasion by Ndongo. With access to the north cut off, Eswatini had little choice but to expand along the coast but this too was stymied by a war with Ndongo who—through either skillful or inept diplomacy, depending who you ask—received the city of Malkerns in the peace deal. This was surely Eswatini’s lowest point and could have been the beginning of the end for them.

But they did not give up hope. A fierce battle was waged in an attempt to retake the lost city of Lobamba from the Rozvi with little success. Perhaps sensing that further inland expansion was off the table, Eswatini took to the sea and settled Madagascar and other small islands in the Indian Ocean which would become their final haven once the mainland fell.

These colonies needed to be defended and soon their navy would be the pride of Eswatini’s empire. They struck north, briefly holding the Qarmatian colony of Safwan; consolidated in the east by taking another small Qarmatian colony; and even managed to retake Malkerns while fending off Ndongo’s main invasion from the west.

Perhaps the most iconic legacy of Eswatini’s rivalry with first Rozvi and then Ndongo, was the intense fortifications built along their shared border. No less than nine citadels dot the countryside and whose interlocking fields of fire kept Eswatini’s homeland secure for centuries.

But alas, Eswatini always struggled with slow tech progression and outdated units which ultimately lead to their demise. The Part 0 Power Rankers were near enough correct when they said, “Outliving Rozvi would be only slightly impressive, as Eswatini’s own downfall would likely follow soon”. Outnumbered, Eswatini fought bravely but lost their capital to Ndongo, and soon after were set upon by Saba D’mt which took their last mainland city. Finally, Mogadishu also determined that Eswatini was not long for this world and quickly seized what remained of Eswatini’s island colonies.

And so, Eswatini passes into history with the final rank of 45th. Not all that bad considering their stumbles and blunders in the early game, and honestly ahead of several civs I would have expected to outlast them.

4: Siam

NopeCopter:

Siam, despite everything, has not died yet. Unfortunately, “yet” is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. While early peace with Goguryeo was nice, and the war with the Khoshuts was painful but has since ended, the Wahgi seem hellbent on wiping this once-solid culture turtle off the map with their hyper-advanced military forces, and unless they decide to make peace last-minute, they’re going to succeed. Prime your F keys, because no geographic barriers or surprise comebacks are going to save Siam from the power of planes and Paratroopers.

5: Visigoths

Msurdej:

The Visigoths gained a rank this episode, all thanks to the elimination of Eswatini. But make no mistake, their situation is dire. Barcino has fallen, leaving the Visigoths with only two cities. Now that Sierra Leone has a beachhead and the Alaouites are dead, it'll be easier for Leovigild to be focused on. While I don't think Sierra Leone will get the kill next part, the Visigoths are definitely on their way to the chopping block.

6: Tiwanaku

Orange:

Huyustus is watching his original neighbors, Ecuador and Tehuelche, fall before him, laughing all the way. It’s pretty unlikely for Bora-Bora to attack them again so soon rather than going for Ecuador, so they’ll survive. A broken former power, trapped in the Andes, up to the whims of Puni.

7: Kalmyks

Leman:

Well, Kalmyks didn’t give up any cities to another slightly less lame civ. That’s a win.

8: Makhnovia

NopeCopter:

Makhnovia is not one entity. It is a collection of starved, bullied independent communes trapped between major-ish powers. Makhnovia has four cities and not a single land connection between any of them. This would normally be a strictly bad thing, and it mostly is, don’t get me wrong, but it does at least put them over the other rump states because at least it’d be harder for any one neighbor to wipe them out as they are now. Unless that neighbor happened to be Latvia. But that’s okay - after all, when have Makhnovia and Latvia ever fought before? Oh… right. Yeah Makhnovia’s probably boned sooner or later, but at least they’re slightly less boned than everyone beneath them.

9: Finns

Cloudy:

Something happened to the Finns! They got more citadels planted on their border with Latvia. Ouch.

10: Bukhara

Cloudy:

Nothing new to report from Bukhara. They’re still alive, the Selkups are still bombing Herat.

11: Seneca

Orange:

Seneca do sit in a better place than the other powers at this level, solely because anyone who fights them can’t make headway. So they’ll be sticking around a while longer. But damn I wish they’d be interesting.

12: Mongolia

CelestialDalek:

We didn’t see much out of Mongolia this part. We didn’t see anything out of Mongolia, to be exact: they came up zero times in the narration. They’re between a hard place and a harder place and don’t have the planes to fend off an invasion by the Selkups or by Goguryeo. I’d say don’t count them out just yet, but… you can count them out.

13: England

Orange:

It’s been rough, but y’know, it could’ve been worse. The fact that they haven’t completely lost the Isles is honestly great. But they are still falling. And also they attacked Bavaria, which is very interesting. While this may seem incredibly stupid, and it is, Bavaria is actually like 7 techs below them. The two are about even on military, Bavaria has way more production, and England is surrounded fighting a two front war, but Bavaria is less advanced. So there’s a chance that could get turned around, but with the Faroes pushing down on them, who knows how long it’ll last. As a Bavaria supporter, I just hope Bavaria can take a city or two.

14: Vijayanagara

Msurdej:

Coming off our highest drop of the episode, we have our second biggest drop. Vijayanagara ended up on the wrong side of Singapore this episode, and has lost nearly half its army in the wars it's been a part of. Little by little the coast, especially the east coast, will be lost to the invaders. While it probably won't be the end of Vijayanagara, it will be another stepping stone in their collapse.

15: Qarmatians

Cloudy:

With war raging on the Qarmatians’ doorstep between Saba and Pontus, maybe it’s time for al-Jannabi to weigh in? Nah, who are we kidding.

16: Taino

ECH:

Besides picking up my favorite composer (Chopin ftw, we stan a romanticist sickly boi), Taino has once again done a great deal of nothing. Whoop. I suppose Mexico going in on Ecuador is good for their present status, distracting one of their major threats, but in the long run a reckoning will come, I reckon.

17: Ecuador

NopeCopter:

Poor Ecuador, trying so hard to actually play the game and yet so unable to actually make it happen. Even when they finally managed to break through Tiwanaku after ages of trying and failing, Bora-Bora took the bulk of the spoils, and they couldn’t even get the kill. Not that it would’ve been a good idea for Ecuador anyways, the warmonger penalty probably would have ruined them, but at least it would have gotten them on the board somehow. Now they’re facing down a Mexican invasion that probably won’t lose them many cities but also shouldn’t have been allowed to happen in the first place, wearing them down even further for the inevitable clash with New Holland or Bora-Bora. There was probably a time when an Ecuadorian comeback was a legitimate possibility, but despite their best(?) efforts, that time has passed.

18: Nivkh

Reformer:

Nivkh goes up a spot despite (technically) being in a losing position against Thule. That sure says a lot about Thule. And a little about Nivkh too, don’t worry! Nivkh continues to be rather respectable, fighting tooth and nail, gritty as hell, they sure want it more than Thule does. Not that Thule has ever wanted anything in their entire life. But it can’t be ignored that they really, really are suffering from this war. The resources they have to spend on this are not that vast comparatively. And of course we have to be clear about their prospects being non-existent. Goguryeo’s right there. End of story. But a respectable struggle is still something. And all we can hope for.

19: Bavaria

Leman:

Fresh off of murdering Royal Hungary, England declared war on Bavaria. This is great for Bavaria! England is in freefall as the Faroe Islands invade, and it's probably one of the last opportunities that Bavaria is going to get. There’s more than enough of a chance that Bavaria will be able to pick up a city or two. That being said, I need to point out that Bavaria is, somehow, completely unprepared for this war. They have less military than England, and remember, England is actively being invaded by one of the strongest civs in the game. I don’t think that will prevent Bavaria from picking up a city or two, but I don’t think we’re expecting anything overly impressive from Ludwig.

20: Ikko-Ikki

NopeCopter:

Ikko-Ikki spent the last episode watching their last, desperate hope at breaking out bombed into oblivion by the Thule. I mean, it probably wasn’t going to happen anyways, but at least the Nivkh represented some hope of conquering a weaker neighbor and snowballing from there. If the Thule manage to leverage their overwhelming firepower to make even modest gains against the Nivkh, Ikko-Ikki will be pretty much entirely out of options for expansion, not that the Nivkh were going to just lay down and die anyways. It always sucks to see a civ so good on paper be confined to irrelevance just because of their position, but them’s the breaks. Maybe they can hop on a coalition war and sneak out a couple extra cities sometime.

21: Dzungars

Cloudy:

The Dzungars are still squished with nowhere to go. And we fear that that’s unlikely to change, which is why we’ve kept them down here in the bottom half. The chances of a comeback are very slim given their neighbors, geography, and abysmal tech.

22: Osage

Reformer:

Well, my dreams of Osage starting a coalition war against YK were not realized.

Sike, I’m a YK fan sooner than an Osage fan. But I do like Osage! They should definitely kill Seneca, then Taino, and then attack whoever of the nearby great powers is the weakest. It’s just that easy! Why don’t the AIs do it? So silly.

23: Kanem-Bornu

ECH:

Kanem-Bornu fittingly stands their ground (and at the same time goes nowhere) at 25th as they once again prove why they deserve to go down in the CBR Defensive Hall of Fame (The coveted Rio Grande Trophy, of course). The attack of the Romans predictably fumbled with seemingly next to no city damage or even much unit loss for Idris, despite Rome’s many statistical and tech advantages. On that note, some may have noted near the end of the episode that Kanem has at least started upgrading to line infantry, so while they’re still a good ways behind the African leaders with their Riflemen, at least they’re not fielding squishy musketmen against potential invaders. Their true problem remains, as always, that they have seemingly no independent avenues of expansion, so if I was them, I’d be cozying up to some potential coalition buddies, pronto. The stage where rivals have flight, and Kanem doesn’t, is probably the greatest time of risk for them until the endgame.

24: Mogadishu

Msurdej:

In a shocking display of competence, Mogadishu manages to take out Eswatini. While picking off the scraps of a civ isn't much to celebrate, for the middling civ that Mogadishu is, it gives them a better shot of living and catching up to rivals like Saba and Ndongo. If Abu Bakr wants to keep up the bloodshed, he could go for the Vijayanagaran colonies to the north, further giving them power to challenge their rivals.

25: Khoshuts

Leman:

The Khoshuts are almost whole again. They made a fantastic move this episode, declaring war on a collapsing Siam, managing to not only grab their first port, but also managed to recapture Shigatse. This means Khoshuts finally have almost all of their cities back. Dzungars still hold a single Khoshut city, but I’ll be honest, I never expected Khoshuts to do anything of note several parts ago, so Gushi Khan has surpassed all expectations. I wonder what he’ll get up to next? Maybe invade Vijayanagara?

26: Saba-D’mt

CelestialDalek:

How’s Saba doing? Still just ok. They were the target of a war declaration from Pontus this partus, but that’s backfired as Makeda has surrounded Damietta, the site of the Mamluks’ last stand. As it stands, the invasion has been severely hampered by lack of tiles to attack from, and a well-timed push could wipe it away, and if there’s a flipfest it’s going to favor Pontus because Makeda doesn’t have a navy. What’s worse, their stats were momentarily slashed by Pontus’ resistance-causing UA, and although the initial bump has worn off some cities are still in open rebellion. Shame that such a promising start from golden ages has stalled so much.

27: Noongar

Leman:

A quiet part for Noongar, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad one. They bulked up their military quite significantly but are still cleanly behind Palawa. That being said, Noongar has been cleanly behind Palawa this whole game and that hasn’t stopped them from winning or stalemating every war with their Australian rival.

28: Kazan

NopeCopter:

Kazan continues to sit pretty at 20th place this episode, squarely in the group of civs that just might have some chance to impact the game if they act quickly but are in all likelihood eventual food for the major powers, just not as imminently doomed as the rumps. Their once-enviable position now has them squarely trapped between Latvia and the Selkups, neither of which are an easy target, and between their weak military and their abysmal tech level for their size, any war with a similarly-sized power is going to go poorly. They’re the great power that isn’t, a civ on the fringes of relevance, and man does it suck that it’s come to this.

29: Pontus

CelestialDalek:

It looks like Mithridates is on the verge of losing Damietta to Saba in a poorly-planned war. However, looks can be deceiving. Yes, Mithridates may be losing Damietta, but it will certainly flip back and it’s much easier for Pontus to flip than Saba. Additionally, poorly planned? Mithridates would like to have you know that this war was very well-planned! Will it get further than holding onto Damietta? Not unless Saba makes a huge error and/or gives up a city.

30: Ume-Sami

Leman:

I think Ume Sami declared war on England this episode but it’s way, way too late. Until Ume Sami goes after the Finns, there’s little that I can say other than Ume Sami has decent stats and are doing absolutely nothing with them.

31: Rome

CelestialDalek:The Roman-Kanembornu war ends not with a bang, not even with a whimper, but with a dull thud. Exactly zero things happened in this war, and now Rome is only at war with England. If Nancy were a coastal city, this might be an opportunity. Unfortunately for Trajan, it is not.

32: Afsharids

CelestialDalek:

We saw two important things in the Afsharid empire this part. First off, barbarians: the people are not very happy. Second off, planes! I’m surprised too, but if you check the few slides where their empire appeared in more than passing, there are some aircraft in their cities. Unfortunately, they aren’t at war to use them, and the Khoshuts, their main potential target, have some good defenses up. But, when you’re surrounded by mountains on all sides, planes are exactly what you need to break out.

33: Ndongo

Nathanmasse:

Ndongo gets to sit back, have some popcorn, and watch as their long-time rival Eswatini gets absolutely eviscerated by everyone around them. I was admittedly a bit disappointed they let Saba take their last mainland city but in the end it probably won’t make a difference. Ndongo has such a commanding control over this region that any number of units Saba commits would not be able to do much. But the question on everyone’s mind is where do they go next? Wherever they choose, they come with artillery (first on the continent) so there’s a better chance they might make headway.

34: Latvia

Reformer: Latvia switches places with the previous 14th place civ. Not for any particular reason, they just felt like it. Or maybe it’s the fact that they’re still asleep. Could be either, really! It’s sad, too, because Latvia has so many weak neighbors. Finns, Makhno, Bavaria, Kazan even…that’s pretty much all of their neighbors, damn. The weak company must be why Latvia’s going so soft. Damn it! Damn it all to hell…why must this fate befall the Baltic civs…

35: Singapore

Orange:

Somehow, Singapore continues to do well despite all the giants breathing down their neck. But right now, they’re back at war with Vijay, and oh boy Vijay is not ready for this. Metal vs. wooden ships, it ain’t looking good. So Singapore is looking to give themselves a second home to the west in the case that they lose their eastern holdings. If they don’t make peace quickly, then this will be a really strong move.

36: Thule

Reformer: And here’s the civ that switched places with Latvia. Thule rises because they MIGHT FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH OVERWHELMING POWER to beat up Nivkh. This civ’s so ridiculous. They’ve got the planes, Nivkh doesn’t. We know how these lopsided wars are SUPPOSED to go, thank you Faroes, but even planes aren’t enough for Thule to gain a decisive victory. What more advantage can you even have? Yeah, sure, you can have an even larger tech gap, but how much of a handicap do you need lil bro? Just win a war once in your life. Can’t wait for YK to kill these guys.

37: Zheng

Nathanmasse:

Zheng has to be getting a bit nervous right about now. Their war with Ikko-Ikki went nowhere, Goguryeo has wiped out Shang and now sits right on their border, and now Wahgi’s octopus-like tentacle is curling around their southern border as it slowly squeezes the life out of Siam. Their navy is still quite impressive and dense if a bit outdated, but beyond that their army is mighty sparse. They need to find a way to retake the initiative if they hope to stand up to either of the titans around them. Perhaps a drive for Singapore’s core while they’re distracted with Vijayanagara? Only time will tell.

38: Palawa

ECH:

Well, helping clean up Eswatini wasn’t in my predictions for Palawa, although in retrospect it’s not the most insane logistically. Just to clarify, in the end we worked out that Mogadishu was indeed the one to bury them, not Palawa, but oh well. It’s a good thing they did grab a city, because if not that, all I’d have to talk about is the fairly insane Wahgi peacekeeper corps Tarenorerer has been building up in her lands. As ever, they’re statistically grand, but on the ground look less impressive, same as it ever was.

39: Mexico

Msurdej:

Mexico falls a rank, but they're still in a good position. Their war with Ecuador is progressing slowly, but surely in their favor. They'll continue to grind Ecuador down until they either make peace or kill them. When that happens, they'll need to find a new punching bag. Taino is a good option, but their northern neighbors, the Pueblo Yellowknives, will probably require a tagteam coalition if they want to make advances against them. But focus on finishing off Moreno first Max.

40: Sierra Leone

ECH:

Sierra has not just clawed back two ranks, but a good deal of respect as well. Their cross-straight invasion of Iberia has continued grinding against the beleaguered Visigoths, now with the coastal city of Barcino kept rather than razed to provide a staging ground in Europe. Even more consequentially, Peters has written the final chapter of his rivalry with the Alaouites, storming the gates of Meknes and eliminating them from the game. Beyond gaining a decent city and ridding himself of a nuisance, this has some pretty great implications for his logistics, especially opening up the Mediterranean to his Atlantic navy. Now, the war with the Visigoths has gone on pretty long, so a peace wouldn’t be a great surprise, but with no distractions and no travel barriers now it’s entirely possible Sierra Leone swarms north to try for a killstreak.

41: New Holland

Msurdej:

New Holland has been quiet for quite a while now, having failed to take any real advantage of Tiwanaku's collapse. With Bora-Bora becoming the big player in South America now, John Muarits’ window of opportunity is fast closing. If those Tiwanaku cities come online and back up and running under Puni, the gap between Bora-Bora and New Holland in regards to production and techs can quickly close. If John can team up with someone like Wahgi to take Bora-Bora down a peg though, they might be able to regain their place as the top dog in South America.

42: Selkups

Nathanmasse:

The Selkups hold onto their 6th place position this week. They’ve made some decent progress through the tech tree, securing Romanticism, Dynamite, and Railroads and beginning Combustion. Other than that, it was a quiet episode for them. They’re still bombarding Bukhara’s cities so they’re just an open-border agreement away from being able to sweep in and start flipping cities which would be exciting.

43: Bora-Bora

ECH:

Puni is out here reminding us all that Bora-Bora were cold-blooded conquerors, in the CBR just as much as they were in reality. With the conquest of Tehuelche, Bora-Bora has not just connected up their holdings in South America - fulfilling a project started with one far-flung colony oh so long ago - but by multiple metrics has grown to become the top civ on the whole continent in terms of possessions there alone. I think they can probably take an episode or two to regather it’s resources and bask in adoration, especially as they presumably build up a brand new air force.

44: Yellowknives

ECH:

When you’re at the top, you have to earn your keep. At least, that’s my rationale for why they’ve dropped a rank, putting aside the Faroes' gradual success against England. No, the Yellowknives clearly decided to sit this episode out, building up their stats a little and hopefully preparing forces for some future invasion. If I were to predict, as soon as they launch something, assuming they show the same competency they’ve shown in the past, they should rise back up to the top 3.

45: Faroe Islands

Cloudy:

The Faroe Islands ascend back to third place after their strong performance this week against England. It’s looking like Henry V will be exiled from the British Isles, which will be a huge win for Trondur. What’s more, the Faroes are regaining ground in the stats. But Trondur will need to watch his back, because his happiness has dropped from a peak of 75 back down to just 12, and if he captures London, his empire might plunge back into the state of unhappiness that stymied its growth for so long. So... watch this space.

46: Goguryeo

Orange:

Gogurt’s taken a part to just chill after their conquest of the Shang lands, and deciding they didn’t actually want to take the Siamese cities. So what’s next for them? Well, it’s gotta be Ikko Ikki or Zheng, but which one? Ikko Ikki would give them full control over the north Pacific, but really can be done whenever, they aren’t going anywhere, not like Zheng wants them gone. Zheng though, now there’s a diamond in distress. Zheng stands between Gogurt and Wahgi, and they aren’t looking like they’ll be the ones to come out on top (unless they made a decent effort for Ikko Ikki, and then went after Singapore, all without being attacked). If Gogurt goes after Zheng before Wahgi makes a move, then they’ll be the strongest civ on the cylinder, by a fair bit. So make your move while you can Gwanggaeto, before the current top dog takes your diamond away from you.

47: Wahgi

Nathanmasse:

Wahgi maintains their spot in first place this week as they make landfall and push deeper into what's left of Siam’s core. I can only assume the slow progress has to do with the difficulty of getting planes within range of Siam’s cities, but it makes no difference. Only a miracle could save them now.

It’s hard to overstate the potential of their military position. The military might they added this episode is more than any other civ has total. Their core tiles are completely full of units so any they make are jettisoned off to the nearest available tile. For the moment that means Palawa’s land is filling up, which poses a very real threat to Noongar; but it could also quickly fill up Zheng’s territory which could serve as the perfect springboard to drive further into mainland Asia. In other news, Wahgi has completed Rocketry so there’s a good chance we see them send the first explorers to the moon next episode.

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