1: Shawnee
Orange:
Lmao, rip trying to settle Michigan, should’ve tried to do that earlier instead of doing jack shit for so long.
Power Rankings: Episode 7 – S4
May 13, 2024
Power-Rankers
Abstract
Power Rankings! The rankings…of power! Dun dun dunnnn!
Viewing: Vertical
2: Florida
Rosay:
Florida does have some things going for them, like for one they have a lot of areas they can settle. (narrator insert a 5 second pause here) Ok, so now that I got that out of the way, me giving Florida the highest ranking out of all the power rankers was more due to “hey they might die later than these other two civs just cause their region is weaker.” Florida's stats are shit and they’re being ganked by Taino of all civs, and as much as we deservedly shit on Seneca they can absolutely destroy Florida at any given moment. Absolute garbage tier civ that only escapes last because it's in competition with the Shawnee.
3: Rozvi
Leman:
At least they’re not Florida.
4: Finns
Msurdej:
There once was a civ called the Finns
Who never got any real wins
They’ll sit on this earthDoing nothing of worth
Til the Ume-Sami kick in their shins
5: Mamluks
Leman:
Mamluks get punished for their crappy settling, finally, as Rashid gets captured by Rome. They settled too late, too little, and their cities were too far away from each other. Let me be real though, something like this was bound to happen eventually. It’s not over, over, but things are not looking good for Mamluks.
6: eSwatini
JDT:
Miss me with that bullshit (bullshit)
You ain't really wild, you a tourist (a tourist)
I be blackin' out with the purist (the purist)
I made a hundred thou' then I freaked it (I freaked it)
I made 500 thou' then I freaked it (I freaked it)
I bought a '87 for the weekend (the weekend)
This ain't what you want, this ain't what you want (what you want)
This ain't what you want, this ain't what you want (what you want)
7: Crow
Leman:
Jesus christ. After a heroic defense against the Yellowknives, Crow decided it would be really fun and cool to just hand away the city they spent two episodes defending. And to Thule! Not even Knives! Remember when we thought Crow was going to be great?
8: Kalmyks
JDT:
The Kalmyks drop one as they fumble the bag against Makhnovia whilst not really going anywhere in the stat sheet. But hey now, give props to the poverty civ for at least not being Florida.
9: Rio Grande
Cloudy:
Rio Grande now ranks below Tehuelche. That’s an accomplishment all on its own, I must say. But hey, at least they’re about to settle the Falklands, something even real life Argentina couldn’t do! Er, sorry, Rio Grande speaks Portuguese so I guess we have to call them “As Ilhas Malvinas” now.
10: Royal Hungary
Emu:
Lizzie Baths still hasn't really recovered from her horrible UA, not that she's doing much to even try. The Hungary-Makhnovia and Hungary-Latvia wars haven't done anything except grind troops on either side, and what are they going to do if not one of those? Try for Gazura? Bother Ludwig again? More likely just languish.
11: Tehuelche
Rosay:
Wow Tehuelche you did it, you managed to escape pure rump status by settling some shitty tundra islands. It's not like you look like a weaker version of Rio Grande and could easily be taken down by the pacific tourists once the tech level goes up enough.
12: Seneca
Leman:
Seneca is washed. In test games I don’t think Seneca had a single bad game. They were up there with Crow, Selkups, and Faroes, and were consistently excellent in every test game, dominating the east coast, settling Quebec, crushing Shawnee. And the actual game comes around and they are doing flatly fucking nothing. I’m so mad.
13: Osage
Leman:
I don’t really know why we’ve been ranking Osage this low. They’re bad, but they’re not like that bad. They’re irredeemably worthless like most other civs in the bottom quarter. Seneca is washed, Florida is dying, Shawnee is dead, and Crow is handing out cities like they’re a library. Osage has more than enough opportunities to raise its ranking and get back in this game. There’s even a little room for city settling! All is not lost.
14: Taino
Msurdej: Agüeybaná has surprised many of us in this part. Not just by declaring war on Florida, but by actually taking a city! Port San Carlos continues to flip back and forth, but if it remains in Taino’s hands, it will be a great boon for them. A boon they desperately need, as Mexico has settled parts of the Caribbean, and New Holland seeks to join them. These neighbors will further restrict the Taino, making it even harder for them to break out of the 40s.
15: England
Leman:
England takes a big drop as they lose one of their two cities in continental Europe. They manage to replace it with a fourth city on the isles, but given that England’s overall position was tenuous at best and their military is all but exhausted I think they’re in quite a bit of trouble.
16: Vijayanagara
Leman:
It’s honestly kinda embarrassing that KDR didn’t manage to get Sri Lanka. Luckily, Harappa doesn’t really have a navy so they can capture it soon. Would have been easier to just settle it.
17: Makhnovia
Rosay:
Makhnovia kinda failed to lock in dominance over Eastern Europe this part, leading the subregion to be contested between them and Latvia. All metrics also point to them being weaker than Latvia, so don’t expect the gap between them to narrow as time goes by. They do have royal Hungary to feast on if they’re, well, hungry, but I don’t see them going too far in the future, even with some new land to play with.
18: Kazan
Emu:
Kazan is looking increasingly boxed in, and they're just about out of time to do anything about it. Nowhere to go, nothing to do about it, and backed up against the Urals. Where have we seen this before?
By the way Kazan sucks so much I wrote a different civ writeup and accidentally ascribed it to them.
19: Dai Viet
Leman:
I don’t know if you’ve taken a look at Dai Viet’s stats but they’re really, really weird. They seem to be going all in on culture – they have ten social policies already – that’s two full trees. They’re generating 120 culture per turn, which is kind of unbelievable. Second place in culture per turn is Faroes (because who else would it be) at only 85.
But culture is literally the only thing Dai Viet has going for them. Their science is mediocre, their population is low, their military is passable, and their production is actively bad. I don’t think this all-in culture strategy is going to work.
20: Bavaria
Cloudy:
Bavaria is just as fucked as they have been for the past several episodes now, but at least they plopped down a truly ghastly citadel in northern Italy to steal some random coastal tiles from Rome. I will tip my hat to their boldness, even if it won’t have any effect on the course of the game.
21: Khoshuts
JDT:
The Khoshuts are so irrelevant I’m going to keyboard mash the slide description and it’ll probably have more of an impact than them
22: Rome
JDT:
Rome rises by 9 as they finally decide to do the thing Rome did historically and invade North Africa to find success. And unlike real life, there is no opposition here. The Mamluks are a meme, and Rashid has actually fallen to Roman ships. With other cities like Port Loko and Tetouan in the region, and the possibility for further pushes against Egypt, it seems that Trajan has decided to take the opportunity no one else is seeing yet. Will this result in Imperium? Only time will tell.
23: Mogadishu
Emu:
Mogchamp has reached the 'Gascar. I repeat: Mogchamp has reached the 'Gascar. This is not a drill.
24: Bora-Bora
Leman:
Bora-Bora continues to stagnate as it turns out land wars are not their thing. Two cities on the South American mainland is decent, but really not enough. They should be settling, not declaring fruitless wars. It doesn’t help that the Pacific Rim is lined with powerhouses like Wahgi, Palawa, and Tiwanaku. The Pacific Islands are a weak start too, so just coasting, like Bora-Bora is doing, is just not enough to do well in this game.
25: Qarmatians
Cloudy:
The Qarmatians are starting to slip in the rankings as other civilizations rapidly settle the lands around their borders. If they attacked Saba or Harappa or Pontus, we could see Qarmback Part 2, but they need to act soon before all these fresh cities are reinforced. If they don’t, then their efforts thus far could be for nothing.
26: Singapore
Orange:
So Singapore has just failed in their attack, they got minimal army and minimal cities. Maybe if they had attacked Siam they could’ve done something, but now Siam is starting to look a bit beefy with so many cities. They could’ve also attacked Maguindanao after they got exhausted in war with Wahgi, but nope, Dai Viet is who to attack and lose against. Really what Singapore needs to do right now is rush galleasses and try to attack Siam or Maguindanao before they get their own ranged ships. Maybe they can found a city or two on the way, but they are quickly running out of space…
27: Kanem-Bornu
Leman:
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what to make of Kanem-Bornu’s situation. On the one hand, they're at war with three neighbors, and that’s not great at all. On the other hand, the Ndongo front is kinda small, and the other two enemies, Alaouites and Mamluks, are not the scariest civs. On the other other hand, Kanem does not have the largest military on the planet and that’s not great for a 3 vs 1 war. But on the other other other hand those border Mamluk and Alaouites cities are kind of undefended? I guess that makes sense for a mid-tier weirdo.
28: Burgundy
Orange:
Burgundy really turned things around since their early game, taking the war to England and starting to push them off the continent. This is a real good war for them, and they have a good chance at creating a real nice core out of it. BUT, uh, the Visigoths exist… And the Visigoths are looking to ransack their south. If they can keep the Visigoths from being able to really get through the Pyrenees then they will have a nice empire after, but if the Pyrenees get broken through then taking cities off England is just going to be a stop-gap for a slow fall.
29: Mongolia
Cloudy:
Mongolia founded several new cities this episode but they still look a lot weaker than their high power neighbors. Every civ they share a border with—Shang, Goguryeo, the Dzungars, the Selkups—is in the top 10 this week. So I think it’s fair to say that while Mongolia isn’t a tiny civ with no hope, their path out of their current situation is, at best, very narrow.
30: Nivkh
Emu:
Nivkh enters into a significant war with top 5 power Goguryeo. That sounds bad, but those cities up near them look awful undefended, so it's not a nothing war, or worse; a suicidal one. Absolutely perfect timing on Umu's part, no notes.
31: Sierra Leone
Leman:
Sierra Leone, with its poor war record and weird settling patterns sits in the middle of the pack. They don’t really have a lot going for them right now. I think Alaouites and Kanem Bornu are kind of paper tigers so I think Sierra Leone might be able to take advantage of that, but honestly, Sierra Leone isn’t really a powerhouse themselves. Maybe they have a little time at least to get their shit together.
32: Zheng
Msurdej: Well Zheng managed to end one war, only to start another soon after. Dai Viet is a better enemy to have than the Shang, as it’s closer to their own power level. But it’s going to be a difficult war to make any gains. Triremes aren’t a great option for invasions, and while Thanh Hoa has taken some damage, it probably won’t be enough to take the city. But then what is Koxinga to do? Wait until they get a better navy and go for the Ikko-Ikki? Get exceptionally lucky and get themselves a pizza party?
33: Visigoths
Cloudy:
The Visigoths have seized the moment they needed to seize, striking across the Pyrenees to retake Asturica right when Burgundy is most exhausted with its war against England. Earlier we had feared that the Visigoths would be trapped in the Iberian Peninsula, but their timing on this move was immaculate and might be the stroke of genius that saves them... IF they can succeed in taking a city or two. If they don’t, then it’s right back to square one for them.
34: Bukhara
JDT:
Last part, we all feared for Bukhara. The great Kazakh horde had descended upon them, and it seemed like they didn’t have the resources to defend themselves. It seemed almost inevitable they would lose things then enter stagnation and freefall. No options, no cities.
Then they proved us all wrong
Not only did they weather the whole of Kazakhstan’s military without losing a city, they are actually pressing back and looking like they can actually take a city from Kazakhstan! We really need to stop counting Muhammad Shaybani out, no matter how shit his position and stats seem, it always seems like he’ll find a way to claw his way into victory. What heights can they go from here? Probably not very high given his position, but never count them out.
35: Maguindanao
Msurdej:
Maguindanao mounted another offensive against Korn, but so far, it hasn’t amounted to much. Muhammad Kudarat isn’t making enough units to keep up the attack, and it shows. If they want to get back in the good graces of the Power Rankers, they’re going to need to put in more effort.
36: Alaouites
Orange:
They’ve finally turned that army against someone, and that someone is that the unfortunate Kanem-Bornu. Now, the two do have pretty similar armies, 1500 vs 1200, but K-B has like, nothing near the border while the Alaouites have everything on the border. They also have more production to back it up though their cities are further away. So, if they can push quick enough, despite the not great army, they should be able to take some cities. But, they do have one major disadvantage: They are bankrupt, so will be losing units as they go…
37: Ecuador
Msurdej:
Ecuador is bringing the fight to Mexico, and for now, it looks like they are winning. San Luis Potosí is taking damage, and it seems like Moreno has enough units to take it if he plays his cards right. Furthermore, Mexico doesn’t seem to be sending any counterattacks down Central America. But the more Ecuador pushes, the more it could be left vulnerable to Tiwanaku and New Holland.
38: Ikko-Ikki
Rosay:
You know, given how bad of a start Japan tends to be, Ikko Ikki is really punching above their weight class via taking on Shang and actually stealing a city off of Shang. They might actually hold one or two of them too with relatively minimal resources.
[Editor’s note: If Goguryeo doesn’t steal those cities from under their noses.]
39: Latvia
Cloudy:
Latvia continues to slip in the rankings as they show no signs of pushing back against Makhnovia. Royal Hungary is still grinding away at their western flank too, making slow but steady progress. Nothing suggests that a turnaround is imminent, so while Latvia remains an above average civ, they definitely appear battered and bloody.
40: Saba-D’mt
Cloudy:
Saba takes one of the wildest swings in recent memory as their unique ability suddenly kicks in, propelling their stats to the top of the pile, second only to the Faroe Islands. Saba now has by far the most production of any civ and the second highest crop yield—but it’s only temporary. Saba’s unique ability causes them to gain an extra trade route slot every time they settle a city next to a unique luxury resource, and during golden ages, they earn food and production in every city equivalent to 50% of their gold income from foreign trade. It’s unclear whether this was intended to have the effect that it did, but what this means is that for the duration of their current golden age, Saba is getting +20 food and +20 production in every single city. This bonus will end after 10 turns, but that’s long enough that it could allow Saba to overtake their neighbors in some respects, which has prompted us to push them way up the rankings—for now at least.
41: Mexico
Cloudy:
Mexico is expanding rapidly, up to 10 cities, but there are signs that Maximillian’s empire is under strain. Their stats just took a big dive, causing them to fall 11 places in the info addict rankings, and they places they’ve been settling are pretty disjointed and potentially hard to defend. Speaking of which, Mexico’s South American colony is under serious threat of being captured by Ecuador, despite its defensible position, because Mexico is unable to mobilize any troops to defend it. Don’t get me wrong, though—one episode is plenty of time for us to completely change our minds if Mexico suddenly starts reaping the rewards of all the new cities it has sown.
42: Siam
Leman:
On the map, this part was kind of quiet. Stats-wise, Siam had an incredible part. They’re up to 69 population. That’s 17 population growth from last episode, more than any other civ besides Saba and their golden age shenanigans. It's almost as much population as Eswatini has overall. Plus, they settled two cities, hopping up to 9 total, picked up two technologies too. Good for them, I’m excited.
43: Yellowknives
JDT:
The Yellowknives rise by one from other civs falling down. They didn’t do that much this part, and their stats are as good as ever with North America as passive as ever, but it's not exactly a good sign when the Shawnee, the literal last place civ, feels your military is bad enough for them to declare war on you. I understand pacifism is a thing, but this is CBR, so Akaitcho better get some units if he doesn’t want to get sent down to Acapulco.
44: Kazakhstan
JDT:
Kazakhstan drops by 9 as what should be a slam dunk for them turns into a disaster. After fumbling the Bukharan war, failing to convert their positional and material advantage into anything, they proceeded to get attacked by both their other neighbours in the Selkups, Dzungars, and Kazan. With armies breathing down their neck from 3 angles and a depleted military, it seems inevitable that Kazakhstan will lose something. The question now is what, how much, and to whom.
45: Harappa
Rosay:
Harappa has all the fundamentals of a top tier civ, Unfortunately, they’re stuck in South Asia, and their western neighbor is more than willing to invade them at any given notice. The problem isn’t even that “oh they have nowhere to expand” cause they can expand into their weaker neighbors, but they have to do so with early game tech through mountains and rivers, and just begging to take one or two cities from some powers that really can’t take them back. Man war in the subcontinent seems like hell but if they want to bounce back Harappa needs to bite the bullet.
46: Palawa
JDT:
Palawa drops by 1 as they fail to truly recover from that mean jab from Noongar. Their stats haven’t really moved, they haven’t really made any more additional cities, and they’re running out of space as their rivals start to settle up and land begins to become a scarce commodity. With their empire still vulnerable to another pounding by Noongar, or perhaps someone else, we just don’t have the highest confidence in them, especially with declining land to settle and stats starting to slip up. They’re not out by any stretch of the imagination, but we’re just not ultra confident in them.
47: Wahgi
Leman:
Wahgi is kind of a stats monster that’s had a rough couple of parts. They’ve got a Gate of the Sun powered economy running, giving them the second largest population and the second highest effective science, and these are excellent, excellent traits to have and are absolutely going to bear fruit soon enough.
However, these wars with Maguindanao and Noongar are rough. Wahgi hasn’t settled recently, they’ve got a small army and a low production. They didn’t get a tech this episode and they didn’t have that much population growth either. I personally think that this is a very temporary setback, Wahgi isn’t going to drop any cities to Noongar, and they deserve much better than 15th. Expect Wahgi to hop back into the top ten shortly.
48: Thule
Emu:
Thule continues to sneakily gather power, building their core up and sending settlers all across the great white North. They haven't really done anything relevant this game, but when they hit, I suspect they'll be hitting hard and fast. Yellowknives may be strong, but Canada is not theirs yet.
49: Ume-Sami
Leman:
With an impressive three cities settled this part (no, I don’t know where the third one is, but the stats say +3), Ume Sami finds itself finally entering the top quarter of civs again. It’s been slow going for our part 0 3rd-place civ, but Ume Sami’s strategy of slow and steady wins the race seems to be working. With a few more decent cities and some solid science to back them up, Ume Sami looks to sit comfortably in the top quarter of the rankings for the foreseeable future.
50: Noongar
Msurdej:
After a successful war against Palawa, the Noongar want to see if lightning can strike twice. This time the Wahgi are in the crosshairs, with Yagan trying to kick them off the Australian subcontinent by taking Minj. While things have slowed for the invasion, it’s still a real possibility that Noongar could take the city. Further cementing their power on the subcontinent, but requiring them to break out of it to reach out of the Top 10.
51: Afsharids
Cloudy:
The Afsharids bounce back slightly after founding several new cities, with another settler heading into the fertile crescent for the first time since the Qarmatians seized their first attempt to claim that region. Their stats have also rebounded, rising to 10 cities, 13th in production, and 6th in military. Those numbers might go up even further with the numerous settlers wandering Afsharid lands, although they’re running out of places to put them. I would go so far as to say that the Qarmatians should probably start watching their backs.
52: Pontus
Leman:
Pontus gets back into the top ten as they settle a tenth city and clearly loom large over most of their neighbors. Qarmatians, Royal Hungary, Kalmyks and Mamluks are all exceptionally weak compared to Pontus. Not only does Pontus have more than enough military expansion opportunities, but they still have a little room to settle. The only real worry right now are the Afsharids, and I for one am excited for that eventual conflict.
53: Dzungars
Leman:
Dzungars didn’t really accomplish much this episode, but they are continuing to throw their weight around. This week, they’re going after Bukhara, and while they haven’t, and probably won’t make any inroads, they did manage to pull enough Bukharan troops to save Kazakhstan’s city of Tabriz. Which is probably not a great idea, given that Dzungars are also at war with Kazkahstan. Not really sure what Galdan Khan’s plan is here. Maybe he’s hoping for more city gifts?
54: Selkups
Orange:
The Selkups are back into the top 10 as we over here doing rankings think they will do well in this war with Kazakhstan. They’re also up to 11 cities now and very good production. If they can take a city or two they will have a pretty solid position as the masters of Russia, at least until Gogurt heads west…
55: Ndongo
Leman:
Ndongo’s stats aren’t actually top ten level. But they’re miles above everyone else in Africa (except Saba while they’re hopped up on Golden Age buffs). And Ndongo’s stats aren’t bad, they just aren’t fantastic. They’re more than good enough to get the job done. There are so many options too, Ndongo can go south and finish off Estatini and Rozvi. Or they can push into Kanem-Bornu, that won’t be too hard. Or maybe they turtle, found a couple more cities, and work on their stats. Opportunities are endless for Africa’s strongest civilization.
56: New Holland
Orange:
New Holland falls to sixth as their rival Tiwanaku climbs above them, really this part should’ve been a wakeup call to Johan to stop fighting Ecuador in the jungle and instead take on Big River or Taino, someone manageable. Settle those cities, take on the super weak neighbors, don’t fight a blood feud with someone on the other side of the Amazon, easy.
57: Shang
JDT:Shang shockingly falls out of the top 2 for the first time since part 2 as they flounder against the ascendant Goguryeo, losing Yanshi and Xinxiang to them with assistance of the Ikko Ikki. Even worse, it seems the two of them aren’t anywhere near done, and the Shang reserves are beginning to get low. Nevertheless, they remain in the top 10 as we are confident that ultimately, this is more of a bruise than a mortal wound. Shang still has space to grow and some of the best stats and growth potential in the whole cylinder. Losing those cities would hurt, but it's not the end of the world whatsoever. The burning fox’s flame ain’t out yet.
58: Pueblo
Leman:
Pueblo’s stats are great. They have a huge army, great production, 8 cities, decent tech, and a bunch of shitty neighbors makes Pueblo an easy top tier. I think it’s not quite all rosy for them though. They haven’t settled in a few parts, and losing that momentum isn’t great. Plus, I really don’t like Pueblo’s weirdly shaped empire. There are so many holes, it's really unconnected and I’m really worried Yellowknives or Mexico is gonna bisect their empire. That’s not really so important though, Pueblo is more than likely to fill in their empire. At least I hope.
59: Tiwanaku
Cloudy:
What can we say about Tiwanaku? Their stats are great, they’re in the top 5 in both military and production, and most importantly they have... *checks notes* 982 scouts? Alright uh gotcha
60: Goguryeo
Cloudy:
Goguryeo rises to an all time high of second, propelled by their excellent stats, including the greatest number of cities (tied with Shang); large military; and good production. Two formerly Shang cities are now flying the banner Goguryeo, which is an especially impressive feat considering that Shang was a top 3 civ since episode 2. Goguryeo does face a potential challenge, however, with Nivkh attacking from the north and several cities only lightly defending. Right now most of us aren’t too worried because the cities were even more thinly defended last time Nivkh attacked, and Nivkh failed then with a similar army composition to what they have now. But it’s definitely something we’ll need to keep an eye on, and if they bungle it badly, their position in the top 2 might be short-lived.
61: Faroe Islands
Cloudy:
The Faroes didn’t do much this week, but they didn’t need to. Their stats remain top tier, and we got some fascinating shots of Faroese Quebec, where their unique work boats have already claimed large swathes of bountiful ocean. Another settler is on its way too. Perhaps most notable, however, is that as of this week, the Faroe Islands are the last remaining civ that has neither declared a war, nor been declared war upon. Is that a sign that they might be the Yakutia of season 4, a stats powerhouse that refuses to do anything with its gifts? That remains to be seen, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
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