Power Rankings: Episode 13 – S5

Release Date:

April 27, 2026

Narrated by:

Power-Rankers

Abstract

Power Rankings! The rankings…of power! Dun dun dunnnn!

Viewing: Vertical

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Rapa Nui

1 / 0

1: Rapa Nui

Semi:

Almost ten months ago now (wow), I was writing my Power Ranking application. We were asked to rank eight civs: Ponca, Herero, Pakistan, Yanomami, the Papal States, Ket, Ryukyu, and Rapa Nui. And I put Rapa Nui last, even while noting that Ryukyu (similar to what happened in the final run) would be the odd civ out.

I stand by that opinion. I criticized Rapa Nui in that initial application writeup because 1) they didn’t have space (without room to expand into South America, and with a Polynesia likely to be gobbled up by titans in NSW and Bunuba) and 2) they started on a two tile island. Well, I got an egg on my face for the first one, because we saw the first non-Rapa Nui settlement on the Pacific Islands (excluding Hawaii, the Galapagos, and New Britain) last episode - EPISODE TWELVE.

So, therefore, why aren’t Rapa Nui doing well?

Because Hotu Matu’a doesn’t give a darn about this game. He has settled two cities, one of which was in NSW’s lap, and the other of which was handed over to Caral for peace in the last war. He has built the Great Lighthouse, a pretty good naval wonder that Rapa Nui, with its approximately two naval units, isn’t using to any effect. This is the epitome of failure. And unlike past failures, there was never a time when we thought Rapa Nui would be good. Even Cambodia and the Visigoths seemed like they could’ve been something at one point. But not Rapa Nui.

Thankfully, Caral has researched Compass (and Chono will soon), giving them Carracks and Galleasses, the power of which allow those civs to finally break the previously strong Anakena. I will celebrate in the streets when that day comes, and we are freed forever of this waste of space of a civ.

1: Rapa Nui

Semi:

So, therefore, why aren’t Rapa Nui doing well?

2: Pegu

Orange:

Pegu is way down here, arguably could be 59th, because they are at war with a ton of people and one of those is actually important: Yunnan. Will Yunnan be able to take their last city? Uhhhhhhh well you see. It’s more likely than Rapa Nui dying first I think.

3: Wassoulou

Shaggy:

Wassoulou’s attempts

To reclaim lost Madina

Fail due to loose sand.

4: Ma’in

Orange:

Well they managed to keep the one city, but it probably won’t last for long. Maybe they should stop settling more cities for Phoenicia to take.

5: Maravi

Shaggy:

Maravi persists,

Surrounded by many hooves.

Herero is ass.

6: Karankawa

Orange:

It’ll be really funny if Karankawa does another stupid city gift peace deal, I’m really hoping for it. As that’s probably the only way they will lose their core because Ponca and Susquehannock aren’t doing enough to actually take the city.

7: Ternate

Cloudy:

You went to all that work to retake your cities from Bunuba, only to gift Dodinga to Caral instead? Amateur hour.

8: Vyatka

Semi:

Back when Scythia won the first war against Vyatka, taking Nikulitsyn, Slobodskoy, and Kotelnich (with Bjarmians hopping on to take Shabalinskoe), I told myself it would be okay. Vyatka was still a strong civ, with more cities than Scythia and a position up against the Urals that meant they could definitely win a coalition war against Scythia. Vyatka also had the Kipchaks, which they had taken Kanjak Sangir off early on into this game.

Well, all that went out the window with this second war. Being the third civ to lose your capital (after a dead Ryukyu and on-death’s-door Pegu) does not bode well for future success, especially when your second-best city, Orlov, is a tundra city with mines and forests aplenty but food not fully present. Kanjak Sangir has also been lost, with any avenue towards the Kipchaks completely cut off. That would be a bad thing, if the Kipchaks weren’t the better civ now. Vyatka’s military is smaller than Xaragua, and their science is less than Karankawa. And their food surplus, at just 3, indicates that science won’t be getting better anytime soon.

So here we are, with a civ whose glory days are behind them, doomed to slowly waste away in the forests and mines of the Komi and Nenets regions until either Scythia, Ket, or even the Bjarmians come to finish them off. A pitiful fate for the rank 2 civ in our initial PRs.

9: Sumer

Semi:

Well then! A minor victory for Sumer, as Muhammad Ali Jinnah’s War of High-Population Cities backfires horribly and Eannatum is able to sneak back into Kish. It almost certainly won’t hold, but I thought the same about Ur when the Seychelles were invading. If Kish does hold, Sumeria suddenly has a very reasonable four-city core, albeit a bit exposed to Circassia, Phoenicia, and the Seychelles. And, because Lagash is still an insane 30-pop city, Sumerian science is still on par with mediocre civs such as Herero and France. If Kish falls, though, it could get interesting quickly as Lagash now becomes exposed not only to Circassia but to Pakistan. So to 52nd they go - they’re still almost certainly going to die, but maybe not as soon as we thought a few episodes ago.

10: Papal States

Semi:

Yeowch. A rough episode for the Papal States, as the wars with Aures and France finally take their toll on Papal stats. Their military score is below 1500, and their EfSci is only three below Wassolou. Sure, they’re still relentlessly flipping Gandalf’s Castle, but at what point does that existence not mean anything? They have lost their shot to take on Wallachia (and Circassia is discovering that was harder than many initially thought), and France is the one invading Italy, not the other way around. Unfortunately, it seems like Julius won’t live up to Trajan’s legacy, and we won’t be seeing another strong Italian contender in X5. A shame, that.

In terms of the 5 rank drop, well, I’ve had the Papal States in the 50s for a couple of episodes now. Other PRs are just finally losing hope in the Cheesy Battlepope like I did.

11: Ponca

ECH:

Ponca would without a doubt be considered the weakest civ in North America - a civ that barely began to start before they were taken out of the race - if it were not for Karankawa. And if that wasn’t enough, Karankawa even give Ponca the thinnest illusion of having an expansion option… well, if they could actually start damaging those Gulf cities, but hey, hope is fertiliser a civ needs to grow!

I mean really, look at all the ways Karankawa gives Ponca a buffer from the bottom: Production, Ponca should be bottom on the continent but Karankawa exists; Population, Ponca should be bottom on the continent but Karankawa exists; Military, Ponca shou- wait a sec, Pomo’s also below Ponca here, holy hell

12: Yunnan

ECH:

Even the episode narrators have bought into the idea that Yunnan are uniquely incompetent, Three-Stoges level troops slapstick walking into death in the hilltop jungles of Dagon. If they’re decaying bodies are creating some fun viruses out there, that would be the most impressive contribution Yunnan has made to the Cylinder.

13: Xaragua

Semi:

Jesus Christ, what god did I piss off?? I’ve got six writeups this week, and five of them are in the bottom 13 civs. Well, I guess Xaragua’s easier than many of the others, because there’s a “same old, same old” vibe to them. They’re still a four-city island civ in the Caribbean with great science (relatively) and ridiculously low production. Their 129 EfSci is above Scotland (!) and only four below top-15 Rouran. And their production is still bottom five. But they do have Carracks and Galleasses, which are nice for defending against Teotihuacan, Susquehannock, and Yanomami if they come calling. And now it seems Yaquimel might be some kind of stand-in for the lost Mamey, even if it doesn’t fully replace it.

Also in terms of Nothing Ever Happens civs, I know we criticize Bjarmians but Xaragua’s done NOTHING this game. Thus, I propose a Caribbean version of the term: Nothing Ever Xarappens.

14: Wallachia

Msurdej:

Sfinții să fie slăviți! Wallachia ends its war with several combatants this episode, the most important being the Hanseatic League. Furthermore, these wars ending gave Vlad a nice chunk of change, meaning Wallachia has a few turns of solvency! Sure, they still have Circassia on their eastern border, have the second least techs, laughably low production, and will at 0 money again in a few turns, but it's a great relief for Wallachia fans everywhere. Plus, the rate their finances keep improving, Wallachia might actually start making money again next episode!

15: Xavante

ECH:

A good era in the grand span of Xavante’s tenure on the Cylinder, meaning it was quiet and shockingly free of active stumbles, wow! In seriousness, we remain pretty doubtful about Apoena’s chances of suddenly rising to the top of the South American charts, but at the very least misery will have a bit more company as Potiguara stumbles decisively down and Guaycuru receives a harsh citadel courtesy of the Amazon boogiers. In general it looks like, contrary to CBR tradition, every civ in the Brazilian regions this season are crab-bucketing downwards, but when some crabs were higher up to begin with and you’re at the bottom of the bucket, dragging them down is a small win.

16: Green Ukraine

JDT:

I’m gonna stop the bit of calling Green Ukraine Potential Civ. All their potential is gone at this point. They lost a city to Rouran and are probably gonna lose at least one more. They’re free meat for anyone not named Itelmen, and with the Itelmen supercharging from the Tlingit religion they might not even have the Itelmen left to say “at least I’m not them”.

17: Kipchaks

Leman:

Kipchaks didn’t really do anything. Which is probably great cause next time they’re in the spotlight they’re probably gonna be dying. So I’m gonna take this opportunity to wonder aloud - is Scythia’s conquest of Vyatka a good thing or a bad thing for Kipchaks? On the one hand, Vyatka was a huge Kipchak bully, taking Kanjak Sanjar and everything. So turning that threat into a potential opportunity, that seems great. On the other hand, traditional wisdom says replacing scary Vyatka with scarier Scythia is way worse. But then will Scythia really reach that far into Asia to attack Kipchaks? Can they stretch that far? Or even. Can Kipchaks even make any gains off of Vyatka? I don’t know. And it probably wont matter when Ket kills Kipchaks anyways.

18: Phoenicia

Cloudy:

When you’re feeling down, remember: Ma’in is probably worse than you! That’s the mantra Phoenicia lives by. They’ve now started their third war against Ma’in, which would be very difficult for them to lose even in their reduced state... although the city they immediately captured was taken back at the end of the episode and is still in Ma’in’s hands. I just wish them luck. They’ll need it.

19: Estonia

Semi:

Estonia is an eminently respectable civ. On the surface, they’re similar to Latvia of last season: A Baltic civ with a small army making do and defending against the various enemies that threaten their safety. Estonia have fought off Bjarmia successfully in two separate wars, and have pushed Hansa back to the gates of Rostock (though it’s remarkable how few military units both sides are investing). Their science has also remained extremely good, with their EfSci being similar to that of Japan and somewhat close to the Ket/Bangladesh/Scythia group.

There’s just one problem: that third civ, Scythia, can end Estonia in their sleep. Estonia’s land remains very open to invasions on horseback, and at this point they simply aren’t keeping up with Scythia. So they can keep playing at war with other minor powers, but ultimately Scythia’s the hegemon of the region now and there won’t be anything changing that anytime soon.

20: Bactria

Shaggy:

Bactria, Kipchaks,

Land claimed and lost without blood,

Generals provoke

21: Portugal

Archimedes :

It’s a little sad seeing how much Portugal is stalling out, after only a few episodes ago seeming to burst onto the scene with a plethora of new cities and a strong, established core. Though they do have some cities along the Northwest coast of the Sahara now, their home lands seem punctuated by France in the north, bearing down like a leaden blanket hanging from their shoulders. With two fairly terrifying empires bearing down on them, and without having even picked up composite bowmen, Portugal seems to be the waning sun in the sunset of Europe's Western Shores.

Portugal sits at a fairly low score in the rankings, with fairly abysmal production sitting at levels comparable to Xaragua and Sumer. For a coastal empire, their population also looks sparse, and their people aren’t happy. Their science seems neutered, with quite below average technologies researched and effective science. This has of course shown itself in the few glaring holes in Portugal’s tech path, with Compass and the top path techs being prioritized over lower, military and production focused pickings. Notably, they have managed to pick up Construction right at the end of this episode, unlocking both Composite Bowmen and Colliseums to be distributed throughout the empire. But with civs beginning to pick up Machinery and Crossbows now, this tech broadening may be too little too late.

Both France and Aures stand as Portugal’s biggest issues at the moment. Portugal is trapped along the western ends of both Europe and Africa, with both of these neighbours bearing down on them. Aures in particular seems well equipped to sweep in and pick off Portugal's newly acquired holdings, a frightful concept for anyone brigading against the lazy allegations. But, while both of these foes present obstacles, one could present an opportunity. With Aures continuing to pick at their neighbours with force, a coalition war against them could likely happen soon. And if Portugal were to join, they could potentially pick at portions of Aures’ holdings that no other civ has access to. They could even use a war as an opportunity to squeeze past Aures and begin picking at the weakened Papal States, especially now that they have access to Carracks and Galleasses.

Though the opportunities and chances do seem to be waning quickly, and the lazy allegations could begin to crop up again in detractors' mouths, Portugal still potentially has a route into this game, with some smart moves and smart timing. Don’t quite call it quits on Portugal, they still could surprise you.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Hanseatic League

22: Hanseatic League

Orange:

Hansa, my guys, please, could you take a city. Why are you doing this? Why did you make peace with stupid fucking Wallachia just before you were going to take a city? Why can’t you actually launch an offensive against stupid fucking Estonia? Please I so badly want you to do well, but you gotta actually take cities to do so.

23: Zazzau

Archimedes :

Zazzau has come a long way since they premiered in this game. After having a strong first run of it, and then immediately getting ground into the dust by Aures, it’s been nice seeing an underdog try to skirt around in the shadows building back up to eventually tussle with the big dog. And while we didn’t quite see that tussle this episode, we did see a bit of a contest of wit in the Aures - Zazzau joint war against Ethiopia. Though two dogs entered the arena to take Amada, only one came out victorious. Call it luck, call it turn timing, or call it skill, it won’t change my mind either way. I only think of Zazzau as the underdog that Wassoulou could have been.

Zazzau has built themselves a decent enough core in their neck of the woods. With only 8 cities to call their own, their production and good is looking decently respectable, though their science is looking a bit threadbare. They have been able to stay in this game due partly to their Unique Ability, getting additional science from great generals and getting additional great general points from technologies. Their unique walls are helping keep their happiness up, and soon enough they will have access to their unique knight replacement, a unit that has reduced penalty against cities and gains extra great general points. Zazzau can keep the military technologies rolling as long as they’re getting into enough fights, and Ethiopia tends to be a good target due to the defensive capabilities of Lake Chad. Perfect for farming crops and farming units.

Zazzau of course has the existential threat of another war with Aures hanging above their head, but other than a second round with the real big dog in the area, no other civ seems to threaten them. Luba and Hyksos are tantalizingly out of reach, and Ethiopia lacks the spunk to actually accomplish anything. If Zazzau can buckle down, continue developing their empire, and take on Aures when their back is turned, they may have a chance to become a decent enough power. While I’m not holding my breath, I’d love to see Aures taken down a peg, and Zazzau seem to be one of the ones that could do it.

24: Bjarmians

Cloudy:

Unsurprisingly, nothing Bjappened this episode. They made peace with Estonia with no change of boundaries. Classic Bjavior.

25: Luba

Archimedes :

Oh ho ho ho, what a feeling it is to be wrong. To any readers who remember last week's writeups, I distinctly remember writing something like “Herero will absolutely sweep through Luba this time around, they have the gusto and the will and now that Luba has cut down the jungle there will be nothing stopping them” for the Luba writeup. And, as you can plainly see,

that did not happen.

So I was wrong, the war declaration came and went, and Luba once again defended themselves from Herero. Peace was declared, and everything is looking like roses and honey for Luba.

So roses and honey, in fact, that they’ve risen 10 whole points on the statline, jumping over notable placements such as Pomo, Zazzau, Umhail, Ethiopia, and even Herero themselves. Their military score is currently looking decent, their production looks all right enough, and their effective science is doing all right. I won’t go as far as saying they’re looking exceptional, but as far as their region and their neighbours are concerned. Luba is looking pretty decent at the moment.

We also have seen for the past few episodes that Luba is fielding some of their Unique Units. While the Nzappa Zap, a swordsman replacement, has been kicking around for a bit, Luba has likely been able to actually utilize their effects in this war with Herero, which is to gain great artist points from kills. As Luba has a whole plethora of abilities focused on great works and getting great work slots filled, granting additional experience to units when filled, this war was a solid chance for them to develop their empire a bit. Unfortunately for them, they have yet to nabChivalry yet, which unlocks their unique castle replacement that has great work slots and grants additional growth when they are filled.

Luba honestly looks like they’ll be sticking around for at least a decent while longer. With no immediate enemies to threaten their empire, they have the chance to grow a solid core and at least attempt to take out one of their neighbours. Both Zazzau and Ethiopia stand as about even in terms of competitive strength, and Herero is certainly the most aggressive neighbour but has time and time again failed to take a dent out of Luba. If Luba plays their cards right, focuses on maximizing their empire growth, and striking while the iron is hot, they have a real chance of taking Southern and Central Africa for themselves.

26: Hyksos

JDT: I’m glad I got Hyksos because I get to write basically nothing during review week. Their circumstances are exactly the same as last week. I described them as Cam Thomas, a player who puts up stats but is overall a minus. They just don’t make winning plays.

27: Potiguara

Orange:

Potiguara waited far too long to deal with Guaycuru, and now Guaycuru has the advantage, already taking the exclave and pushing forward. Suffice to say, Potiguara had a strong start and then wasted it, it’s downhill from here.

28: Umhaill

ECH:

We love to big up Compass here, as you may have noticed, but can you blame us when a pirate civ dependent on their naval aggression simply… doesn’t do that for multiple episodes?! You’d think a Unique Unit further along the naval tech tree would encourage them towards this direction faster, but whatever, at least Grace now stands on the precipice of having the tools to mount a North Sea campaign before the statistical slippage officially becomes insurmountable against her Scottish foe. Come on Grace, make the yuri toxic once more, we demand it (some here more than others, I admit)!

29: Guaycuru

Reformer:

A big eruption of excitement for Guaycuru! Finally, they’re putting their sizable military to good use! (No, butting their head against Xavante a few times early on does NOT count as a good use.) In quick order, Guaycuru has taken the Potiguara exclave that was quite a thorn in Guaycuru’s side, and now Guaycuru is doing their best to make headway towards actual Potiguara core cities. The border city of Jacu at 21 pop is a comfortably second-largest city in Potiguara. This is where the problems start, though. Yes, cross the border and you’re in trouble. Potiguara is no weakling, even if they are washed as all hell. In their core, Potiguara will be able to put up a fight much more easily, and Jacu’s high pop contributes to a heightened city strength. The other border city of Catu is an easier target, but even then, Guaycuru’s largely mounted army is not well-equipped to take on a city with late-classical / early-medieval city strength. Horseman UUs and chariot archers don’t cut it. It is hard to imagine Guaycuru gets any further with this war as is, but perhaps after the mounted units dissolve against Potiguara’s city walls, the pikemen and composite bowmen have a chance. If Potiguara plays poorly, that is. Even a middling performance from Potiguara should, unfortunately, result in a successful defense. But, it’s not grim. The war is already a success for Guaycuru, and with Chono snoozing…oh, right, Chono. There’s problem number two. If Guaycuru spends too long on this war and drains too much of their military score, Chono may finally consider Guaycuru a sufficiently soft target and declare war. This would be devastating, crippling, and even a threat to Guaycuru’s continued existence. Thus it is imperative that Guaycuru indeed does not loiter, and finishes this war off as soon as it becomes obvious that Potiguara’s core cannot be broken in this war.

30: Ethiopia

Cloudy:

Ethiopia is almost back to its episode 0 ranking after a stronger than expected start, thanks to many episodes of stagnation followed by a devastating loss to Zazzau in their current war. Losing Adama to a civ that was once considered down and out is just really hard to justify, especially when they haven’t founded a new city since like episode 5. At this point it won’t be long before Zazzau outranks them. Very sad.

31: Kalmar Union

Reformer:

Darn. I really think you had a chance there. A chance to push back, that is. Your UU might be slightly weaker than a regular galleass, but it’s still a destructive force against mere triremes. Oh well! Next time, then! Better bring Umhaill along when that next time comes, though. 1v1 is clearly a bit too equal. And you know what they say about equal fights: they’re a waste of time and resources! Honorable fights in general are. Alternatively, just go and beat up a distracted Bjarmia, Estonia, or Hansa…frankly, the world is your oyster. Just recover a bit, and set off on an adventure!

32: Onondaga

Msurdej:

Onondaga rises up a rank this week, but it's more of a statistical noise/failure of Ethiopia than anything they've actually done. The largest thing they did was peace out with Karankawa, planting cities on Greenland. Despite a war with neighboring Anishinaabe, Tadodaho has not done enough to warrant the camera being focused on them for most of the episode. So either it's a boring war, or all the action is happening off screen.

33: Pomo

Leman:

Pomo took Ka’tuuli back! Which is why they’ve risen a rank. Still, overall things aren’t looking fantastic. Anishinaabe came in and decided to murder everyone in Kadi'u for fun, and Cebu momentarily made landfall in Baja California. But I think with a few peace treaties, Pomo has finally, finally stabilized here. Managing to hold against Anishinaabe and Tlingit at this point in time is honestly very impressive, and Pomo deserves props for that. They have the bones of a good empire and I think they can turn this around as long as Tlingit makes peace sometime soon too.

34: Herero

Msurdej: It turns out, the fourth time was NOT the charm. Herero leaves the border with Luba unperturbed once again, wasting a bunch of military for nothing.The Maravi front is no better, with Tete taking a little bit of damage but nowhere near enough to capture. If Herero wants to win, they need to send something more than horsemen and dreams.

35: France

Reformer:

It’s France time, said Robespierre, and Frenched all over the place. Oh, in case it was unclear to anyone, France is still sending units to die in the Alps. Truly, France is Aures’s greatest ally– doing their best to distract the Pope at no benefit to themselves. I think we call that simping. Robespierre, more like, uh, Robesimpierre. Yeah sure print it.

36: Itelmen

Cloudy:

The Itelmen take a big jump this week as the Tlingit religion spreads further into their lands, causing rapid science and culture growth. Also, with Green Ukraine collapsing, they have a real chance to reverse the losses they’ve suffered against Yurii Hlushko, and possibly even push farther. That’s an opportunity for expansion that didn’t exist not too long ago. We’ll see if they take advantage of it.

37: Circassia

Msurdej:

You know what the only mention of Circassia was this episode? They made peace. With Pegu. Pegu. A country millions of miles away from them. Their war with Wallachia? Still a clusterfuck of nothing happening. Campulung is no closer to falling, and your neighbors like Scythia are getting more powerful by the episode. Berzeg needs to make some better military moves if they want to break out of their Eurasian holdings.

38: Cebu

NopeCopter:

Cebu climbs an additional four places to an absolutely ludicrous 23rd-place ranking off of their continued ability to overperform no matter how optimistic people already are about their chances. The securing of the rest of Hawaii was to be expected - the Pomo had no ships in the area, and they were busy anyways. What the PRs did NOT expect, however, was for Teotihuacan to give up on taking Bida’miwina last-minute, only for Cebu to navigate enough ships across the Pacific to finish the job themselves. Granted, Cebu did lose the city off-screen, but they have more than enough Triremes around to keep the flipfest going - some have even suggested they might be able to take Potol!

All this being said, though, dark clouds are rising overhead for Cebu. The most obvious issue is, of course, the war declaration by Tang. The expected outcome is the fall of Shuri in exchange for the capture of Songzhou, but this front is still very difficult to sort out. Tang has Shuri surrounded, of course, but their unit composition is mediocre and Shuri has a pretty high City Defense. On top of that, Cebu’s UA allows them to pillage one of their own improvements to instantly take 50% HP off of all enemy units within two tiles (25% if it’s a land improvement), which could further frustrate invasion attempts. However, on the other hand, Songzhou is very defensible by land, and Cebu’s navy near their core is looking pretty understaffed - it’s possible they fail to take the city even with their Amphibious UU. And, of course, this is all without even mentioning the issue of Tang’s famous diplomats - even if Cebu can hold the line, they might just decide to give something away, anyways.

Tang isn’t even the only danger, however - with Teotihuacan out of the picture, the Pomo are free to rebuild their navy and focus it on Cebu, and the Pomo have Carracks. While retaking Hawaii might be a tall order, Cebu would need to act quickly to secure any cities in North America. But the biggest concern isn’t even a civ Cebu is at war with. Because of Cebu’s total refusal to settle, Japan has been able to sneak Settlers into Polynesia which threaten to completely cut off Cebu’s newly-gained Hawaiian cities from their core. Songzhou already almost completely isolates Shuri, and so having even more of their empire split up until they unlock deep ocean sailing would be devastating for Cebu.

All in all, Cebu has been playing well, but their odd playstyle is certainly coming back to haunt them. Heck, at any moment, Lanfang could invade and undo every bit of progress Cebu’s made - we’re past the point where Filipino coalitions usually happen, but with Cebu’s warmongering and vulnerable position, it’s still an omnipresent threat. But even despite all of these dangers and their objectively cramped position, the fact of the matter is that Cebu is actually playing well and seeing successes. Cebu has given the PRs a reason to be optimistic, which just by itself puts them ahead of so many other theoretically better civs which just can’t seem to get a W. It’s a tough road ahead, but Cebu’s surprised us all before.

39: Susquehannock

NopeCopter:

The Susquehannock… Well, they’ve kind of fumbled the bag here. After tearing apart several Karankawa colonies and even having the core softened up by the Ponca, they just couldn’t manage to take the final step and capture Kouyam or Coapite. What should have been an easy couple of cities (not to mention a way to really hem in Teotihuacan) ended up a total flop. Worse yet, they’ve also failed to capitalize on their early settlement of Greenland - the Onondaga have started to claim large swaths of the island, giving them the second core that the Susquehannock could have denied them. Now, the Onondaga still kind of suck, but they’re even enough that the Susquehannock are going to struggle with actually beating them, and that’s a problem when there are stats monsters like the Tlingit and Teotihuacan nearby. As they are now, the Susquehannock are walking a tightrope between legitimate underdog contender and minor power doomed to be gobbled up by one of the many other North American powerhouses, and this is not the direction they wanted to start tilting toward.

40: Qara-Khitai

Leman:

Qara-Khitai has a sleepy episode again. They’ve finally stopped soaring up the stats ranking, which is unfortunate but they’ve proven themselves an excellent contender. They have a massive army, probably a few more settling opportunities and a couple invasion opportunities too. Hopefully they’ll act on them soon.

41: Bunuba

Cloudy:

For the first time since episode 8, Bunuba’s ranking has gone back up! Unfortunately for Bunuba fans, it’s not entirely obvious why. New South Wales only continues to grow in strength, and Bunuba’s polynesian colonization has fizzled with Danggu given up to Chono in a peace treaty. Jandamarra still has the cylinder-wide tech lead, but New South Wales is right behind and has higher effective science. And perhaps worst of all, New South Wales stole Uluru with a citadel, much as the white man did in real life. So we’ll have to see if this sticks, because I see no reason why Bunuba’s position should have improved.

42: Scotland

Msurdej: Scotland made peace with the Kalmar Union this episode, securing two additional cities in exchange for one measly city in the Arctic. Now at peace (Wassoulou doesn't really count), Mary can focus on building up her forces, and most importantly, getting some tech upgrades. Kalmar's Unique Galleas (which it unlocked via Guilds) helped defend its coasts, and prevented the Scots from gaining more. But if Mary looks into those new fangled Compasses and gets some galleases and Carracks of her own (not to mention her Hackbutter UU musketmen), another war might swing in the Scots favor.That being said, there are other options besides the Kalmar. Umhaill has fallen behind in a lot of ways, and while their army is larger for now, The Scots have the production advantage. Mary's best option is to build up her forces and unite the Isles under one banner. Or at least uniting the main island.

43: Bangladesh

Shaggy:

Although not mentioned,

We still see an empire grow.

Bangladesh looks big.

44: Caral

ECH:

Caral takes a moderate dip in the ranks as we’ve started to note a few cracks in the armor become more apparent when it comes to their long term prospects, even if we’re not counting them out.

First and perhaps foremost in terms of damaging their ‘unique selling point’ as a contender, their science has rather bizarrely fallen behind their peers,in spite of the much-discussed religious bonus they should be using to lead the way. Now, they are on the verge of grabbing the Education tech, which will inevitably bolster them up again, but eventually all their real rivals will have that as well and this moment seemingly exposes that their science buff is not being used to pad a science lead, but make up for a mediocre research base.

The more debatable crack in the current Caral strategy involves the Pacific, and seems to be where I diverge a little from the majority this week. In the eyes of a good many rankers, maintaining these far flung colonies in Papua and the wider Pacific seems a stretch, especially when we’ve already seen Cebu sweep into one American power's attempts at expansion here and pick up easy cities. Simply put, in this view, what happens when Lanfang or New South Wales send their own navies out, and all these cities end up as wasted production given to rivals? Counterpoint: the logistical situation is not quite that bad, with both Lanfang and NSW blocked for the moment, and Caral desperately needs the expansion route. They have a head start right now on grabbing all this sweet coast ignored by Rapa Nui, why tut at the ambition of a civ trapped otherwise? Time will tell who was right here, of course, but a civ as ancient as Caral should know a thing about waiting and seeing.

45: Japan

Archimedes :

Japan has unfortunately stalled out a bit this episode, doing a bit of this and a bit of that against Green Ukraine, amounting to all around a whole lot of nothing. Their core continues to be developed, and they have settled a bit, adding a new city alongside Pomo’s, or I suppose, Cebu’s new Hawaiian settlements. And though their war effort is stalling and their civilization seems to be just a bit on the stagnant end, I think the opportunities offered to Japan tell a bit of a different story.

Tang, the behemoth to the South, has declared war on Cebu. The mighty diplomat and the mighty warrior coming to blows is interesting in its own right. But for Japan, an opportunity presents itself. Shuri, the old Ryukyu capital, lies just to the south of the Japanese core, and a well timed war declaration could mean Japan has the opportunity to steal this city out from under the nose of Tang. Cebu, in of themselves, are beginning to have their Hawaiian settlements cut off from their main core, due to Japan’s aggressive Pacific settling. A war with Cebu could mean not only a sly city steal, but a whole Pacific empire traded from Pomo to Cebu to Japan.

That of course is predicated on Japan actually having the gusto to do so. With their war efforts in Green Ukraine peetering out, one might say they lack the grit, the guts, the xDawg factor. But Japan has managed a city capture, and they could do it again. They happen to be researching Metal Casting, a tech that could massively boost their production and unit output, and they have all the requisite technologies to start nabbing both Compass and Education. Either technology could be a great boon to their empire, either through naval dominance or by pushing through with greater scientific output.

Japan seems poised at the crossroads currently. Their cities may not have seemed to improve much over this episode, and their armies may have floundered a bit, but they’re on the cusp of important scientific advancements, and their neighbors are in potentially precarious positions. And with the beliefs of Sgáanaang beginning to bless their northern shores, bringing +5 science and +5 culture with each city that Tlingit converts, they may find themselves soon in the “I have so much Science” club. Will next episode be the one where we see Japan grasp the world in their fist? Or is Japan the next “potential civ” of the region?

46: Yanomami

Reformer:

Yanomami declares war on Caral, with Yanomami unprepared for the war, and then makes peace almost immediately. Great work, guys. Truly a top20 civ. You inspire such confidence. But what can you do on this god-forsaken continent? You just wait til artillery and/or planes. Or you’re Chono and you could kill Guaycuru in one episode. Emphasis on could. It’s entirely theoretical, after all. Chono has been in two whole wars all game, and we’re approaching turn 200. Oh right, this is about Yanomami. Yanomami does have one advantage over Chono: aggression. Eventually, that aggression will result in a decisive advantage. One city taken from Teotihuacan is unfortunately not a decisive advantage, but it is indicative of the fact even if the DC is 19, eventually you will roll a nat20.

47: Pakistan

Leman:

Pakistan is a crazy civ. Karachi is the largest city in the game by 14 pops (Lagash is second at 31), but Pakistan also owns Lahore at 26 pop and tied for 8th. Plus Karachi is growing every 2 to 4 turns. At this rate it should hit 50 by like 200. They’re very much trying the Wahgi/Kayapo/Nigeria super tall game, which is very fun.

No, I‘m not mentioning how they lost Kish. I’m ignoring it because it makes me sad.

48: Mysore

ECH:

Oh Tipu Sultan, worry is starting to creep up about your leadership. Let’s be clear, Mysore is not in any danger. They are consistently in the top 10 for many vital stats, including top 5 for military score and production; and have no real threats on their border that could take their cities still. The problem is that being in the middle of India is a hard position to break out of at the best of times, and it seems both their immediate neighbours are hardening in terms of defence with time, especially as their religious war for control of Asia’s souls bolsters them (particularly Pakistan). Note that we’ve gone from placing Mysore half the board ahead of their rivals to all 3 South Asian Civs competing in the 20-10th range, absolutely devastating sign for Mysore’s ease of improvement.

The sad thing is that you can’t even really blame laziness here like certain other former leaders who’ve declined, we saw how many wars Mysore tried against Pakistan and will probably try again. In many of the test games Mysore succeeded early, but this real game has seen Pakistan establish a good defensive line and martial productivity around the Indus, giving them the critical time required for their population-boosting abilities to manifest. Does this mean it’s over for Mysore? Certainly not, they are fundamentally a war-based civ with war-based biases, and I’m certain they’ll be back with more swings at the walls surrounding them. Perhaps a strike at Bangladesh could bear more fruit next time, hmmmm?

49: Rouran

JDT: The Rouran jump up by 5 as their assault on Green Ukraine goes mostly unchallenged, Nikolaevskoe in the yellow. This assault is further backed by very good statlines across the board, including 270 prod, 15 cities and 317 growth. They have a lot of potential in the future to really scale hard and become the true regional rival that both Tang and Ket sorely need to be placed under control. Now, this is all under the presumption of no Classic Civ AI Moments occurring before at least taking Nikolaevskoe and Grukraine not getting ganked hard. The Rouran also currently have a big achilles heel in their relatively mediocre science, only sporting 135, a bit subpar for a top tier, and also being a bit behind with 25 techs. But if they can continue crashing the glass like this, they can probably make up the difference eventually.

50: Anishinaabe

Leman: Yeah. That was weird. Anishinaabe starts this episode off by declaring war. Excellent play, Pomo is actively collapsing in the pacific and barely making a stand against the Tlingit. Opening up another front against a very foe that’s just barely holding on is a great idea, especially as Tlingit is seemingly being pushed back. This is immediately successful. Pontiac quickly grabs Kadi'u, understandably lets it flip back, because Pomo has some fight in them, and then … gives up? What the fuck? Bro,you were winning? Just take it back? Like, Pomo’s still falling apart? What on Earth was that? Whatever.

51: Seychelles

Msurdej: No news is good news for the Seychelles. They were only seen in the fringes of the action this week, getting 0 mentions and only a few cameos when other civs were fighting. Those wars might be important for Rene to watch though. Take the Sumer Pakistan war for example. If Sumer starts crumbling under Pakistani pressure, then Seychelles could have an opportunity on their hands to push further into the Arabian Peninsula. Granted, the army isn't there at the moment, but there's plenty of time for France-Albert to drum up an army. But more than that, they need to get their production up. It languishes behind others in the top 10, and while the tech they have is good (tied for second), tech doesn't mean anything if you can't produce with it.

52: Chono

Leman:

We saw it! It’s been about 80 turns since we’ve seen the Chono core and it looks basically how we expected it to. Great core, no notes, wish we saw it more often cause it makes the City Pop Every Turn sheet on the Info Sheet (check it out I work really hard on it. tell me how cool it is) way easier to do. Anyways, Chono is great, they got a city in Polynesia (Or a region adjacent to Polynesia I don’t know the borders I’m sorry :( ) and that’s a great start to filling out that region before maybe Caral or NSW get there.

53: Teotihuacan

Archimedes :

Once more we find ourselves in merry jest

For Teotihuacan has topped the charts

But do they have the drive to be the best

Or are they somewhat fraudish, in their hearts

An episode of nil we’ve surely had

For war with nasty Pomo came and went

And though a certain Ranker may be glad

It saddens me to see their army spent

A swathe of land suppose they could have crossed

The deserts north of them might have been best

But like the salty sprays the sea has tossed

The Baja way has failed, despite behest

And from the shadows, out the ocean crept

A certain Cebu came and stole the show

Their swarm of boats, Bida’Miwina swept

The rightful lands of Teo they forgo

Though do not fret dear reader, woe may be

Because this war was not the only goal

Their nation building efforts soon we’ll see

An effort strong in body, heart and soul

Dear Teotihuacan still has the spunk

Their stats abound; with prod, gold, science too

Sixth on the charts as other civs have sunk

They’re even grabbing compass, yes it’s true

And with that tech they shall compete with grace

Within the Caribbean, lies the prize

Xaragua soon will be put in their place

As sails of mighty Galleasses rise

Though nearby Yanomami could be said

To be a threat, I surely think it fake

The way they’ve played this game, they’re almost dead

(Ignore the fact Cholula they did take)

My heart does shed a tear though, truth be told

Within this game my hopes for wonders soared

Though Teo’s biases to them are bold

The act of building wonders makes them bored

And so we sit, with episode now done

A paltry gain, some things I wished for more

Yet honestly, to watch them’s still quite fun

Their progress through this game is still no snore

They claw their way through mud and muck and grime

A solid fourteen cities to their name

They’ll stand within top five, all in due time

A North America to give them fame

And though there stands some strong neighbours nearby

A Tlingit, Caral and a Chono too

I think, with heart and hope and a good try

They might come out on top; I hope they do

54: Aures

Shaggy:

No gain of cities,

Chances lost to other civs,

Madina still holds.

55: Scythia

Reformer:

Scythia slips one spot, firstly because the war against Vyatka is going a tad slower than we’d like, and second because their stats haven’t improved from the mid10s position. To be top5 permanently you need to do better than this, unfortunately. 6th is fine, though! Especially since Scythia could very well outright kill Vyatka here, still. They’re rebuilding their military at a sufficiently high pace, meaning they’re in no trouble yet. All it takes is simply wanting it enough. Truly, the make or break of many civs. Do they want it bad enough? Does Scythia want to win bad enough? Find out next time.

56: Lanfang

Shaggy:

Lanfang rises one

Other civs just aren’t good

This is mostly stats

57: Ket

Reformer:

Giving NSW the #3 spot is a disgrace. Oh this is about Ket? Fine. Hm. Their stats do match with #4. They’re not very active, so it is hard to justify putting them this high. All they seem to really put their heart into is taking exclaves– actually taking land from Vyatka was clearly asking for too much. And don’t even bring up their lack of interest in attacking a Rouran that has been sending all its units to die in Green Ukraine for almost 30 turns. Hm. You know what, I’m not sure Ket deserves even #4. It’s truly slim pickings up here in the top 10.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of New South Wales

58: New South Wales

Archimedes :

Look I’m going to be frank with you, readers, and let you peer behind the curtain and see what’s going on within the ranking discourse. Because New South Wales, that flourishing little rum rebellion empire off on Eastern Australia, is ranked #2 by 5 people on the ranking team, and #1 by two additional people. That’s over half of the team that thinks that New South Wales deserves a top one or two spot, nestled in right next to Tlingit. And, as one of the people who decided that New South Wales deserves number one this week, I’m going to go into all the gory details as to why that might be the case. But as you read my usual tirade on why a civ is absolutely number one and why you should believe in them wholeheartedly, keep in the back of your mind that there are some doubters to this prowess. There are a couple people on the team that think they deserve an 11th spot, and some that feel a 4 or a 5 rank may be more appropriate.

New South Wales has been absolutely rocking the stat charts as of late. An explosive start to the game and some decidedly advantageous wars has left them in a monumental position, competing with all star Tlingit in the stats department. New South Wales has maximized their productive output, leveraging a stunning 421 production out of their 16 cities, and a stunning 470 crop yield at the same time. They’re also just shy of the number one spot for total population, missing out by 11 points from Tlingit’s insane 220. They’ve definitely been putting effort into squeezing every last statistical advantage out of their empire, all while continuing to reinforce their lands and prepare for their next war. With a total military score of 7965, they are in fact THE largest army currently on the cylinder, a number that should absolutely terrify any Bunuba fans reading this writeup (such as myself). And, arguably most importantly, they have truly buckled down on an outstanding science focus, jumping in the last few turns of this episode to a terrifying 328 effective science. This amount of science is, as well, the best in the cylinder, beating out on Tlingit's religiously adjusted score of 281, Tang’s monstrous score of 317, and neighbouring Bunuba and Lanfang’s scores of 217 and 277 respectively. If you wanted to find a better stat focused civ in this game right now, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone competing with such raw numbers.

But raw numbers aren’t the big reason that New South Wales has had a resurgence in belief within the ranking team. Those raw science numbers have been fueled into a few decisions that, to the AI, may feel randomly determined. But, to any Civ 5 players hard pressed for a reasoning, these decisions may seem straight out of a Deity players handbook. New South Wales, in quick succession, have picked up Metal Casting, Compass, Education, and are now currently researching Astronomy. As a block of techs, these are a beeliners dream, as Metal Casting in of itself has brought a wave of production through New South Wales in the form of workshops. Then, Compass unlocks the Carrack and Galleass Units, bolstering New South Wales as a definitive naval power in the region. Education, as well, was picked up just in the nick of time before the end of the episode, and New South Wales has jumped on picking up Universities in a few key cities to drive their science output to the heights that we’re reading in the stat sheet. And to top it all off, Astronomy being researched is BIG news for the upcoming few episodes.

This is where I’ll take just a bit of a break from all of the New South Wales glazing to address the concerns of some of the rankers who believe that New South Wales doesn’t quite deserve the top spot this episode. It seems that Australia has a bit of a reputation for being “hard to break out of”. Previous CBRs have seen Australian civs fight for the region, potentially dominate the whole continent, and then struggle to make any headway in broader action around the cylinder. And there is some merit to this claim of course. Especially with Bunuba in this game, a civ that has put up a decent amount of resistance, has a few key science wonders keeping them within tech pace of their neighbors, and has the Great Wall to halt any land based invasions in their tracks. There is good reason to at least question that New South Wales lacks the staying power to both conquer their region and break out into neighbouring ones.

But the fact that they are researching Astronomy, the first in the Cylinder to do so in fact, means that a whole broad ocean is about to open up for New South Wales. With Rapa Nui failing to capitalize on any of the settleable regions within Polynesia, including the tantalizingly rich landmass of New Zealand, all of that land is currently ripe for the taking. And only Bunuba, Pomo, and arguably Caral have taken any advantage of that, with the occasional settlement here or there. As New South Wales as of now was blocked off by Bunuba from getting to these areas through shallow water routes, unlocking deep sea traversal with Astronomy means that New South Wales not only can attack their neighbouring sea based enemies with greater ease, they can also send settlers out into the deep blue and take advantage of the numerous settling locations available to them. What was once really only Caral and Bunuba’s greatest opportunity has opened up to the monster of a civilization that is New South Wales, and they are raving at the mouth to get to it. I’ve counted at least two settlers wandering around the Outback in this episode, and though their happiness is currently sitting at -1, the Deity AI is known to be able to handle some pretty steep unhappiness before buckling under the pressure, and I’m sure nabbing a quick dip into Machinery for some extra happiness buildings would ease any difficult pressures that New South Wales could be facing.

In short, New South Wales has made some smart decisions, on top of some already excellent gameplay, to put themselves in a position where they could be considered THE top dog of this episode. Time will tell if they actually capitalize on the advantages they’ve been granted, such as how Caral has lacked the gusto to settle Polynesia where Rapa Nui failed, but smart plays in the past preclude smart plays in the future. We’ll see soon just how far New South Wales stretches across the waves, and if they rival the trans Pacific reach that Cebu has already achieved.

59: Tang

Orange:

I’m gonna be maybe controversial and say that Tang will not take Shuri from Cebu. Tang remains one of the strongest around, lots of cities, lots of production, not much happiness, not much army compared to others of their size but still more than enough. They are doing fine, well, great even. Yet they can’t reclaim the top spot just yet when Tlingit still has such dominating stats, even if their position is better. And because they need to actually show competency in war, not just diplomacy, and I’m sorry to say but fighting Cebu is not going to help that one.

60: Tlingit

NopeCopter:

For a civ that’s still first place by an overwhelming majority consensus, the Tlingit sure had an embarrassing episode. What should have been an easy cleanup of Pomo’s undefended frontier cities has turned into a total slog because the Tlingit have put their army on the wrong side of the Rockies. Heck, the Pomo have RETAKEN Ka’tuuli! And it looks completely safe! Granted, this still means the Tlingit have gotten more out of the war than Teotihuacan and the Anichinaabe, but that’s a bar so low you’d struggle to trip over it. When Cebu is showing you up in a coalition war - a coalition war on YOUR CONTINENT, no less - you know something’s wrong.

Tlingit’s stats are still as monstrous as ever, of course, but there’s some reason to be concerned. Even despite their monstrous religion, New South Wales and Tang have overtaken them in Effective Science, and Lanfang and the Seychelles aren’t far behind. In fact, that religion might just end up being a double-edged sword - because the Itelmen have started to have their cities converted, their Science is improving, meaning they might not be such a free meal after all (an issue for a civ which has a grand total of three invasion targets, two of which they’ve just completely failed to make progress against). Their Production and Food are still top of the line, of course, but their lead is slipping.

The main reason the Tlingit still remain on top, then, is just that their competition is… also underwhelming. Tang has managed to fend off their Unhappiness issues right in the nick of time, but they are still unhappy, and their neighbors are growing stronger by the day. New South Wales has excellent stats, and they’re about to start colonizing Polynesia, but they’re stuck in a notoriously isolating region with neighbors who are looking really tough to crack. The Ket just kind of suck at war. So on and so forth. Because of these, the Tlingit’s own mediocre war record and limited options don’t seem like such a bad thing… but if any of their rivals sees some success, the tables could easily turn. Good luck to the Tlingit, because if they can’t salvage this war with the Pomo then they might be in trouble.

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