Civ Battle Royale March 02, 2026
Power-Rankers
Power Rankings! The rankings…of power! Dun dun dunnnn!
Cloudy:
Things went from bad to bad this week for our favorite losers Rapa Nui. On the one hand, they fought off the naval attack by Caral, as expected, and even pushed back, sending triremes to harass Caral’s coastal cities. But that small bright spot is blotted out by the fact that Bunuba has now also attacked them and is threatening to capture Hanga Piko. So much for that far flung colony strat! How’s that going for you?
Orange:
Sho Shin you uh, um, maybe, uh, should find better places to settle? Like Idk, maybe settling a second city on the home island of the strong nation at war with you is not the best idea? Perhaps?
Man Ryukyu is set up to have a real quick death here, their attempts to settle recently are being taken by Lanfang and their continental cities are very threatened by Tang. Things aren’t looking good here.
ItsTruckMonth:
What to say about Karankawa…?
Nothing much really. They sit trapped in their bubble of America, waiting for Teotihuacan to inevitably bring down the guillotine (“but what about Ponc-” LMAOOOOOOOO). Stats are hot dookie, they’re trapped in arguably the most stacked continent this season, and have ZERO prospects for the future.
Orange:
The Ma’in character of this royale, who had just had such a sudden expansive growth truly proving how good and skilled they are, now finds themselves with a knife, or well a bireme, to their throat. Luckily Phoenicia doesn’t have much of a land army that they’re bringing in, but somehow a whole two ships is bringing the Nashaq down and they have two more nearby to back things up.
Msurdej: Okay, during this episode, the Hyksos did... uhm... lemme check... Wait, nothing? really? I mean, sure they built some more armies, got a new tech, and managed to gain some more population. Besides that, they only got seen in cameos, eking out a living on the margins of greater civs.Well, you know how they say no news is good news? Yeah, that's the reason for the rank up. Kudos to you Apophis.
ItsTruckMonth:
Another day, another failed attempt to capture Geiju for the Pegu Empire. As both Yunnan and Pegu decide to slapfight while awaiting the sweet release of death by an actual contender, Pegu continuously decides to bail out right as the going gets good. Both have borderline copycat yet simultaneously dogshit stats, and no way to really get themselves out of this bind.
But hey, Pegu at least has a settler on Java, so they can hang the banner for that at least.
Reformer: WOOOO TWO RANKS UP. Uh. Why? Oh, Ryukyu is gonna get crippled. And Pegu fell under Cebu. Not a great place to be huh. And Cebu themselves don’t really seem to care. Making peace with Ternate after eons of wasted production is the best they could manage this episode. A real special highlight. Very sad to see them like this.
Shaggy:
Sumer… rises 2 ranks this episode? At first glance, they had a pretty terrible week. They failed to take Berytos, they failed to settle a new city, they basically just look good on techs and have a robust capital going for them so why the rank improvement? Well, Pegu and Ryukyu had worse weeks so this seems to largely be a bottom-tier reshuffling as more civs join Sumer down in the bottom 10. Yes, they’re still rumped even though they can try to pick off some easier cities than Berytos (like Nashan) with what little military they can muster. If Pakistan were more active I’d say that Sumer is likely going to be future Pakistani soil but at this point I think their cities will be fought over by Phoenicia and Seychelles as well.
ECH:
Well, at least Ternate can take a breath as the immediate threats to their nation cease for a moment, even if those threats mostly amounted to sporadic piracy on their coasts. Unfortunately, these wars have soaked up their attention and resources during the pivotal early game, and a fourth city theoretically on the way will do little in the face of having Lanfang and Bunuba as your neighbours at the rate of development they have achieved. Hae a stroll, chill on the beach, sniff the lovely spices… and then get going while peace reigns, Babullah, if you want redemption from this start.
ItsTruckMonth:
And I also have Yunnan so yeah, basically what I just said about Pegu lmao.
Crabs in a bucket mentality, dogwater stats, trapped between major powers, all that good stuff. But hey, at least they have a nice coastline in Vietnam that’ll almost certainly get wiped by Lanfang eventually!
ItsTruckMonth:
As the whole of Africa seems to say fuck Maravi for whatever reasons, Amina of Zazzau bides her time doing absolutely nothing, to prepare for doing absolutely nothing. No seriously, not a single mention of Zazzau in this episode.
They sit trapped with middling stats. Their only semblance of a lifeline is potentially going after Wassalou’s eastern exclaves, and even then I have doubts that they can pull that off.
Shaggy:
Oof, what a week, huh? Marakanda and Kanjak Sangir both seem solidly out of reach, Sarai is maybe 1 or 2 turns from being fully encircled, Bactria is advancing on Sighnaq, and Qara-Khitai are amassing armies along the borders of Kypsak. If all of their opponents actually decide to commit to this war, there is a nonzero chance that Ulyatu becomes the southernmost Kipchak city! Granted, this is doomering for the Kipchaks a bit, they still have a modest military core to defend with, or at least to bring some strength to the negotiating table. Unfortunately, it will take the collapse of one of their neighbors for the Kipchaks to be true competitors again at this point. If there were ever a time for them to recall their rented-out units, it would have been yesterday (though I don’t think they can bring them back early anyway).
Reformer:
One of the two mentions of Ponca in this week’s ep was remarking that Pomo should eat them. I believe this is indicative of the general mood around Ponca.
Lasqueto:
Bored so I’m doing all my writeups as shitty haikus
Black and red, last stand
Came close, but the oxen won
Downfall approaches
Lasqueto:
There are two birds here
They don’t do anything much
I think they just kiss
Leman:
Bjarmia’s war with the Kalmar Union continues, and honestly given the rank difference between the two, you’d expect Bjarmia to be in trouble. But instead it seems as though Bjarmia is the one applying pressure. However, it also seems as though Bjarmia’s pressure is doing absolutely nothing. I, and the rest of the power rankers, really don’t expect this war to go much of anywhere unfortunately, but honestly, the fact that Bjarmia is getting close has me rethinking Kalmar’s spot up there.
JDT: Wallachia truly is a special civ. In all my years of watching AI games and playing Civ, I have never ever seen an AI sabotage themselves this thoroughly in the way Wallachia has. In theory, Wallachia had everything needed to thrive. Weak neighbours, a gateway into Italy, good prod and decent science. The entire issue is that they spent so much money on their military that all the advantages above are just moot soon because they literally can’t research anything due to having an absurd -45 in gold per turn. Furthermore, they just took From giving Hands, a enhancer that reduces gold at the capital for gold in other cities, granting them a whopping +5 total GPT when spread throughout their empire, and an astounding -1 GPT right now. Their entire situation can still change overnight should they choose to invade Hansa, the Papacy, Circassia or Phoenicia, but the window of opportunity to do that is slipping. And if they don’t do so within the next 2 episodes, they’re just fucked because they literally cannot exit the ancient era. Until then, they get to stay primitive under their military junta and the true vampires of oligarchal rule.
Archimedes :
Guaycuru is their name, and recursive enclaves are their game. With the Potiguara now having a city completely surrounded, Guaycuru has the fortunate status of being an empire that both has a city that’s an enclave, AND is the empire surrounding another enclave. And I think this encapsulates how frankly messy the Guaycuru gameplan has been so far this run. In previous tests, the Guaycuru have come out as a generally strong powerhouse of the region. But fumbling both their invasion of Xavante and their settling game this run has shown just how awful they are looking.
And it’s not for lack of trying. The Guaycuru evidently put a lot of time and effort into attacking Xavante. They have the happiness to support either conquering another civ, or to settle a bunch of cities. But they’ve generally been beaten to the punch on both counts. With Xavante putting up a solid defence, and their neighbours flooding the landscape with cities, the options are looking slimmer and slimmer at the moment. Even Potiguara, as attractive of a target they are, has a unique spearmen unit that counters Guaycuru’s unique horseman. Chono also could have been a prime invasion target, three episodes ago that is. Now with their unique comp bowmen on the field, and an army to speak of, Guaycuru lack the raw power on the field to be able to actually do something.
Perhaps Guaycuru’s settlement in the heart of Chono lands was their paltry attempt at a caucus belli, a reason to come at odds with Chono and take some land. But with Potiguara doing the same on the Argentinian coast, we’ll perhaps be seeing a coalition war against Guaycuru in the near future. And with the might of Potiguara spears and the blackened skies of Chono arrows, Guaycuru may be the first elimination in South America.
Semi:
I’m gonna be real with you here, I’m not sure what changed between episodes for Qara-Khitai. It says they’re +12 ranks on the stats sheet, yes, but their science is still pretty abysmal (with only 14 techs, they’re tied for the lowest on the cylinder) and their mediocre production being the reason for the rise from the bottom to the lower midtier. Thus, I think this is more of a reevaluation of Yelu Dashi’s position. Sure, he’s threatened to a degree by his neighbors. Mysore’s Linear Empire is starting to encroach northward into the Gobi Desert, but there have been efforts made to block that progress with the Yutian settlement. In terms of other neighbors…yeah not a lot of good there. Kipchaks are getting murdered by Bactria and Vyatka, though Bactria is really Fighting Wars Good. Tang, the hegemon of Asia, is still pretty far away and neutered Rouran enough that they won’t really be able to attack Almaliq effectively. And Ket…isn’t exactly offensive. So it’s not that we think QK is going to win this game. They just might stick around for a while.
Cloudy:
The Itelmen hold steady this week in their much diminished rank of 42nd. On the one hand, Japan peaced out without taking a city, which would be nice if not for the fact that Green Ukraine captured Avacha, making the Japanese stalemate small comfort for Itelmen supporters. And with Avacha now fallen, Itelmen’s path westward is unclear, and they could find themselves sandwiched between a monstrous Tlingit, a powerful Japan, and a tough Green Ukraine, at which point they could even face early elimination.
I think the crow god is to blame for this. Do you?
Orange:
My poor league, defended well against Kalmar but didn’t try to push for Ribe when they really should’ve, and now don’t have any army to deal with the Estonians invading the east. They really took a hit this episode but at least Bremen will hold fine. Overall though, the League really needs to build up cause right now they are being boxed in and seem unwilling to try to break out.
Archimedes :
Luba has maintained its middling placement this week, surrounded on all sides by potential enemies and slowly but surely slipping into mediocrity. While not actively having a threat this episode, and in fact waging a coalition war against Maravi, prospects are not looking good for this plucky blue civ. Luba notably stands between the absolute juggernaut of Ethiopia, threatening and imposing in their mountain citadel and holding the one and only Statue of Zeus, and the less impressive but rising star of Herero, who notably gets production bonuses towards building non-gunpowder melee units and mounted units. As Herero continues to establish itself, Luba loses neighbours it can pick on, and their invasion of Maravi is looking to flounder, due to chokepoints and hilly forested terrain. The same kind of jungles that protected Luba are currently protecting Maravi, making their potential conquest a likely bust.
Look to the north of Luba and you find Zazzau, a similarly middling empire at the moment. Both have poor production, only 5 cities, and sit next to powerful enemies. The one thing Zazzau does have over Luba is a functional science, as Luba sits at a paltry 14 techs and an effective 44 science. With only 14 culture as well, Luba is slowly but surely slipping behind both scientifically and culturally, leaving themselves as the prime target for African expansion. It’s just a matter of who ends up gobbling their lands, as the Luba could be the prime target for Zazzau to get back in this game, Herero to begin their gallop north, or just another jewel in the crown of Ethiopia.
Iris:
Xavante’s circumstances are largely the same as last time; they have a well developed military, they have a good economy and their scientific development is nothing to sneeze at. They move up a rank likely due to what they finally got around to doing: settling a fourth city. We are all so very proud of them. Both sarcastically and genuinely, at least in my case. Throughout so many test games, a guiding goal of mine was to hopefully figure out how to get to the point that every civ had some potential; Xavante was a sticking point in that goal, for with almost every test, Guaycuru would invade them with a veritable swarm of an army very early on, and even if they did not conquer Xavante every time, Potiguara and/or Yanomami would pincer them and finish the job. By the time my testing concluded, potential was reached for everyone, including Xavante very slimly, and in their case being a slightly delayed end; that had to suffice. I had wishes more than hope for them, but I certainly was not expecting Xavante to not only survive Guaycuru’s swarm, but also the Potiguaran pincer, and actually build a good military. They have blown past all expectations; which is, at this point, not saying much, for that is such a low bar. What will the future hold? We will have to see.
JDT:
Bactria goes up by 4 ranks for a simple reason - the Kipchaks are getting their ass beat, and Bactria stands as one of the main beneficiaries. They have a large army working their way up towards Sarai and Sighnaqk, with the Vyatka also due to move in from the west in a sweeping assault. There are just 2 small problems. Firstly, the aforementioned cities have relatively high city defense bonuses, and Bactria don’t currently have any siege units. Secondly, if they beat down the Kipchaks, what's next? The Vyatka still stands as the elephant in the room in the region. The Ket are not too far and have been able to sleepwalk their way into a great power. And down south, Pakistan has been looking increasingly fine enough, which given their terrain, is enough to prevent them from getting ripped to shreds. Moving through the rest of Persia seems like an unrealistic expectation for now too due to terrain. And their stats are in the bottom quartile across the board. Nevertheless, they’re at least not anemic, and should they take those Kipchak cities, a breakout might just be possible.
Iris:
The pope has leapt up some ranks for settling another city (in Italy, it must be said) and towards the end of last episode as well they seemed to be pouncing on Phoenicia, due to a new Phoenician city in Greece, with some force. This is one of the more possible ways of breaking out of the box they have been put in. It does look like they can take Baalbek, at the very least, and if they do, it secures their place in Greece. It also would open up more avenues towards Hyksos and if they go no further than Baalbek in this war, a better starting position for a future war with Phoenicia. There is the matter of Wallachia, though a taking of Baalbek could be either good or bad for the pope in a conflict with Wallachia. In any case, at least the pope is doing something, which cannot be said for everyone. (Also I hiss at the association of the Pope with cheese, glorious cheese. Smh my head shaking head my smh shaking my smh)
Archimedes :
Now I want you to understand, although Circassia wasn’t really featured at all in the last episode, that isn’t to say that they’re doing bad. Frankly, compared to some of the earlier episodes, we’re looking at a downright competent contender on the cylinder. Their stats have improved drastically, now that their core of cities surrounding the Black Sea are settled and beginning to establish. They have risen all the way up to… just below average on stats. And I think that’s a good way of classifying Circassia at the moment. Just below average.
Again, compared to their earlier showing, they’ve really caught up to what some of the other showings in the region have. Decent production, decent population, decent city count; it’s all really commendable. But just like their neighbour to the west, Wallachia, Circassia has one big flaw : their science. They are currently sitting at 14 techs researched, and 35 effective science. And just like Wallachia, Circassia is sitting on a gold deficit, with -12 gpt and 0 total gold in the bank. That negative gold is a real hit to their science, and with Vyatka to the north and Phoenicia to the south, Circassia needs to stay up to date with any technological advancements. To say they’re doing bad would be lying of course, especially considering just how far they’ve come, but to say they’ve recovered? I think it might be a little too soon at the moment.
Reformer: Pakistan deflects an entire Mysore invasion in less than ten turns this ep, and keeps on waltzing on. The waltz is going well, mind you– their stats are steadily improving, and their rank doesn’t really reflect that yet. Remains to be seen if their rise to the top half of stats is a more permanent state of affairs. The main problem is that their expansion is slow, and now there’s not much land left to settle. Mysore has taken the best land. To the west, Sumer wasn’t an active expansionist, but Phoenicia’s empire reaches all the way to the border of Pakistan’s. And, of course, the ever-aggressive Bactria is right to the north. It’s a tight squeeze, and I don’t think Pakistan has what it takes to get out and become a regional power. In a more protracted war, Mysore would surely win– already, we could see Pakistan worn thin whereas Mysore had plenty more reserves to burn through. Now imagine a two-front war if Bactria ever joins in, and Pakistan is as good as good. Tough times ahead.
Archimedes :
Scotland has, for the past 4 episodes, frankly done nothing. They’re almost at the same number of cities, with a single Faroes settlement being the jewel in their cap. They’ve lost out land on the Isles to Umhaill, who have continued to actually do notable and exciting things like invading their neighbours. And yet, Scotland actually doesn’t look too bad. Their stats are still quite respectable, with plenty of food and population, and a very decent amount of science. Their culture is poor but their production is all right, and they have a decent standing army. It’s just unfortunate that their immediate neighbour and rival are the Umhaill, another very respectable civ with plenty of food and population, decent science, decent culture and all right production.
Scotland struggles in that their abilities are not overtly strong. A lot are based on having a religion and converting cities, something that a lot of european civs are currently lacking in. With the only potential benefit on the horizon a musketman upgrade, there’s a good chance that the only thing going for Scotland at the moment are smart plays and smart city decisions. And with a horde of hungry boars breathing on the back of their necks, Scotland is hard pressed to be able to do that while maintaining security over their empire. Umhail outranks them in production, and has a solid navy and a naval bonus to boot, so it’s more likely than not that Scotland will end up losing any naval engagements. And with one city already out of their grasp, we’re likely to see Scotland encircled and worn down, city by city, until nothing is left. Their only hope would be launching a naval invasion of their own, striking down perhaps the Hanseatic League or the Kalmar Union. And they are looking well off in their own rights.
Archimedes :
I think it’s fair to say that France is looking strangely competent at the moment. After a bafflingly far flung war against Portugal in the early episodes, France has really come together and settled a solid core of cities, developing them to be a strong might in Western Europe. And for the longest time, they avoided settling the coast, a prudent move considering the two coastal empires lingering in the British Isles. Now however, with two, scratch that, one coastal city, the might of Umhaill has fallen onto the shores of France, and gained themselves a foothold on the beaches of Normandy.
France’s biggest existential threat at the moment is those beachheads from the British Isle civs. With a minimal navy at the moment, there’s not much mainland France can do to hold off a naval invasion, or launch their own to capture any cities off of the mainland. They have a very respectable carpet of land units, so you can expect that if blows come once more that France can at least trade cities back and forth with Umhaill and Scotland. Their conflict with Portugal however is a slightly more sticky situation. The Pyrranese mountains make either civ crossing a struggle in of itself, and the city of Amiens being on the Portuguese side means we are likely to see at least once city lost.
In the meantime, France will continue to develop. With the majority of their bonuses locked away in the Medieval and Renaissance era, the best they can hope for is to turtle, stay quiet, and stick around until their unique Guillotine building is unlocked. Then perhaps we’ll start to see some heads roll.
ECH:
Is ‘roadblock civ’ a widespread term at this point? I feel like you already know what I’m talking about, every season of the CBR has some by the mid game! A civ that settled decently in the first run of episodes, and hasn’t done anything particularly dumb, hasn’t ignored building a defensive army or become a science backwater, but equally has zero will to expand or excel at anything? Gets conquered sometime in the 30’s or 20’s by an expanding superpower? No one really likes these civs, they don’t leave impressions and aren’t champs. Unfortunately, I get the sense a good chunk of us rankers are already side-eyeing Onondaga and making a note on our clipboards while tutting quietly: ‘roadblock’.
Premature? Probably. They have a lot of land on their doorstep that ought to be theirs yet, and neighbors on roughly equal footing they could choose to attack. However, they’re already at -3 happiness from doing nothing, causing them to have the lowest population of any North American civ, and more importantly we just don’t think they have the champ mindset, especially next to the much more dynamic Susquehannock. No wonder they’ve dropped 7 ranks. Come on Tadohado; prove us wrong.
Reformer:
The big story is Wassoulou and Aures feverishly competing to settle what remains of the Sahara (just like previously). The big picture isn’t that different: Aures is still a giant, Zazzau is still garbage, and Wassoulou is somewhere in-between with a split empire. The eastern bits remain almost completely de-militarized, easy pickings for whoever– even Zazzau, come to think of it. It’s not easy being Wassoulou. Oh, how different things could’ve been, with some different decisions… But hey, at least they are still fighting for land, settling whatever they can. We can expect grit from this civ, if nothing else.
JDT:CONCEPTUALIZION: 7 [PASS] : The route to victory is clear. There is merely one path. To the west. The decadent, opulent west. There lay a city on the womb of a river, a parochial ghost, waiting to be freed from the vultures of capitalism
ENCYCLOPEDIA: [Hard, 14]: The Hansa have an equivalent army to ours.
SAVIOR FAIRE: [Easy, 6]: But they’re not looking.
REACTION SPEED: You’ve gotta move quick. No time to think. No time to respond to consequences.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT: Man up you son of a bitch. They can’t possibly match up against the monster of Tallinn. Nothing wagered. Nothing gained.
You strike, beaming fire and fury into the city of Rostock. The echoes of the dead and living wail across the sea.
[SUCCESS] The shoddy vultures of the burgher class didn’t know what hit them. Any reinforcement cannot change the fact that the city is yours and will forever be yours alone. Not even the whims of reality turning it under burgher hands can keep from the eschatological truth. For now and forever, Rostock flies the Estonian blue.
Msurdej:
Well ain't this a sight for sore eyes. Herero is actually managing to win this war. He's defended Otijkune, taken Maano, and has Maravi on the run. Giving Jacob his best rank since Episode 0. Maano seems well defended enough, and those southern cities of Maravi are sparsely defended,albeit in hard to reach areas. If Jacob manages to send enough forces down south while holding the north, he could force Maravi into a peace that nets him those cities and gain complete control of Southern Africa.
Reformer:
Anyone else think this is a bit high for Portugal? I mean, this is the Iberian civ we’re talking about. Since when has any of the civs in this slot done anything noteworthy? <- 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴Let’s take a bit of a looksie shall we. Portugal is taking full advantage of the available space, squeezing in another city this ep. Their stats are still steadily improving, on account of managing to squeeze in so many cities, and we have to remember that they were THE WORST civ statistically speaking in ep1. Not the greatest indignity ever, but clawing their way up has been interesting to watch. Surely now they are out of city spots to settle, though. From here on out, they’ll have to fight for expansion. Attacking France is a start, but France is one of the more heavily militarized civs in Europe. Indeed, the French military far outstrips the Portuguese military. It is surprising that Portugal attacked in the first place. I appreciate the bravery, and it is indicative of some spirit on the part of the Portuguese.
The unfortunate fact of the matter is, however, that Aures is kinda…right there. A veritable sword of Damocles. At least so far Aures seems interested mostly in Africa, which is a big relief for Portugal, not to mention the almost complete lack of coastal cities. So hear me out. Never give up on hope! Iberian civs can do things!
ECH:
The Enigmatic Qhapaq shuffles his civ up 2 ranks, back up from the 3 rank drop last week, reflecting a civ stuck in the middle in so many ways. Few if any would call Caral a leading civ of their continent, and their inability to nab a city off a military-poor Yanomami only confirms that to many. They did get a city down, balancing their coast-to-inland ratio in a way their UA may like at least, so they deserve credit there, but the big realisation for us Power Rankers has been in comparing the faiths of the cylinder and seeing the strength of Caralian Pachaism. This creates a new perspective for viewing Caral, as a civ that can survive being simply decent in the short term if they spread this around and focus on long term stats growth, tech especially. They already possess a powerful science wonder in Cheomseongdae, why not build this theoretical strength (although their current science is nothing to write home about). Alternatively, if you’re more pessimistic about Caral, you can start considering the implications of which civ takes their Holy City, and thus grabs those juicy founder beliefs afterwards!
Reformer:
Rouran had a pretty casual ep. Nothing crazy going on. Settled one city. Just vibing. They’re improving statistically though, thanks to actually settling some cities. And they have good space to settle some more, so you can expect them to continue rising. Not for much longer, though. They have kind of a low ceiling, also known as Tang. Ket is also right there, and more expansive. Central Asia could be an expansion path, but Rouran doesn’t seem to care about settling that way. The future seems tough.
Reformer: From one steppe civ to another. Scythia goes down because, and this is just a guess, more rankers have realized they’re in a cage. The boss holding the prison together is of course Vyatka, who, despite looking ready to lose a city to Scythia, got off scot free on account of superior diplomacy. And right after, Vyatka marched off to take free cities off of Kipchaks, all the while still having some land available to settle. This is a tough dynamic to break, and Scythia kinda blew their chance. Arguably, the best chance is still beating up Estonia– why haven’t they done it already? Your guess is as good as mine. Wide border, mostly flatland. Or maybe Circassia’s Crimean city. Difficult to reinforce for Circassia, and easy to approach from Scythia’s side. In the near future, even Wallachia is a good option, since they are hopelessly bankrupt and will fall off technologically soon enough. Literally, ANY option but Vyatka, and in the right circumstances, even Vyatka, I suppose, as long as Scythia doesn’t give up at the finish line. The cage doesn’t seem so intimidating when I put it like that, huh? It is still there all the same, and every episode Scythia spends not breaking out, is another wasted episode, on a path to getting gobbled up by Vyatka in the midgame. Remains to be seen.
ECH:
What a victim of expectations. You’d think conquering a city and settling another would still get you some respect at Episode 6, but it sure doesn’t when we know you easily could have settled double your current city count across the Russian Far East by this point! Itelmen are pretty neutered by Green Ukraine now, but us PR’s frankly expect that to be a Tlingit mop-up operation rather than to Hlushko’s benefit, leaving GU with the route they should have already been doing left: spamming the living daylights out of settlers in the tundra and taiga around them, still pristine and awaiting cities, before Ket or Tang swoop in. Don’t deny your destiny, o greenest of Ukraines.
Shaggy:
Phoenicia did a grand total of 3 things this episode: settled Baalbek across the Aegean Sea, peppered Nashaq with stray naval attacks for the entire episode, and refused to reinforce Berytos after assessing that the 2 tile gap exposed to Uruk and the stream of workers crossing the desert from Byblos should be sufficient defense from Sumer. The Cheese Pope seems intent on putting Baalbek on the charcuterie board and Phoenicia’s best hope at mounting a defense there is by using their navy. Unfortunately, the Mediterranean is already getting a little crowded so navigating support lines may prove difficult for them. The conquest of Nashaq seems a bit out of Phoenicia’s reach at the moment; they need to commit more resources if they actually want a foothold in Africa. And what can we say about their defense against Sumer? Is it a foolish strategy? Yes. Is it likely to work given that they are deploying it against Sumer? Also yes. Phoenicia rises one rank this episode due to their further expansions and continued lack of major neighboring threats.
Leman:
North America is turning out really powerful this game and quietly Susquehannock is building up a really solid eastern core. They have a solid spread of cities, a decent army, and a good bit of tech, with a reasonable amount of space to expand, both on the continent and in the Caribbean. They’re gonna kind of need a lot to rival Tlingit and Pomo, but their immediate neighbors are kinda throwing. Ponca sucks. Karankawa is giving out cities to anyone who asks nicely. And Onondaga is solid but very, very unhappy. Wonderful recipe for Susquehannock dominance.
Lasqueto:Enclaves, Russian dolls
Lots in South America
Maybe it’s the shrimp
Leman:
Anishinaabe just kinda vibed this episode, settling Milwaukee, while Tlingit and Pomo went at it. Not a whole lot to say other than it looks like Anishinaabe is gonna settle in-land while Tlingit grabs the coast. Honestly, not the worst place to be.
Semi:
No news is good news for the Kalmar Union, in my opinion. They had a couple of interesting wars with Bjarmia and the Hanseatic League that definitely could’ve turned into some scary stuff. But they didn’t! So that’s cool. Ribe didn’t even fall! And it seems the Bjarmian forces are getting lost in the woods somewhere around Vassa, so nothing will probably come of that either. The one rank drop is just a swap with Bangladesh - nothing really to be worried about.
Leman:
Quiet episode today. A few peace treaties thrown around for Bangladesh as they continue to power up. This would be a great time for them to jump on their neighbors. Mysore is distracted with Pakistan and Pegu is shit. Opportunities abound.
Hip hurrah! The bloody conflict between Caral Potiguara soldiers and Yanomami jungles has come to an end! Hip hip hurrah! You might ask, now what. Well, it's pretty much the same thing as last time. Kopenawa has to build up his empire for the next round of battles with his neighbors. And to his credit, he's doing just that. Yanomami has one of the highest effective sciences, and isn't too far off from the tech lead (17 vs the leading 20). His armies continue to build up, and he's even got a new city. If he can move into the Caribbean and take a few cities off Xaragua, their position will become much stronger. All they need is a navy...
Semi:
Not bad, O’Malley! It turned out Robespierre’s fear of the ocean was entirely warranted, as Umhaill seizes France’s sole coastal city in a very effective trireme attack. Umhaill now owns six good, high-science cities, with a foothold on Europe and a settler headed to Greenland to further expand the realm. What’s not to like?
Weeeeell, there is the matter of that city count. Without huge expansion options into good land (Greenland is land, yes, but not green), Umhaill gets edged out of the true top tier of civs. But as the second-highest-ranked European, and the highest-ranked west of the Russian plain, it’s still nothing to scoff at. Hopefully this trend continues - maybe a war with Scotland again pls it would be so cool to see and the storylines would be great c’mooon Grace
Msurdej: Well much like his real world counterpart, Toyotomi Hideyoshi has failed his land war in Asia. Sure, it may have been a bit farther north than the real world Korean campaign, but that doesn't change the fact that the war with Itelmen went nowhere.This disappointment leads to a small drop for Japan stocks. Now Hideyoshi is going to have to find new targets to conquer. But lucky for him, Ryukyu just got a lottttt weaker...
Shaggy:
MYSORE VS PAKISTAN! THE KASHMIRI MELEE COMMENCES! Wait, what do you mean the made peace already? Wait, what do you mean literally nothing happened other than a thinning of the armies? Wait, what do you mean Mysore lost out on the easy settle spots in the Tarim Basin that they had a settler moving towards because they were distracted? Wait, what do you mean my mic has been on this whole time?
Lasqueto:
Seychelles sought slaughter
Lacking ships, they were repelled
And their settler slain
Cloudy:
Ket has risen to the 12th best drug you can buy from trans puppygirls on the streets of Seattle.
Now, obviously a significant part of their current high rank has to do with their insanely powerful religion, which has been discussed here plenty of times. But it also has to be said that with the Kipchaks collapsing and Rouran looking subpar, their two biggest rivals are in no shape to contest them, and that’s a huge boost too. This rise comes even as the Ket have not started any new wars, and continue to have middling stats, with high production and city count masking very low population and terrible science. Can they turn that around? Let’s be real, probably not. But for now they’re a nice big blob of a civ to fill out that gap between the top 10 and everyone else.
Cloudy:
It must be said, Pomo had a rough episode. None of us predicted that the Tlingit would take Behe’pal, but they did—over and over and over, leaving the city a burnt out shell of its former self. Whether the Tlingit will hold onto it at the end of the war is unknown, but it’s caused Pomo to plummet in the stats. At the same time, they didn’t settle any new cities in episode 6, despite having two settlers wandering in the north, and Anishinaabe has begun to move in to contest the area.
Now, having said all of that, Pomo is in a fairly good fundamental position still, with a lot of land still available to settle and stats that are nothing to sneeze at. But if they can’t hold the line, they can’t hold the line. The next few episodes will decide whether they fall more than just four places, or whether they rise back into the top 10.
Shaggy:
Lanfang breaks back into the top 10 this week after a couple episodes sitting just outside of it. And it’s pretty clear why, Ryukyu seems hell-bent on continuing to feed them cities, their other neighbors are floundering, and they seem to have gotten onto the good side of the Tang diplomats and are allying with them in a mutually beneficial war. Quite the deft decisions by Luo Fangbo recently. Tomari was a near-effortless capture and I expect Nakijin to be similarly seamless to take. Also their stats are getting a bit ridiculous too: top science and the first civ to 20 techs (this largely due to their focus on backfilling the tech tree rather than beelining to a later tech, but still), one of the 10 civs in the triple-digit production club this week, the largest military in Asia other than Mysore, it is a great time to be a Lanfang fan.
Archimedes :
I think it’s prudent to give a bit of insight into the discussion around Teotihuacan from the Power Ranker team. You may have noticed that the vast majority of Teotihuacan writeups are coming from myself, Archimedes, and that is not by accident. Each week, about half of the team discusses how good Teotihuacan is, and how likely they are to conquer their weaker neighbours. The other half of the team, which to be clear does not include me, talks about how Teotihuacan’s direct neighbour the Pomo are actually the superior of the two neighbouring Civs, and how they’ll end up conquering their weaker neighbours. This week, for the first time, Teotihuacan has been ranked above Pomo by the majority of the rankers.
And even though Teotihuacan hadn’t made any big moves this past episode, they’ve been slowly building and consolidating their empire. Happiness, production, culture and food have gone up as they build their newly unlocked Colosseums and establish their unique Obsidian Workshops. Workers are filtering across the lands to improve the fertile and hilly Mesoamerican basin. We’ve even seen a grand total of 5 settlers milling around Teotihuacan lands, meaning that once happiness has been properly stabilized, we’re likely to see some new cities popping up to potentially fill in some of the settleable gaps along the coast or on some of the Caribbean Islands. Things are looking up for Teotihuacan as their empire continues to putter away.
And yet, there are a few small wrinkles in this grand vision, things that have been often pointed out by the Teotihuacan detractors. Teotihuacan is currently sitting at -4gpt with 0 total gold in the bank, something those 5 spare settlers might have something to do with. And their science, partially impacted by that negative gold per turn, is sitting at a fairly middling 52 per turn. Compared to Bunuba’s MASSIVE 111, or even their neighbour Pomo’s 64. Teotihuacan is definitely starting to slip behind the tech leaders. As they’re actively researching Currency, there’s a good likelihood that their gold, and then hopefully science, issues can be solved soon, but this slow down in technological progress might be the hiccup that lets some of their neighbours catch up or outpace them.
Another aspect to point out, something gleefully repeated ad nauseum by those who don’t believe in Teotihuacan, is that historically Mesoamerica has not been easy to expand out of. Historically we’ve found time and time again empires that settle from Mexico to Panama, and then just stay there. California’s rugged hills and mountainous terrain make an invasion against Pomo a likely stalemate, and the Panama isthmus is a choke point for land units trying to make it into South America through Colombia. It’s likely that Teotihuacan won’t be able to push out at the moment and really expand into other regions. But, they have managed to grab the city of Cujane, likely the biggest hurdle they’ve faced in getting into the open North American plains. And with Karankawa being the only hurdle left, there’s a very high likelihood that the city of Carancahua, or even the Caribbean islands of Xaragua, could be the stepping stone they need to conquer all of North America.
Time will tell if Teotihuacan manages to maintain its ranking above Pomo for the foreseeable future. There are a lot of potential factors saying it will stay in the lower 10s, but with hope and tenacity Teotihuacan could manage to stay as a top 10 civ for a long time. I expect that at some point a proper Pomo vs Teotihuacan war will break out, and as long as it doesn’t manage to be a 100 year stalemate, we’re likely to see which power truly ends up coming out on top.
Cloudy:
Bunuba, in denial that they’re starting to fall behind New South Wales, has decided to copy them by also attacking a Rapa Nui colony. Unfortunately, the approach to Hanga Piko is not as easy as NSW’s approach to Hanga Roa, and it’s unclear whether the long-shot assault will succeed. In light of the fact that this is all Jandamarra can seemingly muster in response to John Macarthur’s increasing dominance of the continent and the stats, we’ve dropped Bunuba a couple more ranks. But it could have been even more if not for some secret information we got courtesy of our gamerunner, who loaded back into the last turn of episode 6 to reveal that Bunuba is about to settle on Java, locking down a key island that might otherwise have gone to Lanfang. So that’s something to look forward to!
Reformer:Ethiopia is at war with Maravi and Herero. Did you know? I don’t blame you for not knowing. Uhhh that’s it. It was only ten turns, you can’t blame Ethiopia for Nothing Ever Happens. I do hope they put that large army to actual use soon. Zazzau is an easy target, Hyksos is an easy target… just don’t bother with the south until a bit later, okay?
Reformer:
Vyatka enjoys an excellent episode. Truly, no kidding. They are a beast in the stats still, yes, but that’s not really all that important. The victory against Kipchaks, and the apparent willpower to keep going, is what truly matters. Until now, Vyatka has been just another North Asian civ, blobbing out, doing little else. Of course, looking good in the stats differentiated them 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺, but that is far from enough. You must conquer, to prove yourself worthy. Vyatka is on a good path here. The Kipchak empire is all flatland, and now on the brink of collapse thanks to the two-pronged attack. As of right now, turn 100, Vyatka is gathering strength, not yet launching an offensive at another Kipchak city. With any hope, Vyatka will keep going, and snag another Kipchak city to truly cement themselves as the dominant civ in the area. To stay on top, you gotta keep moving.
Reformer:
NSW maintains their chokehold on the number five position by means of excellent stats, and relevantly, stats noticeably better than Bunuba’s. About 40 more production is truly significant. And NSW is settling more actively– now four cities ahead of Bunuba. These comparisons are what truly matter. NSW is well-set to… well, I don’t know how hopeful I am about them actually defeating Bunuba, much less escaping Australia. Past performances show that both are difficult, even when the other Australian civ is significantly weaker. You’d be hard pressed to call Bunuba weak– and comparatively, Bunuba’s military opportunities are easier. Ternate, followed by Cebu, would both fold easily if Bunuba put their mind to it. NSW has a very different resource still available: Much of Polynesia remains unsettled. We are going to need to wait for quite a while before these two civs wage a conclusive war, but in the meantime, NSW does hold the edge, as expected beforehand.
Semi:
They actually went and did it! After *checks notes* holy moly 34 turns of war Tlingit actually has managed to flip Behe’pal from Pomo. What does this mean? Well, the city is almost certainly going to flip back and forth until peace is made and one civ gets a one-population husk. But there is a second option. As Pomo continues sending settlers inland to the Yukon and northern British Columbia, and Tlingit continues to deny the existence of settlers moving away from the coast, there is a chance that Pomo could settle some inland cities far away from the rest of their empire and - heretically - Tlingit could actually conquer and own cities AWAY from the coast.
But that probably won’t happen. Right?
In all seriousness, the top five in my mind are seriously separating themselves from the pack, not only on the stats sheet (where #6 Ethiopia needs to expand or they’ll start lagging behind) but also on the board, where most other contenders have real flaws. So the consistent rank this week isn’t an indictment of Tlingit’s moves - it’s just that we don’t think they’ve changed that much relative to the other top 5. If anything, them staying constant is reassuring given that if they lost the war with Pomo, we’d be having serious questions. So here they are, number four once again.
Shaggy:
Chono, baby, what is you doing? Is there something in the water in the Southeast Pacific that makes settlers lose their bearings and wash up on Papua New Guinea? Will we start seeing Caral catch the cross-Pacific settlement bug soon? Jokes aside, Chono getting a foothold in Oceania is kind of awesome for their UA which gives them culture bursts when they meet new civs so they may start racing ahead on social policies soon. What is not as awesome for them is this exclave-heavy strategy spreading across South America. Laguna Martin is an insult of the highest order to the Chono and that Guaycuru and Potiguara each have another settler making their way southward along the coast only makes matters worse. C’mon, Chono, use those units and clean up the border gore before it gets even worse! No change in the ranks for them this week as they retain their excellent stats but don’t make moves towards true South American hegemony.
Orange:
Settlers from Aures and Wassoulou have been scrambling to settle what’s left of the grandest desert, but the real fun will begin once the next war begins. Right now the field is being laid out, yet there’s no telling who will come out on top once the sand settles and the blood spills. Oh hold on I think my notes had a mistake… Ah, my bad, Aures has a big tech and production lead, and a larger army, and will probably crush Wassoulou. Ah, hmm, well, there may be some telling of who will come out on top.
Shaggy:
Hoooooooooo boy. Oh man. The Mandate of Heaven truly does seem to lie with the Tang so far this season as they join a very intimidating coalition with Lanfang against Ryukyu. Call it the skills of the Tang diplomats, call it an alignment of interests, call it pursuing historical borders, call it happenstance (don’t call it a comeback, though), but Tang allying with Lanfang to start gobbling up the bottom tier east Asian civs is just a masterstroke. They will surely sit down to discuss plans to divvy up Yunnanese, Pegu, and possibly even Cebu lands soon. Also, as an aside, Tang were closer this week than they have ever been to being the undisputed top ranked civ among the Power Ranking team, once they reach that achievement we will stop the count and Taizong will truly become 天子.
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