Episode 32: Sniper no Sniping – S1

Welcome one and all to the Civilization Battle Royale X episode 32! I am your host for this installment, user and resident shitposter u/Shade_of_Borg. Those of you from the Mk 2 days may remember my attempt to force a meme about deleting Brazil until many took pity on me and laughed at the unfunny joke. Past narrators would tell you that they are power rankers and mod creators, but personally I’m just a shitposter with to much free time on his hands. With that said let’s get started!

This week's OC is an appropriately titled shitpost to honor the Seljuqs by user anarcho-balkan . They died as they lived: Sadly

As is tradition, here is Vihreaan’s hand-drawn map of the Cylinder. I always enjoy seeing this every week. Comparing the maps is a great way to remind myself how different things are week to week.

Here we see the greatest extent map of the HRE by user thehonestyfish. It’s a shame how small a territory they covered considering the potential the HRE had.

Well, not really. Uruguay stay at the #1 spot this week, for reasons that consist entirely of tech’ing up not much else. Somebody wake them up already.

We start this part not by looking at war, but diplomacy. Here we see the Taungoo proposing to make Bogomillism the one true religion, meanwhile the Iroquois want to pile on the embargo train by cockblocking The Nazca. It’s unlikely the ‘Goo will get their way but everyone loves a good embargo.

The Nazca have Tongoleleka and look like they’ll be hanging on to it for awhile. While I like the Tonga, I’m afraid Tonga time will soon come to an end. I see a single Tongo submarine in this picture, and I don’t think they have much else aside from that.

A Helicopter is damaged by a….plane? Here we see a collection of Yup’ik units trapped in the icey north of Alaska, surrounded by many neutral units who  think the Metis are mean bullies that should stop picking on their neighbour. Also, Tuulkessaaq has taken damage. I’m not sure if that’s relevant, I just want to make Dawkinzz’ life harder.

War were declared! Prussia declares on Palmyra by sending a bomber to blow up a frigette. I’m not sure where the plane launched from, but it evidently has a long range. Speaking of units, I love the strange time-displacement in this slide.  We have 18th century rifleman next to 21st century paratroopers while 20th century artillery is used by 25th century power armor, all while a 21st century helicopters guards a 17th century boat that was just bomber by a 20th century plane. What a world the Cylinder is.

Looking at the main front we see that Brno is already bombed into the black by the 10 aircraft in Ostrava. While Palmyra has a good variety of units, Prussia has more paratroopers meaning it will be easier for them to get into Palmyran territory. Also note the Cavalry unit that desperately needs to be upgraded.

Prussia continues to bomb some random area in the north of the Cylinder, but a Metis paratrooper might be able to capture the empty space, assuming Australia get out the way

We now go to the Shikoku core and see their impressive carpet, the cherry of course being their new Nexus. Now all they have to do is build more probes and...wait wrong game.

Venezuela decides to relieve the Nazca of some land by citadeling right up to the Nazca city of Topara. The Nazca may be focused on the Tonga, but they should not forget their continental neighbours and the threat Venezuela possesses.

It looks like the Haida and the Yup’ik are at war although I’m not sure who declared on who. Regardless, Tanu is in the red, but is being guarded by a small fleet of units. Meanwhile Kassigluq is in the yellow and the Yu’pik capital Niutaq is blockaded and doesn’t have many defenders, aside from the many peacekeepers. Things are not looking good for them. Also, it looks like Prussia and the Goth are at war now based on the damage their paratroopers are taking. Good for them.

Prussia’s attempts to shoot at an empty ice patch continue to prove futile, while a purple ghost ship takes on one of their carriers and the angry spirits seem to attack Elbing. Meanwhile several Australians complain about the cold.

Kassigluq has been captured and while those two Yu’pik destroys might flip it back, I doubt they’ll hold it. The Yu’piks navy is rapidly evaporating as the Haida push in.

We see here that the Goths and Prussia are indeed at war with each other as Goth paratroopers fly into Prussian lands and Potsdam is now in the black. I predict this city will flip many times in the foreseeable future. I’m also told that New Zealand declared on Prussia. Good for them.

While no cities have been exchanged yet, I think that’s about to change. Palmyra has a single melee unit amongst a crapton of Rocket artillery while Prussia still has a small carpet of paratroopers. If they capture Ostrava then they will probably hang on to it.

Venezuela now has aircraft carriers and it and Uruguay are hosting some injured Prussian units that are being bombed by New Zealand. While Venezuela has no hope against the ‘Guay they could still put up a fight. Meanwhile the Nazca declare on Beta Isreal. Also Poverty point still has units somewhere. Good for them.

Tongoleeka is still under control of the Nazca, but the Tonga refuse to accept that Tonga time is over. As an air battle rages above Haveluloto, the Tonga navy goes on the offensive and the Iroquois join the coalition against Beta Israel.

Since the last slide, Palmyra and Madagascar are at war.Nizwa looks primed to fall and considering it’s an isolated enclave far from any good reinforcements, it will stay Palmyran.

As predicted, Postdam has been captured, but I’m actually not sure how often it will flip. Prussia has a single, weak mechanized infantry to take it and the other Prussian units on this slide are ranged. It will be very interesting to see how this war plays out.

Prussia has taken Ostrava from Palmyra but a Palmyran Powered armor infantry will probably take it back within a couple turns. Meanwhile Uruguay peacekeepers are forming a wall across Palmyran lands.

Louis Riel is still providing his people with the best guns available. Of note is that Uruguay is 4th on the ranking, behind Zimbabwe and the Taungoo. Perhaps the ‘Guay is not as strong as we thought?

The Goth capital of Arheimer has taken damage, probably from some offscreen planes, but they still have a good carpet for defence, regardless of how their war with Prussia goes, the Goth capital won’t fall any time soon.

The Haida navy is bombarding the Yu’pik capital of Niugtaq while further north Qerrullik is in the red. While the presence of peacekeepers will prevent the Haida from conquering the Bering strait, it’s clear that the Yu’pik are doomed to become a rump state.

Beta Israel's current capital, Dabat is in the yellow but I have no idea if it will fall. Considering half the Cylinder is at war with them, it could be anyone's capture. Meanwhile the Yu’pik and the Metis make peace, although I’m not sure if any cities were given away.

The Metis have found the source of the northern ghosts and are ready to wipe them out, at the same time they want to make the map makers cry.

Zimbabwe joins the coalition against Prussia and a stealth bombers blows something up in the middle of the pacific. The declaration won’t amount to much aside from a few ocean skirmishes but it’s the thought that counts. Also the Iroquois build the Bionic Tower which causes the unhappiness and food consumption of Specialists to be reduced by half.

Prussia continues to push forward since taking Ostrava and look ready to lay siege to Konstantinyye, despite its myriad of defenders. Palmyra really screwed the pooch on this war. Meanwhile the Ottomans look on with admiration and fear.

While they are doing well against Palmyra, the Goth-Prussian war is at a stalemate as the soldiers fight each other among the pillaged ruins of the Prussian farmland. A lone unit of Palmyran Powered Armor infantry has been sent to help their Goth allies...and potentially snipe a city when they’re not looking.

A similar situation is occurring in the Tonga-Nazca war. Nazca still hold Tongoleleka (because of the goth paratrooper I bet) while their respective navys continue to duke it out.

Nugtaq has been captured by the Haida and will probably remain in their grasp. As I said before, and further gains will be hampered by the peacekeepers but the Yu’pik are essentially finished. Meanwhile a Metis Airship is upset that peace was declared before it could take a city, also the Metis make peace with the Sami. Good for them.

The Prussian countryside has been pillaged and burned while Postdam is in the black after being recaptured.There is not a single Goth unit in range to take the city again, but that doesn’t mean they can’t do a scorched earth campaign.

The Haida-Yu’pik war reached a standstill as Canton peacekeepers clog any land route the Haida have to Tununeq. Both cities are taking damage but with every tile full of peacekeepers, I can’t see anything else happening this war.

Looking over the Goth/Parthia border we see that the Goths still have a good carpet, however a revolution has occurred somewhere in the Cylinder...and what capital was retaken?

The Yu’pik will not accepted their fate as a Rump and counterattack the Haida by retaking their capital. NugTaq is surrounded by enemy units but the Yu’Pik refuse to simply turn over and die.

Prussian PAI (I got tired of typing the full name) tears apart Goth artillery while it looks like Postdam was flipped again. Novae has also taken some damage but based on the amount of units here, I can’t see anything but endless flipping for the foreseeable future. New Zealand finds this boring so decides to peace out of the war.

A look at the northern Moor core (hey, that rhymes!) shows us that the Moors really need to get rid of those peacekeepers and build an actual army, The Metis take pity on their lack of pointy sticks and make peace. Meanwhile the Iroquois build the Shimizu Mega City Pyramid which not only eliminates the building maintenance in the city it was built in but also also causes auto plants and Drone Hive to produce +2 happiness. Good for them.

Hiawatha continues to make wonders and he has not one, but two this time. Sky city improves the food, gold and happiness produced by vertical farms and it also creates a vertical farm in the city it was built. The Buenos Aires Forum starts and Golden age and increases the length by 50%! On the slide itself we see the continuing meat grinder of the goth-Prussian war. Next.

Slightly further south, Postdam flips again as Vladimir takes damage. Postdam might stay Prussian because of the peacekeepers and there is not a single Prussian unit within the Goths borders. I want to be excited for this war, but it’s just hard to get invested in a stalemate.

The Khamug Khanate decides to send the Qin a present, in the form of a missile aimed at Handan. While Qin do have a full carpet, most of it is Cavalry units  which are not very effective at this point in the game. I’m also told that Uruguay has declared on Qin as a show of support. Good for them.

The Khanate also have an irritatingly high number of cavalry units, one of which is about to face off against a Qin PAI. All the cities shown have ten planes/missiles each and each civ has a full carpet. I predict another meat grinder. Meanwhile Hiawatha has been playing a lot of Final Fantasy and decided to name his newest Wonder after his favorite weapon. The Ultima tower adds two more citizens in every city, presumably they are incentivized with a free copy of FFIV

At another front of the Qin/Khanate war we see that the city of Yin has been bombed and blasted to the black. It could be flipped next turn, assuming there’s a Khanate melee unit out of sight.

Evidently there is not a melee unit to take Yin but the same can not be said for Mukden which is in the red and surrounded by paratroopers. I predict it to fall by next turn.

The Haida recapture Nugtaq and I am told the Yu’pik made peace, which explains how the Haida have Querrlullik. I’m not sure if any other cities were traded, but regardless this war devastated the Yu’pik and with only a handful of frozen cities left I can guarantee that they are finished.

AZTEC FIGHT OFF COWARDLY APACHE AND STILL LIVE! AZTEC WILL TRIUMPH OVER ALL!

In the southern front of the Khannate/Qin war we see that that the two civs are having a friendly game of “bomb the shit out of the enemy cities without moving your units.” The Iroquois continue to be wonderful and make some floating islands . They provide extra Culture and Gold from ocean tiles and cause atolls to produce extra culture, gold, food, and production. Neat.

The Qin have taken Mukden and it looks like they are the ones on the offensive, despite the Khannate starting the war. However the Khannate still have a good carpet so it will be awhile before any real progress will be made here.

Despite being several miles from the front, the Khannate cities of Adarkin and Barlas are being bombed. Without units to actually capture them, this is useless though. If only there was some type of missile unit also damaged enemy ground units as well as cities...

Uruguay has decided that the best way to win a war is by trolling your allies and sniping a city that was taken by a common enemy. The Qin will probably flip it again but that was one cheeky move by the ‘Guay

The Khannate flip Yin, but with all the Qin units nearby I doubt it will be theirs for long. Mukden is already surrounded by Qin soldiers and probably won’t be in Uruguay's hands by next turn.

Prussia continues to defend Bromberg as the Goths go on the offensive. There is a chance the city will flip a few times but there’s honestly not that much else to say.

The Khannate city of Daegu is in the red and Qin tries to take if for themselves. I know I sound like a broken record by this point but with the sheer size of their respective carpets, this war is doomed to be a meat grinder for awhile.

The Qin capital of Xianyang (This part will cause Dawkinz to have an aneurysm) is, like all the cities in this war being bombed to hell. Luckily for Ying Zheng, his home is defended by two choke points that are being gallantly fortified by...cavalry. Seriously they have airships, paratroopers, and PAI but still have dudes on horses. Meanwhile a Uruguay mutant hides in a lake, waiting for the time to snipe the Qins capital.

Speaking of city snipes, Palmyra nabs Vladimir before Prussia does. Unlike Mukden however, Palmyra might actually keep the city, assuming Prussia doesn’t screw up and let their soldiers die.

The Qin take Mukden again and Uruguay has no units for another snipe. It was fun while it lasted.

Prussia you had ONE JOB. Well the Goths have Vladimir again which has had the majority of its people slaughtered. Prussia has made peace with Nazca and blah blah blah I really don’t like this war.

The Goths have taken Bromberg but the Prussians have more than enough PAI to retake it. While I admit to not liking this war very much, I have to give the Goths credit on good uses of the paratrooper IE, dropping them down to snipe cities while the enemy is not looking.

Daegu has survived the Qin assault but, like all the other cities in the way looks like it can be captured with a single unit, even the cavalry. The Qin/Khannate armies continue to slaughter each other in hopes of getting the upper hand. Also note a peace deal on the sidebar...

New Zealand gets two new cities from their peace deal with Selk’nam, which happen to be the two cities that were not in danger of falling. Selk’nam now only have a couple cities left. All New Zealand has to do now is fill up their new lands with units before the blue giant above them decides they aren’t worth the effort. We also see another important peace deal: This time between Prussia and Palmyra. Good for them.

The Maratha has decided that they hate the Lord of the Rings and plan to take out their anger on Beta Israel by attacking Shire. Hopefully the One Ring is already on its way to Mount Doom. Meanwhile the Taungoo makes peace with Prussia.

The Mutants have emerged from their hiding spot to help the Khannate defend the city of Telenguut. While there is a real possibility for it to be flipped, there is also enough units to hold the Qin back. Lets see how this goes.

Prussia takes Vladimir again and are going to retake Bromberg. More interestingly Beta Israel has completed the Manhattan project. They can’t really do anything with it but good for them.

The Khannate flips Mukden again and it looks like the Qin are being pushed back, thanks in no small part to the..Manx?

Daegu still stands but a Qin PAI looks to change that. What’s more interesting however is the Giant Death Robots that Shikoku has built, perhaps the only thing that can equal the cavalry.

Qin has Yin but any reinforcements for the three troops will have to find a way around the Manx peacekeepers. If the Khannate is able to get it, then Yin will stay theirs for a long time.

Meanwhile the Khannate are pushing towards Lanzhou with the assistance from a Uruguayan Bio-Soldier. Will we see another snipe?

The Khamug Khannate core, despite taking some damage from far away planes is looking pretty scary. The Khannate still has a full carpet, and with the Qin constantly being blocked by peacekeepers, I can see things going very well for the Khan.

The Qin have captured another city, although I’m not sure which one it was. Aside from that not much has changed here but VENEZUELA AND URUGUAY MAKE MISTAKE OF ATTACKING AZTEC ALL WILL FALL.

Prussia has finally stopped dropping bombs on a random patch of snow and found a city there. The Ghosts are not happy about it. Also the Manx and Qin team up on the Metis. Good for them.

The Goths flip bromber and hang on to Vladimir. Army is still equal, lots of Peacekeepers, the usual things...moving on.

AZTECS ACCEPT YU’PIK SACRIFICE OF CITIES AND ALLOW YU’PIK TO CLAIM CITY WHILE AZTEC ASCEND AND WIN ALL BATTLE ROYAL! AZTEC ALWAYS STRONGEST! F TO ALL OTHER CIVS!

We end this part to see who is the most happy on the Cylinder. With all their wonders I don’t think it’s a surprise that the Iroquois  have almost 800 sources of happiness. Good of them.

With that, I bid you all farewell and hope you enjoyed this installment of CBRX. I had a great time narrating and I’d like to thank Blue cassette for letting me finally be a narrator and Dawkinzz for being willing to say all these stupid names and dumb jokes. Once again I am u/Shade_Of_Borg and I am signing out.