Episode 39: Quicker To Take Than To Make – S1

Welcome to Part 2 of Endgame. I've dreamt of narrating something on r/civbattleroyale for multiple years and I'm honoured that I can finally have a go now that all the literate people have had theirs.

I'm a Civ 3 fanatic (let's guess about 8,000hrs) but I know my way around a hexagon well enough and I've read up on all the civs. I also played Civ 5 a lot until my computer retired itself and I have fond memories downloading too many mods and recreating scenarios from the royales.

This part is great - full of all the little twists one expects from a Battle Royale. The title refers to the fact that only one civ has actually built settlers so far - the others content with capturing cities. Let’s see if it continues!

NB: I call things that happened in the first half of the series pre-E (pre-Endgame). I like to imagine it actually means pre-Event to those living on the cylinder and write it as such. The Event - so cataclysmic, that to reference it is to suffer panic attacks. Don’t think about the Event. Anyway. Let’s play the Civ Battle Royale and Remain Indoors!

I adore the newspapers. Their pointedly pro-Prussian perspective provides partial relief each week it's printed. Fingers crossed the sarcastic viewpoint continues.

Vihreaa - stunning. Their maps - even more stunning. This time it’s an easy map to explain thanks to the restart for Endgame and the sparsity of cities. Just about everyone has settled their given settlers, though Sami and Venice seem to have mislaid them. I hear from other submariners that Pedro was deeply unhappy with their attitude towards the end and flung their units across the cylinder like the petulant baby he i- I mean, like the wise emperor he is. Anyway, good news for Prussian fans! Last week also saw the capture of Bombay, reducing India to the size of Nepal and increasing Maratha to the size of Taungoo.

A few other comments to make: Uruguay has taken Auckland from New Zealand and is marching towards Wellington, the capital. Parthia gave a city to the Goths in a peace deal. Shikoku also took the Khamug capital.

It was always going to be this civ. An early successful war, taking full advantage of their given advantage is a recipe for a high ranking. For the sake of an exciting, drawn-out saga, I hope the other middling powers on the continent settle their differences quickly and fight.

This area of the map is going to be a major talking point this episode. Last episode Nubia declared war on Benin in revenge for the forward settle of Uselu. Plenty of attacking troops have surged forwards and they're dealing damage to Uselu quickly, too.

Meanwhile, Zimbabwe are looking to forward-settle in a classic Boer move. This is a great time to be pushing northwards - and infill later. Could Madagascar get a foothold in Africa or Arabia? At this time, it's still possible, but Zimbabwe is a quick settler.

Uruguay captures Wellington - are NZ knocked out? No, they have a settler fleeing to the south. Whilst Uruguay look to be meaning business, their southwards focus means Nazca and Venezuela have time to catch up in the north.

Burano is settled up in Holstein, just across the waters from both Konigsberg and Hedeby. With just one defending warrior, Prussia must surely be looking to attack. Eastern England and Scotland looks pretty empty.

Iroquois declare war on the Apache with Venezuela cheering them on from the sidelines. Because of the Metis capture, the terrain between Iroquois and Apache is not easy, but Hiawatha has a forest movement bonus so it might be okay. With the Apache army still defending the capital, one assumes the Iroquois could take Tsokanende, locking down the Eastern seaboard.

Uselu falls to Nubia, although Benin does have a small detachment pushing through the Sahara in an attempt to outflank the Nubians. As expected, Zimbabwe settles close to Akure with the city of Dhlo-Dhlo. In an attempt to get away with the forward settle, Zimbabwe join Benin in war with Nubia. No army and forested hills means little chance of capturing anything, so this was a purely diplomatic move.

Australia constructs Machu Picchu, because they have lots of people to trade with right now on their massive continent that they occupy all by themselves.

The Kazakhs capture Jaruud and look to have enough troops to push on to Manan. The Khamugs are really feeling the effects of pre-Event Qin. Had Qin not pushed them back at the last minute, and had Qin not removed Shikoku from Japan and put them in Siberia, the Khamugs would be having a bit of an easier ride. Even the Evenks could eliminate them!

Palmyra also declared on Nubia, with the not-very-Dvinnish city of Meroe soon to be under siege from all those prawn-shaped cavalry units (Clibanarii apparently). Palmyra really needs some siege units, especially since Meroe is on a hill and rocking 16 defense.

Benin have dissolved their flanking army, preferring to wait until Nubia is at the doors of their capital before engaging. Zimbabwe grabs a single tile north of Dhlo-Dhlo in an attempt at preventing Benin from expanding into the Horn or Africa. By the way, Dhlo-Dhlo scores 16 in Scrabble, the highest of any city on screen. A Uselu-ss fact.

Uruguay are still at war with New Zealand, meaning in a turn or two that trireme will be dead and New Zealand will have a military score of zero. Christchurch is really as far away as NZ could get from Blue Casse- the Blue Menace. I don't see NZ being as expansive this game as pre-Event, but if Uruguay don’t take them out, they could well turtle their time away. A sad, cold end for a once Pacific-wide empire.

Somehow, Nepal is doing better than India. Gorkha is settled amongst a teeming forest of Taungoo swordsmen. India meanwhile has sent a settler northwest, away from Maratha - sensible. The circular settler units - they're just normal units. However the triangular settler up near the Ganges Delta is actually a settler, looking to cut off Taungoo expansion. I have to say, this is a strong Marathan start. However, their struggle is the same as pre-E: how to leave the subcontinent? They will have to fight their way out.

Uruguay board the NZ trireme, steal it, lug it overland to the South Atlantic Ocean, then use it to assault Christchurch. They're unlikely to capture it with just one borrowed boat but it's possible for that swordsman to come south and help out. Devote some more troops and finish the job, Lavalleja! We want cyberblood!

Haisndayin looks safe, for now. I don't know what the Metis want but a capital isn't part of it, not with their army drifting northwards.

The Haida have settled. Haina is surprisingly inland, preventing them from making a fearsome navy until Skidegate comes online. At least the Rockies prevent an early death. Could they match their pre-E performance?

Palmyra decides not to capture North Africa and instead aims to slaughter their army on the walls of Gothiscandza. Multiple Gadrauhts (Gothic swordsmen) litter the hilly shores. They receive a combat bonus on hills so there's no chance Palmyra will win this war. Zenobia would have done much better focusing on Nubia and settling the Mediterranean.

I wonder who will settle Greece first? With two civs distracted maybe Venice can sneak in.

Lime’s Note: Sorry about the menu popup next to the minimap, unfortunately it sticks around for a little while but it does go away eventually.

Prussia and Venice declare peace with no change in borders. Burano is safe for now, as is Danzig, but the Moors look threatening with their army of pikemen. I like Venice, but they need to tech up, and quick.

Kazakh forces push towards Manan as a Qin detachment makes contact, with news that Ablai Khan has declared war on the Goths in the west. The troops ponder whether or not they should continue to the Khamug city or not.

The Parthians peace out with Palmyra. For now, we have two equine enemies with a penchant for the letter P trying to share the region in relative peace. But the Kazakh city Sauran looks to block the Parthians off from expanding anywhere but Tibet. The Indian settler, however, has withdrawn to Delhi for no reason.

The Khamugs were getting desperate enough to try New Zealand's strategy...

“Produce settlers, quick! We don't need any defense, we need to flee!”

“But sir, our settlers will be killed instantly if we head south.” “So head north!”

“North is blocked by strange men on reindeers.”

“Gah! Are there any more compass points we could head in?”

“How do you like mountains?”

“Hate them. Potential death to the south it is!”

The Iroquois axemen chop away at the patchy Apache defense. A long stream of replacements to the northeast could easily threaten the entire continent. The Metis army seems to have melted in the warm plains to the south and fled north again, but that hasn't stopped the Apache keeping all their troops near the capital.

The Qin detachment had snuck through the night, reaching the court of Manan just in time to see the Kazakh general lifting his gleaming sword high above the outstretched neck of the kneeling Khamug Khan Jamukha.

“Stop!” shouted the Qin delegation, “Don’t kill him yet - I have an important announcement.”

The Kazakh general was furious: “Do you know how much this sword weights?” He trembled slightly, but not as much as the Khan directly underneath it.

The Qin messenger continued: “We declare peace.” Jamukha breathed a sigh of relief. “The Qin, I mean. We, the Qin, declare peace. I guess the Kazakhs haven’t yet, though…”

The Kazahk general shook his head, roared, and dropped his sword through the neck of Jamukha’s hopes and aspirations. The Khamug Khanate are eliminated on Turn 44.

Despite knocking down the walls of the Qin capital pre-E, the Khamugs were pushed back and found them squeezed in next to a resurgent Shikoku and an expansive Kazakh empire. They simply didn’t get going quick enough post-E, and now Shikoku and the Kazakhs are neighbours. Khamug were almost great - a big nation, a big army, and poor neighbours. But the thing with civ is the ‘almost’. F.

Here we see a shot of the Moors' core. A fledgling navy looks east at unclaimed Italian clay, hoping to usurp the Venetian navy of the future. For now, the Moors spread north through France and south through the Straits of Jabal-Tariq. We eagerly await their first city in Africa, when they get round to making more settlers. The Manx have, on a previous turn, declared war on Venice along with the Vikings, putting Burano at mild risk of a naval invasion. The Manx have wisely headed southwards, blocking the Moors from settling the Mann Isles. Venice would not be in danger if the Moors attacked now due to the hilly approach to Venice, but it would not be great to see as an occasional Ven fan.

Also as an occasional Madagascar fan, I'm deeply disappointed by this scene. Zimbabwe have carefully placed their second city inland but directly across from Madagascar. They meanwhile have settled a one-tile island (which comes with no production of any kind) and most of the Madagascan armed forces are naval. Just like pre-E, it looks like their only expansion opportunity is now northwards to Arabia, because there is no chance they could mount a successful invasion of Zimbabwe now.

Qin has a large number of unique units, looking hungrily at the Cantonese warriors. The Composite Bowman replacement Qin Nu is stronger against cities and must be set up to fire first, whilst the Horseman replacement Rui Shi is no stronger but can build improvements in peacetime. Easier to defeat than most UUs at least. The settler that will found Hong Kong is not moving quickly. I fear Canton will once again be a rump at the beck and call of the northern Qin unless they develop a more mobile or stronger army. 20 City Strength ain't bad, though.

Tsokanende is in the red. Can we imagine what will happen next? Yes, we can.  Apache melee units are too far away to flip the city and soon they will be killed anyway. The Iroquois have started as they need to and have been expected to. Good settling and immediate army building, with a sensible early war with no risk of loss. Only the Metis can stop them now.

Shikoku declares on Evenks. Could they own three capitals before most civs have three cities? Shikoku at least have siege equipment and sufficient melee units.

Iroquois look to push on towards Shish-Inday. A Yup’ik scout-settler discovers Baja California but decides against settling.

Somehow, Maratha didn't settle this tile, so India did. I don’t know where the Marathan settler went though - conspiracy theories in the comments, please. Unfortunately, Taungoo have troops waiting for Allahabad and it is doomed to fall.

Even the Taungoo navy is getting involved. A Sami reindeer comes to say hello. Now the Nepali settler has vanished. Wormhole?

The Kazakhs heeded Qin's news and swing their army south to the Goths. Gadrauhts keep Arheimar safe from danger but the Parthian city given away in the peace deal is already being damaged by a catapult.

The Sami discover the Voronoi Diagram that a sub-developer carelessly left lying around in the snow and ponder what it means. Enwisened, the Sami have settled towards the Vikings, with another on its way in the northeast. The Vikings have locked down the south of the peninsula, where will they expand next?

The Evenks manage to flee, settling Baykit to the west of their capital, Tura. The capital is in the red though, with plenty of Shikokan troops raring to race into the city. The Khamug capital is already annexed, letting Shikoku get the most out of the productive hill zones.

Not quite the Hawaii Battle Royale, but the first meeting nonetheless between Australia and anyone else. If Nazca can settle a city on one of these Pacific Islands, maybe Australia can finally put Machu Picchu to good use and trade with them! Without Tonga, Papua, or even NZ, these bountiful islands look so quiet, and safe. Give it ten parts and we’ll be seeing billions of cylindrizens dying in similar screenshots.

A theme of exploration here, as a Manx scout approaches Canada. The Iroquois core looks very comfortable and safe. Who will reach Greenland and Iceland first? Hopefully someone with a more literal name-deciding ability.

Tura flips. There's still enough army to capture it permanently, but each flip angers the neighbouring civs, and I'm not sure Shikoku wants war with the Qin just yet.

A shot of my favourite island, wobbly UK. Peel enjoys a gorgeous beach with lots of dinosaur fossils, while Douglas mostly just enjoys Atlantic storms. Where is that settler going? Mainland Europe, or Scotland, to head off the Vikings?

Hong Kong is settled near IRL Amoy/Xiamen, across from the IRL country of Taiwan. Another settler seems to be heading inland, which is both risky and vital. The Cantonese really need good production to take on Qin at a later stage, but also mustn't anger them. Some on the sub are adamant that the Cantonese need to colonise the Philippines and Japan to make an impenetrable core, and I agree. Hopefully Ching Shih knows this too. Good to see some spearmen too - they will help if the Rui Shi horsemen UU ever starts a-galloping.

A cute Haida War Canoe pokes around the old Shikokan haunts. The submarine has removed all traces of civilization from the island of Japan so the secrets we know will remain hidden up until the time the leaders join us in the sub and catch the parts up on the sub’s intra-net (which must be confusing for those eliminated before discovering Electricity).

The Goths are still under assault from the Kazakhs. Potsdam, Prussia, now borders Otrar, Kazakhstan, making the Stan the longest civ, presumably in honour of British literature legend, Flat Stanley.

Canton declare on India, presumably for diplomatic points with Taungoo. Here's the futility of the Canton attack - Taungoo are in the way. Gorkha is receiving damage but repelling most swordsmen comfortably. Without siege equipment Taungoo will suffer - they have none at all! Allahabad is in deep yellow but could be easily retaken by the spearman and catapult lurking inshore.

I was hoping Madagascar could expand northwards, but that's off the cards too with the settling of Mapungubwe near Lake Victoria. It's another cunning settling from Zimbabwe being on a hill, though it is open to naval assault and Madagascar is building triremes...

Out the corner of our eye we can see Benin attempting to settle eastwards, but they're under fire from a Nubian detachment.

Tura is falling. If Shikoku moves those catapults in they have a chance. It'll be no elimination because Baykit is far away and weirdly defendable being behind the river and near Kazakh’s Manan.

The Plains War re-erupts as Metis declare on a hurting Apache. They have a lot of swordsmen, ostensibly to clear out the defending squadrons, with siege weaponry lurking behind in a catapult and some chariot archers. Even further back are nine horsemen, to sneak in at high speed. This is human levels of troop gradation, and I'm impressed. But the AI is notorious, so let's see if they can do anything.

The Cantonese caravan neared Nakamura. After a long journey, the caravanner asked for some cha before handing over his consignment. “Jo sun! It's so cold up here Sakamoto... lei dima?”

News from up north wasn't great - Turans were rebuilding the walls quicker than Shikokuans could knock them down, and whilst the Turan Guard were injured, the Shikokuan attackers were simply idle.

The caravanner wished him well and departed back to his homeland. “Joi geen!”

Ramseyterdam is settled between Burano and Balansiyyah with ambitions of becoming a major trading port in materials yet to be discovered. It's a ballsy move from Mann but something not achieved pre-E. Could the Islanders actually look for a future beyond their own shores for a change?

Caravans in Venetian lands suggest the Moorish pikemen aren't against the idea of Venice’s existence just yet.

Did I miss this declaration? Anyway, Viking units are damaged by the Sami town of Guovdageaidnu. I'm not sure if it'll be taken, but it's a positive sign from the Vikings. They received one of the largest standing armies on Turn 1 but could have easily sat on their hands the entire game.

Tura flips again. It's a cunning strategy by the Evenks as they eat up all the Shikokan melee units leaving just catapults pounding away at the walls. But with two very poorly melee units of their own, it's a strategy that will only work twice more.

Seeing it's Venezuela's turn reminds us that we haven't seen South American much yet.

The Metis are serious, pushing the defending army away and getting ready to set up the siege weapons. But maybe the Iroquois are also serious and could well snipe the capital away.

Four peace declarations too, two to ponder over. Firstly, it looks like New Zealand escaped with Christchurch and not much else. Secondly, Palmyra and Goths declare peace, though the minimap doesn't show any weird peace deals.

Uh-oh. Macao is settled riiiiight next to the bigger, more dangerous Qin. This is exactly the wrong decision, Ching Shih. Mark my words, it'll be taken like the Xia capital was. Quickly.

Asaak is still under fire from Kazakh forces, as Sauron and Merv block off Parthia's north and south, respectively.

Clearly the Goths repelled Palmyra, and now Venice has settled Greece with the city of Lido, blocking Palmyra further. Here's to a recommencement of the war with Nubia!

Yup'ik have settled Kamchatka but Haida don't like it. Their war canoes are marching north with a declaration of war. The Yup'ik capital is just as in danger as the rest because of the sheer number of naval approaches.

Finally! Tura is captured and Sakamoto finally rejoices at the resounding victory. The Evenks have no melee units, and Shikoku have three capitals! Qin capturing Kochi pre-E has given them a massive boost by teleporting them to the cylinder’s backyard, where they can prey on little civs. However, after this, it’s Kazakhstan or Qin. Time to tech and carpet up.

This is much the same picture as before - Gorkha is slightly damaged but not in any danger. Allahabad is in trouble but still Indian, and Delhi has a scared settler not wanting to move out.

Parthia is starting to look quite threatening with their horsemen and chariot archer replacements, the Grivpanvar and the Shivatir. Funnily enough, I learnt that Grivpanvar means 'neck-guard wearer' whilst researching the Palmyran prawn horses. Okay, that's not fun, I admit. Pretend you enjoy the facts.

Haisndayin takes damage. Iroquois are ignoring Shishinday to prepare for a snipe by the looks of it.

The Vikings had sadly not gotten further with their invasion, meanwhile the Sami have been settling Finland in a hope of tapping into the vast Siberian spaces to the east. The Vikings really need a navy, but pre-E they spurned one, beelining for a totally different and useless tech. Maybe they’re doing the same again here.

Asaak is captured by the Kazakhs, putting pressure on the Parthians. Nepal, of all people, is sending a settler westwards. They could soon be on three cities - the same as Benin or the Moors! Could they turtle the game out into the top 10?

Sadly the apocryphally-horned warriors give up and retreat. I'm not sure who has come off worse here. Both still have a decent army, but not one strong enough to go anywhere with.

Looks like they heard my plea! Meroe is taking damage from the prawn Clibanarii and Palmyra have stationed triremes offshore in case Nubia are stupid enough to settle a coastal city despite not having any settlers.

Look at Zimbabwe go, though! Seven cities by the looks of the minimap, including one right up the tail end of Napata. I believe they're still at war, so this is a risky move, but I think Palmyra are distracting Nubia plenty enough for Zimbabwe to get away with it.

Here's a look at the Kazakh kore. Astana is a meaty capital, and the ring of cities around it look to be important now and long into the future.

Canton peace out with Nepal now that they have the same number of cities.

Here's a look at a nation that is the highest-ranked despite having no shot at winning the game. The Great Wall of South Australia really stops those pesky invaders like, um, dingbats, and Machu Picchu sits there smugly.

Venezuela declares war on Nazca. It would be better to settle Central America and Brazil before someone else does, but Nazca also have some juicy cities to take. However, like the Kuikuro from pre-E, Nazca have the benefit of the jungle as well as an evenly-matched swordsman force. This must be a distraction from something. Uruguayan borders are snaking up from the bottom of the display, and Uruguay are the only ones that could take advantage of war between the two civs in Uruguay's way to world domination. Lavalleja must be chuckling all the way to the bank.

You know, I scanned the minimap for any changes following the Prusso-Palmyran War but didn't see any, forgetting that Palmyra's territories are dark enough to confuse with the Goths. Anyway, Berlin - jewel of Southeast Prussia, has been gifted. Thankfully, the Goths are no longer at war with Palmyra. Though it wouldn't be a bad thing if they were if one was a Goth fan...

Let's give three cheers for the plucky Manx! Two swordsmen (alright, two cheers then, one each) are storming Burano. Ramseyterdam was clearly a major staging zone for a full-blooded assault on the mainland. I wish them luck. Capturing Burano would be huge for Illiam Dhone.

Dear audience, I humbly submit an apology for I have reasoned wrong - Chitekete is under attack from the Nubians, and they have enough to take the city. Palmyra is embarking horses laden with heavy armour into flimsy wooden boats without any shielding whatsoever and hoping they don't drown as Meroe fires rocks at them. I call that good planning.

How many times do two superpowers attack a small fry and lose?

Now Prussia and Palmyra kiss and make up in order to take on Venice. The Manx would love some help with Burano - provided no-one stole it from them!

Peel converts to Islam as Moorish inquisitors tour the shores.

Success at last for Taungoo as Allahabad is captured. India hasn't moved their settler. Marathan troops squeeze through the gap to Nepal, whose defense is tested from every side as Canton comes through the mountain pass in the north.

Madagascar almost have a full carpet rocking the shores of the island, though this isn't special when they only have two unimpressive cities. Tech research will be suffering. That said, both they and Zimbabwe have spearmen and nothing more advanced than that so maybe they are achieving parity.

Shikoku crosses the Manan River, setting up the catapults in a 1-2 formation. This amount of firepower should sink the Evenki nation. What's worrying for the Evenks is the total lack of troops, meaning there's no way they could flip the city back if they don't kill the swordsman and horseman asap.

Louis Riel met with Hiawatha, bringing a hatchet and two shovels just in case.

“Look Wathy, you can have Shishinday, a nice port city if you think about it, good beaches, excellent seafood, a silver mine... where was I? Oh, and give us the capital, that dusty stinkin’ backwater. It's a good deal.”

“Alright, but I'm fully prepared to dig this hatchet back up again and ISPS it to you. Once the Apache are no longer, we're the two giants of North America, and that means I’m onto you.”

The Iroquois Army moves southwards.

I hadn't thought this would happen because when Palmyra declared war on Venice I totally assumed they would meander down from Berlin. Instead, a capable navy (plus a prawn horse) has been attacking Lido, jealous of their amazing swimming pool complexes. It could well fall, though Venice has another settler on its way, either to replace Lido or settle near Nubia.

Nubia push on Chitekete, but they need more ranged units in range first. Zimbabwe will grab the Horn imminently, blocking Madagascar from further expansion. Benin look to settle either the Sahara or the northern coastline depending on whether they want the city to grow or not.

And that looks like that - the final slide. Thank you so much for reading this. If only I could write this much, this quickly, on my university assignments. See you on the sub for analysis, theories, and OC. Stay safe and tune in next week for Part 3. In the days in between, don't forget to check out the sub for Season 2 Voting!