Episode 40: In a Rich Manx World – S1

Welcome one and all to the third part of CBRX: Endgame! I’m Paddywagon Man, with a bit of a conundrum on my hands. Last time I narrated I made Dawkinzz sing the Bossa Nova, and he kept swearing at me. He seemed really mad! So, out of respect for our beloved Dawkinzz, I have tried to make this narration as bland and boring as possible. And it wasn’t easy - this is one action-packed part we have to look forward to! So strap in and enjoy the ride!

An OC that gave me a real chuckle, Hawke’s Great Wall by Sevastopol_Station. Who knows what Hawke’s getting up to behind that wall of his? As the civs gobble up more and more of the shrunken cylinder, Hawke might soon have some neighbors peeking over.

Vihreaa, coming at us once again with a beautiful hand-drawn map. These early parts are always fun, with space to be claimed and borders changing in an instant.

Coiot: Paddywagon Man filled in a map slide for the tile-accurate map, but it has still not released, so inserting another OC. Here we have AutisticNotWeird's chart showing the PR rankings of the civs that have so far been featured in the top spot. It took the Kazakhs a long time, but they've gotten back to the summit. I will also take the chance to point out that AutisticNotWeird has been doing an audio recording of his book over in his Youtube Channel. Highly recommend you guys check out his novel, and the upcoming sequel if you like the audio previews of these first few chapters.

Kazakhs are back in first after a long hiatus in the dustbin of nations, and it isn’t hard to see why! They’re putting the vast territory of the steppe to good use, while nations that could have been their rivals - such as Parthia, Goths and Khamugs - are either underperforming, focusing their attention in Europe or both. Even Shikoku, despite their early conquest spree, don’t have the cities or production to stand up to the Potassium Powerhouse - and Shikoku has Qin breathing down their neck while the Kazakhs can settle and conquer unopposed.

In the waning years of the 65th Turn of the Cylinder a trireme, built on a certain turn in an uncertain city was sent under guard, to Allahabad…

This city looks poised to flip soon. Normally India’s high melee concentration would be a good thing, but in this case it lets the Taungoo triremes act completely unopposed. Still, even if it goes brown it’ll be back in purple shortly without better Taungoo land support.

Prime the F keys, the new Evenk capital looks to be the next to fall before the displaced Japanese horde. There really isn’t a lot to say about the Evenk performance in Endgame. At least this time they died while their reindeer still weren’t relics, I suppose.

The distortion caused by the shrunken cylinder throws me off a little here. That’s Rhodes, right? Shouldn’t it be smaller than Cyprus? Either way, Venice’s commendable attention to historicity is going unappreciated by Palmyra, which looks poised to seize Venice’s mediterranean empire. With their simultaneous invasion of Egypt still ongoing, looks to me like Palmyra’s trying to become this cylinder’s Ottomans. A lofty goal indeed.

Zimbabwe’s settling game is certainly on point, but for a superpower they’re doing a terrible job of fending off little Nubia. Those horsemen won’t cut it, and they don’t seem to have any reinforcements coming. Still, they’ve secured themselves a sizable empire, and could easily continue the spree into resource-rich Arabia.

Another day, another elimination! With Bombogor so unceremoniously removed from the picture, the crowded Siberia of the start has resolved itself into a staredown between Shikoku and the Kazakhs. Ryoma’s made impressive gains via warfare, but Ablai Khan’s been settling like a madman, with two more en route to snatch up the remaining Siberian forests. Who’ll come out ahead, one wonders?

Oh yeah, and F for Evenks.

After the CDC ban on gatherings of four or more military units, the hyped Haida/Yu’pik war was quick to fizzle out. Bored and stuck in quarantine, the Australian soldiers pass the time by telling outlandish stories of the land behind the wall to their Nazcan counterparts.

Near death, a lone Iroquois commando cleverly hides behind the map options popup. The Apache will never find him here!

For such a powerful nation going into Endgame - and considering the massive land they had to settle - the rapid crumbling of the Apache has been a real shock. Their capital and Shis-Inday are both surrounded and taking damage, and unlike New Zealand, I’m not seeing any emergency escape settlers. Could Apache be our next elimination?

A certain beloved city is back, and more importantly, North Africa is finally starting to get the attention it deserves! Benin is the first to stake its claim, though Venice and the Moors each have settlers inbound. Italian Libya, anybody?

Also, just barely in-picture, we see that Lido has fallen to the Palmyran navy.

Given the dense jungle and high defense value, I don’t think Chauchilla’s in much danger despite the superior Venezuelan forces. Chavez has just stepped into a military quagmire as old as the Kuikuro.

As predicted, Allahabad falls. But the Taungoo land army is getting sidetracked by Nepal rather than consolidating their hold over Bengal. Even with the Marathan column blocking Indian reinforcements, Indira should be able to flip Allahabad a couple times.

Prussian chariot archers vandalize Venetian vineyards as Burano’s defenses crumble under the weight of the Manx-Prussian alliance. Nice to see Venice get into the colony game finally, they’ve got another settler on the move, but right now an army would really be ideal. Just a suggestion, Enrico.

Allahabad’s purple again - but on the bright side, Taungoo has managed to get some swordsmen in position, and with Indian reinforcements no closer, we should see this battle decided soon enough.

Really all that remains to be seen is whether Prussia or Manx end up with the prize. Venice’s northern experiment can safely be called a failure.

A, back to a front we haven’t seen for a while. Shis-Inday is Iroquois, and they might even have the forces to push on to Ka’igwu. Haisndayin is still standing, but for how much longer? The Metis have the city surrounded, and now the Iroquois can add their strength as well - maybe even snipe it.

And it’s Prussia! First through the gates, they take the prize of Burano. They’re looking quite expansive, but their cities are worryingly small, with two new settles and a new conquest weighing down their military production. Why on Earth did you give up Berlin, Freddy?

And Haisndayin falls! The Apache are on their last legs, and better hope to peace out soon. Or maybe they’ll get some of that Nepalese luck from part one - Riel and Hiawatha share a pretty large border now, and I expect they’ll be coming to blows soon. Will it be soon enough to save the Apache?

Oh shoot here it comes! Just moments ago the Prussians in Burano were congratulating themself for winning the siege race, tossing the odd snide remark to the Manx camped below. But the Manx have pulled a beautiful double-cross against yesterday’s ally and have teamed up with the Goths to attack Prussia! Burano still hasn’t recovered its health, and with the sparse Prussian army, even Stettin might be on the table!

“The catapults are in position! On to Berlin!” cries Alaric to his assembled Goth soldiers. There is some shuffling of feet before somebody nervously informs him Frederick gave Berlin away to Palmyra.

“Takes all the fun out of warfare if they’re just giving them away” grumbles Alaric, as he musters his forces on the Kazakh border to march on Potsdam.

The tension here is rising, Burano’s health getting low...

It seems the mighty Prussia just can’t handle Illiam Dhone!

'Cause this turn, for the first time, as they rocket on up the ranks,

For the first time in CBR, it's gonna start raining Manx!

Venezuela’s not just winning this food contest, they’re running away with it. Seddon is in a rather odd second place, given how crippled his nation is.

It's raining Manx! Hallelujah, the Goths send thanks

For each Prussian shanked

They’ll teach the world to fear their leg wheels,

With Prussia crushed beneath three heels!

Benin and Nubia sign a peace, with Uselu (and Chitekete, the Zimbabwean settle) remaining in Piye’s hands. Nubia has done a fantastic job considering their weak start.

To the north Nubia’s war with Palmyra is still ongoing. Despite the apparent Palmyrene advantage though, Meroe looks to be in little danger. “All cavalry” is a terrible siege strategy, Meroe is on a hill and fortified, and Palmyra’s Mediterranean triremes are useless against this Red Sea port.

Zenobia tables a motion to transfer to Civ 6, so she can build a damn canal.

With the founding of Torcello, Venice stakes its claim in Africa. Perhaps they can build a new power base here, removed from the great European knife fight. Benin has two more settlers out though - as the demand for this land heats up, Venice might just find themselves with a new front to fight on, rather than a new core.

With this declaration of war against Prussia, I think Granny Eadni just wants an excuse to talk to her neighbors. She certainly doesn’t seem to be sending much in the way of an army.

Allahabad remains Taungoo, probably after a flip or two - but now it’s Taungoo that’s lacking reinforcements, while the Indian force remains undiminished. Nepal’s even sending troops in! Nepal!

The alliance breakdown the Apache needed has failed to manifest, and with the two giants of North America bearing down on their last settlement, it looks like they will be eliminated this part after all. I’ll hold off on the eulogy until they are, though. Anything can happen in CBR.

Ok, songs and merriment aside, this great coalition against Prussia is bogging down in a hurry. The Goths have a sizable army but seem reluctant to actually attack Potsdam, and the Sami are a non-issue. Their single trireme is gone, and I don’t see a single Sami unit south of Finland.

Cahuachi builds a lovely garden, in the capital he named after himself. If it were any other continent, building units would be a better idea while under attack by a stronger leader. But… South America. We know where this one goes already.

Alaric, with his big brain “split up and attack two cities at once, with tiny detachments” ploy, has somehow not managed to capture Magdeburg. Weird. To the north, the Manx have fully consolidated their hold on Burano. With the forces in Burano and Ramsey they’d have a decent shot at Stettin. The Goths might be floundering but Prussia still looks to be in for some rough weather, girls.

And with the fall of Ka’igwu, the Apache are no more. I was excited for Apache, back when CBRX was first voted on. Like Apache Chief from the Super Friends, they represented a new breath of diversity in a changing franchise. And they put their wide-open start to good use, growing to colossal size like Apache Chief from the Super Friends.

Unfortunately, they did not carry their competence with them from CBRX to endgame. On this new cylinder the Apache are just another minor civ - written off early and forgotten about by all, like Apache Chief from the Super Friends.

But at least they weren’t Aquaman. F.

The moors finally make their long-delayed landing in North Africa, founding Mursiyyah in a rich cluster of resources. Could this be the beginning of a new Moorish Algeria? They’ll need to hurry, with the rate Benin’s been settling.

Or they could just take Benin’s settles for their own! Could work!

The Moorish navy certainly did see great African success last round, against Songhai. But it feels a bit early for it here. Triremes aren’t gonna carry a lot of weight, especially with Udo only having the one coastal tile.

Is that a Venezuelan Trireme?

How the heck did it get there without crossing any deep water?

As for the Manx triremes, Kongsberg just looks too well defended for a naval assault, and the Manx army seems to just be idling.

Magdeburg’s health is about the same as it was last time we saw it, but the Goth forces have thinned while Prussia has reinforced. The Carpathians are a nice natural fortress but still, Alaric should have been able to pull this off.

Qin has settled North Korea, bringing them closer to conflict with Shikoku. Qin might have the larger army, but they’ve neglected to garrison their new settles, and they’ve got an uncomfortably high ranged unit bias

Palmyra may have been successful against Venice but they’ve hit a real stumbling block with Nubia. How many units have they thrown away here already, I wonder?

Nepal peaces out with one pair of nations just to stumble into war with two new and less threatening ones. Qin and Parthia each have impenetrable mazes of mountains between them and Nepal, and Parthia also has India getting in the way.

This could be big! Pre-Endgame Metis pushed Haida back to the coast in a long series of wars, gobbling up their inland cities one after another. Here Haina is a potential prize - but Haida has a surprisingly formidable land army, and the Rockies lie between them. Will Metis be able to keep its momentum up?

I take it back, Magdeburg has dropped to red. The Goths might well flip it, though they’ll need more units to hold onto it. Prussia still looks to be holding on here, but it’s bleeding them dry. They’ll need to peace out, bulk up, and wait for a neighbor to get distracted elsewhere - despite their promising start, most of their neighbors are just more powerful than they are.

Won’t somebody think of the scouts?!?

The sidebar gives us a nice juicy declaration - Maratha vs. Palmyra! Zimbabwe joins on Maratha’s side, and it looks like they do border Palmyra in Oman now. But given their inability to project power even against Nubia, I doubt they’ll be a hugely active participant in this war.

Here we see the battle lines drawn! With her mostly cavalry army, Zenobia was able to react quickly and scramble a strong force to meet the Marathans. Merv seems to be in the most danger - other than Chibuene, which Zimbabwe has not even bothered to garrison.

Given that Palmyra and Zimbabwe are both still at war with Nubia, we’ve got a lovely little war triangle here. Zimbabwe’s actually committing to the Nubian front now, and might be able to retake their lost city - Nubian resistance is stiff, though. And AI being AI, they might just peace out so they can focus on their pointless war with Palmyra.

Like a group project made up entirely of the slacker kids, Sami and the Goths are each half-heartedly besieging Potsdam in a stirring display of lukewarm camaraderie. The scene will be immortalized in grey, rather bland propaganda posters with several typos nobody could be bothered to fix.

Truly inspiring.

Merv’s taking damage and the Palmyrene defenders remain camped at Circesium. This could be Maratha’s shot to get big outside the subcontinent - but they’ll want to get those reinforcements moving!

Parthia is predictably failing to pierce the Nepalese mountains. If they’d joined in with Maratha instead of Qin they’d have a perfect shot from behind at Merv.

Or so it would seem for New Zealand. Uruguay has declared a new war against Seddon’s last breakaway colony, and looks to have the forces to make it stick this time. Seddon can at least pat himself on the back for starting in the worst position imaginable and still outliving Apache - but this is starting to look like a three-elimination part.

Peace breaks out in the old world, with the Moor-Benin naval phoney war being called off and Alaric finally just admitting he’s not much of a conqueror.

Kongigsberg’s in yellow, but the Manx fleet has evaporated - and the Manx force at Burano has decided to commit suicide by Danzig rather than take the undefended Stettin. Rough part for Prussia, but they haven’t lost any cities they owned at the start of the part, and they don’t look like they’re going to either.

The entire Palmyrene Red Sea Fleet of one trireme crashes against its Zimbabwean counterpart in what will likely be the only unit engagement of their little war. Meanwhile, the Clinibarii hordes appear to have rescued Merv, and the Marathan force in Pune is dwindling quickly despite the carpet in their core.

The Metis, rather than just focusing on Haina, have sent a large cavalry force northwards… rather pointlessly, as far as I can tell. The mountains make attacking Haina from that angle a tough prospect, and they certainly don’t have the strength to take Kung.

Back to Allahabad, the first conflict of the part, and now conclusively ended. The city remains brown and under Taungoo jurisdiction, leaving India a one-city rump. Indira does have a settler out, but this region is pretty dense and she’s unlikely to find anywhere to rebuild.

Out there in the wide open internet is a great Avengers vs. X-Men parody called Muh Phoenix. And in Muh Phoenix is a scene where Cyclops burns down the Coachella music festival.

Why am I bringing this up now? Well, it’ll give you all something to read in quarantine. Also, Venezuela is burning Chauchilla, which the Nazca gave them in the peace deal. The dense jungle was all the protection Nazca needed against Venezuelan soldiers, but there’s no protection against AI stupidity.

Louis Riel is sitting comfortably in his easy chair, reading the Prussian Herald. “Did you hear? Those Manx fellows betrayed their ally, right after they’d just won a war together. It’s a good thing Hiawatha and I are better friends than that.”

A messenger interrupts his snooze mere moments later. The Iroquois are back on the warpath. North America isn’t big enough for two superpowers.

Nubia and Palmyra sign a peace treaty and Sami declare war on Venezuela. I can’t tell if that Venezuelan trireme from earlier got killed, or if Eadni waited for it to leave before meekly declaring this meaningless war. Hey, I wouldn’t blame her. One trireme is still a bigger navy than what she’s got.

“So, settlers. You’re going to be the first to bring Australian civilization outside the wall, so we’ll want to do it right. I recommend settling southern Sumatra, it’s got lots of production and the science from Krakatoa…”

Hawke is interrupted. “We’re not settlers. We’re just the diplomats, sir.”

“YOU’RE the diplomats? Then who did I send to meet with the Taungoo yesterday? Oh, damn it…”

And just like that, despite the whole of Indonesia being open for settling, Hawke found himself with an impossible to defend city in spitting distance of the Taungoo core.

Christchurch drops to yellow, and Uruguay still has a lot of triremes. I hope you like mashing F keys, because this episode’s been bloody already and looks primed to get bloodier.

Despite being at war with the Haida as well, Metis is making a strong showing here. Nevertheless, Lepai-Nde is taking damage and the Iroquois look to have the upper hand. War with both his neighbors hasn’t stopped that Louis Riel settling bug, though.

Oh… oh no. Hiawatha, you wouldn’t. The Manx have been busy in Europe, sure, but that’s their clay right there! Or at least the Vikings!

That’s both brilliant and infuriating. I’m speechless.

Not much to say besides “any turn now”.

A Haida spearman is shocked to see a Metis horseman in barren tundra so far from any cities.

“What are you doing up here? Haina’s that way!”

“I wanted to desert, so I told Riel I was hunting barbarians. You?”

“Same, honestly. Does this mean we have to fight? There’s really nothing here to fight over.”

“We probably should... I think that trireme is watching… make it look convincing but nothing painful, yeah?”

And thus, when the Yu’pik caravan next rolled through they found the two enemies at nearly full health and locked in poorly-choreographed mock combat.

The Manx continue their futile push on Danzig - or as they prefer to call it, Gdanx.

“Gdanx or war!” they cry.

“We’re already at war, not that you can tell in Stettin” reply the annoyed Prussians.

After exile, death and resurrection, Seddon’s New Zealand is gone for good. They were a lot of fun to watch, with their brutal backstab against the Murri and their long stint as the dominant Oceanic power. But their new exile start did them no favours in Endgame, and neither did Uruguay. F for New Zealand and F for the memes.

Australia builds a wonder to celebrate their old rival’s demise, while the Iroquois pillage tiles and clear some of the defenders around Lepai-Nde. It’s still going to be a tough battle though, and Metis have impressive production to reinforce with.

No CBR is complete without an invader in the Isles, and here’s our unexpected contender Hiawatha, coming at you from Gadoquat. The Vikings really need to get moving before the whole North Sea is a delightful grey and cream colour.

The recent Beninese settles of Eko and Ife-Ife more or less block further Moorish settling in Africa, but that hasn’t stopped them planting their flag in the Canary Islands. If the Moors want their West African empire back they’ll have to fight Benin tooth and nail for it.

And we finish this part with a peek behind that wall Cahuachi has been so paranoid about! We see a sizeable Australian army, productive cities and a settler on the move. If I were Hawke I would get settling Indonesia pronto - but maybe settling Western Australia is a good move too, before Hiawatha finds it.

This has been Part 40 of CBRX, Part 3 of Endgame, and it’s been an honour narrating for you all! Stay safe and a great week!