Episode 51: Enemies On All Sides – S1

Release Date:

June 17, 2020

Narrated by:

DJJablonsky & Limaeus

Starting Turn:

751

Video:

Audio Narration

Full In-Game Turns

Abstract

Wars are fought, cities are captured, and entire nations are brought to their knees like never before, just like always.

Viewing: Vertical

Jump to scene

Introduction

1 / 0

1: Introduction

Hi, I am DJJablonsky, I have been a fan of the CBR since I discovered it in mid Mk. II. I was hooked immediately and caught up in a few days, which may or may not have been a contributing factor in me doing a bit worse on a math test than I would have liked, but that is not important. I am really happy to finally get to narrate a part. And don’t forget, y’all gonna lose, to Al-Andalus

Hello it’s me, Limaeus/Limerickarcher, member of Blue Cassette and invisible culler behind these episodes. I’ll be popping in near the end to narrate the last few slides, just wanted to preface this so I don’t scare you later.

1: Introduction

2: Nice Sub

A funny little propaganda poster made by u/silvokanuni detailing exactly how the Kazakhs ate the Iroquois’ lands up, just like how I eat the same sandwich that I get at Subway every time. (Tuna btw)

3: Vihreaa Map

And here is Vihreaa’s B-E-A-utiful map showing the state of the world in a simple, digestible, form. Take this from a guy who tried to do the same thing Vihreaa is doing now, it is really hard. And being colorblind didn’t help me there.

4: Turning Point

Not really a meme or map or anything, but u/shnarfl ’s analysis of the events of last part was really insightful and really drove the point home about how terrifying the Blue Horde really is to me, and how last part may have just been the end of the BR.

5: ♪KAZAKHSTAN♪

♪ Indisputably #1 ♪ All other countries are puny little bugs! ♪

Thinking about this empire’s sheer scale makes me shudder. I bet they could take on the world and win by now, and I worry for the Moors chances to win this.

And other civs too, but they aren't as important.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Orinoco? More like War-inoco

6: Orinoco? More like War-inoco

To start things off, we see the Venezuelan homeland being ripped apart by war. While Hiawatha is still making gains, having just taken Maracay and Valencia, things may take a turn soon. The Iroquois are greatly outnumbered and I cannot see one Iroquois air unit in the slide, while the ‘Guay have almost 30.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Old World Blues

7: Old World Blues

And here we have a shot of the edge of the Kazakh core, and it is making me quite concerned for the Moors safety. But that is not the important thing in this slide.

The important thing here is that Zimbabwe has made peace with Benin. The Zimbablitzkrieg of West Africa was fast and brutal, kicking Benin out of their homeland almost entirely in one episode, and they had to give up Árheimar to Zimbabwe as well. However, the Moors and Kazakhs are much more pressing concerns for them now.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Come On, Cumana!

8: Come On, Cumana!

The Iroquois march south hasn’t ended yet! Hiawatha keeps up the pressure on Lavalleja, taking Cumaná & Santa Lucia, but that took 5 turns. The Iroquois’ invasion force is rather small, and their technological advantage is what’s allowing them to continue this offensive. Uruguay has to halt them now and tech up immediately if they want to compete in the future.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Taking Five (Cities)

9: Taking Five (Cities)

Ciudad Del Plata (which is nowhere near the “La Plata” it claims to be a city of) & Chaucilla have fallen to the Iroquois, and Cumaná had a game of hot potato played with it judging by the population drop. It is genuinely impressive to me how the Iroquois have made it so far into South America, even through tough terrain and enemy air superiority, they are still taking city after city and making it look easy.

There may be hope for them yet!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Confederacy’s Conquistadores

10: The Confederacy’s Conquistadores

Hiawatha has clearly taken his fan’s requests to “Come to Brazil” to heart, as Paysandu, Trinidad, & Barquisimeto all fall to the Confederacy’s Conquistadores. Lavalleja has probably gained a few more blanco hairs than he would like to admit cause of the stress of it all

11: Baja Blast

And now we make a cut to the Baja, which the ‘Guay has managed to hold on to, somehow.

Scarier is the ungodly large Kazakh hovertank armada in the east pacific, weren't they like 25 techs behind the Iroquois and Moors 2 parts ago? They became so strong so quickly, the Iroquois were fighting them to a standstill for years in Alaska, then they got across the strait, recreated the setting of fallout 4 surprisingly accurately, and became a hyperpower in one part. I fear that may be the “Brazil Conquers Africa” crossing of the rubicon moment for the CBRX, but anything can change.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Finally! The war in the Americas is over

12: Finally! The war in the Americas is over

The Battle of Brazil has ended, The Haudenosaunee and The ‘Guay make peace, but not before Estaqueria, Carmelo, Las Piedras, & Cahuachi fall to Hiawatha’s army.

This is big, the Iroquois have gained a lot of land, it is a chance for Hiawatha to recoup and rebuild. His old core of Quebec and the Great Lakes is now under direct threat from the Kazakhs, so building up a new “backup core” in Brazil should be Hiawatha’s top priority right now.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of I have spoken too soon

13: I have spoken too soon

Just when I thought I would get to see the old world for once, the Blue Cassette team elects to skip ahead 24 turns to show me that Uruguay has declared war on the Iroquois.

Not too much seems to have changed about the situation, but now the Iroquois have more than one plane on the continent of South America. Their new core also still seems to be a WIP, as none of their cities in view have been unpuppeted yet.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Contradictory Name for a contradictory “Ciudad”

14: A Contradictory Name for a contradictory “Ciudad”

The Iroquois have taken “Ciudad de la Costa”, which, while yes, it is a city, it is not “of the coast” like its name claims. Why is this? Why would the city's founder lie to us? I do not know, and I feel insulted and betrayed.

San José de Mayo also fell to the Iroquois. I don’t see why Uruguay went for this play, they were so utterly outmatched last time and that was while they still had all of South America. Are they trying to commit suicide? Do they actually think they could win? Did they ask another civ to back them up but they chickened out last minute? And if so, who?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Montevideo Killed the Radio Star

15: Montevideo Killed the Radio Star

Montevideo has fallen. I did not think I would be saying this while I was seeing Hiawatha’s empire being ripped apart by the Kazakhs and the ‘Guay a part ago, but here we are. Really goes to show how unpredictable the CBR is.

Merely 2 parts ago they were a superpower, a contender to win it all, ruler of 2 whole continents. And now they are on track to lose all of South America to the Iroquois. I hope Lavalleja likes Oceania, because it will soon be his new home.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Florida Man, Florida Man, does whatever a Florida can

16: Florida Man, Florida Man, does whatever a Florida can

Durazno and Florida have fallen to the Iroquois, yet the Iroquois hardly have a Pacific fleet at all. Thus, they must have just embarked their units and sailed them in. And like any good one tile island city, they brutally slaughtered millions of people at the hands of the Iroquois’ troops, but that’s the CBR for you.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Quantifying Happiness

17: Quantifying Happiness

And to mark turn 800, we see the list of civs in the game by happiness and oh my god the Kazakhs have a massive number. Late game wonders are quite powerful.

And hey look, that’s the Sub in 7th!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Shock Montevideos

18: Shock Montevideos

Uruguay has reclaimed Montevideo. In five turns the population of the city has dropped from 33 to 2. Two. That is going from 18 Million people to 6 Thousand. 0.03% of the cities’ population remains.

It went from The New York City Metropolitan Area to Eldrigde, Iowa in 5 years. That’s insane.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Durazno More War

19: Durazno More War

Durazno has been retaken by Uruguay, but Hiawatha still holds on to Florida as the two leaders decide to make peace rather than continue the killing. While this wasn’t much of a war, what I thought would be the end of Uruguay turned into more of a middling tie.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of War and Peacekeepers

20: War and Peacekeepers

Uruguay has decided to declare war on Madagascar, and judging by the fact that significant amounts of their troops are still Rifleman and Cannons, it won't be a very difficult battle if I had to guess. But Madagascar will not ever run out of troops to attack the Baja with, so they should at least be a nuisance.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Not very space, but still quite Alien

21: Not very space, but still quite Alien

I knew Madagascar’s tech situation was bad but, I never knew it was this bad. I thought they just couldn’t upgrade their units because they weren’t in their home territory. But they are the best they have! They still have a wooden navy while every other relevant civ has future tech!

Imagine being a Madagascan and visiting another country in this world. And now imagine knowing that one of them is at war with you, that would be utterly terrifying.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Standing at Anything but “Ease”

22: Standing at Anything but “Ease”

Here’s a shot of the Middle East, the Moors have built up their core very well and have plenty of advanced units, I have hope that they could actually hold the Kazakhs back now. But the Kazakhs are still quite big and terrifying, and are not ever to be taken lightly.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of To Kill a Madagascar

23: To Kill a Madagascar

A small Uruguayan force has been spotted to the southeast of Madagascar, and I don’t see any of the Madagascaran navy anymore, this does not bode well for them at all.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Flowers for Alasora

24: Flowers for Alasora

Kaloy and Alasora have fallen to the ‘Guay, even though the Kazakh presence is strong, just a few Uruguayan units will spell doom for Ranavalona I.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Of Mice and Malagasy

25: Of Mice and Malagasy

Madagascar’s last cities fall, and while a few of their units are left, Lime tells me that literally all of them die next turn to Lavalleja’s air force. So, that marks the end of Madagascar...

Ranavalona, the mighty peacekeeper of endgame, you fought and defended as best you could, but nothing could stop the Guay. But hey, you outlasted SO many other civs that your end is nothing if not impressive. Take care you crazy queen.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Battle of North America Begins Again

26: The Battle of North America Begins Again

The Kazakhs have declared war on the Iroquois. This is going to be a crucial moment for the CBRX, if the Kazakhs win this, the production of North America and Asia will be more than enough to conquer the world. But if Hiawatha can hold, if just long enough to get Zimbabwe or the Moors to help him out, It may be enough to save the world from the Blue Horde.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Theatre of Mexico

27: Theatre of Mexico

The Kazakh hovertank armada strikes at the heart of Iroquois Mexico, Ciudad Bolivar is in a really bad spot, but not many other cities take damage in Mesoamerica.

Shis-Inday and Chenussio on the other hand, on the frontline, are going to be ravaged, Shis-Inday is in an especially bad spot for defensibility.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Raising the Ante with some Bellum

28: Raising the Ante with some Bellum

Sish-Inday holds out for one more turn, and Tsokanende is liberated by Iroquois troops! On top of that, Lépai-Ndé, one of Turtle Islands’ largest and most important cities, is in the black! And so are Ka’igwu and Haissndayin!

But something is off, the Kazakhs seem like they should have overwhelming air superiority right now, so why isn’t every Iroquois city south of the Mason-Dixon line red? That Kazakh Air Force wouldn’t just be doing nothing right now, and they have had a whole turn to bomb them, so it isn’t like they haven’t had the chance yet. Maybe the Iroquair Force is up north, out of view?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Onondagone with the Wind

29: Onondagone with the Wind

My guess was on the dot, the Iroquair Force was based just out of view, and they have clearly been doing a number on the Blue Horde. But Onondaga just took a nuke head on, and no major gains have been made on the northern front on either side. But that is likely going to change soon, as Île-à-La-Crosse is surrounded and in the red.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Sunset Invasion

30: Sunset Invasion

Hiawatha has reclaimed the Emerald Isle from the Blue Horde! It probably won’t last, as there’s only one tile on the island that doesn’t have a Kazakh unit on it.

Also take note of the massive Iroquois fleet just off of Greenland; reclaiming the largest isle in the world has to be a priority for Hiawatha, as Ablai Khan could use it as a jumping off point to attack from two fronts in the future.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Journey to the West(ern Hemisphere)

31: Journey to the West(ern Hemisphere)

The Battle for Mexico has clearly been an intense one, Shis-Inday has flipped back and forth while we weren’t looking, as has Ka’igwu (especially keen eyed viewers may have seen it on the minimap), while Ciudad Bolivar remains Blue for now

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Politically Polarizing

32: Politically Polarizing

Saint Paul de Métis and Fort Pitt are still undamaged, somehow, but I would suspect the non-existent Kazakh air force has something to do with it. Meanwhile, Hiawatha captures Willow Bunch and Saint-Lauren de Grandin, and begins to beat down Fort Garry and Duck Lake.

33: Mann up

The sunset invasion holds on! Ireland has been utterly devastated, Saraqusta and Douglas both seem to have flipped a few times, while Castletown and Walbah fall to Hiawatha as well. Gadoquat is the only Kazakh possession left on the Isles, but the fight is clearly not over yet.

34: Mann down

Ah the commentator’s curse, something I always find a way to fall victim to. The sunset invasion has been totally repelled from the Manx Isles, but Hiawatha is not the type to give up, and the Isles will still be in contention for a long time.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Grey and Yellow and Red Land

35: Grey and Yellow and Red Land

Things are going better for the Iroquois in another Atlantic Isle, however, as the Kazakhs have been removed completely from Greenland with the fall of Tiononderoge. And on top of that Ireland has flipped back again, but I doubt that Hiawatha will get much out of Ireland now, even if he does take it back for good.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of I am going to Al-Andalus it

36: I am going to Al-Andalus it

“Why would I be getting a shot of the Caribbean, there is nothing happening here?” Was what I first thought to myself after seeing this slide for the first time, until I looked closer.

The Moors have declared war in the Iroquois. I fear history will repeat itself now, an outside power intervening was a major factor in causing Hiawatha’s defeat last time and now it is the Moors instead of Uruguay, this may finally tip the balance in North America in Ablai’s favor. But hey, maybe Europe will have cleaner borders once the Iroquois get removed by the Moors.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Mann Overboard

37: Mann Overboard

The Moors have taken Castletown, but the Kazakhs still hold on to their cities in the Isles, so we may not even get clean borders from this after all. A city on Moorish Iceland has also fallen to the Iroquois as well.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Oh, To Be A Fljúgðu on The Wall

38: Oh, To Be A Fljúgðu on The Wall

And here we get a nice action shot, as someone’s ship gets blown to bits just off the coast of Greenland. The Iroquois don’t have many land forces on the island but what they lack in army they make up for in navy, in which the island has plenty of protectors.

Also, I can’t be the only one who forgot about the Vikings, right? It’s sad, honestly, they are so small that any one of the powers fighting over Greenland could declare war on them and wipe them out in the same turn. It is honestly a wonder that that hasn’t happened already

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Why does that city remind me of school?

39: Why does that city remind me of school?

As the Iroquois navy moves out, the Moorish Army moves in, taking Unjárga and Tiononderoge. The combination attack by the Moors and Kazakhs was just too much for the Iroquois Greenlandic Forces to take without significant naval backup. But, I think that Hiawatha has more pressing concerns than the fall of Greenland on his mind.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Same Clay, Different Name

40: Same Clay, Different Name

Such as the Moorish invasion of Brazil, I should have seen this coming, in hindsight. They clearly had ambitions in South America, they would never have fought Uruguay if they didn’t. Now they just have to fight the Iroquois instead of Uruguay. Regardless, most of the Brazillian seaboard has fallen to the Moors. A large contingent of Moorish X-COMs have landed in the Andes and are making headway there as well, cutting off Uruguay from making a land invasion into Brazil.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Cortez in the House

41: Cortez in the House

More Moorish X-COMs land in the Yucatan, taking Canjoharie, while Porlamar, on Hispaniola, falls to the Moorish Navy. Things are looking really bad for Hiawatha right now, and I am not sure if he can salvage this.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Battleground States

42: Battleground States

Is Wisconsin a swing state? Because it sure is in this BR, as Île-à-La-Crosse has been devastated by flipping back and forth over and over. Might as well add Saint-Laurent de Grandin and Fort Garry to that list too.

The Great Plains are looking very sparse, and almost all of the Kazakh cities in the slide are not looking too hot either. I wonder if it is because the Iroquair Force’s bombing campaign is working wonders, or the Kazakhs are focused on capturing Nunavut right now. If I had to guess, both.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Caribbean Conquests

43: Caribbean Conquests

That little Moorish adventure in the Caribbean seems to have failed, but they are still making gains in South America, as Cumaná and La Guaira fall to the Andalusi, while Valencia has been Moorish for a while.

Outside of Caracas, a little (big) bomb explodes in the ocean, doing damage to the city.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of I will take this no Moor!

44: I will take this no Moor!

Hiawatha hasn’t given up yet, Brazil may be devastated but that won't stop him from holding on to it for dear life. Soon it will be the Moors holding on for dear life with how things are going for them now, as Hiawatha takes Four (!) cities in one turn. This has not been Cumana’s part, how many times have they flipped back and forth now?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Battle on a Turtle’s Shell

45: Battle on a Turtle’s Shell

North America, where the nukes are made up and the Geneva Convention doesn’t matter. But seriously this war has been brutal for everyone involved, I do not remember Lepai-Nde’s population being that low, but hey, at least it is Iroquois again.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Cumana I’m Walkin’ ‘ere!

46: Cumana I’m Walkin’ ‘ere!

Ouch, Cumana gets ping-ponged again, and many recent Moorish captures fall back into Hiawatha’s hands. Hiawatha seems to be repulsing the Moorish adventure so far, but I see reinforcements in the Atlantic, so he isn’t out of the woods just yet.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Rocky Mountain Road

47: Rocky Mountain Road

The Iroquois have gotten some big victories for themselves, as they have somehow managed to push the Kazakhs back to the Rockies. On top of that, there aren't very many units from either side visible on this slide. I don’t know how, but things are going well for Hiawatha!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Commentator’s Curse Strikes Again!

48: Commentator’s Curse Strikes Again!

Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have jinxed it. Just when I say things are going well, all of Nunavut falls in one turn, and the Southwest flips Blue too. Nunavut looks remarkably sparse right now, I am sure seeing the beautiful nature of the Canadian North right next to a downed megadrone must be quite the scene.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Saint Boniface off

49: Saint Boniface off

Seems like the Iroquois just finished building a good few units, and good thing, their front line is looking notably sparse right now. Then again, the Kazakhs don’t seem to be doing very well either, even if they have the lead in units right now.

And now, I will be signing off, and Limaeus will be taking over narration for the rest of the part from here on out.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Beware of Ewuare

50: Beware of Ewuare

… and I’m back! Brief reminder, I’m Limaeus, resident culler, statistician, Dawkinzz stan and frequent consumer of limes. Also as a note, I do know what happens for the rest of this episode, but I do not know what the action in Episode 52 looks like yet, so any predictions are just predictions! Not a lot more to say than that, let’s jump back into the action!

Hiawatha’s capture of Las Piedras ends the Moors’ hopes of gaining a foothold on the other side of the pond. Their XCOM invasion was fantastic and truly showed signs of promise, but they just weren’t able to follow it up with any sustained show of force. Maybe next time Abd-ar Rahman.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of War in the North

51: War in the North

While the campaign in the south may have faltered, the minimalist Moorish army is encountering so little resistance in the north their main worries might be the Viking Line Infantry scattered across Greenland. Their capture of Ganogeh might be a new base of operations in North America, although I suspect the amassed Iroquoian air force nearby and occasional ship will take it right back.

52: Help

As I sit at my station on the sub, carefully documenting the action in North America through my many cameras, a steady drone starts to penetrate my headphones. I take them off and the drone strengthens to an unrelenting din! Where is this torturous sound coming from??? I and the rest of the team upend old war books, toss aside stacks of rankings and frantically dig through our Nebby plushie collection in a desperate search for the noise. Finally it occurs to me to check outside, and through the periscope I can see a never ending wall of blue ships rising above the mountains.

They found us...

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ewuare is abandoned

53: Ewuare is abandoned

In other news, the Moors didn’t care about my prediction that they’d never visit South America again, and have set up a hopefully-more-permanent-camp in Las Piedras.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Duck! There’s a Knife

54: Duck! There’s a Knife

We return back to the north for two more captures of significance, Iroquois marches right around the defenses at Willow Bunch to instead take Duck Lake and Cut Knife. If you’ve been watching the minimap for the past few slides, Iroquois and Kazakhs have been flipping cities like mad all over the continent, but with these two captures, seems like a step forward for the Iroquois.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Caterpillar or Centipede?

55: Caterpillar or Centipede?

The Iroquois take back Greenland with absurdly large nexus and absurdly small nanohives. This part of the Moorish army is mostly ships and planes, good for capturing coastal cities but not so good for mounting a serious invasion of North America. Now admittedly, they do have a superunit Crawler sitting on the Isle of Lewis that could do some damage if it makes it over to the land. As a reminder, Crawlers are a siege unit with a whopping 160 defense and they do 120 ranged damage, can carry up to 3 missiles, and have a chance of spawning another hypervelocity missile each turn.

56: Into Space

At this point, I think the Moors are just flipping cities for no reason other than to annoy Iroquois. Like c’mon, Scoharie? Really? It’s just not worth it.

In other news, it seems that had Kazakhs not won a space victory earlier, the Iroquois are well on their way, with what appears to be 3 boosters, a cockpit and an engine just hanging out. They add to the collection of other assorted civilian units that make Hiawatha look a lot more intimidating in this slide then he actually is.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Baye-Baye Ablai

57: Baye-Baye Ablai

See what I mean about all the flipping? This turn alone, Hiawatha captures Cut Knife, Batoche, Pembina, La Baye and Lac la Biche. The last city on that list is perhaps the most significant, as it gives Hiawatha a solid footing on the West Coast, and shrinks the border he has to fight Ablai Khan on. Now admittedly, the Khan will probably flip all these cities back, but I think Hiawatha’s momentum is picking up.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Haha, Dawkinzz said Butte

58: Haha, Dawkinzz said Butte

A few turns later, that shrinking border is clearly paying off, Frenchman’s Butte and Haina turn grey and with only half a hovertank nearby I don’t see Ablai Khan taking these back anytime soon. Speaking of Iroquois taking cities, now that they share a border with the Moorish enclave of Ninstints, it seems its defense of a single worker and some planes is going to be short lived. Personally, I’d advise them to hop on a plane and go west, perhaps the menacing blue blob will let them pass over on the way back home.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of If a GDR falls in the woods...

59: If a GDR falls in the woods...

The Kazakh North American outposts are quickly collapsing, a couple turns later and Battleford and Lac Sainte-Anne join the grey glob. While they do have a sizable amount of hovertanks left to flip cities, there are only 8 planes on this screen and no signs of more to come. The Iroquois only have 10, admittedly, but most of their cities here are new captures, not yet safe for planes to move in, so I would expect many more are hiding just off screen.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Be Aware of Ewuare

60: Be Aware of Ewuare

The Moors continue with their annoyance tactics, capturing Puerto Cabello with a stray advanced destroyer, which I’m sure Hiawatha’s southern general will just walk across the red carpet of nexus to take back without any trouble.

61: Peace at Last

6 turns later, after some more obnoxious flipping, Abd-ar

Rahman III and Hiawatha decide to make peace. If you had skipped the last dozen or so slides, you might be forgiven for thinking the Moors and Iroquois even went to war, since the only city flip that stuck seems to be Iroquois’ capture of Ninstints. It began as an astonishing blitz display of force in South America that petered out to petty flipping and now ends with nothing for the Moors. Based on their past track record of frequently declaring war though, I would imagine they’ll be back.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of 90,862,000 Sukumoans walk into a bar...

62: 90,862,000 Sukumoans walk into a bar...

The Iroquoian empire again stretches from end to end of Alaska with the captures of Iyo-Saijo and Gift Lake. What seems to be one of the problems for the Kazakhs is that all but one of their cities in this screenshot are puppeted, so they really have no ability to quickly build a frontline defense force, everything must come from their core. I’m a bit confused why they’re still puppeted, these are clearly high-quality cities and the Kazakhs are excessively happy, seems like they would be useful additions. But then again, what do I know.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Hybrid Drone > (Limerick)Archer

63: Hybrid Drone > (Limerick)Archer

Madagascar continues to have an outsized impact on the state of the cylinder, even after death they continue to clog up Kazakh territory with confused and leaderless soldiers. I wonder if Ablai could convince them to join his army? In the meantime though, the Kazakhs decide to peacekeep someone else’s territory rather than their own, spamming hovertanks all over Zimbabwean soil. Sure would be a shame if some of these units went and fought in the actual war up north.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Never discount Ying Zheng

64: Never discount Ying Zheng

I’d totally forgotten the Kazakhs still controlled these two islands. Well, guess it’s appropriate for the Iroquois to continue cleaning up bordergore, considering Ninstints. Gadoquat had been doing well, it was never flipped when this was an active front but now it has succumbed to the grey goo.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of 1,618,000 Sukumoans walk into a bar...

65: 1,618,000 Sukumoans walk into a bar...

Iroquois claims Cev’aq and Sirenik, officially voting Ablai Khan off the island that is an entire continuous landmass that is North America minus St. Lawrence Island (proud home of Niugtaqians). I could see Sirenik and Iyo-Saijo flipping a few more times, but honestly at this point they’d be merely symbolic flails by Ablai to pretend they can fight wars across the ocean. Hiawatha reigns supreme again.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Kamchatka Prime 1-turn shipping

66: Kamchatka Prime 1-turn shipping

Huh, I got some mail, to a certain “Lemonarcher” from “Supreme leader Ablai Khan the scary and great warmonger”

“Eat your words”

Huh.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Creepy Crawlies

67: Creepy Crawlies

Over in the west (east?), the Iroquois solidify their holdings on the Shetland Islands, and with no Kazakh units nearby I’d call this the end of this front. While this cleans up the borders slightly, I can imagine a future war between the Moors and Iroquois would be an instantaneous mess, considering how intertwined their borders are.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of 10% off with the coupon “NEVERFORGET”

68: 10% off with the coupon “NEVERFORGET”

8 turns after I received that rude letter, it seems that Ablai Khan has kept his word. Sirenik, Cev’aq and Iyo-Saijo all seem to be relatively solidly in Kazakh hands, and Battleford has started taking damage from the Kazakh air force (there’s a sneak peek of one in Imabari). I’d count that as a win if I couldn’t also count 94 Iroquoian planes on this slide.

In the south, the Royal Qin cruise business is going swimmingly, looks like they’ve sent out a couple groups from Zimbabwe and Uruguay on an excursion they’ve creatively titled “Watch civs that eliminated us eliminate others.” I hope they all signed their radiation waivers, knowing how nuke-happy Ablai is.

69: Hugo-ligopoly

The amount of content on this slide is almost overwhelming. I mean where do you begin? Let’s ignore the Kazakh Iroquois war for a bit and focus on the highlights.

A Benin settler hovers on the Brazilian coast hoping a city is nuked off the map, while their Haidan counterpart prefers to hope a south-Atlantic Atlantis appears right under them in the middle of the ocean.

The Venezuelan cruise ship business is doing well too, sounds like Ying Zheng might have some competition!

70: Guerra!

Just a little bit after their last attempt failed, Lavalleja is back again for another chance at retaking their homelands. Now based on previous events, I wouldn’t bet on the ‘Guay, but they are sending an impressive amount of nexus to capture Paysandú, /and/ they’ve already captured Florida, San José de Mayo and Ciudad de la Costa (which still isn’t coastal). Combined with the distraction that is the Kazakhs in the north, Uruguay might have a chance to make some quick gains and peace out here.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Alharb! Guerra!

71: Alharb! Guerra!

Oh boy the cylinder is really heating up now, the Moors are back for more too! The only top-5 civ left to declare war on Iroquois is the Vikings -- I mean Zimbabwe.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Don’t draw your maps yet

72: Don’t draw your maps yet

As I predicted earlier, the borders are just honestly a mess on and around the British Isles. In this slide alone, Iroquois captures Saraqustah and Bagat Az-Zayt, but take note that the Moors have yet to go.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Qin frigate vanished

73: The Qin frigate vanished

Sure enough, Abd-ar Rahman III captures Saraqustah and Bagat Az-Zayt back, and while they’re at it goes ahead and takes Douglas, Gadoquat, Walbah, Unjárga, Tiononderoge and Cattaraugus in the North. In South America, offscreen, they claim Valencia and Santa Teresa del Tuy. For the mathematically challenged, that’s 10 cities in one turn from a world power. If that doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will. Spiders?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of What’s up Doc?

74: What’s up Doc?

Off-screen, Iroquois had temporarily claimed Saint-Louis de Langevin and the titular Loon(ey) Lake, but never fear! Uruguay reclaims both cities and in the process also takes Ciudad Bolívar. While I can see Lavalleja holding onto his two original cities, I don’t have a lot of hope for any more northern conquests, Hiawatha’s army just looks too numerous up here.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ranavalona I peacekeeps the clouds

75: Ranavalona I peacekeeps the clouds

Back in the north, things aren’t looking a lot better for Hiawatha, the Kazakhs are slowly clawing their way back onto the continent with the capture of Battleford and Wood Mountain (Uruguay owned it, but then Iroquois took it and Kazakhs took it from them). The Iroquair Force is still many-in-plane, but it seems Ablai’s hovertanks don’t seem to really care. I thought I had this war all figured out earlier, but now I’m not really sure which way it’ll swing.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of 5320 Age of Dinosaurs (AD)

76: 5320 Age of Dinosaurs (AD)

We get a look at South America where the Moors had already captured a couple cities. Their bombers are patrolling the nearby sea, and will surely protect their news capture of Barinas. Hiawatha, in a shocking turn of fate, has clearly decided that his highly advanced army wasn’t working before, and has thus decided to train up old school paratroopers, a mobile SAM and triceratops. Yes. Triceratops. No, they’re not actually that good (100 strength, 2 movement, no fancy abilities)

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Black Lives Matter. Please educate yourself

77: Black Lives Matter. Please educate yourself

We end with one of the more shocking images to come from this episode. After watching Uruguay crumble to Hiawatha’s forces, then follow that up with a stalemate of a war, on this turn Lavalleja has captured Santa Lucía, Cahuachi, San José de Mayo, Paysandú, Estaquería, Las Piedras, and offscreen Saint-Louis de Langevin and Loon Lake. In addition, their combined air force with the Moors have severely damaged almost every single remaining Iroquoian city. With strengthening forces attacking from the west, east and south, Hiawatha might be headed for a quick collapse if he doesn’t watch out.

And that’s it, I’ve been Limaeus and you’ve been watching Episode 51 of the Civ Battle Royale X! I hope you enjoyed my little interlude, and I’ll be back next week as the invisible culler and occasional note maker. Have a good one, stay safe, and go check out the document “Do's and Don’ts for Talking About Racial Injustice” below now that you’re done reading this episode.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Vq3VJ6ZE6uRgM960F5jZZtfKxPv7LfGh5ZFomzcgISM/edit