Episode 06: Papuan Romance – S1

July 24, 2019

Scissor Fingers

81

Abstract

Hopes rise and hearts break as the order of civs is jumbled.

Viewing: Vertical
104 scenes
CBR In-Game Screenshot of 1

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Hello and welcome to the Civilization Battle Royale Part 6: Papuan Romance! I am /u/Scissor_Fingers, Scissor on the Discord. I am a Power Ranker, Part-Time Dev, and Mod Maker. My civs are Canton (sadface) and India (happyface). I get to narrate an action filled part and I can’t wait to get started. This title screen has been provided by Lunar and every time I love looking at it, trying to find every civ in the screen.

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Last week we saw the ascension of William of Orange to the mantle of Holy Roman Emperor and already HRE seems to be doing better than it did under the usurper Ashurbanipal.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Vihreaan Hand-Drawn Map

3: Vihreaan Hand-Drawn Map

This map provided by /u/Vihreaa is often the first map out by the time the part ends. So far, the Khamugs seemed to have formed a question mark on the map and Uruguay’s spread makes South America look like it’s sinking into the ocean.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Melon Map

4: Melon Map

/u/Spherical_Melon made an amazing map this week. Our 4 largest cities are all island civ capitals. Our island civs this mark follow in the footsteps of Hawaii in mk. 2. They accumulate huge populations but do not settle that many cities. Will they end up like Hawaii too? Surviving only to be eaten by a continental power.

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Looks like this week Zimbabwe regain their number #1 spot from the Khamugs. The Khamugs settled a lot the last few parts but they seem to have neglected their military compared to their neighbors, so they fell, while Zimbabwe has both a huge military and plenty of cities. A good choice for number 1!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Moor Troubles

6: Moor Troubles

We start off this part with a shot of the Moorish-Venetian front at Murano. Moorish forces have taken the city down to a little over half health. With Venetian reinforcements being on the wrong side of the Alps, it’s hard to see how Venice can keep this city.

To the North, William of Orange has taken up the position of Holy Roman Emperor and already a new settler is out and ready to claim the rapidly disappearing free territory in Europe.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Just Another Dey in the Desert

7: Just Another Dey in the Desert

The heart of the Sahara is host to units from all over Africa.

Songhai warriors quickly rush back to the lands of Askia to heed the call for a war that might actually go somewhere.

A Ndongan army stares hatefully at the Nubians; some say the conquering of Phaistos was such an atrocity that most of Africa was honor-bound to declare war on Piye.

Algeria’s Great General UU, the Dey, seems to have defected and is currently running as far away from the Libyan battlegrounds as fast as it can. Did he blaspheme against the gospel of Televangelism?

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08: 湖の物語

Kintarō, the Japanese scout encounters a large sea to the north of the great Khamug Mongols. His shogun had commanded him to explore the Great Western Land, but after months of traveling he had forgotten what it was like living on the sea. As Kintarō reached the shore, the fishermen that he questioned told him of a new settlement the Great Khan had established on the opposite shore. Apparently, Taichi’ut, the new settlement, was quickly becoming swarmed by holy men from a mysterious land farther north than Kintarō had ever been. The fishermen were wary of this new settlement since it seemed that the Great Khan had set his eyes on this land of mystery, and war might come to follow.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ivan the Terrible Indeed

09: Ivan the Terrible Indeed

Angered from the sacking of Danzig, Frederick begins his counter-offensive at Vladimir. He sends out a company of spearmen first to test the city’s defenses. It reports back to say that other than the city’s personal militia, it’s as if Ivan has abandoned Vladimir. Frederick can't believe his luck, a city almost freely given. He just hopes that the Goths to the east aren’t thinking the same thing as him.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of All Other Countries are Run by Little Girls

10: All Other Countries are Run by Little Girls

Mithridates continues to shoot arrows into the burning city of Almaty with his horsemen and is puzzled why the city isn’t his already. His general down south recommended sending a detachment of soldiers into the city to claim it, but Mithridates waved him off. Surely the best way to attack a city was to fire volleys of arrows at it and never enter it.

In other local news, Zenobia sends Indira a declaration of war. Indira, quite miffed, said that Zenobia is cancelled and put her portrait in her burn book.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Painnsylvania

11: Painnsylvania

A large detachment of troops from Poverty Point head northeast towards the Iroquois city of Hostayuntwa. Early reconnaissance suggests that most of the Iroquois army had been sent north to the Great Lakes to fight the Kingdom of Canada, so Tahera expects Hostayuntwa to not put up too much resistance against the force she sent.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of ANZAC Memories

12: ANZAC Memories

A joint Australian-New Zealander force attacks the Murri capital of Cavanbah, bringing down to half health. While New Zealand renews its naval invasion of the Murri, a Tongan setter sails by Christchurch. Seems like Saosi wants to settle the one tile island nearby, will this break the curse of the 3-city island gang?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Much Edo about Nothing

13: Much Edo about Nothing

The first few Songhai troops enter Benin’s territory and find themselves unprepared! Askia, while commanding a frightening military, has forgotten to send more than just a paltry force to the Benin capital. Ewuare, on the other hand, has organized a defensive line near Ughoton and upgraded all the archers in his empire to composite bowmen. This invasion won’t be easy for Songhai.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ragnar of the Minnesota Vikings

14: Ragnar of the Minnesota Vikings

“King Ragnar!” a messenger shouted in the halls of Nidaros, “The Prussians have taken Bergen!”

“Impossible, there is no way that they could have gotten an army past the Sami territories! Have you had too much to drink?” Ragnar didn’t believe this fool one bit.

“They didn’t go through the Sami, my king, they arrived in Bergen itself on boats!”

“Ha! Boats! Who would ever attack someone with boats? A bunch of madmen that's who!” said the King of the Vikings.

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15: Nenetcracker

After Ablai Khan spent years trying to find the fabled Nenet cities, he had to ride home in disgrace, the Parthian invasion now demanding his attention after dozens of letters from local governors panicking about the southern invaders. The Nenets, however inspired by this great victory against a foe many times their size, build a new settler in the hopes of starting a new age of Nenetsi expansion. Maybe next time they will be the ones to ride south looking for spoils.

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16: A Powderkeg Covered in Gasoline

The Great Bay has been a meeting place for the powers of the region for quite some time now. The eviction of the Cantonese from Qiongshi and Shikoku from Pyongyang have strengthened the Qin and Korea and this region looks like a flashpoint for a war that will decide the fate of East Asia for the rest of the time. The Qing are now with a settler navigating out of the bay maybe intending to settle a city on the island of Jeju, throwing the balance of power in their favor.

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17: Notices Bulge

Reports came back to Ewuare of the cities he had ordered settled to the east and they were quite strange. His governors had sent letters detailing a group of people in the new city of Owo who claimed to be possessed by the local animal spirits. They would take to dressing up in skins of hyenas and lions and their speech had slurred to a state in which the sounds they made were more animal in nature than humans. Ewuare knew not what to make of the strangeness of Owo but all he could do hope that the new city of Udo to the north didn’t fall prey to the same affliction.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Papuan Play

18: The Papuan Play

For far too long, Rajapapua had been the butt of the joke amongst his neighbors. His position made him look weak. But Rajapapua had enough of that. Now he was taking action by declaring war on the Australians who were too busy with the Murri. The Papuan navy is beginning its voyage to the vulnerable city of Perth. If Papua get a foothold in Australia now, they will have opened a path to victory from the jaws of defeat.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Nu-bye-a

19: Nu-bye-a

After a fruitless war, both Libya and Zimbabwe agree to settle peace with Nubia. Nubia has maintained a good defense after getting declared on by half of Africa but that can be mostly put up to lackluster efforts put in by their enemies. Ndongo is the only civ left at war with Nubia and they should probably make peace as well as now the Zimbabwean army has no other priorities left other than a distracted neighbor.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Norsing Around

20: Norsing Around

In the previous slide, the Sami were shown to have peaced out with the Prussians. This is bad news for the Vikings because now the Sami can focus on their more immediate neighbors. Luckily for the Vikings, they seem to have started ramping up military productions and have started building spearmen, while the Sami haven’t got a single spearman in their ranks.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Underwater Acropolis

21: Underwater Acropolis

The Haida have shown themselves to be the superior culture of North America by building the Parthenon in their capital, Ninstints. This wonder, weirdly situated in the water it seems, grants the Haida +4 culture and a Great Work of Art. A great bonus for a culture victory, but it seems that the Haida have forgotten that they’re in a deathmatch. The production used on this wonder would have been much better spent on a settler instead.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Lord Almaty, the Parthians are Coming

22: Lord Almaty, the Parthians are Coming

Almaty finally falls as Parthia manages to get a warrior in there and has now started advancing on Sighnaq. This war has gone terribly for the Kazakhs and it seems that the Kazakh core is under threat too. Things are looking dire for our former #1 civ!

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23: Purple Persia

We see our aubergine neighbors, India and Parthia, settling the mountain passes and hills of the Hindu Kush. These two empires are strong and have great stats. If a war was to erupt here, it would get bogged down into a stalemate quickly. If I had to give an advantage though, I would give it to India in this terrain as Indira’s cities are situated on nearly unassailable terrain while Mithridates’s cities are only defended by the hills that immediately surround them.

In other news, a Golden Horde trireme brings the Caspian coastal city of Kuchan to the yellow, however Tokhtamysh needs more than one boat to capture that ill-defended city.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Udo-No

24: Udo-No

A Songhai chariot archer rides up to the city of Udo with the intent of capturing it. He rides up and starts firing volleys at the city, not realizing that he left his comrades behind in the desert. Without support, he is surely to die.

Further to the south, a Nubian settler finds space between Benin and Beta Israel. Is Piye thinking of forward settling his neighbors, earning even more of their ire? Maybe he has more of a masochistic streak than we realized.

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25: An Unexpected Comeback

The regional governor of Perth walks out to the seashore and sees the largest fleet of ships he has ever laid eyes on. The Papuans had come as they had promised. Hawkes had called up the reserves to fight against the dastardly Murri and thought the Papuan declaration of war to be a non-threat, so Perth was left almost undefended. This fleet would sail into Perth unopposed. The governor realized with a grim thought that this would mark the first instance of foreign control of the continent.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Bergen for a Beating

26: Bergen for a Beating

Ragnar pushes Prussian forces from the city of Bergen, taking it back for the Vikings. However, Frederick has three triremes in reserve for another attempt to take back the city, and most horrifying for the Vikings, a settler. Will we see a Prussian city in Scandinavia?

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27: Recc-ed

Alaric seems to be on a settling spree as he settles Lugo and sends two more settlers west of Muscovy. Ivan’s paths of expansion are rapidly being cut off as the Goths try to emulate the Khamug’s encircling of China in Russia.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Journey to the... uh... East

28: Journey to the... uh... East

Ryoma seems to have forgotten that Northern Honshu and Hokkaido exist and refused to settle there. It’s alright though since Cixi has seen this vacancy and has so graciously volunteered to send a settler there. It seems we will see a divided Japan this time. Shikokoof indeed.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Manifest Destiny

29: Manifest Destiny

The Apache have settled the city of Ka’igwui northwest of the Aztec city of Tlatelolco. This could be an attempt to cut off Montezuma’s expansion into California and may cause conflict between the two civs. Poverty Point on the other hand have still refused to settle the settler near Shis-inday. Is Tahera afraid of angering Geronimo?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of If You can't Beat ‘Em, Go Somewhere Else

30: If You can't Beat ‘Em, Go Somewhere Else

While the Moorish attack on Murano has stalled, a lack of melee units in position being the factor, Venice has sent a detachment of archers to relieve the city. I doubt that Venice will be able to defeat the Moors but maybe Enrico will convince them to go away. Although the Moors’s war effort slows, they have settled the city of Malaqah near the tip of France. This could be an important staging point for a future invasion of the British Isles!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Mess-opotamia

31: Mess-opotamia

As Palmyra consolidates Nakhal, Oman seem to have drawn up a defensive line of archers. It’s safe to say that this is about as far as Palmyra can go. They are the clear winners of this war and Oman has been banished from Iraq. Oman also concludes a war with Nubia that was going nowhere fast as well. An Indian trireme watches the crazy situation in the Middle East and is reminded of home.

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32: No U

Askia, outraged by the settling of Tlemcen well into West Africa, settles Taghaza next to the Algerian city of Annaba. Not to be outdone though, Abeldaker sends a settler south, right on the outskirts of Aoudaghost. If there is anything we can learn about this exchange, it’s that both leaders are petty as hell.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Amazonia Prime

33: Amazonia Prime

The military buildup in the Amazon by the Nazca wasn’t just for show and use that build up to attack Kuikuro. Although the Nazca have a sizeable force, it is quite spread out and is hurt by the jungle’s movement penalties. On the other hand, Kuikuro have just integrated composite bowmen into their defenses and seem well prepared to handle an attack from the Nazca. If the Nazca don’t centralize their attack quickly, they might even lose Paredones.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Perth Problems

34: Perth Problems

The attack on Perth seems to be going excellently for Papua as Australia doesn’t even try to save the city. The Papuans have total naval dominance and after They have conquered Perth, they could even make a swing at Brisbane. Australia better peace out with the Murri fast if they want to keep their northern cities!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Long Way from Home

35: Long Way from Home

Ewuare continues to fend off the Songhai. Edo is not under too much danger as the attacking force is quite small. To the south, Queen Nzinga has begun a project to establish more cities as she becomes wary of an ever-expanding Zimbabwe. Africa right now is a balancing act and anything that changes it can cause it all to come crashing down.

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36: Ragnarok

The Vikings find themselves warred from all sides. The HRE and the Sami join Prussia in trying to evict the Vikings from life itself. The Sami begin their attacks southwards, but this is one area the Vikings are not too shabby. Their spearman provides a good defense against the warriors the Sami field. If there’s anything the Vikings have to fear, it’s the fact that they completely lack a navy and are defenseless from coastal attacks.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Was it a good idea to build only coastal cities?

37: Was it a good idea to build only coastal cities?

Every city down south is vulnerable to a coastal attack. Although none of the Vikings’s enemies are naval powers, it only takes a few boats to capture a city and that’s more than what the Vikings have. The Sami have resumed what the Prussians started and has begun to attack Bergen. Will they capture it? Probably not by themselves.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Canadian Peace

38: A Canadian Peace

King gives Hiawatha Winnipeg in exchange for peace and with this move, Canada are officially boxed in. The longest war in the cylinder ends after 47 turns. This might have been a strategic move by King though as Metis seem to be on the warpath and better, they fight the Iroquois and not him.

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39: No-Conquista

Murano still lies uncaptured as the Moorish attack stumbles yet again, but luckily for the Moors, a path has opened for their warrior to take Murano in a couple of turns. This war has been a grinder for the Moors and the longer they take to capture Murano, the worse it looks for them. The Moors have also brought a settler near the front lines. Maybe the plan is to settle in the space between Saraqustah and Murano.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of *Sad Pirate Noises*

40: *Sad Pirate Noises*

Canton, wounded from the loss of Hong Kong, seems to be caught in a vice between all its neighbors. With another Qin settler near Yueyang, it seems that there is no hope for them in China. Canton needs to use this to instead forge a naval empire, but in order to do this, Canton needs to build boats, something that Ching Shih has seemed quite unwilling to do.

Up north, a Qing settler shows up in between Ba’arin and Quanqiu. Does Cixi want to add to the border gore of China?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Second Chance

41: A Second Chance

We saw earlier that Haiti declared war on the Iroquois. Fortunately, the Iroquois have not focused on their southern neighbors at all and have neglected to build a navy. Haiti is unchallenged at sea and has a very good chance of capturing Teaiagon and even Deseroken. C’mon Haiti, you can do it!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Right in the Down Under

42: Right in the Down Under

Perth falls! Rajapapua is beside himself in glee as a significant amount of ground forces arrive in Australia and split his navy into two portions going Brisbane and Darwin respectively. At this point, Sulu should think of joining the battle because if they don’t, they might find themselves surrounded by Papua of all civs!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Steppe too Close

43: A Steppe too Close

The Goths settle Ologicus and effectively cut off the Golden Horde’s northwards expansion. Parthian and the Horde’s forces clash north of Otrar in what seems to be a pointless fight. The Horde missed the opportunity to intervene in this war and now must deal with a strong neighbor to the north and across the Caspian.

In other news, Ablai Khan decides the best way to reinforce Sighnaq is to send settlers out. Fortunately for the humbled horselord, the Parthian advance has seemed to run out of steam and the local garrison should be enough to at least hold them off until one side sues for peace.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Fighting Wars Good

44: Fighting Wars Good

Poverty Point’s war effort continues to annoy the Iroquois more than anything. Poverty Point’s soldiers have conveniently formed a queue to attack Hostayuntwa and fortunately for the defenders, have resolved to attack one at a time, like gentlemen. Etiquette is very important, and it would not be like Tahera to be nothing but proper, even in times of war.

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45: Don’t Count Your Chickens Before they Turn into Chicken Nuggets

Another fruitless war between India and Nepal ends. Honestly, I just think that Indira and Prithvi just go to war to get an excuse to see each other on the battlefield. It’s almost like they’re teasing each other. Ignoring the Romance of the 3 South Asian Kingdoms, Nepal and Khamug both settle cities in the Tibetan plateau, Nuwakot and Manghut respectively. Indira also seems ready to found a city just south of Tashkent. This area seems ripe for stalemating wars.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Where’s Floridaman when You Need Him?

46: Where’s Floridaman when You Need Him?

Haiti seems to split up the naval force into two, focusing more on Deseroken. This is odd because if anything, Teaiagon seems better as it’s easier for Haiti to control Florida than the Carolina coast. But hey, L’Ouverture has exceeded expectations already, so I have faith in him.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Amazon Doesn’t Do Refunds

47: Amazon Doesn’t Do Refunds

Ouch. This war did not go the way the Nazca had planned it to. Their attacking force has been either wiped out or pushed back and the Kuikuro have mobilized. Paredones is under attack and doesn’t look long for the world. If the Kuikuro take it, they could consolidate the Amazon for themselves and establish themselves as a power on this already strange continent.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Heart of Lightness

48: Heart of Lightness

Zimbabwe builds the Gate of the Sun! This non-vanilla wonder provides +3 Food and +1 Gold on lake tiles and, most importantly, a 15% food bonus in all cities. This will make Zimbabwe’s already insanely strong position even stronger! Africa is currently on a population and city boom and I can count 7 settlers in this shot alone!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Drank too much Beerwah

49: Drank too much Beerwah

The recent Murri settle of Beerwah has already been taken down to the red by Australia. This city was founded this part and it seems like Australia just won’t tolerate a random Murri city in the worst part of the Outback. In worse news for Australia, Papuan forces have just arrived at Darwin, and although it’s unlikely that they’ll take the city, Hawkes shouldn’t give them a chance.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Scandinavian Stalemate

50: Scandinavian Stalemate

Eadni sat by her hearth as her advisors bickered in the background. The army’s advance had been blunted and they were having trouble against Ragnar’s forces. His groundbreaking technology of pointy sticks had the Sami commanders in a tizzy. The shouting of the advisors got louder and louder until Aile, her granddaughter, pulled a knife out and started waving it at her younger brother.

“Children, this is no place to fight. This is the war room. Now, are you done?” Eadni’s voice was quiet but everyone shut up and started scouring the maps in a much more reserved manner. Eadni shifted again and pulled out a pair of knitting needles.

“I’m too old for this”

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Buying Birkenstocks

51: Buying Birkenstocks

William of Orange proves himself as the best emperor the HRE has had yet (that isn’t saying too much though) by initiating an attack on Birka. Although the attack just started and his triremes are damaged, I’m confident that William will find a way to take Birka!

The British Isles so far look full of units, but Scotland still refuses to use its settlers to do anything more than taking up space. Additionally, Castletown might be the first city to reach 20 population on the cylinder!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Putting the Russia in Prussia

52: Putting the Russia in Prussia

Prussia pushes on Muscovy even further as Old Fritz surrounds Vladimir. The garrison might be small, but they have damaged the Prussian spearman enough that they might be able to escape being captured for a few more turns. On the map, there are 2 settlers visible, one Czech and one Muscovy.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Curse of Lazy Portugal

53: The Curse of Lazy Portugal

Anyone that remembers the early days of Mk. 2 remembers the amazing comic by /u/MetroGoldwynMayer, The Lazy Portugal Show. In it the story of the chronically incompetent Portugal was written brilliantly. It seems like Rahman is a fan and roleplays Portugal by failing to capture what should be an easy capture. What’s even more is that he’s even brought a settler straight to the front lines!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Turkish... Undelight?

54: Turkish... Undelight?

Mehmed settles the city of Izmir close to Birtha, and although this settle would be nice at any other time, in the middle of a war, having a new undefended city right next to the enemy is just asking for trouble. Mehmed continues to boggle the mind by damaging Hierapolis with a spearman and running away unescorted. Did he just go up to the walls and yell obscenities until their feelings were hurt?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Settling for Sanity

55: Settling for Sanity

The Qin keep pumping out settlers like nobody’s business, with two settlers headed to Tibet. A look at their capital, Xianyang, shows you what that does at currently 6 population. The Qin might get a bit too spread out and instead should work on improving and consolidating their gains.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Haiti pulls a Haiti

56: Haiti pulls a Haiti

Wow L’Ouverture. You had a good invasion force and you wasted it. Haiti’s naval invasion of the Iroquois fizzles out and it seems that the island nation will remain unable to reach the mainland.

Venezuela fans might want to pay attention to the settler sailing up to the coast of Belize. Can Venezuela lock down Central America.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Gibraltar Buddies

57: Gibraltar Buddies

The Moors and Algeria have worked out a deal. Abdelkader has convinced Rahman to oppose their regional enemies, Libya and Songhai. This may be nothing more than an empty gesture though as the Moors do not possess a navy and will find no place to land troops.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Misrata Opportunities

58: Misrata Opportunities

Omar settles the city of Misrata right before the Algerian settler could and thereby traps Algeria to its already disadvantageous position. Unexpectedly, Libya might be in a good spot against the Moors. They have demonstrated that they can and will build ships and are far enough away to avoid counterattack that Libya could theoretically launch an invasion of Iberia. You can do it Omar!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Canton Get a Break

59: Canton Get a Break

Sum Chen is surrounded by units and although it seems hard to take, if Ching Shih doesn’t reinforce it, then she’ll lose it. On the bright side, Canton have a settler out on the tile where the ruins of Hong Kong are. To the south, Taungoo have founded the city of Pathein, cementing control of the Vietnamese coast.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Oh my...

60: Oh my...

Sulu keep building up an amazing military, large cities, high science, the works. Everything but new cities. Sulu should really make some settlers, and barring that, declare war on Taungoo and pick up some undefended cities.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Paredones my French

61: Paredones my French

When questioned about his apparent abandonment of the city of Paredones, all he had to say was “What do you mean Paredones? We’ve never had a city named that before.” This imminent city loss is not too much of a problem for the Nazca as they seem ready to plop down another settler to replace their soon to be gone settlement.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oof Oof Oof

62: Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oof Oof Oof

Hawkes decides that Beerwah, contrary to its name, does not have any beer worth mentioning. He elects to punish the Murri’s false advertisement by burning the city to the ground. All this is happening while the Papuans surround Darwin and start bringing the city down.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Gunned’oh

63: Gunned’oh

Gunnedah, for what seems like the hundredth time, is attacked by Australia, although this time, the Murri really don’t have much more than an archer defending it. Maybe this will prove to be the Aussie’s golden hour. New Zealand on the other hand has finally produced a settler and are sending it west. Maybe we’ll see a Kiwi Tasmania.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Hon Hon Hon

64: Hon Hon Hon

Maybe King has a fear of being a single city civ. He settles Quebec City in IRL New Brunswick. I think that King has made the most settlers out of anyone in North America when you look at his two cities. Canada’s chances at winning are over, but if King keeps settling the way he does, it’ll be awhile before he dies.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Second Second Chance?

65: A Second Second Chance?

L’Ouverture seems to have learned from his mistakes and concentrates his remaining forces at the city of Teaiagon. If he pulls this off, Haiti has a real chance of securing the Caribbean under their control! Meanwhile while that’s happening, Uruguayan triremes sail past Haiti, hoping to learn how to fight a naval war.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Kuikuro Ascendant

66: Kuikuro Ascendant

With Paredones virtually in Kuikuro hands, Kuikuro now stands in a much stronger position in South America. With cities that are near impossible to invade and a decent military, they could be the deciding factor on which civ eventually controls the continent.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Beergone

67: Beergone

The Fatwa against Beerwah has been fulfilled and now every Australian mourns the loss of such an important resource.

Up north, Darwin continues to be damaged by Papua with no Australian reinforcements in sight.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Gunnedamnit

68: Gunnedamnit

So, we have to dissect this. The Murri give away Gunnedah to New Zealand in order to stop the Aussie attack and give the Aussies a problem that they’ll have to deal with, a Kiwi foothold on the mainland. It was a genius plan, until the Kiwis stepped in and fucked it up with their own stupidity. Instead of using this free, large city, the Kiwis elect to burn it to the ground, along with their chances to invade the mainland.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Winnipeg

69: Winnipeg

The Metis launch their attack on Winnipeg, however the invasion force that they had a few turns ago has dispersed. They should not have a problem taking it though as Winnipeg can’t be reinforced by the Iroquois.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Germans in North

70: Germans in North

Ragnar really is going through a tough time as Prussia takes Bergen and settles the city of Stettin in Scandinavia. This was the worst case for the Vikings as now they must contend with more powers in their lands. On the bright side for the Vikings, the HRE’s attack seems to have let up on Birka.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Condescending Khan Descending

71: Condescending Khan Descending

This war has been nothing but a disaster for our former top ranked civ. The Kazakhs wasted their time on a war that was going nowhere while ignoring the threat to the south and lost two cities in the process. For Parthia, this war has put them in the top tier of civs and given them a way to expand even further. Additionally, both Kazakhs and Parthia have two settlers.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Voodoo Magic

72: Voodoo Magic

The new city of Maracay would be the focus of this slide if it weren’t for Haiti. They managed to defy the expectations people had for them in the beginning. They now control a city on both North and South America, and tomorrow, the world.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ching Shih Releases Hong Kong 2

73: Ching Shih Releases Hong Kong 2

Taungoo launch their final assault on Sum Chen, right about to take it. This would be another oof for Canton, but on the bright side, they rebuild Hong Kong right next to the ruins of the old one. Maybe Ching Shih will learn to keep this one.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Peace in Sahel

74: Peace in Sahel

Askia and Ewuare both settle their differences and agree to a peace. This war was supposed to be the one where Songhai devoured Benin and became the undisputed winners of Africa, but poor tech and a lackluster invasion force made it so Benin could not only fight them off, but also settle new cities while doing so. This war was technically a draw but an effective victory for Benin.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Tonga Time?

75: Tonga Time?

Papua is breaking down Darwin’s defenses and Northern Australia is effectively under Rajapapua’s control. More interesting is the Tongan settler in the middle of all this. It's unlikely but there is a chance that that settler moves to where the ruins of Gunnedah will be. Will it happen? Probably not, but I really hope it does.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Iroquois Delenda Est

76: Iroquois Delenda Est

Metis forces have brought Winnipeg to the yellow and as the city begins to fall, Iroquois reinforcements are being brought via Toronto. They won’t reach in time to stop the invasion, but maybe they’ll be enough to take Winnipeg back.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Tibetan Tantrums

77: Tibetan Tantrums

Nepal citadels Delhi, a crippling blow against India’s capital, but I just think it’s an excuse for Prithvi to visit Delhi. To the north, Indira gets another enemy in the form of Jamukha. The Khamugs would be a fearsome foe, if only India was anywhere near them. Instead, these two immortals will have to settle for trans-Himalayan shouting matches.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Great Expectations

78: Great Expectations

Haiti seems reinvigorated with the capture of Teaiagon and sends in a landing force along with a fleet of new triremes to get at Deseroken. Haiti seems to have picked itself back up and is intent to prove that everyone was wrong about it.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Welcome to CanTaungoo

79: Welcome to CanTaungoo

With the capture of Sum Chen, Canton peaces out with Taungoo and honestly that’s what they need more than anything. Canton needs to rebuild this loss and focus on being a naval civ since it certainly seems that land war is not their forte. For Taungoo, this means that they have secured the Mekong delta and are in a position to become a premiere regional power. All that they need to do is build up an army and settle more cities. However, after this, Taungoo needs to be able to take on the giants in India and China. Maybe this war gave them that chance.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Dashed Expectations

80: Dashed Expectations

Sigh

AI gotta AI. Right as Kuikuro was about to capture Paredones, Nazca pulls a peace treaty out of its ass and keeps the city. After this, I’d say Nazca are in a much better position that they were just a couple turns ago. Kuikuro on the other hand, just lost all their momentum. Their nice army and good centralized core in the Amazon are now in a precarious position and they threw away their one chance at breaking out. Disappointing really.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Vikings and Boats?

81: Vikings and Boats?

Ragnar was standing on the shore of Ribe watching one of his men pull out a boat and did something mind boggling. He saw his men put weapons in a boat. The Viking King was astonished. Who knew that boats could be used in an offensive manner? Certainly not him.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Winnipegs and Bacon

82: Winnipegs and Bacon

“My dear fellow immortal Hiawatha,

I have conquered your city of Winnipeg. I have set fire to your camp and slaughtered your soldiers. I have dashed the men and women of your city and claimed the survivors for my own. I have shown that I am the one that knocks down the walls of my enemies and I challenge you coward to meet me in battle.

 

From your dear friend,

Louis Riel”

CBR In-Game Screenshot of That’s the Tea-iagon

83: That’s the Tea-iagon

Hiawatha, so shaken by Louis Riel’s letter absentmindedly looked through the rest of his letters and began signing off on orders without reading them. He should have though, as one of them contained a request from Haiti for peace and now by accident, the capture of Teaiagon went unchallenged.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Love Triangle Intensifies

84: Love Triangle Intensifies

Shivaji, jealous of how close Prithvi and Indira have gotten, makes a move on Indira and declares war on her. South Asia in general needs to learn how to deal with feelings in a more productive manner apparently. The Maratha position is a bit hard though as the battleground is the plains of the Northwest and Indira has a larger military than Shivaji does. Everyone seems to want a piece of India nowadays.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Social Darwinism

85: Social Darwinism

Australia concedes defeat to Papua and sues for peace. This war put Papua back on the map and gave them nice productive continental cities. It’ll be harder now for Australia to connect with the cities of Brisbane and Hobart and even Gold Coast. Unlike Mk. 2, Australia has outside challengers!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of K̴͚͔̩͉͚̱̙͂̓ͭ̚I͉̅̃̏͑̉̿͛́́́L̫̟͚̥̣͒̾͋ͥ͝L̸̵͉̼̥̟̩ͫ͋ͭ͋̚ ̨̨͚͎̲̤̣̳ͧ̀̿̾͟Ķ͕̩̯̫̺̊͆Í̪͔̝͖͚̝̬͢ͅL̸͎̺̣̞̺̠̅̐ͥ͆͊͐̓ͭ́L̈̍͊́͏̭͕̻̰ ̧̦͔̝͓͉̘̺ͨ͋̇͞Ķ̟̭̬̟̥̲̰̜̣̔ͩͪ́I̷̸̢̤͈̘̺̘͛̍̓̽ͮ̀L̴̳̟̜̣̝̅̆̃͐ͮ̔͒͗L̷̠̈́̌̉̈́̔̊̃ͨ̍

86: K̴͚͔̩͉͚̱̙͂̓ͭ̚I͉̅̃̏͑̉̿͛́́́L̫̟͚̥̣͒̾͋ͥ͝L̸̵͉̼̥̟̩ͫ͋ͭ͋̚ ̨̨͚͎̲̤̣̳ͧ̀̿̾͟Ķ͕̩̯̫̺̊͆Í̪͔̝͖͚̝̬͢ͅL̸͎̺̣̞̺̠̅̐ͥ͆͊͐̓ͭ́L̈̍͊́͏̭͕̻̰ ̧̦͔̝͓͉̘̺ͨ͋̇͞Ķ̟̭̬̟̥̲̰̜̣̔ͩͪ́I̷̸̢̤͈̘̺̘͛̍̓̽ͮ̀L̴̳̟̜̣̝̅̆̃͐ͮ̔͒͗L̷̠̈́̌̉̈́̔̊̃ͨ̍

Whatever Lavalleja did to offend the Selk’nam, we may never know but Xo’on Uhan-Te does and Xo’on Uhan-Te does not tell. He declares war on them and immediately mobilizes forces south of Paysandu. This war will decide if Selk’nam will stay confined to their chilly, mysterious spot at the end of the world or will they break out.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Omae wa mo Shindeiru

87: Omae wa mo Shindeiru

Shikoku decides it’s time to try again, with more ships. Ryoma’s fleet is much larger than last times. Although the Koreans do have a navy now. If that’s enough to stop the grey from eating the pink, I don’t know. But as someone who was assigned to Korea in the CBRX Sweepstakes, this makes me big sad.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Surprise Motherfuckers!

88: Surprise Motherfuckers!

Venezuela has decided to move out of South America entirely and has settled across Central America, with one more settler about to plop down a city. Chavez might recover his top 10 spot yet! Also, there seems to be a Manx trireme off Maracaibo. Do we have our first transatlantic voyage?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Tongans on a Trip

89: Tongans on a Trip

The Tongan navy sails past Papua and onto the islands of the Philippines and Asia, is this invasion force headed to challenge the great land powers of China?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Wuchang Clan

90: Wuchang Clan

Afraid that her far-off citizens of Fuzhou were feeling lonely, Cixi sends another group of settlers to settle the city of Wuchang to north of them. Together these cities form the beginnings of Qingchatka. Across the Bering Sea, local Yup’ik woman, Srah Plin claims that she can see China from her backyard. Her delusions have the local priest come in and try to get the funk out of her system.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Prussian Bargain

91: The Prussian Bargain

Frederick whips up a peace deal out of nowhere and keeps the cities of Bergen and Stetten even though he had absolutely no way of protecting them. In his haste he trapped a group of Prussian sailors in Viking waters. This war was a disaster for the Vikings as not only did they lose city, but they allowed a settle in their backyard and screwed themselves over when they were about to take them back.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Peace in the Middle East

92: Peace in the Middle East

The Omanis remember that they were at war with Palmyra and hastily send a messenger to Zenobia’s court with a deal to leave things just as they are. Oman has lost its access to Mesopotamia and now must focus on the Arabian Peninsula before more Palmyrenes arrive.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Kiss my Anyi

93: Kiss my Anyi

The Qin settle Anyi mockingly close to Hong Kong as a message to Ching Shih that she should know her place. Another Qin settler heads westward to the lands of Nepal and Taungoo, two empires that the Qin need to be cautious in dealing with. The Taungoo have gone on a settler building spree and have 3 settlers out. One next to Inwa, One next to Sagiang, and one off the coast of Bago.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of You Activated my Trap Card!

94: You Activated my Trap Card!

Seems as though that Lavelleja was much more prepared for this war than Xo’on Uhan-Te expected. An army works their way down to Paysandu and sees the army of K’mal spearmen that Selk’nam has hedged their bets on. This war looks more in favor of Uruguay as it goes on.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of India, You Ok?

95: India, You Ok?

Apparently, Indira wasn’t convinced that she was leader of India and insists on settling Tibet, the new city of Madras placed just south of Tashkent... Is this a political statement? Maybe. But as more and more Indian settlers enter the Himalayas, one must ask, why is Nepal not settling these areas. Is Prithvi gifting these lands to Indira? Maybe.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Fuck Roads Thats Why

96: Fuck Roads Thats Why

Juan Lopez was just a normal merchant making his living. Every week, he’d make the trek between Maldonaldo and Tacuarembo using the Camino de la Amazonía, but as he left the city of Maldonaldo he noticed that the road was cordoned off. Apparently the forestmen had built a new fort there, claiming part of the road of themselves. Juan Lopez made his way back to Maldonaldo and prayed that Lord Lavelleja made these thieves pay!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa

97: Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa

Ranavalona has commissioned a navy be built and a new settler be built so Imerina could spread to more lands. Unfortunately for her, the eastern coast of Africa was quickly being swallowed up, so now she needs to find another spot for her intrepid new settler.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of AHA! I Counter Your Trap Card with Another Trap Card!

98: AHA! I Counter Your Trap Card with Another Trap Card!

Xo’on Uhan-Te remembered one thing that Lavelleja did not. No matter how good a land defense is, if one neglected naval defense, it was pointless. Using his superior navy, Xo’on Uhan-Te pinned Uruguay’s ships north and opened the way for Selk’nam to surround Paysandu. This really looks like it might be Xo’on Uhan-Te’s hour of destiny.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of 不知道东南西北

99: 不知道东南西北

Vancouver Guard #1: “Hey, aren’t the Metis to the west of us?”

Vancouver Guard #2: “Yeah, are you stupid or something”

Vancouver Guard #1: “Then why are those ships in the distance flying the Metis banner”

Vancouver Guard #2: “You’re delusional just look those ships are just-... oh damn”

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Na’iisha City You Got There

100: Na’iisha City You Got There

The Apache have secured Southern California for themselves, cutting off Aztec hopes. This region looks resource rich and will host some of the largest cities in North America as a result. The Yup’ik seem to be interested in this too as they head towards Cascadia with their settler, who has been wandering for about 3 episodes now.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Otto be Fucked

101: Otto be Fucked

Zenobia manages to wrangle herself the new Ottoman city of Izmir in a peace deal and with this, Zenobia has locked down Anatolia for Palmyra and doomed the Ottomans to an existence not-unlike the Byzantines of IRL and Mk. 2.

As Palpatine would say, “Ironic”

CBR In-Game Screenshot of If You Don’t Like it You Should Move to Venezuela

102: If You Don’t Like it You Should Move to Venezuela

Hugo Chavez realized that after Venezuela was attacked by Haiti, that his nation had an image problem. He was seen as weak and a place no one wanted to be. To fix that he first built up a navy that would prevent another Haitian attack and settled up Central America to shore up his defenses and he hired a man named Carlos Kirko from a group of town criers known as Unidas de Pajeros and told him to go all over the Americas and instructed him to tell people that, “if they didn’t like it in their home nations, they should just move to Venezuela”. Hugo Chavez was convinced this would help rebuild the damaged image of glorious Venezuela.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Im-Pedeme-nt

103: Im-Pedeme-nt

Nubia surprisingly settle the city of Pedeme on the mouth of the red sea across from Beta Israel. This city is in an immensely strategic location as any naval vessel that wants access in or out of the Red Sea needs to pass through Pedeme’s waters. This is also a threat to Oman as they have another challenger for the Arabian Peninsula.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Zim-Boer-bwe

104: Zim-Boer-bwe

As we finish this part, we close off with a view of Southern Africa, under the control of Zimbabwe. Looking at them, they look a lot like their orange predecessors in Mk. 2. These lands won’t be challenged for a long time, maybe not even at all. Africa is a ripe fruit for Mutota to eat, but the question is will he eat it.

This has been /u/Scissor_Fingers narrating a very exciting part and I hope y’all enjoyed my commentary!