Episode 6: Shifting Sands

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Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, im CBR, au CBR, to CBR! It’s time for another journey to the Cylinder to check in on our favourite goofballs and their horrifying cycle of bloodsport and murder. When we left off last week, conflict had erupted in Australia, the Oirats were infighting, and South America was boring (I know, I know, tell us something we don’t know).This is LacsiraxAriscal, aka Lacs, aka your showrunner and former chief power ranker, narrating this episode while simultaneously watching the CBR tick by in real time. We’re almost up to t800, so as ever it’ll be a bit of a headfuck to teleport a few millennia back in time. But before we get to the action, it’s time to check in with all our regular weekly shenanigans.

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ExplosiveWatermelon (whose tireless coding is a huge reason as to why this game is running at all) is embarking on a project to draw all of the X4 leaders. I particularly like this take on murderer and house-arrest enthusiast Elizabeth Bathory. Really captures a certain je ne sais quoi. I think it’s the mouth fulla canines that does it.

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NopeCopter has produced this loving tribute to the Yellowknives and their strong pacifist traditions. In tests Akaitcho was very timid and hesitant to settle, so honestly I’m just happy that he’s been expanding a little more freely this time, even if that’s come at the cost of, uh, any military at all.

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Here’s where I should tell you donate to the Ko-fi. But honestly, in all the time I’ve run CBR, I’ve never received a coffee or coffee allowance from Coiot, so I think it’s all a scam. Granted, the proceeds from the Ko-fi did pay for the PC on which I run the CBR, as well as an expansion pack I apparently did not have installed which this season wouldn’t run without, but c’mon, where’s my chai latte huh?

5: Noongar slide

A big winner in this week’s PRs, the Noongar not only reach the top 20 but also leapfrog the Palawa, beating them by just a single rank. They certainly took the initiative in the first war to break out in the great southern land, but a war is far more than a single battle, and the next episode should be a big test for the traditional west coast underdogs.

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We begin our regular proceedings with a look at a breakout star of episode 5, the long-suffering Qarmatians. We had a tough, tough time getting al-Jannabi’s infamous brigands anything close to their IRL counterparts, with their flat desert start kneecapping their early growth and expansiveness. Fortunately we found an answer: coral! One of the custom resources in CBR, we slightly altered it to give a production bonus, which gave them a couple decent coast tiles to work early, and it helped a bunch. Plus it’s not even inaccurate to real world geography, so that’s a bonus!

Bandar-e-Bushehr is safely Qarmatian now, but Shiraz is still firmly on the front lines, with Afsharid units prowling close by.

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A Mongolian army is steadily making its way through the hinterlands of Selkup territory, close enough to their cities to make Vonya weary though not so close that he’s firing warning shots. There’s nothing to fear from an army of that size, frankly; more worrying is the Dzungar settler about to snap up some prime real estate just over the Altay mountains from Narym. Still you’d be hard pressed to say the Selkups haven’t come flying out of the gate, as they rapidly approach a double digit city count.

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Dai Viet have a very pleasingly shaped empire, tracing IRL Vietnam’s spindly coastline with a somewhat oversized ‘head’ stretching into Laos and Yunnan. That’s great, because it doesn’t look like they’ll be settling much more - they’re becoming remarkably boxed in. They have a settler over on Luzon, but they’re surely too late - there are no available city spots on the northern half of the island, and SIam look sure to eat up the southern half soon. Zheng fight off a pithy Goguryeo naval assault.

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The fight for the Outback rages on as the Palawa begin a renewed offensive, in prime position to retake Maytim while a sizeable fleet blockades the port of Pinjarra. But the Noongar still have the definite advantage on land, fielding a good number of their unique spearmen (which don’t function all that different to regular spearmen, just free pillaging and cloning any captured civilians). They should be able to ensure both front line cities will eventually be settled in their favour, the real test being if they can progress the war to Kriwa.

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Oh Güshi. Güshi, why?I mean, uhhh, the benevolent holy leader of the Khoshut people make another generous offering to their Oirat brothers-in-arms, with Gyangtse only a warm-up gift for their true sacrifice, the grand city of Lhasa, right in the heart of Khoshut territory. Usually when a civ gives away a random core city in a peace treaty, it just becomes a casus belli for a future reconquista, but the terrain in Tibet is so unforgiving they might be hard pressed to easily liberate the city the next time these two go to war.

The Harappa army is looking strong. I promise I’m not gifting them extra units.

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Tecumseh will be thankful that war is something that’s happening around them at the moment, keen to fulfill Msurdej’s prediction that Shawnee will not be the first to die, goddammit. Instead they watch on as the Osage continue to fight off threats from east and west, as the Pueblo hold fire while the Seneca engage in Kentucky. Cornplanter has taken a break from planting corn to enhance the Seneca religion, which we’ll get a good look at…

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…Now! They elect to expand their pagoda complexes to include vast basilicas, making a tidy profit from tithes in the process, while also establishing sacred orders in order to better recruit proselytizers to the faith. Not the flashiest beliefs, and it’s still a very culture-focussed religion, but with Shawnee Lutheranism right on their doorstep this should help them establish Gaihwiio as a dominant faith in its own right.

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After an uncharacteristically feeble start, Nestor Makhno is finally coming into his own, besieging his former Black Sea jewel Ekaterinoslav and close to capturing the Latvian outpost of Rezekne. It’s worth saying though that should these battles go smoothly, it would give Makhnovia just five cities - much less than most civs have through settling, at this stage. There’s clearly still a lot of ground to make up here. Elsewhere Pontic troops swarm through the Caucasus without making so much as a dent on Lagan’s defences. Does Lagan not sound Irish to anyone else?

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Ndongo-Matamba are currently at war with just about every one of their neighbours, excepting the one with only two cities. This is proving to be far less of a problem than you might expect. None of their cities have taken a lick of damage yet, with Eswatini unable to get close to Kabasa, Kanem-Bornu’s horsemen being kept away from Kindonga by an Afsharid scout, and Saba-D’mt just… uhh, maybe the DMT is getting to them. The only actual threat is to their newest city, Cambambe, which is unprotected and facing a real test from Mogadishu’s unlikely land army. They should feasibly be able to rebound and take the city back if worst comes to worst, especially as the only civ on the block with composite bowmen.

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Mogadishu are yet to build up much of a navy, but having now unlocked the ability to embark, they are starting to stretch tentacles across the local pond, establishing the colony of Afgoi on Madagascar. With another bleak desert start, Mogadishu were also a civ I worried about in testing, so I’m glad to see a strong start from them this time round.

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As I’ve said many times before, if Coiot let me have my way, I’d manually rename every city on the Cylinder to accurately reflect their irl counterparts. Shaybani evidently agrees with me, settling Balkh on what I’d call the perfectly accurate tile. A sexy move, but maybe not a particularly strategic one, as they are still at war with Harappa, who loom menacingly close by. On the Kazan front, Elista is safe and secure, though further progress seems unlikely at this point. Dang, it’s been a good few turns for desert start civs. Warms my heart it does.

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I feel Gwanggaeto’s thunder has been somewhat stolen by the more glamorous Shang just to the south, but he’s building a steadily more and more impressive empire in the Amur basin, joining the ten city club with the foundation of Yodong. They’ve also built a few of their unique horseman replacements, the Gaemamusa, which enjoys rough terrain like the forests of the Gogurt north. I do think the icon looks a bit like a rhino, but as far as I’m aware they do ride horses. Mongolia also have a new city up, Tiflis, on the shores of Lake Baikal.

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The invasion of Korn korntinues, and Mag might have just enough of a navy to flip the city this time. Though, er, not to burst the hype bubble but Wahgi will assuredly flip the city back if so. Kudarat just doesn’t quite have the firepower to win a prolonged flipfest, so Kuno will likely be the only spoils he takes from the war. Bol’im’s revenge might come through sneakier methods, as a Wahgi settler makes its way up the Philippine coast.

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The Faroes, for whatever reason, are almost always stats leaders in any game they appear, and they’ve sure lived up to expectations so far, commanding a mighty production score, as well as superlative science and population. Their second city of Klaksvík has a higher population than most capitals! That surplus of people is being put to good use, most of them being pressganged into the navy, it seems. That’s a much bigger fleet than we’ve seen from any other civ so far, even the other early Sailing civs.

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Kudarat captures Korn! But with four spearmen in tow, the Wahgi will easily take the city back next turn, and only a tremendously timed peace treaty would see Maguindanao keep the city at this point. Maguindanao’s reserve fleet consists of a single trireme. This area of the world is also pretty high population - Wahgi’s Banz actually outlcasses the capital of Mount Hagen, while Mag’s cities of Simuay and Lamitan are also pretty little metropolises.

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And as the last screenshot teased, the city of Ekaterinoslav has finally been liberated by Makhnovian forces (please ignore that it was Makhno who gave the city away in the first place). Rezekne should be next, though Makhno should beware the Latvian forces mustering around Liepaja, as his empire’s western flanks look a little vulnerable. Latvia meanwhile have already replaced the lost city, founding Jurmala at the foot of the Gulf of Finland. Pontic Scythed Chariots continue to raid the Abkhazian highlands.

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An oasis in the heart of the Gobi Desert, Karakorum’s wondrous Hanging Gardens must be a tremendous sight for travelers, and a tremendous waste of water for residents. Should be a decent little wonder for Mongolia, anyway - we often see our central Asian civs be low food powerhouses, which usually leads to an insurmountable tech gap by the late game. Though, er, the erroneously placed Lake Victoria a little north of them should help too.

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Gao Xiang, former midfielder for Qingdao Huanghai, might seem like an odd pick for a Great General, and that’s because the name actually refers to a Three Kingdoms-era general of Shu Han. He’s been tasked by Nzinga with the defence of Kindonga, and he’s likely finding it a breeze, with Kanem-Bornu having only fielded a small force of horsemen, famously not great at taking cities. Of more interest is Cambambe, which has steadfastly shrugged off the assault of Mogadishu. Ndongo are looking very secure for a civ embroiled by war.

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There are an awful lot of Chinese generals, and this one’s stayed a little closer to home. Princess Pingyang, in our timeline a distinguished general who helped found the Tang Dynasty, is tasked with pacifying Anyang; it’s got a bad case of, errr, having its citizens murdered by a vicious vulpine empress. It feels like every time we Shang, they’ve added another city to their empire, with Xiaotun in the far north being the newest addition. But there is trouble afoot, as Zheng soldiers cross the Yangtze and penetrate far into the woods around Machang. It’s a little too disorganized to constitute an attack, but it’s a warning.

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Gotta admit, I was skeptical when I first Bora-Bora sending settlers to Patagonia, but they’ve got a very healthy army garrisoned in their two cities now. They could do with more spearmen to match the Big River horsemen, mind you. With that said, their war seems like a bloody stalemate at the moment. I’m disappointed in Rio Grande - they were very expansive in most of the tests we ran, but they’ve been completely out-settled by Tiwanaku and New Holland this time around. The Tehuelche being disappointing is a little more predictable, but they do at least have another settler out.

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Yagan means business. The Palawa counteroffensive on Maytim is brushed away, and Noongar forces now close in on Kriwa. Exposed in open terrain as it is, there is more than a good chance it’ll be flying the orange and grey before the episode’s over. But this offensive has come with a risk; much of the land army defending Pinjarra has been remobilized, leaving the port very vulnerable to Palawa’s naval assault, with no melee units close by to flip the city back if needs be. I think it’s worth the gambit though - it wouldn’t be hard to redirect the army back to Pinjarra after taking Kriwa, and an already damaged city wouldn’t be a difficult capture.

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The Pueblo make white peace with the Shawnee, disappointed I’m sure to find Tecumseh had no spare cities to give away in the treaty. Po’pay’s Pueblo are still at war with the Osage, though but for a small skirmish outside Ni-o-sho-de, you’d be hard pressed to tell. Despite early successes there, they’ve backed off from Mo-he-ag-gra. Their unique bowman, the Lada:kwe, is up and running. Its most pertinent bonus is a bonus against wounded units. There’s often a lot of those about in a CBR, you know?

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As was inevitable, Korn falls back to the Wahgi. Maggie could certainly flip the city back, though I do think it will likely end the war in the beautiful plum shades of Wahgi. Mag and Wag are both civs that tested very well, which made me a bit nervous to be honest - we just had a winner from this area, could another one be anywhere near as special, would it cheapen TL’s achievements? Though it looks like they’re both tiring each other out this time around.

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Latvia improbably keep hold of Rezekne a little longer, but it’s surely only a matter of moments now. They’re already preparing to replace the city, mind you, with settlers scouting out the northern reaches of Russia. They might have to watch for the Finns, who have their powerful bowman UU online, the Kalulainen Huntress. When these gals damage great people or naval units, it damages every other enemy unit of the same type. Nasty, they could tear apart a whole navy with just a couple units. Not to mention that when stationed on coastal hills, they get two attacks!

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Burgundy have come out of a series of wars rather less scathed than we anticipated. They could do with blitzing those English cities in Normandy before the English navy is powerful enough to turn that campaign into a flipfest - at the moment, England can only spare a couple of triremes to raid the northern Visigothic coast. Burgundy have finally built a coastal city, mind you, with Amiens, though I still wouldn’t fancy their chances on the high seas.

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The Romans also have a new city up, finally settling the south of the Italian peninsula (before Sierra Leone could forward settle them there, too). Trajan has a very, very low bar to clear to become the best ever Roman Empire the CBR has ever seen, and I still don’t feel confident saying he’ll manage it. The Singulares, their horseman UU, have a neat teleporting ability that I’m not convinced the AI will know how to use, and its other bonuses all pertain to barbarian encampments, so that’s a shame. Nice colours, though! As if we didn’t have enough purple civs.

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Ooooo, this is nasty. Inevitably-top 10 Kazakhstan (recently voted the most disliked civ of the season, for some reason) strike a blow on Bukhara, descending their huge army of spearmen directly onto a virtually defenceless Herat. This could end incredibly sourly for Shaybani, whose remaining army is spread very thinly across his emirate. If that Afsharid Empire hanging around the Caspian were to join in, this would be a bloodbath. As it is, the invasion is survivable, though probably not without concessions.

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Makhno is officially up to five cities for the first time, conquering Rezekne. But he’s taken so long to do it that Ulmanis has actually mustered a counterforce, with a decent enough composition that a quick reconquest looks likely. This war’s far from over, though, with both nations having plenty of reserves for the long fight ahead. Is it just me, or has Kazan beefed up a little in recent turns?

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Accidental Lake Victoria (decent band name?) has been claimed, but not by Mongolia - out of nowhere, the Dzungars have snuck two cities underneath the Mongolian army’s noses. The terrain here is rough enough that I think they could reasonably hold onto them for a while. Blue is blue, I suppose. Mongolia’s army seems incredibly understaffed, but to be honest, no one nearby looks like a threat at the moment. European civs must be looking on in deep envy at this blissful safety.

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The Zheng army rampaging through Henan Province has been defeated, no thanks to Manfred “Snoopy vs the Red Baron” von Richthofen, who’s been holidaying on the Yellow River for the duration of this war. Not that his talents as a flying ace are likely to be of much use in an era before gunpowder. Shang may be big - and goddamn, are they big - but they’ve really only concentrated an army in their core, and any sudden movements from the Mongolian nations to their west would be a little frightening. Even the Khoshuts might fancy a shot at Dawenkou.

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I’m not entirely convinced Kudarat is aware that islands north of the Visayas exist, as Siam claim the southern half of Luzon (bad luck Dai Viet), to complement the Zheng outpost of Taizhou founded last episode. The city’s very exposed to a naval attack, which Siam currently are completely ill-prepared to ward off, so I doubt it will remain in Rama’s hands for long. In fact, there’s an awfully auspicious Singaporean fleet sailing up the coast of Cochinchina as we speak… they’re not currently at war with anyone, so keep an eye on those guys.

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The Osage start to turn a defence against Puebloan forces into something of a counterattack. But it’s a bit of a bluff - they haven’t got nearly enough reserves to sustain an attack long enough to actually make territorial gains. To the north, damage numbers remind us that the Crow and Yellowknives are still at war - it can’t be all that interesting, given I apparently didn’t take any screenshots of it. Joe Crow’s also got a settler roaming Ontario, probably confused as to why all the street signs are in Old Norse, if I had to guess.

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Yagan’s Gambit is paying off, as Kriwa helplessly surrenders to his mighty force of Gidjiboryls. But while the Palawa navy has been decimated in the Bight, there might be just enough strength left there to flip Pinjarra. Still, look at Tarenorerer’s land forces - I count four archers and a spearman on the mainland. Yagan has nothing to fear from a Palawa fightback now, and can refocus his troops on defending the port city from the last dregs of the Palawa navy.

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Oh, there’s our shot of this war, and much as they were last episode the Crow forces continue to be a bit confused as to how to go about attacking a city inside Lake Winnipeg. A larger force is just starting to descend on Ndilo, though - it could do some reasonable damage. While the Canadians are squabbling, the Alaskans are spreading, as two Thule settlers sail past Ek’ati Ndi in search of the mythical “Pharaohs”.

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A quick breather as we look at the religious spread. Most religions haven’t left their birthplaces just yet, though Pueblo were very quick off the block to spread their faith across their empire, and both Maguindanao and Ikko-Ikki are getting off the ground.

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By far the most widespread religion of the Classical era though is Vietnamese Mahayana, already embedded in Southeast Asia. The Sámi faith is virtually uncontested in Europe, and likewise is off to a strong start.

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In the recent popularity poll, Mamluks attracted almost no interest whatsoever. It’s not hard to see why. Look at all that wonderful, fertile land they’re completely ignoring. At the very least they’ve built another settler, though I will remind you that Shang are currently sitting on 12 cities. Saba have another settler on the go too, apparently due to settle their ancestral homeland of Yemen.

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Latvia do indeed manage to flip Rezekne, though I doubt this is the last we’ve seen of this battle. Hungary’s intervention on either side of this war would be very tasty. And it’s hard to tell, but is Lagan still undamaged? Mitridates… what are you doing?

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Speaking of flipflops, Korn is back in Kudarat’s hands, for now. Kudarat actually has a catapult back home in Sulawesi, which would be handy for his current war efforts, but it’s such a drag moving units across the map, you know? The Wahgi are also starting to look a little exhausted, and I think this war will probably be over soon.

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Nzinga is playing a true game of champions right now, peacing out with her southern neighbours and taking an Indian Ocean port in the process, swindled from Eswatini in the peace process. There are few continents where the frontrunner is quite as pronounced as Africa and Ndongo, and with them now able to focus entirely on their northern wars, this might not even be their ceiling for the episode. Excellent stuff from the leader with the biggest score to settle.

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Not only is Lagan completely undamaged, the Kalmyks actually have an escorted settler traversing Armenia apparently unbothered by the massive Pontic army stationed in the area. It’s a really baffling showing from Mithridates, who has apparently decided to add another failed war to his resume with a declaration on hapless neighbours the Mamluks, alongside Sierra Leone. Their tiny navy also harasses Ekaterinoslav, to no avail. This is pathetic!

Elsewhere, The Qarmatians have safely secured Shiraz and look to close in on Kermanshah while Nader Shah’s army slowly makes its way back through Parthia to the front lines. And Rio Grande bloodlessly peace out with Mexico, a war I’m sure you were all incredibly invested in the results of.

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Akh, that’s disappointing - Singapore do declare war, but not against Siam, which would’ve been fascinating. Instead Dai Viet are the targets, whose nearest city Bac Giang is just inland enough that Singapore’s largely naval-based forces won’t trouble it. Thanh Hoa also looks to be insulated enough against any incursions. Siam settle another city though, Ratchaburi, which should prove an important naval base should war with Singapore ever break out for real.

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As feared, Pinjarra is captured by the bloodied Palawa navy, but the nearby horsemen alone could be enough to retake the town. The Noongar do have a navy of their own too, stationed outside their capital, though it doesn’t look like Yagan wants to deploy them for whatever reason. The Palawa army is so depleted that once Pinjarra is retaken, Nipaluna seems like a very credible new target. The balance of power in Australia tends to get decided early, and already it’s looking like the first “continental power” is establishing itself.

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The Visigoths meanwhile peace out with their two irritating neighbours, who have raided their shores but not done any lasting damage on the Iberian kingdom. Their Gardingo, a horseman replacement that gets bonuses for being present for city foundations and which can eventually settle cities of its own, is somewhat wasted in a crowded continent like Europe. With peace with England restored though, that settler up near Brittany might get a chance to make a home for itself soon.

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In Torshavn, possibly the biggest city in the world (do not quote me on that), a holy temple to all the known gods (and several of the unknown ones) is completed. The Parthenon isn’t a super useful wonder in CBR terms. But hey. Someone’s gotta build it.

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As previously teased in the corner of a screen, the Qarmatians have begun an invasion of Kermanshah. This will be a tricksier target than their previous conquests, hidden among the hills of Fars rather than being out in the open plains of Mesopotamia, but it’s eminently conquerable with the varied and sophisticated army that al-Jannabi is fielding - especially if he can get those catapults on dry land. Elsewhere Harappa sooooort of descend upon Balkh (come on lads, you can do it!) and Vijayanagara send an army… er… somewhere. Kutch doesn’t look like a great place for a holiday, so I assume there’s some sneaky business going on here. We’ll have to wait and see.

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Kazakh spearmen start knocking (or prodding?) on the walls of Herat. Bukhara really are in a fragile place here - their bordering cities are largely on flat terrain, and with such a thin defensive force it’s easy to see Kazakhstan ripping through their lands with ease. At least the Afsharids have gone home, and neither Kazan nor the Dzungars are seeking to press home any advantage they might have in their ostensibly ongoing wars.

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One of the Cylinder’s longest conflicts comes to a close as the Pueblo and the Osage finally agree to peace terms, ending the war having ultimately exchanged no cities. It’s clear neither side could create a credible offensive any more, and both nations have more pressing matters - the Osage still wage war against the Seneca to the east, while Pueblo must have noticed the Yellowknife city that’s just popped up on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. The Kalmyks and Pontus also make peace (thank God). As do…

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Rio Grande and Bora Bora! Their powerful armies were better spent unwasted on each other, as bigger fish like Tiwanaku and New Holland loom close. A wise decision for both nations, in my opinion - they’re better off cautious allies than enemies - but a horrible decision for my Google Map, because their similar colours make them really hard to distinguish, and I was really hoping one would mop up the other. The Tehuelche to the south are certainly not in the business of making enemies, instead declaring friendship with the far off Seneca.

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Another somewhat less interesting peace treaty as Saba D’mt close an apparent diplomatic tiff with Hungary, and celebrate by resettling their ancestral Sabaean lands with the foundation of Tamna. To the north, the Mamluks actually might settle a new city (though not on the Nile, of course) and… wait, are they actually attacking Pontus? Mithridates, you have so, so much to answer for.

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The Dzungars actually look pretty tasty - we’ve never really seen a civ from the Tarim Basin look this strong, unless you count the Mohave. They’re allegedly still at war with Bukhara, but they don’t seem too interested in it. The Khoshuts to the south are keen to cut off any communication that Dalgan Khan could have with his new southern exclave of Lhasa, and have sent a settler to consolidate northern Tibet.

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Woof! We all love a forward settle, and we’ve not seen a better one all episode than this one from Maximilian. I actually don’t think this is a no-hoper undefendable city though… actually I think it might be a stroke of genius. Ecuador don’t have any coastal cities on the Caribbean, nor is there a Panama Canal to funnel ships from the Pacific over, so this effectively neuters Ecuador’s ability to sustain pressure on Mexico’s Caribbean coastal towns - and also probably ensures Mexico could comfortably flip the city time and time again should war arrive. Of course, the Taino might have something to say about that, as they’re the only ones with an actual navy in this neck of the woods as it stands.

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Past me highlighted the Singulares - but I’ve already talked about them! Oh no! Instead I’m drawn to that Bavarian settler awkwardly funneling down the eastern coast of Italy, not that there’s any space on the peninsula left to found another city.As I’m writing this, the CBR has, in real time, just ticked over to t800. A very, very auspicious turn… if you know, you know.

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Hamilcar Barca, the “no not that one” of Carthaginian generals, is appointed to oversee a Kazanian army that is, er, not doing a whole lot. They’re ostensibly still at war with Bukhara, but you certainly wouldn’t be able to tell from this image, nor the multiple times we’ve seen them just out of shot in previous slides. Meanwhile Rezekne is now firmly in Maknovian hands, and the Kalmyks celebrate peace with Pontus by getting kinda hench.

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As some uninteresting peace treaties are signed (Osage-Mexico and Zheng-Goguryeo), the episode’s banner war rages on. No cities have changed hands since we last checked in, but the nature of the war has changed. Yagan firmly presses down on Pinjarra now, but Tarenorerer has managed to cobble together a few more boats, and suddenly it feels like we might be watching this city flip for some time. On land though the Palawa are still spent, so Kriwa is still very much safely in the hands of Yagan.

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With all of this being said, I wouldn’t count the Palawa out just yet. With the foundation of Luyamantun on North Island, they’re now up to ten cities. Were we to assume Pinjarra would fall back to the Noongar, that would put the city split between the two rivals at 9/9, and Palawa arguably have the more obvious expansion options, with Melanesia still largely unsettled.

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Alas, the Qarmatians won’t be entering Persia proper as peace is brokered between the two nations. Nader Shah’s nose has been really bloodied here, and even with his army descending back through Persia to the front lines, he’s done well to stem the red tides. There’s certainly been a shift of power in the region, though. It hasn’t shifted towards Pontus, that’s for sure, even as they found Talaura in Assyria just on the corner of the screen. Are Harappa finally closing in on Balkh. Come on lads. I believe in you, my babies. And Saba peace out with another European shieldistan, this time Burgundy.

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Ohhhh, spicy spicy spicy spicy. Shang face a double DoW from the east, as Goguryeo and Ikko-Ikki put aside their differences to take the local superpower down a notch. Shang’s newest settle of Xinxiang looks exposed, but much of the combined army at the moment looks to have clustered in the Yellow Sea, ready to launch an attack on Yanshi. To the south, Ikko-Ikki and Zheng forces could potentially launch a pincer attack on Anyang, but that city looks much more well-staffed against invasion.

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At what’s probably the perfect time for Yagan, the Palawa sue for peace, leaving the Noongar safely in control of their two conquests and a recently reflipped Pinjarra. This has been an unbelievable success for Australia’s underdogs, and they celebrate the only way a Classical civ knows how: enhancing their improbably Christian religion.

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Well, looks like I might be missing an XML file there, oops! Alongside the mysterious torii gates though (which I assume is a faith-purchase building like all the others), the Noongar take an excellent belief, Just War, which would massively help them if they were able to spread their religion beyond their borders. Unfortunately for them they’re in direct competition with the Palawa faith, so that might be tricky.

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Europe is really eerie when it’s at peace. Look at all those standing armies… just… standing there. Burgundy’s newest general, Assyrian king Sennacherib, is surely preparing for the inevitable. There isn’t much to separate any of the armies of Europe right now, though frustratingly for Burgundy England looks to be doing a decent job reinforcing their Norman colonies.

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The vast Sahara lies largely unpopulated, with just a few very low population outposts scattered throughout the desert. But one patch of the Alaouite desert has some sort of military buildup going on - it’s not really clear where they’re headed yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see war declared and battle come down sooner or later. The Mamluks have their fourth city out and it’s somehow terrible even by Saharan standards. The Nile remains vacant.

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Suddenly war engulfs Europe as Hungary face invasions from… uh… the Ume Sámi and the Qarmatians, never mind. It’s still quiet, too quiet, on the busiest continent. Pontus have squeezed a city into what little space was left and settled Gaziura on the lower Danube. It is wide open for a Hungarian invasion at some point, mark my words.

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Keen to cement their Caribbean holdings, but unable to squeeze a settler onto Cuba with all the Taino warriors hanging about, Mexico settle Mérida on Isla de la Juventud. Tiwanaku are interested in these developments, and send scores of scouts out to monitor. Florida are still technically in the CBR.

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So, England weren’t just reinforcing - they were preparing! Former CBR champion Abd al-Rahman has planned an invasion of Burgundy, while staying safely at home in London himself. That’s probably because he’s already realized that, er, England might get massacred here - I’m not sure they’ll lose any of their cities, but I certainly don’t think they have enough of an army to make much of a dent on the Burgundian homeland. Still, winning wars against the odds against French people is sort of Henry V’s whole thing, so I’ll withhold judgment for now.

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The race for the icy north is on, though it’s somewhat one-sided. Kazakhstan is throwing out four settlers to Latvia and the Selkups’ one. I’m never quite certain how useful a bunch of low pop cities right at the top of Russia tend to be, but hey - if you don’t settle it, someone else will.

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As white peace reigns between the Rozvi and Mogadishu, and Kazan and the Afsharids, the uneasy peace of Europe continues to come crashing down as Latvia declare war on Hungary. Latvia are, to the best of our knowledge, still at war with Makhnovia, so this is risky at best and incredibly foolish at worst. Neither side look to have made an approach as of yet, mind. We shall watch on with interest.

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Going into CBRX4 one of the little battles I thought would be most interesting was Rozvi v Eswatini. In tests it had been pretty 50/50 as to who came out on top, though it was usually settled very early on. It certainly was settled early on this time too, with the winner being, very comfortably, Ndongo-Matamba. Eswatini can rejoice in at least spawning one of their unique Great General replacements, the Ngwenyama, which provide nearby melee units a bonus ranged attack. You have to say, for how relatively pathetic they are to most of the Cylinder, they could still probably annihilate the Rozvi. Little victories, you know?

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The Singaporean fleet to the north is a flash of damage numbers, but that’s something of a distraction, I think. Instead I’m more interested in the race for Indonesia. Java is newly settled by Maguindanao, but Lee Kuan Yew is right on their tracks, sending a settler out to the western side of the island. The Maluku Islands are still prime real estate, meanwhile, for Maguindanao the Wahgi or perhaps even the Yolngu. There are a fair few surprisingly powerful civs here, and the next couple settles could be decisive in deciding this region’s fate.

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The War of the Four Kingdoms begins in earnest as Gogurt’s fake rhinos descend upon Xinxiang while Kennyo sends his fleets to harass Yanshi. I’m unsure why the Korean boats are currently sailing south, but I’m sure it’s all part of Gwanggaeto’s grand plan. Koxinga doesn’t look to be getting too involved for now, preferring to wait and see if his allies’ initial attacks make any progress, having bounced his armies off Shang city walls for centuries now.

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T H I S I S S T R A T E G YFace it, you may not like it, but this is what P E A K R O M A N T A C T I C S look like. Scipio’s brand new signature formation, ‘le line’. Coming to a war near you. The Thule land on the shores of Nunavut, probably depressed to find it’s just as cold as where they set sail from.

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Now this is turn up! The down-and-out Kalmyks, fresh off their, er, “victory” over Pontus have launched a surprise attack on Makhnovia. I think Makhno has enough of an army to comfortably defend against the invasion, so long as Latvia don’t start putting up a fight again, but I admire the boldness courtesy of their new general Nyazinga, who… er… (quick Google later) yep, that’s just Nzinga again. Well, given her successes in her homeland, I have full faith Huliaipole will be Kalmyk by the end of this episode.

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The Ume Sámi might not have really done a lot, but they are looking beefier and beefier by the day. Two new cities up in the far north of Norway and a hell of a lot of soldiers; you can be sure Rapolan is not staying Finnish for that much longer. For now though it seems faith is of more interest than war, with them having spread their religion into nearby Finland already.

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Burgundy and Hungary go to war, a fascinating conflict ruined by a stupid Bavaria. Neither Burgundy nor Hungary have been at all scarred by their respective “invasions” just yet, but it’s early days there. King Catboy continues to stream Celeste.

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Oh boy, is it “race for the tiny islands” time already? Sierra Leone gets an early lead by settling São Tomé, with another settler in tow for moral support. KB also found the city of Ndjamena in a very decent location hidden between some mountains, while Sabaean forces attempt an invasion of Ndongo but wind up following a DMT-induced hallucination into the jungles of central Africa instead.

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Harappa, as has been long established, are the eventual winners of CBRX4. They have to be; I have promised multiple times to simply reset the run until they eventually come out on top. So it is interesting to see them play the role of the “underdog” or dare I say it “incompetent civ” in the early game, having made seemingly no real attempt to invade the sitting duck city of Balkh, despite a thoroughly decent army. It at least makes more sense than whatever Vijayanagara is doing. Breton Hundred Years War veteran du Guesclin is leading a scattered band of men to the north to fight… some foe. They’re actually at war with Kazan, and it’s very possible that Krishnadevaraya is trying to manoeuvre the army all the way up to Russia.

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As Harappa incredibly coolly and sexily declares war on Hungary, a terrible civ no one likes, Goguryeo really start to bring the heat down on Shang. Xinxiang is down to half damage, and Yanshi faces bombardment on all sides from a combined Korean-Japanese force. Shang have possibly overextended themselves a little, as their decently sized army is struggling to reorientate itself in time to defend against this twin-pronged attack. Still, even losing two cities would put them comfortably ahead of most other civs on the Cylinder by city count.

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As Mongolia and Kazan kiss and make up, Kazakhstan throws out an equally uninteresting war declaration on Makhno, but more interestingly starts to wear down the walls of Herat. I think this city will take a few flips to secure, but Nazarbayev absolutely still has the upper hand here. A Dzungar army is starting to move too, possibly set to descend on Turkistan. Bad vibes for Bukhara all round.

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Osage and Rio Grande broker much awaited peace as New Holland enhance their religion. I apparently didn’t take a shot of their new beliefs, and I’ve literally just shut down the CBR for the night, so they’ll have to wait until tomorrow probably.

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The Tehuelche are the newest entrants to the one-tile island race, settling Collon-Cura on Isla de los Estados. A fleet of Dutch ships maps the complicated Chilean coastline, as a Riograndese settler searches for yet more awkward forward settle spots. The Rozvi and Hungary, whose emblems I always get confused for some reason, make peace.

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As Pontus and the Afsharids bring an end to a war that could’ve been, but wasn’t, interesting, the first shots of the England-Burgundy war are exchanged. Amiens is the surprising front line, with English ships coming to bear on the newly minted French port, while the Norman front remains, charitably, a clusterfuck. Elsewhere Henry V is playing Cromwell and sending settlers to Ireland.

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As the Crow and the Yellowknives make peace off-screen (so much for ‘le line’ by Scipio), there’s a mad dash on to finish settling the Med. I spy settlers from Burgundy, the Visigoths, Rome and the Alaouites all vying for a position among the improbable Sierra Leone north coast.

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Speaking of Sierra Leone, they’ve a new Saharan outpost, further complicating the region’s messy borders with Kenema. The Alaouites respond with some new religious beliefs; I did remember to take a picture of those, so get incredibly excited for a few slides time.

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As previously mentioned, peace reigns in North America (unless you’re Osage or Seneca, of course). Ultimately, much like the Puebloan-Osage War, this was a pointless war that went nowhere. But it was at least entertaining along the way. Thule still haven’t settled any of those icy cities, while the Crow also send a settler out to explore eastern Canada.

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The Seneca meanwhile keep it a little closer to home, founding Chenussio near New York, thus providing the world with 100% more bagel shops and dance-punk bands. Florida continues to be a civ in this season of the Civ Battle Royale.

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Finally, a look at the new Fat Roog beliefs. Ceque System and Missionary Zeal, which are both… completely unremarkable. Alas!That’ll do for today’s episode of the CBRX4. My name’s LacsiraxAriscal, reminding you that the conclusion is predetermined, I know everything, and thus any time I offered any prediction or speculation in this episode it was with the full knowledge of whether I was right or wrong. Have fun reading into that! And see you next time <3

Episode 6: Shifting Sands – S4

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