Power Rankings: Episode 17 – S5

Release Date:

June 02, 2026

Narrated by:

Power-Rankers

Abstract

Power Rankings! The rankings…of power! Dun dun dunnnn!

Viewing: Vertical

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Ma’in

1 / 0

1: Ma’in

Cloudy:

Ma’in is surrounded, their capital citadelled down into a tiny, isolated plot of land, Seychellois crossbowmen banging at the gates of Qarnawu. Phoenician units hover ominously nearby, and Sumer controls the pass out of the desert. Even so, however, their death is not imminent. The Seychelles don’t have a wide enough path to the capital and are unlikely to capture it without help from Phoenicia or Sumer. Phoenicia could take it unilaterally, and it’s probably just a matter of time until they do, but for now, Ma’in will continue fighting into the sunset.

2: Rapa Nui

Archimedes :

Another day another episode where Rapa Nui is 60th on the scoreboard. With Caral and Chono both bearing frigates against each other, Rapa can see their demise within 3 tiles, and yet they have not died yet. With Chono now attacking Caral, we’ll likely see at least one more episode with Rapa Nui sticking around, doing nothing.

But, fearfully, such powerful navies in such close proximity certainly spell the eventual doom for this Polynesian / South American civ. Their capital, Anakena, stands at a precarious 37 combat strength, with nary a defensive naval unit in sight. With both Caral and Chono’s frigates boasting a terrifying 28 ranged strength, it wouldn’t take too long for either civ to blast down the walls with cannonballs and capture the city for their own. And, if Chono were to be the one to finish them off, they would nab Rapa Nui’s religion Puata Tupuna, a religion with cheaper missionaries and prophets, faith and culture from unit kills, and additional healing next to friendly cities. A mighty prize indeed.

So once again, Rapa is the civ that seems the most ready to die at a moment's notice, and one of the civs with a hefty prize when they are finally defeated. Rapa Nui and Pegu stand as delectable treats for whoever dares to finish them off, and I suppose the victor of the Caral / Chono war will need to have something to do with whatever leftover navy they have after the dust settles. Frankly, they might as well finish Rapa Nui off.

(I went and wrote this writeup without looking at where Rapa Nui was actually ranked this week, and surprise surprise they’re actually 59th. Ma’in, who are in a fairly precarious position themselves, seems to have beaten out Rapa Nui in the lost hope department. But hey, what can you do, my personal feelings are that Rapa is slightly worse off, but a big win nonetheless for at least gaining just a tiny shred of hope.)

3: Karankawa

Shaggy:

Coco has been burned down and Coapite is now subject to the classic CBR flipfest experience. Things are looking grim for Karankawa and, to make matters worse, Teotihuacan may be reconsidering their historic restraint with respect to Karankawa as they look less like a regional partner and more and more like a tasty snack every episode. Despite their dogged attempts at deploying backup plan cities and escape hatch plans, I wouldn’t be surprised if they are reduced to their capital or eliminated outright within a couple of episodes.

4: Pegu

Cloudy:

The Pegu mountain fortress is still holding strong. It helps that the civ that’s been trying for the last several episodes to capture it is the washed-up Yunnan.

5: Ponca

Cloudy:

Ponca has been reduced to a two city rump, their capital firmly in Anishinaabe hands, Coco razed at the hands of Susquehannock, their days on the cylinder numbered... but at least they’re no longer being actively invaded. They’re still at war with Susquehannock, but Old Sheehays is distracted with Karankawa now, and the approach to White Eagle’s lands is constricted. The main danger at the moment is that Ponca will give away their extremely defensible city of Wáin-xude to Susquehannock or Tlingit in a peace treaty. But if they can hang onto it, they could hold out until someone invents artillery.

6: Wassoulou

NopeCopter:

Some might say that Wassoulou is a completely doomed civ with nothing redeemable about them, trapped with a top-ten neighbor, abysmal stats, and indefensible land. Those people… are completely correct. HOWEVER, some might ALSO say that Samori Ture is a failure of a leader who gave up a city for nothing, and THOSE people are dead wrong. In surrendering a city to the Aures for peace, Wassoulou has managed to do the seemingly impossible: give up a city in a peace deal and still end up increasing their city count as a result. Allowing the Aures to burn Kankan gave them the space needed to resettle not one but two cities in the area left behind! Clearly this was a genius political maneuver by one of the greatest minds of the cylinder. It won’t help them in the slightest, but it IS really funny.

(Oh yeah and they’re also at war with Zazzau but Zazzau’s navy sucks so that’s not going anywhere)

7: Maravi

Msurdej:

Maravi stayed at 54th place this week, trading out a war with France for a war with Wassoulou.They're throwing some units at Luba, but otherwise, it's a snoozefest down there. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

8: Ternate

Shaggy:

Yikes. Ternate has done their… best, I guess, in defending what they see as their rightful fishing waters from foreign encroachment but their tech advantage was lost long ago and they have not adequately strengthened their cities to repel invaders in the event of a unit deficit, which they are also suffering from in their wars. Caral being the eventual sniper of Sampalu does make things a little bit easier for Ternate in that Japan is less likely to persist towards their core as a result, but that is little solace once you realize that it further encourages Caral itself to push Ternate closer and closer to the brink. There’s nowhere to hide in the Pacific and Ternate has not done a great job in constructing any for themselves.

9: Yunnan

Cloudy:

I have to respect Yunnan just a little bit for holding off Tang so effectively this episode. Yes, they lost Hainan, but that had already been written off after Lanfang flipped it anyway. Tang tried to cut off the capital by taking Chuxiong, but Yunnan pulled an incredible diplomatic move by flipping it back and then immediately making peace, leading us all to question the continued salience of Tang’s storied diplomats. So, for now, Yunnan persists.

10: Papal States

Leman:

Quiet rebuilding episode this week as the Pope continues to reel from Aures multi-episode. Ravenna was founded where Bucharest once was, so thanks France for that little bit of growth. Other than that the Pope is still kind of screwed.

11: Sumer

Semi:

Another respectable episode from Sumer - not a lot is going on for the tall Arabian empire. Unless Sumer or Pakistan come calling, nothing will continue happening. So now it’s a matter of “turtle up and wait”.

Well, I guess one interesting thing happened this episode. Lagash starved 5 population as Nibru’s stealing of tiles took hold - a trend we’ll probably see continue across the cylinder as insettling continues.

12: Wallachia

Cloudy:

Wallachia is now back in the comforting embrace of bankruptcy, the only state they have ever known, the condition in which they were born and molded. Making money just didn’t feel right to poor old Vlad. Losing it is so much better.

On top of that, near the end of the episode Hansa and Vyatka declared war on Wallachia, and while Hansa is distracted with its war against France and poses no threat, it remains to be seen whether other neighbors might follow. That said, their only truly scary neighbor is Scythia, who are sitting on an abysmal -15 happiness and shouldn’t be invading anyone, if they’re smart.

13: Xavante

Orange:

Xavante probably would’ve gone down from this declaration on Caral, who despite not having much of an army nearby are still much stronger, but no! They’re saved by Chono ALSO declaring war on Caral, so they’ll have their hands fully full. Maybe Xavante will be able to retake the city they gave away last time, get some positives out of this, it might be their only chance to grow.

14: Green Ukraine

ItsTruckMonth:

Mr Potential Civ has an uninteresting episode as the powers surrounding them seemed to be preoccupied with bigger and brighter things.

In short, Mistah Yurii is cooked. Washed. On #BumWatch. Booking the flight to Cancun. Top 20 powers on all sides surround him, and he is completely outmatched in stats. IF there were a coalition against one of these powers, then POTENTIALLY he could have a way out, but, of course, it would be Yurii as the subject of HYPOTHETICALS.

15: Xaragua

Archimedes :

Wouldn’t you know it, the Carribean civ of X5 is a naval force to be reckoned with. Channeling their Buccaneer roots, or any other competitor that was good on a boat, Xaragua has actually invaded Yanomami, and done a number on them. As the 47th ranked civ on the cylinder in terms of statistics, Xaragua with their Frigate fleet has slammed their way into the Yanomami navy and cleared a path, while also clearing themselves of ships. And with a pitiful 102 in production, they won’t be rebuilding those Frigates quickly, I can tell you that. But honestly, their actions have had consequences, and Yanomami has tumbled from a haughty 13th down to a tenuous 22nd, a whole 9 spots on the statistical front. What a way to strike at the source.

Xaragua owes a lot of it’s current stat placement to the amount of cities they have on the board. With 5 in total, and one being an Antarctic research station, these 4 cities cannot pump out big numbers when it comes to army, production, food and such. But, Xaragua at least has a mighty fine amount of production in their capital, since they’ve been able to pump out cultural wonder after cultural wonder that Teotihuacan can only dream of tasting. And, with a total techs of 37 researched, they’ve been doing numbers when it comes to keeping naval tech parity with their coastal neighbours. It seems everyone and their grandmother has Frigates in the Americas. And Xaragua clearly has done some effective work with them. Though Prararaiteri and Nanmapuwreri are still standing unfortunately, we could see the naval ships sweep in for a round two and nab either one of these entirely coastal cities off of Yanomami’s hands.

Things ultimately though still look somewhat dire for Xaragua. They sit in a currently weakened state, and if an additional neighbour were to join the fray, say Teotihuacan or Susquehannock, Xaragua could find itself having their own cities besieged with big beefy boats. With a waning effective science, a dismal amount of production, and no more settling opportunities besides frozen glaciers in the south, Xaragua just doesn’t have quite enough spunk to nab itself some more cities. I fear that their neighbours will continue to outpace them in all aspects but science and population, and soon they may be eclipsed in both of those regards as well. It has to be said though : Xaragua certainly took a chance, and may still nab a city or two for their troubles. They’ve proved that they’re not only around to build wonders and push for tourism ; they can dance with all the big contenders in the area as well as the next civ.

16: Potiguara

Cloudy:

Potiguara might be in actual serious trouble this time. Guaycuru is invading again and Jacu is very exposed, while Yanomami ships harass them from the north, and many civs are starting to pile on. They’re at peace with Xavanate now, which is a big boost to their chances, but who knows how long that peace will last. And if any of their enemies across the Atlantic develops oceangoing ships, things could end very badly for our shrimpy friends...

17: Phoenicia

ItsTruckMonth:

Phoenicia had a relatively quiet episode, aside from one eensy weensy problem: The Seychelles are about to wipe Ma’in, Phoenicia’s one easy expansion option, off the map. Granted, Ma’in’s capital is surrounded by mountains and opposing borders, meaning that the Seychelles advance is going to be insanely slow, which could be the perfect opportunity for Hiram to jump on in.

Granted, once Ma’in is gone, regardless of who takes Qarnawu, Phoenicia is out of easy options. Sumer is basically their equal stat-wise, while everyone else outmatches them.

Might as well go out with one last hurrah, Hiram.

18: Vyatka

NopeCopter:

Vyatka and Bjarmia make peace, ending what will probably be Vyatka’s last truly relevant war. Sure, they did manage to snipe a city off of their purple opponent, but now Bjarmia’s reinforced their holdings, and there aren’t exactly any other suitably weak targets nearby. Apparently they have 10 cities (somehow), but their tech count is low and their Science output is worse, and they’re stuck between Scythia and the Ket. If they have one thing going for them, it’s that none of their neighbors have quite enough of a border to really threaten to eliminate them, but honestly that just means they’re liable to stick around long after they’ve exhausted their welcome. Maybe if they focus on their naval techs they can try for revenge against Bjarmia one day?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Hanseatic League

19: Hanseatic League

NopeCopter:

Hansa rises one rank this episode as they don’t immediately fold to France like some PRs were expecting. Sure, the French still have plenty of units in the back, but they haven’t even really damaged any Hanseatic cities! So, naturally, Hansa has decided to capitalize on this by… starting another war. Right.

Honestly, splitting their forces between two different enemies on completely opposite sides of their empire sounds like a terrible idea. This is convenient, because it absolutely is a terrible idea. However, honestly, I’m doubtful France can really commit to enough of a push to take Hansa down at this rate. We’ll see how things unfold, but they’re seemingly getting too distracted and bogged down in all the different potential targets. I expect nothing to come of the war with Wallachia beyond the senseless deaths of thousands of soldiers, but that’s pretty standard. Despite all sense, Hansa looks like they’re gonna get away with it yet again.

20: Zazzau

Orange:

Is Zazzau going to get much from this war with Wassoulou and get back into the game? Uhhhhhhhhh no.

21: Pomo

Orange:

Please can we just catch a break????? T-T

Like c’mon Essie was doing so well and Tlingit got a bs religion and got a lucky peace deal timing to get one city, and then soon after put her into a forever war WHERE DESPITE THEIR ADVANTAGE THEY WEREN’T ABLE TO DO SHIT and as that finally comes to its end we have Anishinaabe attacking. And a random Cebu armada from nowhere because of course. Just give her a break please, let her be able to build up again.

22: Bactria

JDT:

No weapons, no witness, my brother, the case is over. Top tier you are not, Paki-snatched and Kipchaks need some closure.

23: Portugal

ItsTruckMonth:

Another day, another lazy episode from Portugal. Aside from the somewhat relevant war vs Wassoulou that they just peaced out of, they didn’t do much other than settle a city on Cabo Verde.

Not like they have much of a chance, their stats are mediocre at best while France and the Aures keep breathing down their necks. With their lazy reputation, treat every Portuguese act as a gift.

24: Hyksos

Archimedes :

With barely a mention in this episode, Hyksos has done a whole lot of nothing recently, which frankly is nothing new for the civ. Their stats placement hasn’t changed in the slightest, their overall outlook is still poor, and their rank in the power rankings has even gone down one. There’s little to say about such a stagnant, unremarkable Civ, but I’m Archimedes and I’m known for writing 5 paragraph essays about the most inane aspects of the competitors in this game, so let's go on a deep dive into what makes Hyksos such a disappointment.

With such a prime location to start as a warfaring civ, Hyksos has certainly managed to fumble it. Phoenicia, Ma’in and Sumer to their East stood as prime candidates to wage wars upon, being mediocre from the outbreak at best. And though Ethiopia is generally nestled in mountainous, defendable terrain, any city that dared to step out of the Ethiopian highlands could have been a prime target. Aures to the West expanded fast and hard in their trademark t pattern, and that arm of the t could have been the perfect target for a war or two from Hyksos, but even then Hyksos has stood silent and stoic, not daring to stir the pot in the slightest from their fertile Nile settlements, nor their wonderful canal city.

And that of course is the real perplexing thing, because on paper Hyksos seems like the prime candidate to be waging wars across the cylinder. Their Chariot Archer replacement may have no intrinsic bonuses, but can build forts within the territories of conquered cities to repair improvements and improve resources, making conquering a city a valuable prospect. Resistance gained from conquered cities generates culture and science, as well as a burst of culture when first claiming them for Hyksos. And their Barracks, when built once again in a conquered city, grants a burst of experience to all currently fielded units, once again gaining benefit from sweeping across their neighbours.

And therein lies the problem perhaps. With no actual bonuses to conquering said cities, the AI may feel they have no strategic advantage to actually exert themselves. And their religion, one followed by 10% of all the cities on the Cyllinder, merely gives bonuses from walls, castles, forts and citadels, adding an additional defensive pressure to any considerations that Hyksos might make. With the call of Set whispering “defense, defense” in their ear, Hyksos remains stagnant in their spot, fielding slowly upgraded military and slowly built defenses, watching as their neighbours engage in bloody wars and trade cities back and forth.

So Hyksos has stagnated, with their 7 cities in flatland desert, with only the Nile and the Mediterranean to push the bounty of food to help their cities grow. Their production is nearly on par with Xaragua, a dismal 130, and their science is all right but not stellar. They have merely 14 happiness to spare, an amount that could hold maybe one conquered city before unhappiness begins to creep in, and though they are a spiritual leader, they are certainly not a game leader. The best we can hope for the fate of Hyksos is for an interesting civ to conquer them, for whoever can claim the capital can claim ownership of Pesedjet, and with ownership of Pesedjet the diplomatic benefits of holy war, and the additional faith from whatever Natural Wonders we may find on the cylinder. And, of course, the most important thing of all : A permanent Canal between the Mediterranean and the Red Sea.

25: Estonia

Leman:

I don’t have a whole lot to say about Estonia. That war with an overextended Bjarmia is pretty lame, Estonia completely is failing to grab anything from them, while Bjarmia fends off Vyatka and cleans up Scotland's colonies. Pretty lame that Estonia couldn't make anything when Bjarmia was distracted.

26: Kipchaks

Leman:

I don’t know what exactly happened but somehow the Kipchaks have doubled their military. It's now one of the largest in the world. Maybe they got all their kipchaks back and upgraded them? I really have no idea. Tragically, it's smaller than both Ket and Qara Khitai, but they can now probably steamroll Baactria or Vyatka! And that’s something they couldn’t do yesterday.

27: Bjarmians

Leman:

After packing 16 cities up here in the frozen arctic, Haraekr still manages to pick up a city, this time from Scotland. Linlithgow was ill-conceived from the beginning. Granted it should have been snapped up by Kalmar Union a few dozen turns ago, but they suck so here it is flying the Bjarmian flag now. Other than that the embarrassing war with the corpse of Vyatka is completely over finally, so we’re just left with the stalemate with Estonia. And in that war, Bjarmia is doing okay.

28: Umhaill

Msurdej:

As Scotland continues to hold in the late teens, Umhaill continues to languish in the low 30s. Now you'd think that a distraction for Scotland like a war would help Umhaill take on their more powerful neighbors. Especially with their new UU Longa Fada.But Ala, Grace seems content to watch and wait. If she continues down this path though, she'll find herself unable to survive in a 1v1 fight with Scotland.

29: Luba

Leman:

Luba appeared one time in the narration and were described as “existing” and I think that is apt.

30: Ethiopia

NopeCopter:

Ethiopia has fallen so, so far from their original heights, but you already knew that. Ethiopia has somehow ended up on the same level as the Hyksos and Zazzau of all civs, but you already knew that, too. There’s not much to be said about such a stagnant civ on a continent that’s so resistant to actually having wars that go places. The one piece of good news for Ethiopia is that, because their cities are inland, the Seychelles will struggle to conquer them for some time. Maybe this could give someone on the mainland enough time to actually build a half-decent empire out of their corpse, but I doubt it.

31: Onondaga

ItsTruckMonth:

Onondaga are the shining example of being in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Their stats aren’t bad, having an InfoAddict rank of 25 and boasting one of the larger militaries on the cylinder, albeit with average production and mediocre science output. This wouldn’t necessarily be bad, but unfortunately, they find themselves between the Anishinaabe and the Susquehannock, two ascendant powers, with no easy avenues of expansion.

Perhaps now would be a good time to take advantage of Susq being preoccupied by their war with the Karankawa, but that ship of contention is starting to sail away.

32: Kalmar

JDT:

Yep Kalmar is surely a civ. They really are kinda there. Their empire looks awful but their statlines are decent and their neighbours are somehow even worse. Fuck Scandinavian bordergore, y’know what I’m saying haha? Yeah thats all I got. I don’t even know why they went up ngl.

33: France

Shaggy:

Robespierre, oh Robespierre! Wherefore art thou, Robespierre? As the sole France supporter on the weekly donors slide, I feel obliged to defend them in these wars they’ve found themself in. Despite this obligation, I have no defense to offer. Inverness is proving itself to be nigh impenetrable with Scotland’s crossbowmen and French units are bouncing off of Wisbü like it’s made of rubber. At this point, France needs crossbows to make progress. France really needs crossbows. France needs crossbows so much that I don’t think they have the ability to make much more progress in land invasions until they get them. Luckily, their neighbors are hapless when it comes to invasion so it is up to France to not join them in the trap of European stagnation that civs in this part of the cylinder are liable to fall into.

34: Herero

Msurdej:

Man, I want Herero to do something cool. But Nebby willing, they just cannot do anything right. Attack Maravi? Nahh, let's attack Luba. Build units that can effectively take a city? Nahh, let's build a bunch of horses. I hope for the day Morenga either gets competent, or gets eliminated. Probably by Aures. But because France is crashing and burning, they get a rank up this week.

35: Guaycuru

Msurdej:

Guaycuru makes an emboldened play to strike out at a beleaguered Potiguara this episode. While it remains to be seen if Eso, newly dubbed “the Conqueror” will live up to his namesake, he has a decent shot. His military might is nearly double that of his enemy, thanks in no small part to Eso's better navy. Plus, he has the added benefit of allies in this war.The other major players in South America, the Caral and Chono, are currently fighting one another. As long as Eso doesn't get involved in a tussle to the West, he has a good shot of winning a tussle in the east.

36: Circassia

Reformer:

Circassia faces some hypothetical trouble this ep in the form of a relevant war dec from Scythia, as part of what seems to be a coalition. Emphasis on hypothetical. Scythia has failed to re-militarize after their war with Vyatka, whereas Circassia’s military is plenty healthy. Not to mention the Circassian cities on the front have plenty of strength, and the terrain is difficult in the Caucasus. The only real concern is Circassia’s Crimean city, which is vulnerable to a land offensive, and is difficult for Circassia to reinforce. Ultimately, I consider Circassia to be safe here. Scythia is not really in position to threaten any of their cities. It is an unfortunate drain on resources of course, but this is what the standing army is for.

37: Cebu

Leman:

I don’t really see much happening from Cebu this turn. Except what I do see is two (2!) settlers wandering around the Pacific. Cebu has 10 cities and has yet to found a city from a settler they built. They got one from the start and one from liberty, and they’ve only recently built more. I’m excited to see those settlers plant somewhere.

38: Japan

Reformer:

Japan has a mostly uneventful episode. Mostly. They send a fleet down south to bully a disconnected Ternate city. Was looking good, too…until Caral snuck in, anyway. No city for Japan :(

39: Bangladesh

Leman:

The great Andaman War ends and Bangladesh emerges bloodied and battered, but not any worse than last week. They lost Sadhium for good. It ended up in the hands of their ally Lanfang actually, oddly enough. Rew could not be held, it was completely burnt to the ground. They gained nothing. And Mysore assaulted two of the border cities, blockading and starving them, leading to the deaths of millions of Bangladeshis.

Just to quickly illustrate how bad that war was: Bangladesh peaked at 160 Pop in t 212, dropped to a low of 143 at the beginning of this episode on t223, and has only managed to grow back to 150 as of now. So yeah. Biggest loser of the war for sure.

40: Bunuba

JDT:

Bunuba peaces out with Lanfang, reclaiming the Balinese colony of Gurang Ngadja and otherwise failing to make much headway despite Lanfang being distracted by the Indian Ocean War. While I personally believe the decrease of 1 is moreso due to aura loss and statistical noise rather than anything more substantial, you can make the argument of them not being in the greatest position. And indeed, the position they’re in looks really bad on paper. They’re sandwiched between 2 powers superior to them in every possible way with no real way out. However, as proven, Lanfang may be a bit squishier than one may think, a potential avenue for escape. NSW too looks a bit empty at the moment, even if a long term war will turn very bad very quickly for Jandamarra. And most importantly, they do have Astronomy, which means they can scout out the ocean and colonize the Pacific to make a second core, a operation they’ve been doing swimmingly at. So, are they a top tier? Hell no. Are they still kicking and screaming, with a possibility for an escape? Absolutely. Especially with the newfound ownership of the Australian sacred relic of Bali. That shit is gonna give them like a +10 in grit.

41: Yanomami

Reformer:

This war with Xaragua is tougher than expected. Frigates and galleons sure hurt huh? Man. Good thing Xaragua ain’t got enough of ‘em, and certainly not enough production to keep up. But that ain’t all. There’s also Potiguara. Another pitiful civ, sure, but combined? Prepare for trouble. Nothing overwhelming, of course, but enough to noticeably drag Yanomami down. It is also unfortunate as it means Yanomami might not get anything out of either of these pitiful civs. Truly, being Yanomami is misery. But hey. There’s some good news. They’ve just made it to Exploration, for some galleons of their own. Navigation should follow soon enough. And then these wars will be much nicer. Of course, by that point, Yanomami will probably have peace out…

42: Caral

Orange:

Caral somehow only loses 1 rank despite the war from Chono, and I guess well, we don’t quite know if they will be able to defend against the historically sleepy Chono. But uh, things are looking dicey. Caral has barely any units compared to Chono, so it is entirely possible that they get completely rolled. This is like the slight leaning off the edge before the big fall, I think we’re about to watch it drop.

43: Scotland

Msurdej:

Scotland doesn't do much this episode, but that's okay for Mary at the moment. She was mostly making peace with a lot of civs they had irrelevant wars with. They continue to stay in high spots in both production and military, claiming 13th in both.Sure they managed to lose Linlithgow, but they have a really good shot of taking it back. Plus, they've beaten back France from Inverness. All in all, a solid, albeit stoic, episode from Scotland.

44: Qara-Khitai

Archimedes :

As the ranker who happened to go on the deep dive of the Ordo Cavalryman last episode, I am absolutely elated that we got to see them in this episode. With the Ordo Cavalry officially fielded, Qara-Khitai now has a massive amount of potential to sweep across their neighbours and conquer a bunch of cities. What were they able to get up to this episode with their new absolute might and power?

Absolutely nothing.

No new wars against their neighbours. No thundering across the plains or the desert or the hills. No metal to the throats of their enemies and blood spilled across the grass.

Now don’t get me wrong, Qara-Khitai is actually still in a very advantageous position. They’ve gone up another 7 spots on the statistical rankings, reaching top 10 civs in all of the cylinder. With a military score within the top 5, rivalling Chono, Ket, Tlingit and Pakistan, the Ordo Cavalry are evidently filling their borders, and their production is in a very solid position as well. Their happiness sits at a beautiful 41, leaving a large amount of open space to conquer enemy cities. With their UA granting even more happiness from holding a new city from a different empire, Qara has the chance to completely absorb a nearby enemy with no negative unhappiness penalty. Qara-Khitai, if they targeted the weak Bactria or Kipchaks to their west, could nearly double their city count with the right military strategy.

It’s a question of will they at this point unfortunately. Will they attack the right neighbours and actually capture their cities. Will they take advantage of their technological timing to push through for a win. Will they attack Ket or Tang and rue the day they decided war was an option. Or will they push against Pakistan or Mysore and struggle to navigate the narrow mountain passes and hilly terrain. Qara-Khitai has not given us a lot of hope when it comes to actually accomplishing these goals, as their most relevant wars were hundreds of years ago, where they grabbed one city and backstabbed another civ. They seem to lack the drive to expand and push past their current boundaries, and unfortunately I’m a little worried that they will fall to an attack by Tang Ket or Rouran, in a glorious battle at the very least.

All this to say, I truly hope that Qara-Khitai can pull up their bootstraps, charge into battle, and seize the day. With such a momentous turn around when it comes to their statistical abilities and their empire building, it’s hard not to root for them to do something glorious in the new future. And with a UA that seems perfect for snowballing in a Battle Royale, and their UU primed and ready to go, I know that if they put in the work, Qara-Khitai has a real shot of winning this game.

45: Scythia

Shaggy:

Scythia thrives in wide open spaces, but their invasion of Circassia is possibly inducing some claustrophobia in their forces as they try to squeeze through the mountains and force themselves in between the Black and Caspian Seas. Bygurqal is the most optimistic gain for Ateas in this war but there really just aren’t the troops necessary for a city capture in the vicinity. Circassia is dug in like a tick and Scythia is much better making sweeping invasions rather than concentrated, surgical efforts. On top of it all, Scythia is really neglecting their reinforcement efforts and are falling victim to the allure of empty borders and full infrastructure build queues. Sit down, smoke a fatty, and come up with some procurement plans, Ateas, you’ll need them sooner rather than later!

46: Mysore

JDT:

Mysore goes down by 5 as they end the Great Indian Ocean War losing several cities in the Andamans and no closer to breaking Bangladesh. It’s kind of frustrating as well, since Bangladesh was pooped and in theory they could’ve slowly swinged around from the south and pushed up Odisha. Of course, this means that the overwhelming question of “can Mysore ever actually do anything due to their geography and military biases” hasn’t been conclusively resolved. Plus, now they’re not at war, thus resulting in some of their cities starving and some stat regression! Will the misery ever end?

Unless you’re Nope, yes. Their statline is still good, their army is still strong, and even though at this point Pakistan has outscaled them, Bangladesh is still ever so vulnerable and ever so behind. So one good war with Bangladesh can still potentially turn the tides. The question is will they actually get that one good war? Or will they continue fumbling their battles that are needed to scale up?

47: Susquehannock

Leman:

Susquehannock grabs three ranks as they continue to completely butcher Karankawa, completely denying them from retaking Coco by burning it to the ground and then seizing Coapite as well. It's a very solid turn of events for Old Sheehays. They also founded a city somewhere, beefed up their stats and are looking like they completely outclass their main rival Onondaga.Also the mod just released and I’ve been playing with it and I think Old Seehays is just a monster AI. They’ve done super well in both my games with them. So I will continue to expect good things from them as they consolidate more of the eastern seaboard.

48: Itelmen

Reformer:

Nice quiet episode for Itelmen. Quiet-ish. Because Itelmen has hit a notable milestone this ep! Namely, they’ve entered top10 in stats for the first time. It has been quite the explosive rise to fame for Itelmen– in ep10, they were 41st in stats. From there on out, it’s been only up. Of course, many say that this is easily credited mainly to their adoption of the very strong Tlingit religion. And they are correct in saying that. It was ep11 onward that Tlingit religion started spreading into Itelmen lands. With science and culture, comes techs and policies, and consequently all other stats will improve as well, of course. Itelmen is thus the very definition of stolen valor. They were a failing state before the INCIDENT. Now they are top10 in stats. Truly evil!

49: Lanfang

Reformer:

Lanfang ends both of their relevant wars on nigh-stalemates. In the east, Lanfang does strictly speaking lose the war to Bunuba, as Bunuba keeps Gurang-Ngadja, but that is a minor city, and Bunuba will lose when the two fight next time. In the west, the war against Mysore ends with Lanfang in control of Sadhuim, which is much more significant, strategically speaking. Sadhuim grants access to the Bay of Bengal, for when Lanfang and Bangladesh inevitably clash, and of course, it will make for a convenient staging point against Mysore, when that war flares up again. Of course, by then, one would hope Lanfang has ocean-faring vessels. Which they are oddly avoiding for the time being. Made it to Astronomy, then pivoted. But what a pivot it has been! Lanfang is about to be the first civ to research Economics, a crucial, well, economic tech. If you’re gonna be at peace, sure enough, use your high tech output to bang out valuable techs down the middle. Not a bad move, certainly. But after that, we’re back to beating people up, right? Right?

50: Teotihuacan

Archimedes :

I know dear readers you may have been worried, seeing another name on the Teotihuacan write-up last week. Worry not though, as I have finished my obligatory Qara-Khitai deep dive, and am back to tell you that despite this episode looking somewhat dull on the Teo department, stats looking a little worse for wear, and a rank that has slipped two spots in the eyes of the ranking team, that Teotihuacan is actually about to blow the competition out of the water.

That’s right, you heard it here first. Teotihuacan is actually the best, and they’re about to do even better.

Ignore of course the fact that Teotihuacan stands at a concerning -11 unhappiness, and that their production has crept down to merely 273. These matters are temporary when it comes to such a powerful Mesoamerican contender, and within an episode we will see a remarkable turn of face towards towering production, stunning science, and an empire that is clearly happy with their current management. It’s going to be a sight to behold, and I’m going to be basking in the glory.

Putting aside all of the pageantry of course, there are two factors that really hold the key to Teotihuacan improving their position next episode. The first is their current tech path, with the advent of Machinery being right on the horizon. With their ever growing cities and their two new acquisitions in Polynesia, Teotihuacan’s unhappiness has been precarious at best. This -11 unhappiness is actually contributing to such a dismal current production, as every -1 point adds a -2% malus to their production and gold output. What shows as a 273 in current conditions is actually a score of 350 with a -22% penalty, a number that would put them on par with Qara-Khitai, Susquehannock, Itelmen and Anishinaabe. And, with the advent of Machinery, Teotihuacan will be able to build the ever useful Tavern, an Enlightenment Era mod exclusive that gives an additional +2 local happiness to whichever city it is built in. With 17 cities that would be able to build it, their -11 malus could soon turn into a glowingly happy 23, enough wiggle room to even capture a few cities from their neighbours.

Their neighbours, of course, are their second benefit, as a few of them have been put in quite perilous positions. Pomo at the moment looks quite spent, and has a perfect channel for a land invasion into their core, while Cebu stands with a happy little outpost on the continent and a chain of nearby Hawaiian Islands that could be captured by Teotihuacan’s superior naval technology. To Teotihuacan’s east, both Xaragua and Yanomami have been duking it out in the open seas, and each of their armies seem weak and spent, allowing for a perfect chance to Teotihuacan to sweep through and take cities from either power in an elegant strike. To the South, powerful Caral may look intimidating, but with Chono bearing down on them in one of the first relevant wars they’ve declared, we may soon see Caral’s army looking sparse, allowing an additional opportunity for Teotihuacan to strike. All of these civs seem out of sorts or teetering on a knifes edge at the moment, and if Teotihuacan can build some happiness space for a city or two, they could soon begin to push ever further out of their Central American core.

It is of course relevant to mention that Teotihuacan seems to be currently at war with Susquehannock, a civ that is marching their way through Karankawa lands. With no shared border besides the city of Mamey, which happens to be on the south side of the Cuban Island, Teotihuacan has been unable to sweep their powerful navy of Galleons north into Susquehannock waters. But, with Coapite now falling into Susquehannock hands, Teotihuacan can swing their powerful ships into the northern Gulf of Mexico, slamming 28 strength boats into 15 and 30 defense cities, chipping them down to nothing. And, with news that Teotihuacan is plotting against Karankawa, we may finally see their capital of Carancahua or their cancun holding of Copano fall quickly and decisively. Both targets are well within Teotihuacan’s grasp, and would turn Teotihuacan into the preeminent power in the Caribbean.

So things are ultimately looking good for Teotihuacan, as all of their neighbours seem to be crumbling before their eyes, and their stats are on the cusp of completely fixing themselves. Their effective science is wonderful, at an impressive 441, and they hold 37 technologies, well within pace of their neighbours and the top powers. They may not quite be in the upper echelons, with Tlingit Tang and New South Wales clearly being this games big three, but I feel very hopeful that Teotihuacan is here to stay in this game, and will surely get some big wins before having to face off against one of these behemoths. Just know that no matter what place they are in, however many stats they may have, or however many wins or losses they may face, I will be letting every reader know that Teotihuacan deserves to sit on the Pantheon of X5. Forever and Always.

51: Seychelles

Orange:

The Seychelles, for all their great stats, haven’t done much this game. So this recent war with Ma’in has been a bit of a startling success, allowing their second city capture so far. Will they be able to fully finish Ma’in off? Well that’s more tricky because of the intense citadelling, but they do have quite the technological and numerical advantage.

Really though, Seychelles need a big success soon, they have 21 cities, 19 of which are their own, most on tiny one tile islands. They need to break into the African mainland sooner rather than later, since if they aren’t the ones to take out Maravi, then Herero or Luba or Ethiopia will be there, and those will be a fair bit harder to deal with.

52: Aures

NopeCopter:

The Aures slip down the rankings a bit as their stats continue to worsen. Their position is still pretty solid, don’t get me wrong - Portugal’s weak, the Papal States are weak, Zazzau just missed their chance to break out - but the Aures still haven’t rebuilt their military, and their Happiness issues are really biting them in the ass now that razing is active. Their Science output is solidly outside the top tier, and their Production is, too, though neither are bad. They’re definitely not out of the game just yet, but they need to keep conquering if they want to keep pace with other continental powers, and to do that they first need to increase their Happiness.

53: Pakistan

Shaggy:

The luck of the PR assignment draw has hilariously gifted me the writeups for both of the new Circassian aggressors this week. Maybe it’s karmic, I don’t know, I didn’t trade for either of these. Unlike Scythia, Pakistan has to flatter Eannatum’s hot Sumerian wife (but not too much, lest his famous jealousy take over) in order to negotiate routes through which they can deploy their invading forces into Circassia. As far as I'm aware, Pakistan has not paid the 8 installments of ¥299.95 for their copy of Tang Diplomacy for Shaguizi on VHS, so good luck on sticking the landing with Sumer’s notoriously fickle negotiators. Not much other activity for Pakistan this week, they continue to be cursed by their geography.

54: Rouran

ItsTruckMonth:

Rouran sticks at their personal high ranking in 7th place. With their only point of relevance this episode being a chokepoint slaughterfest with the Itelmen up in the icy plains of Northern Siberia, they’ve had quite the quiet episode of building up and readying their cavalry for the next big conflict.

Grukraine is the obvious easy picking, but who’s to say they wouldn’t pass up a challenge? Ket? Qara?

55: Chono

Orange:

Big jump for Chono, much more than Caral lost, because WOWIE THEY FINALLY WOKE UP. Choosing not to fix the bordergore with Guaycuru, they instead go after Caral who has no military and a lot of coastal cities to yoink. Finally we’ll be seeing a dominant South American power in this game.

56: Ket

Reformer:

What up Ket lovers, it’s ya boi, Ket hater. What can I say, it’s a strong grey Siberian civ, what’s to like? Aside from being so strong as to be tedious, what else do they got going for them? Well, let’s see. Ket’s track record in war is positive, but mostly nominally so. They’ve beat Vyatka and Kipchaks…but in both cases, the cities captured were indefensible. Once the indefensible cities were done with, Ket could not push any further– not even against the comparatively much weaker Kipchaks, with whom Ket shares a wide border. Okay, everyone knows Ket is not very ambitious. But WHAT ELSE? Well, there are some bad news. Rouran is starting to receive Tlingit’s fucked up free yields religion. And Rouran is of course the strongest neighbor Ket has. Should Rouran receive sufficient time to let that religion spread into a large portion of their cities, Ket would definitely be at a disadvantage in comparison. Funnily enough, the best thing Ket can do is aggressively spread their religion through Rouran, to contest the spread of Tlingit’s religion. Truly, zealotry solves all of life’s problems.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of New South Wales

57: New South Wales

Leman:

Look. I know it says fourth up there. I know. But really New South Wales is places third by everyone except the PRs who hate Australia and put them 12th. I’m not here to rehash that, but I just want you all to know that NSW is a clean top three civ that just happens to be Australian. The problem is that, even though NSW has 27 cities and is top tier in every stat and completely outclasses Bunuba, they had the unfortunate problem, that, in 300 turns, after they killed Bunuba and Ternate and Cebu and Lanfang and kicked Chono and Caral out of Oceania, they will have a hard time breaking onto any continental landmass. It hasn’t really happened before. Except Kulin who conquered half of South America. And Timor Leste who wasn’t Australian, was three tiles off the Australian coast and won the game. But you know. Anyways, NSW is great.

58: Anishinaabe

Leman:

Anishinaabe is thrust into third place, rather suddenly. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really notice that their steady climb to the top had gotten quite so high. I think thats because while they have done everything right, settling a lot, great economy, and conquering cities from both Ponca and now Pomo, Tlingit just exists. And are way better. Like I don’t think it’s really all that close right? Tlingit outclasses their Eastern neighbor in basically every stat, which is sad cause if we put Anishinaabe in like South Africa, they’d be such a monster.

59: Tlingit

ItsTruckMonth:

Tlingit went another episode dropped out of that prestigious number 1 spot, largely due to their somewhat middling performance against Pomo and the competitive neighborhood they find themselves in.

Stat-wise though? Peak. The top dog in military manpower, production, techs, science, and GPT. Even if they find themselves in a war with their higher-end neighbors, the difference in stats is overwhelming.

If they want that #1 spot back, they gotta put those stats to use and redeem themselves.

60: Tang

Leman:Another great episode for our relatively new top dog. Unfortunately Tang diplomats didn’t secure Chuxiong after the Tang army failed to capture it, but they did manage to snap up Guiyang before Lanfang could sneak back in and found three more cities, bringing Tang’s total up to a massive 29. Granted that does push Tang back into Unhappy territory, and that’s less than ideal, but it's only one. They should be out in no time.Taizong will not be making any comments on his new economic ventures.

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