Civ Battle Royale May 12, 2026
Semiconscious
…but it does rhyme.
Hello everyone, this is Semi, newly of the Power Ranking team, back to narrate another episode after I did a couple last season. Thank you, as always, for coming back week after week to see some bots scramble around a world map pretending to be historical leaders. Let’s get into it - it’s a long one, at 109 slides.
Since nobody else has so far this season, I’d like to call out the Stats Sheet for always being a great tool to check out who’s ahead and who’s behind on the behind-the-scenes stuff. Tlingit’s domination of science and production is why we on the PR team have consistently kept them at number one, even despite the loss of the Greenland city and the fumbling of the Pomo war. Pakistan is the real stats darling, though - all the way up at #3 after last episode.
I had to shout out the other statistic we got this week - xLASI (side note, great name) from Aladar on the Discord (u/IamACalradianLordAMA on Reddit). It’s a hilarious snapshot to see what civs have actually done stuff. It’s interesting to see how active (for example) Susquehannock has been despite not really doing anything other than waltzing into some of Karankawa’s Newfoundland cities. Also, peeking at the Google Doc, it’s very funny to see the Amazon contender at the top of the xLASI ranking. I guess Xavante really are a true successor to Kayapo!
I just wanted to thank all of the Ko-Fi supporters for their continuous assistance with keeping the CBR running, including the great Semiconscious. Great guy, that one. It’s so unique to be a Herero supporter in this day and age.
Instead of showcasing number one, which for a seventh straight week is still Tlingit (although the margin to Tang has narrowed considerably), I wanted to highlight our biggest change this week, the 5 rank drop for Jacob Morenga’s Herero as he once again fails to break through the Luba Line. And this may have been one of his last chances - Luba have now overtaken Herero in science and production…
Actually, I won’t rehash it, just go read the PRs. Keep me employed.
We come back to the action with a view of the Anishinaabe-Ponca war, which is better than when we last left it for Ponca. They’ve managed to sneak back into Nanza and flip the city, and the force defending Nanza and Xada De actually looks somewhat respectable? Obviously, they won’t win against the overwhelming might of the Anishinaabeg force, commanded by…
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Baron of Waawiyaataanong Roman von Ungern-Sternberg surveyed his troops. He’d heard the whispers, nicknaming him the Bloody Baron for his murderous tactics against the Poncan farmers on the northern outskirts of Nanza. And yet, he didn’t care. He had set up his ranged units to bombard the city itself into submission. And by the grace of his Methodist god, the Ponca would all die in time. Barbarians, the lot of them.
Xavante’s halfhearted attack on Catu doesn’t seem to be doing all that much. Despite the carpet over Etenhiritipa, Abelhinha, and Marimbu, only four units (three composite bowmen and a single pikeman) have crossed into Guaycuru territory. Luckily, they are led by…
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Nina Simone, the so-called High Priestess of Soul, kind of liked this war thing. Her classical-inspired music was a rhythmic interpretation of the chaos of conquest, mixing patriotism with the need for constant improvement of the problems within Xavante society. It didn’t hurt either that she was the only one of the Great Ten Xavante Musicians to be actually on the frontlines experiencing the war, as so many others were behind the lines on farms, making music without emotion.
We use Rouran’s declaration of war upon Mysore to check in on their nonexistent front in Central Asia. It becomes kind of difficult to invade your enemy when Tang and Qara-Khitai are in the way, and you don’t have open borders with either.
Nonetheless, this is a very interesting juxtaposition in Central Asia. Tang looks wholly underprepared for an invasion from either Rouran or QK, and Karwar could probably be annexed by any of Bangladesh, QK, and Tang without too much trouble from the two trebuchets.
After a few episodes away, we get a good look at Lanfang’s core, and there are a couple of interesting things to note here. First of all, Dharwad, the Mysorean city in the west, finally fell offscreen. The war declared on Lanfang by Mysore now looks extra stupid in hindsight, losing a city for absolutely no reason. Nonetheless, it doesn’t seem as if Lanfang will gain from this, as they’re already at -1 happiness and so are burning the city.
The second thing, though, is far more concerning: Lanfang doesn’t have any Big Boats. There are no Galleasses or Carracks here, just woefully out-of-date Triremes. Just on this slide alone, you can see that both Cebu and New South Wales have Carracks, and we know from last episode that Bunuba also possesses the requisite technology. So Lanfang’s gone from the top power in the region, to a power with a terrifying weakness until they acquire Compass.
The Itelmen-Japan war seems to have ground to a halt since we last saw it, with Itelmen’s triremes not exactly able to break into Himeji, though they do have effective control over the Sea of Japan. Even if they take nothing more, though, this would be a wild success for Itelmen, who took Hiroshima and Nikolaevsk-Ussurisky off of Hideyoshi’s empire. Meanwhile, Tarein, the outpost on Honshu itself, has held strong.
As a game fan, I am kind of sad that no Ashigaru have managed to capture a city yet. An early Musketman would’ve been super cool to see, but unless Hideyoshi YOLOs into Tang, it doesn’t seem like they will be capturing a city anytime soon.
I honestly forgot that Susquehannock was at war with either of Karankawa and Ponca, and it seems they’re at war with both! Coco and Coapite are both theoretically targets, but given the very defensive Composite Bow-heavy unit composition of both Karankawa and Ponca, I don’t think anything will come of this front of the war.
Meanwhile, in the corner of the slide we can see the update to the Anishinaabe front. Tangaouen, which once looked threatened, seems to now be entirely secured by Pontiac’s troops, which form a near-complete ring around the city. This has come at a cost though - it seems that the forces around Nanza have been ever-so-slightly repulsed by the Ponca troops.
In the rear of the Susquehannock military formation around Cepowig, there was a Great Engineer working. Her name was…
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Ada Lovelace was tired of all of the numbers floating around. Five squadrons of swordsmen marching 270º west, three regiments of chariot archers rolling five spaces southwest over the hills, it was all too much. While the military men were calculating away to determine the optimal strength to send through each pass, she knew she could do better. Instead of counting by hand, there had to be some algorithm to predict exactly what would be required to defeat any formation of Karankawan and Poncan troops.
I’m narrating this on American Mother’s Day, so I can’t help but make the obvious Yanomami pun as we see their heartland. Their irrelevant DOW on Yunnan allows us to see just how barren this South American frontrunner really is. Sure, there are troops present, but it’s nowhere near the carpet of Potiguara, Xavante, or Chono. Other than that, though, it’s a fine-looking empire. Every city has 12 population or more, up to the 29-population Nanimapuweteri in the Caribbean. And pikemen, knights, and carracks are top-tier military units across the cylinder. It wouldn’t hurt to see a little bit more of them, though.
Shifting the camera slightly up, we get a look at Xaragua, who we haven’t seen in all their glory since they gave away Mamey to Teotihuacan. And honestly? It could be a lot worse. Yaquimel is already up to 13 population, and they have enough military units to hold off any attack from Teo, Susquehannock, or Yanomami (at least in the short term). Now, they don’t have the production to undertake a longer war, nor the ability to really attack out from the Eastern Cuba-Bahamas-Puerto Rico triangle they occupy, but the four-city tall playstyle still seems to be working.
Wow. Not only did Anishinaabe take Nanza, but they wiped out the relief force from Xada De. Suddenly, a war that might have taken the whole episode to get past Nanza now looks like Xada De could fall in the next 5-10 turns. And while Anishinaabe doesn’t yet have a lot of forces across the Missouri River, the sheer number of trebuchets they have between the Missouri and Mississippi tells me that they’ll be just fine. Someone who won’t be as fine is the Great Merchant in Xada De…
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Herbert Henry Dow was furious. While his bromine extraction process had done so much to help with fire retardant production in Nanza (staving off fires from the Bloody Baron’s flamethrowing trebuchets), the city had still fallen. Because of that, Dow Chemical’s biggest plant was no longer in his hands. And because of that, Dow’s stock price was tumbling in the Hubdon Stock Exchange. And that would simply not do. Something would have to be done. And that’s when he realized - simply buy up the competition, and network with Anishinaabe bureaucrats too. Then both sides would have to come to his new multinational conglomerate if they wanted any chemicals at all.
It had all started with a minor border dispute in southern Karwar. Something about water from the Yellow River going to Bangladeshi farmers in Mymensingh was violating some old treaty with the Karwar Regional Authority. Combine that with a knight desperate for glory on the northern frontier, and you get war between Bangladesh and Mysore.
And I have been looking forward to this one. I’d give the initial advantage to Bangladesh, given the isolation of Karkar and the fact that they declared the war, but Mysore’s higher production and army will come into play in the longer term. Also on Bangladesh’s side is their Great General…
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George Patton, General of the Tibetan Front of the Bangladeshi Army, could not have been happier when he heard the news of the Karwar Incident. He’d wanted war with Mysore for almost as long as he could remember, and he was convinced his “armored attacks” would give him the edge when marching on Channapatna. Karwar would fall easily, though, especially given the incident had resulted in multiple knight formations already crossing the Yellow River.
“Men!” he called out. “Today, we march to victory against those who for so long condemned us to this cold, mountain life. Today, we march on Tipu Sultan’s forces. Onward to victory!”
We zoom southwards to see an alternate view of this war, one which indicates that the Dhaka government may not have fully understood the effects of this war upon the whole civilization. Bangladesh’s navy is hopelessly outnumbered, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Sadhuim fall soon. Meanwhile further north, Khulna will probably hold, but I can’t see Bangladesh actually pushing against that carpet. Especially given the fact that Mysorean overall command was held by the legendary Master of Sieges…
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Issam Zahreddine was nonplussed about this new war. The commander of the Mysorean Navy was confident in his ships’ abilities, and Zahreddine was sure that he could hold out wherever necessary against attacks on Mysorean cities brought by the rabid Shaktists in the Bangladeshi State. He’d put down enough uprisings against Tipu Sultan to see a threat, and despite the initiative in the Bangladeshi forces, they’d fold against his walls. After all, urban warfare was his specialty.
We shift the camera back north to take a look at Qara-Khitai; specifically, their unique Great Merchant, the Shaojian. It can perform Trade Missions for more money, though losing influence with the city-state. This has no effect on the game, as there are no city-states in the CBR.
The Hanseatic Holy Roman Empire League Including Rostock is, as always, suspiciously light on the land troops. A few troops surround Kiel, but it’s nothing compared to the huge French carpet around Toulouse. That being said, they do have their unique Caravel (the Cog) and a mercantilist-style economy thanks to…
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Jean-Baptiste Colbert had had it with Jurgen Wullenwever. Wullenwever insisted that the Hanseatic League had to keep its status as a mercantile empire, freely open to any imports and exports, in order to keep its economy running. Colbert knew that was not the case. The civilization had to adapt to the changing times, and shift to a more protectionist economy. The League had to be making money by exporting things, not making money by simply serving as the middleman. That’s why he’d come to the industrial hub of Kiel, to understand what the League had to offer the world. The answer wasn’t much. Lumber and wild game weren’t exactly high-demand items on the global market, after all. A shame, for he knew his Colbertist system would do wonders for whatever civilization implemented his reforms.
Wassolou’s Revenge Tour seems to be coming to an abrupt end, as their war with Aures to reclaim Sahel supremacy has completely failed. Not only has Madina been recovered, but Aures knights and composite bowmen stand at the gates of Bissandugu. Joao of Portugal, sensing an opportunity, jumps back in and perhaps has a shot at Kankan, if Aures helps out. I don’t think this war will be deadly for Wassolou (as Aures lacks siege equipment), but it could definitely leave them on only a city or two, condemning them to further irrelevance. Luckily, they have a secret weapon…
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Konrad Zuse had heard of the great research into so-called computational machines coming from the Susquehannock Institutes - at least, he’d heard what had been leaked across the Great Western Ocean on Portuguese ships. And he figured he probably knew of a way to design the kind of machine that could do the tasks described by this Lovelace fellow. Now if only he could convince Samori Ture to spare him some money…like that was ever going to happen.
Is it just me, or is this slide really showing how much the Kipchaks are sucking up to Ket? First of all, you have the DOW on the right: both jointly declared an irrelevant war on Yunnan (which perhaps signals that a lot of people hate Yunnan, as Lanfang and Tang already declared war last episode). Additionally, you have this new settlement by Togortak, called Sary. I mean, this has to be his way of apologizing to Olgit for declaring war all those turns ago. All that, and there’s nonetheless a Ket citadel that got dropped on the outskirts of Kara.
Also, I’m pretty sure Kipchaks and Vyatka are still at war; if there were less mountains, I could definitely see Ust-Cheptsa falling, but as is, nothing will likely come of it.
Is it just me, or is the Tlingit-Pomo war really starting to feel like the American Civil War, in terms of military campaigns at least? On the coast, it’s slight movement (as you can see off to the side of the slide) between the major cities of Behe’pal and Kaci’badon, while across the mountain it’s a lot more fluid. Sure, Tlingit have the advantage after taking Ka’hwalau and Shanel, but Ka’tuuli has flipped once again, and no amount of crossbowmen can take a city. Meanwhile, it seems Anishinaabe have plopped down a citadel to make any later attack on Kadi’u a lot easier - though when that will come, I’m not sure.
As with seemingly every shot of this region, the comparisons between the stacked armies of Potiguara and Xavante (and Chono, to a degree) with just about everyone else is striking. Caral has a grand total of 11 military units visible, Guaycuru has 14 (even after fighting an underdog war), while Xavante and Potiguara have north of 30. Nonetheless, Caral won at the negotiating table, with the cession of Wedeze from Xavante now being occupied. I’m honestly not sure what difference being occupied and integrated versus puppeted actually means, so I’ll leave that to the civ 5 experts. I assume it’s better to be occupied, though. Overseeing the occupation, Qhapaq has installed…
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General Uzi Narkiss gave a wry smile to the diplomats hashing out the last of the details with the local Wedeze Authority. As the commander of the Caral Defense Force’s Xavante Front, he was responsible for the aborted attack during the last war, instead becoming the man responsible for watching out for a Xavante invasion. Now, he was the commander of the garrison force in the old city. And he had to respect the diplomats for managing to capture Wedeze anyway in the ceasefire, despite his own failure. The next task? Find a good photo opportunity.
Shifting the camera south, we can truly see just how many troops Chono has down here. Their unique Composite Bowman replacement nearly carpets Patagonia and the Pampas, except for the small portions where Guaycuru cities popped up all those years ago. It’s only a matter of time before those cities get scooped up - but then again, I thought that five episodes ago.
It’s also crazy to see Cailin, the Chono capital, at 30 population. Is it just me, or are there a lot more higher population cities this time around?
We take a look at the religion map for a second, as more and more of the map is colored in. Most importantly, it seems the Tlingit religion does have more cities to grow into in East Asia - while Bangladesh’s Shaktism has essentially spread through all of Tang lands, much of Japan is still irreligious. So Itelmen’s advantage may not last for long. In North America, though, the fact that both Anishinaabe and Pomo have a religion means that it’s unlikely to see Sgaanaang spread outside Tlingit borders.
I will say, we’re quite lucky that the busted religion wasn’t belonging to Hyksos, Bangladesh, or Caral. Hyksos in particular has so much of Africa already following Pesedjet, with tendrils reaching into Italy and Iberia. It’s embarrassing to see Wallachia struggle so much to spread their religion, compared to the uber-successful Hyksos right next door. Meanwhile, it’s only a matter of time before all of South America is colored in that Caral magenta.
Confirming what we already saw in the last slide, Pesedjet is far and away the largest religion on the cylinder, with Pachaism and Shaktism 2 and 3 (order depending on if you count followers or number of cities). As expected, Sgaanaang’s trans-Bering Strait appeal has left it in a solid fourth, with the other multinational religions in the next tier. Reinforcing how populous Pakistan is, Sunni has 459 followers in just 26 cities (17.6 per city), while Bjarmia’s Forn Sidr has 364 in 37 (9.8 per city). That Indus River is really feeding a lot of people.
Down in the irrelevant religions, it’s once again the standard Laugh At Rapa Nui hour. I would’ve expected them to be last, but the busy North American religious scene means that Ponca’s Pohakantenna is actually followed by less people. North America’s religious diversity is really clear here - five of these bottom ten are all in North or Mesoamerica.
If you’ll excuse my Toto pun in the title, it seems like this war is as back and forth as ever. Since we last saw it, it looks like Amina managed to flip both cities, but Zara Yaqob has snatched Fatika back with a pikeman. If the war ended here, I’d say Ethiopia won a Pyrrhic victory - Fatika, on the Sahel plains, is far better than the burned-out husk of Adama. It is impressive, though, that I don’t think any other cities have even been damaged in this war, given how brutal the frontline is.
As Umhaill and Pegu make peace (sure why not you two have fun), we check in on Central Asia and Bactria’s continued brutal citadelling of the Kipchaks. They’re now only one tile from making Suun an exclave, for goodness’ sake! This is starting to remind me of the end of last season, where Kanawgas in southern North America had enough citadels that it made that Osage city a single tile.
Also, does it annoy anyone else that Bactria’s capital is just Bactra? Not even Bactria, like other civs that have the capital as the civ name (looking at you, Caral and Zazzau). But Bactra.
Another scene back on the Wassoulou-Aures front, another push by Aures forward as Wassoulou lines are now behind Bissandugu. Surprisingly, no damage has yet been done, but between that and the Portuguese mobilizing and crossing the border into Kankan in the north, it doesn’t look good for Ture. Especially not given the commander of Aures forces is…
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Lautaro was happy that for once - just this time - he didn’t have to use insurgency tactics. He had been captured by Wassoulou forces in the initial Madina attacks, but had escaped and led the triumphant Aures liberation force. Now, he was part of the rearguard, but still helping to assist in the march on the Wassoulou capital which would cut the civilization in two. And what a success that would be!
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 2: The Second Wave:
“The sudden rise of the Polynesia Companies over the 14th, 15th and 16th centuries is a strange historical anomaly. Beginning with the great Opening of Aotearoa, the riches of the land, which had lain hidden under the stewardship of Rapa Nui for so long, were finally exploited. First to the scene were the Australians - both Bunuba and New South Wales-led expeditions controlled the land in the east, in Caledonia and Fiji. Of course, the controversial Chono Cession, followed by the panicked Bunuban Biridu expedition shaped much of the eastern side of the archipelago.
Yet the true Scramble for Polynesia, as we know it today, began with the settlement of Calcai, and the departure of the Teotihuacan South Seas Company’s expedition, which would later found the now-famous trading port of Kooja. Calcai established that the Western Islands Company (of Chono, tasked with administering the Chono Cession) would not lay dormant, as the Treaty of Hanga Roa did for so long for the Caral. Rather, Martin Olleta was determined to see his empire become a player in the region, even if the main area of their empire was (at the time) still blocked behind the Anakena Passage. Kooja took the de facto rules of the game, however, and threw them out the window. As the seas flooded with armies and navies of various civilizations, despite having no military presence, Spearthrower Owl’s agents planted a flag and demanded access to the untapped territory that the South American and Australian civilizations were busy dividing up. This, of course, would have massive consequences later down the line…”
Moving from the bright, sunny, warm locales of Oceania to a much colder, inhospitable area of the cylinder: Northern Canada. Onondaga has settled a new city, Sganawadih, on what looks to be Devon Island (though I’m unsure). Why it was settled so far into the ice cap, and not on the hill where more water tiles could be worked, I couldn’t say. It also does cut off access for any more stray Tlingit settlers who might want to settle Greenland, as one seems to have snuck past the Anishinaabe expanding borders.
Also, everyone say hello to Grace O’Malley! Hi Grace!
It seems that once again, Old Sheehays is attempting to conquer Kouyam. It’s quite strange how easy it was to take Quouan and Caoque, but Kouyam has proven a far, far harder nut to crack for the Eastern Seaboard civ. Luckily, with Carracks in tow, they might be able to take the city this time.
Ah, who am I kidding, Karankawa still has two swordsmen and a composite bowmen defending the settlement. Karanewfoundland will live forever.
Peace is made in the Wassoulou-Aures war, and it’s simultaneously good and bad for Samori Ture. Obviously, giving up a 16-population city always hurts, especially when it’s one of your last three cities. And given that army makeup around Bissandugu, I wonder how much threat Wassoulou was actually under. And yet…there’s definitely some genius here. First of all, if you’re Wassoulou, Aures can easily outproduce you. You are not going to win an extended war, and you need time to remake your carpet and try again later in an Aures coalition. Kankan is not only the worst of the three cities, it also blocks any Portuguese routes into the rest of Wassoulou. Now the pest that stole Odienne and Ad Medias away can’t really get to you anymore - Bissandugu isn’t coastal, and Kerouane is so far south it might be closer to Herero than Portugal. Lastly, Aures is already unhappy, and giving them Kankan opens Pandora’s box of further unhappiness and stagnation issues - offering a potential way back into the game. Of all the city gifts this game, this is certainly one of my least hated from a strategic perspective.
It seems Issam Zahreddine’s friend’s promise came true. While the Mysorean Army is still getting mobilized, the navy has wiped the floor with what few naval units Bangladesh has that aren’t garrisoning Chittagong or Hongsawatoi. To me, it almost looks as if Sadhuim has been completely written off, with only a small screening force of three Carracks covering the city.
Hilariously, remember that Lanfang and Mysore are at war because of Dharwad? I had mentioned earlier that Lanfang could be in trouble because they only had triremes. I didn’t imagine that they’d be in trouble from Mysore of all civs. Rew could fall easily, and if the Mysorean Navy deigns it worthwhile, it could even descend on Gaoping and Kunri for at least a flip or two.
Another peace in Africa - this time without any city gifts. As mentioned in the last slide, I like this peace more from Ethiopia’s perspective. Fatika is very easily defended, as Zazzau’s main line of attack is over Lake Chad, while Adama is just a desert city that it’s now on Amina to maintain. Nonetheless, it’s hard not to point out the obvious. Ethiopia, a former top 10 civ, is reduced to narrowly winning a Pyrrhic victory over Zazzau, a former bottom 10 civ. On the whole, this war just reinforced Ethiopia’s fumbling of the once-great position they had back in the first few episodes (in Ep. 3, they hit a peak rating of 3rd, compared to Zazzau’s 50th). Nonetheless, it’s not as if Africa really has any major powers outside of Aures - so it’s not too insane to see a path where either of these civs can recover via a coalition war against, for instance, Luba.
Also, the time probably passed for Hyksos to get involved - now Ethiopia isn’t distracted, so the likes of Mek’ele and Harar will be considerably harder to capture.
Taizong of Tang was slightly annoyed with the admiral of his navy. After a significant portion of Tang academic research was dedicated towards advanced shipbuilding, his admiral had designed a ship he called the Galleon. In order to test it out, Taizong had arranged for a coalition to be called against Yunnan, and his admiral had promised the walls of Guiyang would be down in a week.
Well, here they were a month later, and Guiyang still hadn’t surrendered. They were up against Yunnanese triremes, for goodness’ sake, and yet the Zhengzhou Fleet probably would need reinforcements to take the city. What a disaster. The city would be a great pickup, to be sure, especially in any future war against Cebu, but for this cost? Was it really worth it?
We return to South America once again to see that the Nothing Ever Happens continent, shockingly, has Nothing Happening. Xavante’s halfhearted attack on Catu is still going nowhere. And Potiguara, reduced to six cities, is still very militarized. This is especially true given the high standing of their great general…
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Alexandros Papagos was proud of his achievements as Field Marshal of the Potiguaran Army. His anti-internationalist crusade had resulted in the remilitarization of the country after the chaos that had followed the Second Guaycuru War. The next goal, of course, would be to gain true political power, not just military command.
The most recent Ma’in War seems to, shockingly, be going quite poorly for Ma’in. Obviously, they lost Manhiyat, as that’s the required one-city-per-war loss to Phoenicia. In fact, there are no further military units on that side of the Red Sea, so the city is solidly under Hiram’s control. More interesting, though, is how much threat the seemingly unconquerable Qarnawu and Inabba’ are under. Phoenicia has managed to land escorted troops in Yemen. Additionally, Sumer of all civs is actually pushing - a pikeman in the pass means an actually strong unit can begin battering down the walls. Meanwhile, much of Inabba’s suburbs are pillaged and on fire, suggesting that Eannatum could push that way, too.
Now, to be clear, I’m not saying Ma’in is going to lose either city. As we’ve seen, both of these are still very defensible. But the fact that I’m even asking these questions means Ma’in is far more on the ropes here than they have been in any past war.
Our spies report back: New South Wales still hates Bunuba! Thanks, Peshgaldaramesh, it’s not as if the two haven’t been at war three times already before turn 200.
It’s also interesting to note where this came from - the spy is stationed in Jijidu, the city NSW took off Bunuba a few wars ago. Might the sources that we’re hearing this from be a little bit biased, perhaps? The faction of NSW that supports attacking Bunuba are probably the same ones who are responsible for garrisoning conquered territories.
In terms of the outcome if another war were to occur? Possibly a narrow NSW victory, but most likely a stalemate. NSW does possess Crossbowmen, a major power spike, but Bunuba has almost the same level of technical advancement, with pikemen and knights present on both sides. Combine that with the Great Wall and you get a slow, grinding war.
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 2: The Second Wave:
“It should come as no surprise to the reader that the unexpected success of the Polynesian trading and fishing cities spurred further settlement, even from those already present. As disorganized and last-minute that the Biridu expedition was, the city nonetheless still grew from the sheer lack of competition in the area. Jandamarra’s funding of a second settlement in the area, which would come to be known as Balili, was an extremely logical choice. Indeed, we can even see evidence of future planned settlement as of the 1500 C.E. Report on the Colonies (translated below):
‘As competition in the Biridu Area increases, we must strike while the bird still flies. Given the steadiness of Balili, we recommend that a subgroup of these settlers be tasked with the further expansion of Bunuba civilization, to extract other natural resources from the area…’
The unnamed Councillor’s opinion was shared by many in the Bunuban court, and would lead to further expansion in the Third Wave.”
This is substantially different than how I expected the frontline to look when we returned to the Tibetan front of the Bangladesh-Mysore war. Not only has the thrust towards Channapatna been obliterated (with only one half-health knight even in Mysorean territory), but the attack against Karwar has been blunted. All that remains across the river are two heavily damaged knights, and the composite bowmen reinforcements are unlikely to make that much progress.
Perhaps to cover up this mistake, Bangladesh and Pegu have declared war against Ma’in to recover the patriotic spirit.
Japan and Itelmen make peace on the borders that I expected. Neither side was going to be able to effectively push the other side back, with Itelmen having naval supremacy (so defending Karymchin) but Himeji a logistical nightmare to attack. Despite the failures on this front, though, as mentioned it’s hard not to see this as an absolute win for Itelmen. A civ that ten episodes ago I thought was food for Green Ukraine and Japan now looks to be considerably stronger than both, and possibly on a Chukchi-like trajectory. Ok, maybe they’re not Chukchi, but Itelmen are the most respectable Far Eastern contender we’ve had since then.
As a result of the war ending (along with an irrelevant Xaragua-Japan war), we take a look at the Itelmen core. For being a tundra civ, it’s pretty respectable. There are three cities above 20 population, with multiple in-settles still coming online. And given Sgaanaang’s pervasiveness, every single one of these cities is giving Itelmen +5 science and culture. That’s 60 science and 60 culture in this shot alone, just from following Tlingit’s religion.
Interestingly, though, there are no Tlingit units in Itelmen territory anymore, unlike past episodes. Could this be a sign that relations are getting a bit frostier?
As expected, the Mysorean navy has descended on both Rew and Sadhuim, with both cities now in the yellow. Yet it seems Bangladesh may prevent further bleeding, as they’ve moved south from the Bay of Bengal and are effectively defending Khulna. Lanfang, too, has seemingly managed to ensure no further damage is done. They are bringing reinforcements north from the captured Dharwad, and Gaoping looks defended - if not with quality units, then with the sheer quantity of triremes. But for Rew and Sadhuim, Mysore has a secret weapon…
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Frank Friday Fletcher just wanted to get into combat. The thrill of battle was unlike anything else in the world to him. Fortunately, he’d have just that opportunity in the battles of Rew and Sadhuim - but he carefully emphasized the need to seize the waterfront first and foremost. For these port cities, cutting off the port ensured that the city as a whole would surrender soon enough. With enough success, Fletcher knew he might just get a ship or two named after him. How fine and dandy that would be.
It seems Jandamarra’s back for revenge against Luo Fangbo. With Bunuba now having the technological advantage (though a few Lanfang carracks are beginning to pop up), they may be able to steal back Gurang.Ngadja. With Lanfang now fighting on two fronts, this is a critical test of their mettle - if they can hold up at what is likely their moment of greatest weakness, they’ll establish themselves as the preeminent Southeast Asian power. If not, Bunuba might turn from the boxed-in to the boxer-in, as Lanfang increasingly could find itself out of options.
Herero’s new settlement of Otjiwarongo gives us the chance to check in on the South African contender - and my goodness, it seems their time has likely passed. They have mere horsemen compared to Luba’s more advanced Knights, and Maravi are hidden behind a mountain range that Herero has as of yet struggled to break through. Combine that with most of their cities being settled in the featureless Kalahari Desert, and you get a civ that probably missed its moment. Or they could turn into the next Lesotho. Who’s to say.
I would not have guessed Tlingit would be the first civ to really struggle with happiness issues. Both Tang and Scythia have been at -10 happiness over the course of this game, while Tlingit have consistently been in the positives. Yet it’s the North American contender who finds themselves having to deal with happiness-issue-caused Barbarians pillaging the backwoods of Sitka and their capital. Does this foretell an end to the Pomo War before these issues get much worse? Perhaps…
Also, if you look off the coast of what I think are the Haida Gwaii, you can see that Tlingit has Galleons too. Look out, world.
Back to the Anishinaabe-Ponca war, and yep, Xada De is in serious trouble. Anishinaabe forces have crossed the Missouri River in numbers now, and the unwalled city is already in the red. That being said, both Hubdon and Wain-Xude are much harder to attack - Wain-Xude because it’s in the middle of the Rockies, and Hubdon because it’s across the Platte River and far away from any Anishinaabe base. Maybe Pontiac is just that angry at White Eagle though, and goes in for the kill. They’ve done a ton already.
Right as it seemed Qarnawu and Inabba’ might be under threat, both Phoenicia and Sumer have backed out of the war. It definitely helps keep their armies intact, but it’s hard not to ask if this could’ve been the killing blow to Ma’in. That’s not to say the war wasn’t devastating - Qarnawu is down to just 5 population, while the attempted breakout in Manhiyat quickly fell. It’s just…it could’ve been so much more.
The Snow War is apparently still going on, though Vyatkan attacks have seemingly stalled out since the last time we were up here. Obviously, they’ve captured Koloperem quite completely, but they had chances at Glassisvellir and haven’t managed to take the city. It doesn’t look like that will change here.
Meanwhile, Scythia lurks in the corner with Knights compared to the warring states’ Horsemen, reminding both sides that nothing they do really matters.
As I say that, though, Scythia is far more empty than I’ve come to expect. After their very fast rebuild in the wake of the First Vyatkan War, I would’ve thought they’d nearly be re-carpeted by now. And yet, their military is just a few scattered knights. I’m not sure they could even win a war against Estonia in their current condition. Their happiness issues are really doing a number on the economy as a whole, it seems.
Side note but it’s funny to see the whole slide following Scythian Catholicism, and then just randomly Neapolis is following Wallachian Bogomilism. What happened there?
As expected, Sadhuim is falling hard and fast, and will likely be flying the burgundy and pink before next turn. Lanfang’s trireme force has seemingly turned back to hold Gaoping, as Dharwad (as it’s still being razed) will cease to exist at the end of this turn. Bangladesh’s relief of Rew, too, seems to be meeting with little success. Mysorean forces surround the city, and the Hongsawatoi fleet still hasn’t moved. Nonetheless, in contrast to the start of the war, Khulna seems solidly Bangladeshi, and I doubt Mysore can really threaten that far north.
Tang Taizong was no longer annoyed. He was incensed. His expensive Galleon project was sunk, laying at the bottom of the South Tang Sea. And his naval commander had fumbled the capture of the city, leaving Lanfang-based triremes to steal Guiyang. And now, rather than holding the city, Lanfang was burning it to the ground, claiming it “didn’t fit with the Company’s expansion plans.” What horseshit.
It seems that the city will likely flip back to Yunnan, but the entirety of the melee portion of the Tang fleet was essentially wiped out in the initial push. Somehow, if the city isn’t burned, Lanfang may end up with it, as they have a couple more triremes in the area. A remarkable fumble for Tang, who I thought could finally wake up and get back to conquering cities.
With razing seemingly working again (as it may have been broken for the first few turns), we’re seeing a lot of captured cities go up in flames this episode. Newly added to that list is the, as expected, burgundy and pink Sadhuim. Rew is also down to the red, and I could see it facing the same fate as the now-gone Dharwad. Mysore’s navy is looking quite thin now, though, so if Lanfang’s able to find any reinforcements (maybe from the carpeted Gulf of Siam), then they might be able to flip and hold these Andaman cities. That, or maybe the Hongsawatoi fleet finally gets involved.
Well, that was fast. It seems Mary is already occupying Shis’g’i, attempting to get it integrated as soon as possible. The city as a whole is heavily militarized with seven Scottish units, possibly hinting at future expansion in the region. Then again, it seems that Onondaga and Scotland have open borders. So maybe it’s just an occupation force.
Also, everyone say hi to the Karankawan city in the corner! Hi, Ebahamo!
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 4: Consolidation:
“The first of the settlements considered to be a part of the Consolidation era of the Scramble for Polynesia is Kurnangki. To many, it represented the Bunuba finally putting to bed the ghost of the Chono Cession, and establishing themselves as the lords of the Tonga islands. Additionally, establishing the city so close to Balili signaled that resource extraction was becoming far more of an important issue. No longer were these trading posts stops on the Austro-America superhighway; the colonizers were here to stay, fish the reefs, and take what they could back to the motherland.”
“Hey Apoena, want to use our armies?” - Felipe Camarao
“Sure why not bud” - Apoena
“Consider this a declaration of WAR then” - Felipe
And thus it was done. Potiguara and Xavante are back at war, with similar army makeups technologically. Xavante is far more heavy on the defensive, ranged Composite Bowmen, though, signaling that Felipe Camarao’s more balanced military (along with its Knights) may struggle to actually take any of Xavante’s remaining three cities. Potiguara could pull a Caral, here, though and take (e.g.) Marimbu in a peace deal. If nothing else happens, it will grind down these armies, making for more interesting action if either are attacked later down the line.
Seemingly, Sadhuim flipped to (I’d guess) Lanfang, as the text tells us that Mysore captured both Andaman cities on this turn. Additionally, it seems the happiness issues are gone, as Mysore isn’t burning either city. That has come at a cost, though. Mysore’s navy is all but destroyed, and it will be a race to see whether they or Bangladesh can rebuild faster to consolidate control over the Bay of Bengal.
Nonetheless, to celebrate the capture of both cities, Tipu Sultan makes peace with Yunnan.
Somehow, someway, Grace O’Malley has fit a city in on the Isle of Man, with the appropriate name of Aughnanure. Nonetheless, with none of these four northern cities above 10 population, it’s time to question the wiseness of the settling strategy. Unlike Itelmen, each new city is a sink on the empire-wide effective science and culture, at least until the cities develop enough. (For comparison, the total population of all the Scottish cities on this slide is more than the total population of all the visible Umhaill cities - and Scotland has two fewer cities). Packing them in makes the Irish Sea a killzone for any invading fleet - but if any navy makes it in that far, Umhaill is already in trouble. And it’s not as if Umhaill has a small navy.
We take a second from Yunnan’s coalition to really take the unimpressive civ in. Sure, most of their (not-currently-flipping) cities are populous and prosperous, but they aren’t going to escape from this box. Guiyang is likely to flip back to Lanfang, and Cebu’s still lurking in Kaiyuan.
It is remarkable, though, how poorly Lanfang has managed the ground invasion into Geiju. Something about that city must have a protective shield, as it’s the same one Pegu tried and failed so often to conquer.
Also spot Kunming at 61 defensive strength. That UA is really going to help keep Yunnan alive for a while.
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 6: The Wider Pacific:
“The Scramble for Polynesia, though, should be seen in a wider context. The Pacific expeditions were not limited to those solely with access to Polynesia proper. Japan, for example, used settlement of the Mariana Islands to stir up public sentiment and nationalism in the wake of the disastrous Hiroshima War. Kiyosu was thus established - as a resource extraction settlement similar to those of the Consolidation era, yes, but also as a beacon of hope for the nation, whose Pacific settlement had been a lone bright spot in their era of Asian failures.
Ternate, too, would also settle in the Mariana Archipelago, though further south. Sampalu existed as simply a logical expansion of the civilization, who found themselves compressed between Caral New Guinea, the Cebuano Empire, and the Lanfang-Bunuba hot-and-cold rivalry. Knowing that they could not fight any of those powers, Babullah thus simply sought further spice-growing lands.
Most famously, perhaps, is the expeditions of the Tang. The great Chinese Dynasty, in its thalassocratic era, ended up with two separate expeditions. One was organized on behalf of the merchants, to open Polynesia up to Tang trading peacefully. The second, more well-known expedition, served a more military purpose - it was (de facto) the sea test of the second of the great Tang Ships of the 15th and 16th centuries, the Frigate. Why this specific voyage was chosen is still unclear. What is known is that the Polynesian expansion was only a minor goal of the Tang bureaucracy, and mostly served as a reinforcement of Tang hegemony over the southern Asia-Pacific region.”
Meanwhile, further north in the Tang-Yunnan war, the impossibly powerful walls of Kunming still have not been touched. The immense array of Tang forces between Yangzhou, Zhaotong, and Jicheng are having trouble navigating the Sichuan forests and mountains, despite their technical advantages. Assisting the defense outside of the walls is…
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Ma Zhanshan knew he was in the right. Once again, Long Yun had ordered him to pull back behind the walls of Kunming, as he was confident in his own troops’ street-to-street fighting ability. Yet Ma’s heroic defense against the Tang troops was immensely popular with the citizenry, and he knew it. And if he lost, so what? He could feign defection to Tang, and continue as the savior of the rest of Yunnan, not just the court safe inside Kunming.
Our spy, embedded in Yanomami’s capital of Watoriki, has reported back that Davi Kopenawa is plotting…against Pomo. That is wholly irrelevant, as Yanomami can’t even begin to think about reaching Pomo. Their ships would have to get open borders with Teotihuacan - a relationship that I can’t imagine is friendly, given the Yanomami occupation of Cholula.
Nonetheless, we can see Yanomami’s new city of Kasharaweteri, another Pacific port in case Yanomami and Caral go back to fighting once again. It’s very defensible by land, though - behind a mountain and over a river.
The defence of Sarepta by Phoenicia is, once again, incredible. This city has held up against two Bactrian attacks, and the sheer number of units present means it’s likely to hold up against Pakistan’s pressure now. This is despite a large technological gap, with catapults and swordsmen fighting against crossbowmen, pikemen, and knights.
As a quick aside, it’s crazy to see how empty the lower part of Circassia is. Have they seriously lost that many units fighting Wallachia? Or is there just no need to garrison Byblos or Bzhedyguqale?
As we can see on the sidebar, Cebu has declared war, and it’s someone in the Pacific! Bad news, it’s the pictured civ, Rapa Nui. As they have been for much of the CBR, Rapa Nui is just a civ that’s kind of…there. Anakena is at a ridiculously strong 36 defensive strength (for not having a busted religion or UA), and 34 population in one city is…a lot. 16 million, according to our formula.
In fact, the city strength may be high enough to hold out against a Chono or Caral attack, as while Carracks and Galleasses are good units, they’re not world-beaters. Frigates might be necessary to take the city now.
I have a suspicion now from last slide. Circassia’s lack of units was because Ismail Berzeg was too busy celebrating the Renaissance and lost track of much of his army.
It seems Mr. Colbert from a few slides ago got his wish, as the Hanseatic League has settled another city inland, in Wisbu. Once again, though, I wonder about the Hanseatic League’s distribution of resources. Is it smart to be settling when France has a carpet stretching from the border to Paris? Shouldn’t they be building a military? Who am I to say though. Jurgen Wullenwever has been in the Do Nothing, Just Keep Winning camp far too often this game.
It seems Bangladesh won the race to rebuild their fleet, as the Hongsawatoi fleet got involved and easily took Rew from Mysore. Sadhuim is still holding strong, however, especially given the garrisoned crossbowman. That being said, Lanfang is getting more and more Carracks on this side of the Malayan Peninsula…
We use an irrelevant declaration of war from Phoenicia to check in on Wassoulou after the recent declaration of peace with Aures. Kankan is still being razed, and is down to 11 population already. Portugal, as expected, hasn’t been able to touch Wassoulou as the borders of Kankan are just a little too wide.
The military rebuild seems to have been successful for Wassoulou, though, as they’re nearly back to a full carpet - a good coup for a civ who just lost the war a few turns ago.
Aures declares war on France! Which doesn’t probably mean anything. Given the strong Aures fleet, Bordeaux could flip a couple of times, but it’s unlikely that (barring a horrible peace deal) they hold onto the city. France just has, as in real life, an endless supply of men and materiel to retake the city.
Also interesting on this slide is the settlement of Cirta - it seems Aures is joining in on the insettling trend occurring across the cylinder.
A couple more notes - why is Aveiro STILL at two population? Haven’t France owned that city for fifty turns at this point? Why isn’t it growing? Also, everyone say goodbye to Bucharest - it’s down to just three population and France might burn it all the way down.
At the beginning of this war, there was a lot of discussion within the Power Ranking team about the threat that the Tlingit navy posed to Pomo. Ultimately, that navy hasn’t done much of anything, while it’s been the Cebu navy that’s taken three cities. However, that might change with the Galleons Tlingit is now wielding, along with the Carracks that could help break Po’tol. Mind you, it’s still unlikely. Pomo has a few nearby land melee units they could use to flip the city, and a few Galleasses to help cut down on the number of Carracks. But Tlingit taking another city from Pomo shifts from impossible to merely improbable now.
Felipe Camarao’s war was failing. Objectively. His forces had not crossed the border into Xavante territory, while their forces had overwhelmed the Citadel Salient in Amarelao. He was unlikely to lose anything, but this still would not do. His advisors thus recommended the tried-and-true-strategy called “Invent an Enemy”. So Camarao began speaking out against the evil Moai and their followers in Xavante. To back up this new enemy, Camarao ordered his government to declare war on the evil force controlling the world: Rapa Nui.
Vyatka’s war against the Bjarmians has swung once again back to the Russians, with Glassisvellir falling all the way down to the yellow. It’s still unlikely that the city falls - the Bjarmian UU is a Composite Bowman replacement, while Vyatka’s mostly-CompBow army will struggle to actually take out the city - but the front has definitely moved a couple of tiles further west than where it was the last time we saw this area.
Also is that…Estonia? With an actual military carpet? I don’t believe this - that civ, like the other Baltic Bros., made its name on winning despite not having a ton of military might!
As I predicted. The devil magic of Kouyam has meant that despite Susquehannock and Onondaga’s best efforts, all of the attacking Carracks are gone and the city is still above half health. And yet, I can’t say that the city is entirely safe yet, because Onondaga has landed a Catapult, and both of the Karankawa Swordsmen died. So maybe if reinforcements come north from Quadroque, then Susquehannock could take the city. Maybe.
The battle of Gurang.Ngadja looks to be a bloody one - but one that it seems Bunuba will win. They have enough military units still floating or standing on nearby Timor that the city should eventually flip. Now, if Lanfang can upgrade the rearguard triremes in the Java Sea into actual Carracks, then the story might be different. But as of now, this war is a win for Jandamarra.
That’s not to say the defense from Lanfang has been bad - only losing one city (and a minor island one at that) on each front of a two-front war with top 20 powers is still mighty impressive.
Wait, what happened here? Since last we saw this front, Anishinaabe’s forces have been routed! Xada De, despite being on red health, still stands, and a large group of Composite Bowmen joined by some melee units are standing and surrounding the city. And the once-strong Anishinaabe army now looks unkempt and disordered.
That being said…that Anishinaabe UU is a force to be reckoned with, as it’s the first Musketman on the cylinder. The Ogichida, however, has a -10% production cost and -14% combat strength, so it’s nowhere near as strong as a normal Musketman. It should still be enough to carve through the swordsmen and composite bowmen of the Ponca army, though.
It seems the Crossbowmen of the transRockies section of the Tlingit-Pomo war have managed to recruit a Knight to take Ka’tuuli. Unluckily for them, it seems the Pomo have managed to form a line between Maka’hmo and Kadi’u which may threaten to push on and retake Ka’tuuli. Combine that with the catapult still in the city’s borders and you get a threatening invasion force despite technological inferiority.
Another thing to see on this slide is just how devastated the Behe’pal-Catca’mkau front has been. No cities have seemingly been damaged, but both armies are spent forces, and pillaged lands reign supreme between the city centers. Is it controversial to say this war has been lose-lose for both powers?
I thought these guys had already made peace - but seemingly, they hadn’t. Campulung still stands, shockingly, in a big upset for Wallachia and a war that became a massive waste of time for Circassia. All that it served to do is bloody the army against a far inferior opponent - Knights versus Chariot Archers. And yet because of the ridiculous level of prioritization of military production within Wallachia, Vlad Dracul’s empire is still strong, and still nearly carpeted. If they can recover from the self-imposed bankruptcy, I’d be extremely impressed. For a while there, it seems they’d taken themselves out of the game entirely. Now, they might just be a Balkan hedgehog.
![CBR In-Game Screenshot of [This slide doesn’t deserve a title]](https://cdn.civbattleroyale.tv/cbrx-season5-episode16-scene78.jpeg)
A couple of irrelevant wars end on the sidebar, while an irrelevant war continues in the main frame. It seems that Long Yun is actually defending the borders of Kunming, not just hiding behind the walls, as Tang struggles to break through the mountain passes. Further south, in Chuxiong, Tang has brought a Longswordsman and a Composite Bowman to harass the city, though it looks to be nigh-impossible to actually take. There’s no update on the actually interesting city (Guiyang), unfortunately, as that’s just offscreen.
As Estonia grants Lennart Meri the title of Lawgiver, we take a look at Estonia as a whole. And they look really good. I hinted at it in the most recent Snow War slide, but a civ which has done well just scrounging up whatever military they can find has managed to build an actual military force to be feared. Technologically, they’re at almost the same level (Knights, Swordsmen, and Pikemen) as much of the other upper-mid-tier civs, though they lack Crossbowmen or Trebuchets. Also, despite being a Northern European civ, all of their cities are at a very healthy population - as both Tren In and Vassa have been flipped or blockaded recently, Viljandi at 15 population is the lowest-population relevant city.
As expected, Bunuba did manage to take Gurang.Ngadja, though it seems Lanfang may have an easier time of flipping it back than I thought. The city is deep in the red, and a full-health Lanfang Knight is occupying the non-city space on the island. Even without the triremes being upgraded, Lanfang may be able to flip back and hold onto the city.
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 4: Consolidation:
“A relatively understudied part of the Consolidation era is the government acquisition of companies. Most prominent among these was the nationalization of the South Seas Company of Teotihuacan. After being afraid of foreign investment, the government of Spearthrower Owl moved to shift the company to a public service - providing transport and settlement for people desiring to move away from the busy Mesoamerica. It didn’t hurt, either, that these people would be put to work on fishing boats and trading vessels, further linking Kooja to the mainland and deepening the pockets of the bureaucrats administering the now-renamed South Seas Colonial Authority.
The first of these new migrant trains arrived in the Kiribati archipelago, and settled Umma, in around 1525 C.E. But they would not be the first, nor the last, of the people-driven campaigns. More would come, from Teotihuacan and elsewhere…”
As promised, these Anishinaabe UUs are no joke. One seemingly carved through the Ponca lines and nabbed Xada De out from under the nose of the guarding Pikeman. It probably won’t last, but the fact that the relatively weak Poncan force has already broken means that I would bet Xada De ends the war in Anishinaabe hands. Additionally, deployment of Ogichidas south of Tangaouen has seemingly wiped out the harassing Poncan Composite Bowmen down there. That, in turn, could open the door for Susquehannock to steal the city, as their slow mobilization finally has reached the Mississippi and Coco proper. But back in Xada De, the retreating Poncan force was still high in morale, largely thanks to…
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Levi Strauss was okay with whatever happened to Xada De, or Hubdon, or the Poncan civilization as a whole. Like his friend Herbert Henry Dow, he knew that his developments would quickly cross international lines. That’s because his uniforms for the Poncan army, especially the bottoms which he nicknamed “jeans”, were made out of a strong enough denim that they didn’t tear or get worn out in the brutal Great Plains fighting. He figured it wouldn’t be too long until someone from the Anishinaabe side reached out wanting to purchase denim jean uniforms too. And for the right price, he could definitely provide them.
It seems the balance of power in the Andamans War has once again shifted back towards Mysore. As Bangladesh’s fleet appears spent, it flips Rew one last time, but the overwhelming number of units on the Calicut coast mean that it likely is for naught. Meanwhile, Lanfang’s mobilization is as slow as a snail, and they are still not threatening Sadhuim in any fashion. Khulna, as well, seems to have starved a bit down to 15 population, but is under no serious threat of falling to Mysore.
And that’s it for the city that blocked so much early Papal expansion. France burned Bucharest to the ground due to their happiness issues, though the Papal settler that could take that spot is lost somewhere in Poland (on the top right of the slide). Ironically, Wallachia could end up resettling the city, as they have a settler in nearby Craiova.
On the bottom left of the slide, it seems France has beaten back the Aures attack on Bordeaux, though three injured triremes are not going to threaten Avignon in any real capacity.
I don’t believe it. Kouyam actually fell. The city, which for so long held out against Susquehannock attacks, actually fell to the Purple People Eaters. Ironically, the city might immediately fall back to Karankawa, as they have a nearly-full-strength swordsman next to the city and the Susquehannock navy looks spent. Nonetheless, just flipping the city is a big surprise after how the war has gone so far, where it seemed Kouyam was an impenetrable fortress.
RIP Karankawan Newfoundland 2026-2026
As I mentioned in the previous slide we saw of this war, Anishinaabe clearing out the defenders has left Coco suddenly vulnerable to a Susquehannock attack. Anishinaabe have snuck a horseman in to try to snipe the city, but I doubt it falls to them. The main weakness in the Susquehannock battle line, though, is the reliance on melee units - technologically, chariot archers are very out of date. Interestingly, though, Susquehannock is having considerably less success against Karankawa here, as Coapite stands strong with four units in defense.
Meanwhile, on the top left of the slide, Xada De has, as expected, flipped back to Ponca, though this has allowed Anishinaabe to creep their more advanced units close to the city.
Back on the Coco front, though, there was a conflict in planning, largely as a result of…
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Jan Zizka disliked the overall Susquehannock Army plans of attack. Human wave tactics didn’t work - you needed to soften the enemy up with ranged attacks serving as artillery barrages. And yet he’d been overruled. He wanted to encase the chariot archers in armor, making them a ‘chariot fort’, but someone higher up the chain demanded that no, they needed to have a 360º view of any enemy. And here they were, pacifying him by calling him a Great General. Pathetic.
The Xavante-Guaycuru war ends with no victor, as expected. Xavante lost a few troops, and Guaycuru lost some time and growth for Catu. Meanwhile, further northeast, the Xavante-Potiguara war seems to be trending the same way. Xavante now has Knights, countering Potiguara’s previous technological advantage, and still occupies the Citadel Salient. Barring a city given in the peace deal, the war seems to be like most other South American wars this game - a grindfest losing both sides' units for no real gain.
Glassisvellir falls! The Bjarmians’ trireme- and composite bowman-based force was unable to hold back Vyatka’s numbers, though the city might flip back, as Bjarmian triremes have snuck out of the White Sea and behind Vyatkan lines. Meanwhile, in the south, Ioann Anikiev Myshkin has been planning, no, plotting, with the help of…
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Ogedei Khan knew he had to establish himself. His bold plan to advance on the underdefended Shabalinskoe was decisive, and if it worked, set him up as the rightful next High General of Vyatka. He’d been busy administering Vyatskiye Polyany and ensuring the logistics of the Land Front were sound for the attack on Glassisvellir, but he was ready to aim higher and farther. He’d also appointed his nephew Batu to lead the regiment of horsemen, and hoped that wasn’t a bad choice. It probably wouldn’t be.
From the southern city of Repollal, Peshgaldaremesh reports back a feeling in the Chono government that I personally share: Why does Hotu Matu’a still have a city? Can’t someone just take it? After all it’s a 34 population metropolis, and would be a nice prize for whatever civ is able to snag it.
I hope this isn’t one of the false alarms, where a civ is plotting against another civ but nothing ever comes of it. Please.
Those of us watching the Stats Sheet last episode saw that Pakistan, out of nearly nowhere, had the largest army on the cylinder. Now we can see it, in all its glory. It’s a good, balanced force, with knights, crossbowmen, and a few pikemen and trebuchets - and just reinforces how crazy it is that Phoenician Sarepta hasn’t fallen yet. Even the strongest civilization can struggle to attack through a bottleneck, it turns out.
The only thing lacking is naval technology. Triremes are well past their sell-by date, and would get carved through by the upgraded Seychellois navy. Sure, there might be 27 of them, but that means nothing against a far stronger force.
One more thing - just to reemphasize how stupid Pakistan’s growth bonuses are, Bahawalpur is a newly settled city this episode, sat in a desert with a few farms around. It’s already at 5 population.
Scotland and Estonia jointly declare war on Bjarmia. This seems like a gigantic own goal for Scotland, who will probably lose Linlithgow for no reason. For Estonia, on the other hand, it’s a massive opportunity. For the past couple of wars with Bjarmia, the Baltic power has been on the back foot. Now, with an almost across-the-board tech advantage and a pretty good carpet further south, they might be able to push into Bjarmia and take Uiku or Vinuskogr. Bjarmia still might end up city-positive after this episode, though, since they insettled Varzuga and Valijoki. Leading the charge for Estonia is…
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Rani Durgavati was happy to be on the invading side for once. For too long, her and the rest of the Estonian command had been reduced to guerrilla tactics against the technologically superior invader. Now they were the attacker. Courage and sacrifice had been one and the same for her for too long, but courage meant being in the vanguard of the new war, and marching forth into victory. If not, she could always martyr herself and be a hero to many Estonians.
Unfortunately for all of us who like Stuff Happening, Glassisvellir was not held, and Bjarmia has flipped it back with little chance of a Vyatkan counterflip. In exchange, though, Harekr has settled Umpi right on the front line with Vyatka. It’s difficult to see this flying purple for very long, and would be a very good strategic capture for Vyatka. Meanwhile, on the Estonian front, the army and navy are well set up near Kohtla-Jarve to go after Myrkviskogur or Shabalinskoe. And one man has a plan…
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Heinz Guderian, more than any other general, realized they needed to move fast. Bjarmia could outproduce Estonia by a factor of 3 to 2. So getting into their territory with the technologically advanced army was crucial. They had to move at lightning speed. And he was confident his fast, combined-arms approach would net Estonia at least one of the high population Bjarmian cities. Which one was a question for a later date.
As the Bangladeshi navy falters, the Lanfang navy has finally shown up to the Andaman war. All of a sudden, Carracks and Galleasses flying the yellow flag are harassing Sadhuim. Meanwhile the Mysore navy…is out of position attacking Khulna. The city isn’t even that likely to fall, given its defensiveness over land. And yet, the Mysore AI is pulling the standard AI trick of dividing its forces and getting nothing. We can’t have an episode without it these days.
Jurgen Wullenwever was pissed. Who was this Robespierre guy, to so insult the Hanseatic League like this? Just because he exerted a reign of terror on his own citizens didn’t mean Hanseatic citizens were also targets. No, this simply would not do. No killing of Hanseatic merchants could be tolerated. This had happened too many times, and there was only one path back: War with France.
~
In reality, though, this is an idiotic war for the Hanseatic League to declare. Wisbu falls in two or three turns, and Hamburg and Kiel could both easily meet the same fate. At best this is a net -1 city war that had no purpose being declared in the first place. At worst, it loses two massive, core cities and any inland presence west of Poland. In other words, it’s the dumbest war we’ve seen this season, and it’s not close. I’d been saying for so long that I wanted to see France declare war on the Hansa and take their cities. Never would I have guessed it was Jurgen declaring on Maximilien.
As the Potiguara-Xavante war continues being stalemated, I have to wonder if anyone’s even actually fighting. I mean, look at the frontline! Only a couple of units are actually injured! Luckily for the Potiguarans, they have a way of relaxing while on leave…
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The Band was back together again. After going on a successful tour of Potiguara with a certain Bob Dylan, they’d been drafted by the Potiguara military for service in the war. Yet they’d managed to negotiate to be entertainers rather than soldiers, with their unique blend of country, rock, and a bit of Xavante-inspired soul music. Whatever they had, it was super successful, and the group was consistently the top attraction in Amarelao.
And now the real capture of Xada De has been made. As the lines have moved all the way south to the Platte River, and Ponca is fresh out of melee units, I can’t see this city flipping back anytime soon. Coco, meanwhile, is in the red and could go to either Anishinaabe or Susquehannock, though I’d bet on the latter given nearby unit composition. And given the sheer number of Anishinaabe troops, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Hubdon be threatened soon. Ponca could be dead or on one city before this war is out. Luckily, they’ve enlisted a master of defense…
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Stanislaw Koniecpolski was tired. As a simultaneous nobleman, royal official, governor of Hubdon, and general, he had to wear a lot of hats. Especially when he’d spent nearly his entire life at war - first with Karankawa, now with Anishinaabe and Ponca. Luckily, he’d fended off previous attacks despite inferior numbers, leading the Xada De Liberation Force which had met with such an untimely end. Unfortunately, the diplomats had not done their part, and the war had continued well past when Koniecpolski had planned. A shame, that.
An excerpt from The Scramble for Polynesia, Ch. 7: The Island Wars:
“Ultimately, the Polynesian scramble left many powers wanting more. Notably left out of much of the scramble was Caral, who had lands on both sides of the Pacific. Having been beaten to settle near Caral New Guinea by the Tang in Jinling and Shangluo, they were the first to feel they had no option but conflict. And they chose the weakest power they could find, who had more than a single city: Ternate. Japan soon joined, eyeing up Sampalu and the unification of the Marianas island chain.
Initially, the war appeared stalemated. Caral did not have the numbers to effectively push on Soahsio, nor did Japan have the numbers or technological might to take Sampalu. Despite this, the war was popular in both nations, as many believed they had been wronged out of more land in the Scramble for Polynesia.”
Ok, what is with these declarations of war on France? Scotland, too, has decided to needlessly risk Inverness to support their Hanseatic ally against Robespierre. And while Inverness may be held by the Scottish, I can’t imagine the city doesn’t flip once or twice, needlessly decreasing city population and productivity.
As anticipated, on the right side of the slide, Wisbu is indeed threatened. Already, the French have a knight at the gates, with the defending forces all but swept away.
Perhaps the war wasn’t started because of Mary, though, as she had installed a virulently anti-French general on the border. His name was…
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Ran Min was happy his plan had worked. He hated the French with a burning passion, and thought they were all barbarians. They all deserved to die. In Paris, there were a couple million or so, and he was determined to kill at least a tenth of those who so despoiled his European continent. Maybe his estate was but one of sixteen in Scottish Europe, but he was going to make himself known one way or another.
Guiyang has seemingly flipped back to Lanfang since last we were here, but this is the last gasp of Lanfang’s trireme armada that came north. But Tang finally acquired a naval melee unit - another Galleon, currently blockading Qujing. So they may end up with the city in the end after all. On the rest of the front, no other city is at all damaged, with Chuxiong likely under the most threat (given Kunming’s insane defensive strength) but unlikely to fall anytime soon.
Meanwhile in Bangladesh, watching it all with a smile, is…
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James Lancaster was, in his heart of hearts, a businessman and ship captain. Hearing the news from the Tang-Yunnan War, he couldn’t help but think of the opportunities. The privateering and raiding of merchant ships, or the captaincy of a convoy; both would pay extremely well. Yet here he was, stuck administrating a random Bangladeshi settlement. How boring.
Our first wonder shot of the episode comes here in the last ten slides. And, truth be told, it’s not all that impactful. The Globe Theatre gives a paltry two culture, as well as a free Great Writer and two Great Work of Writing slots. It’s ranked just a 2/10 - but hey, at least it does something.
Our second wonder shot doesn’t involve moving that far, as it’s once again in Pakistan. And this one, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, is considerably better. It gives +25% Great Person generation in all cities, a great buff for getting more Great Generals, Admirals, or other useful great people. It’s ranked at an 8/10.
Also, both of these Pakistani cities with wonders have over 30 population. And neither was Karachi. Pakistan has so many people living in it.
As I mentioned in the last of the Scramble for Polynesia excerpts, Tang of all civs has managed to sneak down into Micronesia, settling Jinling and Shangluo. Two small island cities probably won’t make an empire in the extremely cluttered Oceania that this game is shaping up to have, but with help from the mainland they could turn into forward bases for attacks on (for example) Japan later down the line.
I also just noticed - both Sampalu and Jinling are following Sgaanaang. How far has it spread in just this episode??
Cebu’s addition of a reformation belief to Anito allows us a second to check in on how they’re doing. And despite the zero-produced-settlers stat, Cebu is looking very healthy. Their UI is visible across the Philippines, giving +1 food to each of those tiles. And the empire is quite carpeted up, especially given the UU is a Pikeman replacement that won’t fall easily. On the whole, it’s a very respectable civilization, who now looks to be among the heavy hitters in the region.
The last shot of the Andamans War for this episode is, hilariously, very similar to how it began. Mysore has failed to hold onto either Rew or Sadhuim, though ownership has flipped since the beginning of the episode. Their navy also looks spent, signaling that this may be the end of the comeback attempt. Nonetheless, they’re still trying to take Khulna, which still stands strong and undamaged.
If the war with Phoenicia and Sumer wasn’t existential for Ma’in, this one sure is. Seychelles finally wakes up from their extended nap to attempt to take a bit more of Arabia. And I’d bet they have the strength to do it. Their navy is entirely composed of the more powerful Carracks, and they have Crossbowmen to assist in taking out the Ma’in Swordsmen. It might be over, Ma’in fans.
Or, it might not be, and the defenses of Qarnawu and Inabba’ could hold yet again.
There are a couple things of note on this slide. First of all, a peek at the Estonia-Bjarmian war. It’s slow advancement for the Big Blue Blob, but they’re definitely winning, having already got one trireme down to half health. More importantly, though, is the fashion designer sweeping Scandinavia and Scythia with his…unique designs, and despite his strong affiliation with the Scythian militarists. His name, of course, is…
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Hugo Boss knew he was important. I mean, obviously. His style was without reproach, and his fashion dominated so much of Eastern Europe. Not everyone needed to know about the behind-the-scenes work he did for the Scythian military, outfitting almost every Knight. All that mattered was fashion, baby. And he looked good.
And it is Susquehannock that ends up in Coco, with Ponca also somehow managing a recapture of Xada De one last time. It ends a bit of a tough episode for Anishinaabe, as I would’ve expected them to run over Ponca a good bit easier. Susquehannock, meanwhile, has to be thrilled with two captured cities this episode and Coco opening up more angles to attack Karankawa.
As for Ponca, it’s tough to say. Obviously, they have defended very well. But if Anishinaabe and Susquehannock keep pushing, Ponca will, inevitably, die in Wain-Xude.
Our last action slide of the episode is back to the Potiguara-Xavante stalemate, as the frontline still hasn’t really moved since the start of the war. Luckily, Xavante has a weapon, bringing energy through art to the frontline…
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Beatriz Milhazes was determined to bring the feeling of warfare to the canvas. The best way to do that would be via some version of abstract painting. Combining collage with color could really capture the feeling of the Xavante audience, combining chaos with purpose.
[Semi’s Note: I’m not sure why Milhazes is a Great Musician and not a Great Artist. I couldn’t find a Beatriz Milhazes that made music.]
Our last slide of the episode is a view of Cebu’s Reformation belief, which buffs the Grand Temple some. It doesn’t seem to be that impactful, which is a nice change of pace from some other religious beliefs.
And that concludes the episode, with a few loose threads - what will come of Ponca? What about the newly declared Seychelles-Ma’in and Estonia-Bjarmian wars? And last of all, how will the Scramble for Polynesia conclude?
To find out, come read next week’s episode of the CBRX Season Five! This has been Semiconscious, signing off.
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