Episode 23: The Corrupt Cycle – S5

Release Date:

July 07, 2026

Narrated by:

ECH

Abstract

That which has been is being and shall be once more and once more and once more and once m-

Viewing: Vertical

Jump to scene

Take your seats

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1: Take your seats

Ahoy-hoy friends, welcome back to the Civ Battle Royale X5! E.C.H here, the boi who fills up the sub with stats posts and the schoolhouse documentary series (when I remember, sorry), here to complete a triumvirate and become the supreme CBR sub denizen, mwahaha! Ehem, I mean, here to have some fun looking at these silly civs do stupid moves, yep. In seriousness, the cylinder stands at the dawn of widespread modernity, creating a good deal of opportunity and risk alike.

Now, having written a good few narrations over the season I must warn in advance that I very much have a habit of using these as sporadic creative writing sessions. I’m well aware that not everyone is into that, so when I get properly fanfic-y I’ll be sure to leave a line between the prose and the analysis, so feel free to just scroll on down if you prefer. On with the show!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Take your seats

1: Take your seats

2: Saluting Time

I wanted to use the OC spotlight slots to shout out the wonderful Audio Narrators the CBR has been blessed with over it’s lifetime, in particular the two who have devoted time to this season. First, denizens of the Sub may have seen that DocIdo, our primary narrator since the start of X3, has had to step aside to handle real life matters recently. I cannot begin to thank them enough for the effort they put into this niche community, and I sincerely wish them the best. P.S, they did have a little tip jar Ko-fi at ko-fi.com/docido , just saying…

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Subscribing Time

3: Subscribing Time

However, because this community is apparently just stuffed with part-time-heroes, another channel has already stepped in to narrate from here! Iniocl, who previous did the even-more-niche-than-regular-CBR-audio-narrations Power Ranking Audio narrations (which, to be clear, I applaud them for doing) has already added two more episodes to the audio medium, and I can’t wait to torture them with my overlong text. Ehem, I mean, hear them speak these words. Check them out!

4: This could be YOU!

And who said we live in a time devoid of heroes?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Power Rankings, more like, Rower Pankings!! (what?)

5: Power Rankings, more like, Rower Pankings!! (what?)

Zazzau was the biggest mover and shaker of this weeks PR’s, and not in the swinging groovy way. Will this episode stall, refute, or even strengthen this downwards momentum?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Cleanse Delayed

6: A Cleanse Delayed

Historiographers of the X5 Cylinder (unaware their world is being labelled such from a gargantuan submarine far below the Antarctic) traditionally date the emergence of archeology as a professionalised academic institution to the erudite halls of Pakistan’s universities in the 1830s. However, professionalised or not, curious folk across the Cylinder have always been exploring the dark crevices of the world to make fascinating discoveries of the past, and the dawn of modernity only bolstered the spread of such interest with the less professional variety of explorer. Take for instance, the case of Lead Explorer Captain Hayriye, stationed southwest of Byblos removed from the frontlines with Sumer and supplied with more gunpowder and artillery than they’d ever need.

“By my calculations, there must be Phoenician treasures lost beneath literal sands of time around here!” She declared to her skeptical troops as they stuff box after box of black power into a long-dries well. “Besides, what is there to lose in this desolate waste? Not even a mountain in sight, pshhh!” she added, gathering a good number of agreeable grunts from the Circassian patriots as they retreated to safety with the fuse. An almighty shower of sand and stone bursts forth as the explosion rings, and after the troop cough their lungs out they quickly notice there is indeed something there, a statue buried deep in the earth, once regal and now shattered.

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, and wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, tell that its sculptor well those passions read which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, the hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear: “My name is Zenobia, Queen of Queens: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level sands stretch far away.

…

Some 8000 miles away to the South…

“Nebby, why has Maria the Lazy been in charge of clearing the map since Mark bloody Two?!?!” yelled Lawtiliwadlin.

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We begin with a shot of the developing Circassian war against Sumer, which to me looks a touch underwhelming all put together. Like yes, their army is better and they certainly have the superior statistical base - I’d much rather be them than Sumer - but it’s not so overwhelming as to be a walk in the park. Ismail will need campaign discipline and persistence, which arguably have not been his armed forces greatest attributes in this game.

7: Tug of War

Fatika flips once more, with neighbouring city Kuta looking likely to join in the flipfest also. Truly tragic times for a civ that had been at Gondar during their initial offensive. However, to be entirely fair, you can’t deny Ethiopia their right to display grit also, and that dense core of units they have is an admirable city wrecking ball; unlike Amina’s divided forces. Can a line be held at Adama, or will that be the next city in Zara’s sights? In either case, I’m not sure Pegu being declared on by Ethiopia is the act of hubris that’ll save Zazzau, sadly.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of All Stilwell on the Burmese Front

8: All Stilwell on the Burmese Front

One of two things happened: Luo Fangbo did a deep study of candidates for general in the region and found the perfect man, or Stilwell himself burst into the palace and declared his qualifications when he heard, because it is very fitting that the foremost American general of the Burmese front in World War 2 has been chosen to head a perilous charge into the narrow corridor into Dagon Lanfang has for a new war with Pegu.

Will it work? Almost certainly not! Is it lore appropriate if they throw soldiers' lives away there anyhow? Yep!

9: A Quiet Isle

The island hub of Aughnanure has never been a vibrant centre of Umhaill society, to say the least. Famed more for its humdrum fishing lifestyle and picturesque sea views than industry or excitement, few considered the isle much at all. However, those who did visit had a remarkable trend of finding… discomfort is perhaps the best word, being there.

A sense that some other presence lingered on the isle. An unease at shapes in the geometry of the island, roads perfectly fitting to terrain like some vast public works were already done on such a scale here it couldn’t be fully reclaimed by nature. Strains of metals found around the shores and coves that don’t belong and even seem like alloys. Oh, and of course, the stories every other local has of their youth, exploring the nooks and crannies of their limited land in boredom and coming across odd trinkets, gizmos they can’t explain that only recently have become close to explainable. The remarkable discovery of a gigantic water wheel, suggestive of a much more industrial culture than anyone remembers Aughnanure ever boasting. One probable hoax even brought out a bizarre fabric, a stretchable flag emblazoned with an icon of three legs joined as one.

Conspiricists developed theories of ancient lost civilisations on that island, but Grace had no time for that nonsense. She certainly doesn’t remember any rival there, and she’s been here since the dawn of society! No, there wasn’t time for the past when the future dawned ever brighter on the Cylinder, and not in the favour of Umhaill.

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Our standard once-an-episode Britain and Ireland shot, just to make sure they’re still there. Looks like it. That sure is a lot of boats you can’t afford, Grace, how about using some of them?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Teotihuacan needs to Cope-ano

10: Teotihuacan needs to Cope-ano

I can only imagine how geopolitical analysts on the Cylinder talk about the historic significance of Copano, what an insane roadblock to Teotihuacan’s current fleet unity. Certainly a W for Susquehannock, who otherwise seem to be going nowhere fast against Ponca. Elsewhere, we see Mysore has entered the Modern Age, reminding us that science is, for now, a relative advantage they hold over the cylinder at large.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Musical Synchronicity

11: Musical Synchronicity

The Mexican composer Carlos Chávez enjoys Aures patronage in this shot, perhaps employing the same skills that allowed him to incorporate indigenous musical aspects into Mexican orchestral works to bring together Aures tradition and new Papal influences from their recent conquests?

In any case, this snippet of map doesn’t reveal too much, except maybe to highlight how under-teched the Papal States look. Should Dihya decide it’s rematch time, I don’t like Rome’s chances with a Mediterranean so full of frigates.

12: Soothing Blue

I can’t lie, I have a bias for Seychelles, and I think part of it is that colour scheme. Bold, yet chilled. I have to imagine if we asked every reader where on the cylinder they’d choose if they had to show up there, Seychelles core would be a top choice.

Anyway, beyond my sigh filled rambles, it is a genuinely great core for this part of the world. Check out that capital size, that’s Pakistan numbers! Over to the side we can see that Maravi’s naval advantage when the war started can now be safely dismissed; Quelimane down to the yellow is promising for Herero albeit a little neutered by so much of the blockade being pointless embarks.

13: Catching Catu

It’s astounding, it’s a miracle, it’s common bloody sense; Potiguara has realised they can reasonably and quickly siege Catu when it’s surrounded with minimal defenders. The long humiliation of its loss, which arguably kickstarted the Shrimp Aura loss arc in the first place, should hopefully be rectified next turn, and from there they actually have a really good angle of attach on Sombrero Negro, should they possess the tactical brains to realise it to fruition.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Unstoppable Force vs Moderately Sturdy Object

14: Unstoppable Force vs Moderately Sturdy Object

Ta’tem may still be barely in conversation for a flip short-term, but between the convoy trickling in from the North and the geographic realities of the war, I think long-term we can say goodbye to Mesoamerican supremacy in these towns. This is an undeniably bad blow for Spearthrower Owl, who has already been essentially blocked from South American interventions and now has had every expansion opportunity from Pomo’s downfall snatched away.

Dali will be a headache to defend soon, but Shetqale may make a sensible defensive position, surrounded by hills and a mountain on the approaches that matter. It would be a stagnant front, but if they can keep it held while they pursue their limited other offensive options (Xaragua, Karankawa, maybe even a big war with Susquehannock?), they can still be considered a contender.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Admiral formerly known as Chế Bồng Nga

15: The Admiral formerly known as Chế Bồng Nga

Susquehannock must feel it doesn’t have enough Seaboard to itself yet if it feels the need to employ Chế Bồng Nga, arguably Champa’s last powerful king, famed for the ruin he brought upon the dynasty in Dai Viet. Well, that was his name. Clearly language-specific letter modifiers just ain’t hip no more in the lands of Old Sheehays, as he’s decided to ditch them. What a power move, you don’t want the Ch man rolling into your harbour.

Beyond him, we see the empty space left in the wake of the Onondaga war with Anishinaabe last episode, where they came closer than expected to some gains but clearly paid a cost for not sealing the deal. Given the powers on this continent, repairing their carpet should be a priority, preferably cutting back the knight budget if they could.

16: Rum Sense

“Sire, with all respect, I really ain’t sure now's the time to be partying here; what with all the tensions and wars about these waters” the commander of the line infantry guarding King Macarthur gingerly stressed to the beach-bound monarch. “Us having this land available to us is a quirk of land law in the first pl-”

“OI, you got a ~HICCUP~ c-crown, drongo?! Eh? Didn’t thinkss so, hehehe” John Macarthur retorted from the bow of the landing craft, drunker than usual. “The bloody rum’s tellin’ me this place ‘as power, mate, you wanna deny the rum? What do ya say, court?”. John’s ‘court’, a rotation of drinking buddies and rakes, wooo-ed from the boat's center, while the bodyguards quietly sighed.

As the boat rocked up, John didn’t even wait for the ramp, plopping off the bow onto the wet sand with two bottles in his belt and one in hand. The commander shook his head as he watched his immortal leader shamble up and onwards, half-tripping towards a coastal cave. “Don’t stop him, let him get this out of his system.”

The rum felt good down his throat. Always did, always would. People didn’t understand it, but somewhere within he sensed this was his reason for being, this drink was vital to his existence and surely gave him foresight and wisdom. Sure, a few of the invasions his rum sense had demanded he authorise hadn’t worked out, but hey, it kept the army active! John tripped on a rock and barely rolled enough to avoid smashing a bottle, in the process surprisingly ducking down a tiny cave unexplored by humanity in millenia. “Buuuuuuuggggeeeeeeerrrrrr!” ringed out of the cave, drawing soldiers to stand to attention and rush in and their King slid down a perilous chute.

The search for John lasted into the first strands of evening sunlight, as the line infantry located the hole and sent their slimmest member down on a rope. The soldiers' worried cries silenced as he emerged from darkness into an ethereally lit cove, once open to the sea but now perfectly hidden behind rubble and rocks from some grand cliff collapse, only the faintest orange sunlight escaping from the top. On the sand sat the New South Wales leader, cradling two empty bottles and sipping on the third while admiring the centerpiece of the cavern. “What… what is it?” murmured the soldier in awe. “It’s a beaut, is what it is.” replied John, not even turning around.

Sat in the harbour of this once-cove was a vessel, almost two-thirds sunk and rotting yet still majestic. Wood, paper and metal combined to create a perfect light vessel of war, adorned with cannons John was fairly sure were only recently invented yet here sat rusted and disintegrated with centuries upon centuries of disuse. Topping the ship was a banner, deep blue with a star and crescent icon, a polity unheard of by the Aussie. “I told you all” he started, standing up and dropping the bottle from his hand, “There’s a power in these here waters. We need to control them, without delay.”

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My fanciful lore aside, I think it’s good that they're aspirational enough to be thinking of heading this way, but I would not say now should not be the moment. Sure, Lanfang has taken some hits with Cebu, but New South Wales losses from the Mysore war match that and more in the short term. They have the stats to build up to a confrontation with Lanfang that could impact the game heavily, but I’m talking in a full episode of buildups time, minimum.

17: Sarvādhikāra

We saw Mysore enter the modern era, so naturally they are the next to join our list of ideological civs. Without much shock, they’ve gone for sensible and boring autocracy. Woo.

Perhaps quite fittingly for such an underwhelming choice, we see lands of theirs that grow less and less whelming by the turn. Mangalore and Channapatna, once a core corridor for Mysore's strategic options, are now actively cut off from the imperial core, saved only by open borders with Bangladesh. While their cushion rocket riflemen are cool as hell, I fear that’ll matter little once every space around these cities holds a Pakistani unit ready to siege should they next come to blows.

18: Caught-u

There goes the city! More than a long time coming, so apologies if we don’t clap too loudly, Felipe, but at least you may be trying a little again.

Oh, as I didn’t mention this last time, shoutout to the new Chono city of Nalcahue and the devious citadel accompanying it, bringing Chono also up to the gates of Guaycuru’s capital.

19: Rebrand Time

“So, I was thinking now is about the time we gave the Kingdom a bit of a refresh, you know? Some spring cleaning, ummm, a what do you call it- a rebirth! Yep, that should do the trick.”

Over Kalongas shoulder, the smoke from Quelimane is so large it’s visible in the capital.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Amazons Famous Flat Fields

20: The Amazons Famous Flat Fields

In a move that’s not exactly new but certainly not unremarkable either, Yanomami has declared war on Xavante once more. They certainly have a decent blob of units - on one side of the front. Xavante is never a bad choice to attack but not unlike Circassia before, I think I expected a bit more advanced and substantial force to take them on. That’s a lot of pikemen still, Davi, I think you ought to be doing better than that.

This war’s outcome will probably come down to focus, especially given Xavante’s multiple directions of attack. If Yanomami focus on one target, preferably Marimbu, they have a shot of solid gains. Dispersal means death.

Finally, isn’t it really depressing how Amazon-less this Amazon shot is? Props to Potigara for having saved a little more of it, I suppose.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Two Seasons

21: The Two Seasons

Vivaldi thought he’d get some great concepts for his next compositions from a long trip around the Pacific, courtesy of an Imperial escort, but his Seasons idea seemed waylaid by the reality there. Instead of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, he was rewriting it as a two-piece set: Calm, and Terrifying Storm.

The more important update we can see here is the general growth of the Japanese Pacific, a lifeline for a civ lacking a lot of sensible expansion routes nearer their core.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of What’s Sumerian for ‘gulp’?

22: What’s Sumerian for ‘gulp’?

Uh oh. Well, whatever skepticism one could have about the Circassian offensive alone, this changes the game entirely if you’re Sumerian. Pakistan has already been able to capture Kish in past conflicts, and needless to say the gap has only grown since then, plus Circassia could serve as a great anvil for Jinnah to hammer Sumer against. Snipes of cities could go either way with both civs operating in the battlefields.

23: Quelled-imane

Maravi’s Renaissance moment is slightly spoiled by the loss of their second city, seemingly without any likely chance of a flip. The seas are almost entirely cleared of their presence too, and with an inland capital that road is closed. Welcome to the single city club, Kalonga, I think Pegu is by the buffet crying.

Their one upside at present is, of course, the peace deal with Herero. Wanting to simply humiliate their rival to boost their power projection points, I assume, the razing of Quelimane has coincided with Herero declaring a lifeline peace deal granting Maravi the honour of survival on their terms. I struggle to see anyone but Herero ultimately eliminating them in the short term, but hey, there’s plenty of game to go.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Arsonists of Bremen

24: The Arsonists of Bremen

The famed Lakota resistance fighter Crazy Horse probably deserves a grander task than watching a city pointlessly burn to the ground, but a paychecks a paycheck. Given the closest settler visible here seems to be of Hansa stock, this razing could amazingly become doubly pointless, an impressive feat.

Do send a thought to all those naval units of Wallachia somehow stuck up in the Baltics, probably awaiting another stomach-upsetting movement to another seas once these open borders deals end.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Lines about Lines

25: Lines about Lines

A predictably muddled start to the latest Amazonian war. Marimbu has a scratch, but if that blob continues to hesitate between a focused attack there or a separate attack on Abelhinha, this conflict has no shot of amounting to much. I do appreciate the return of the Caralian Line in Yanomami’s Western front of the conflict though, a classic.

26: Spite

With wary eyes and cold handshakes, peace is declared between Zazzau and Luba, nothing gained or lost but the population of Kushaka and a good bunch of soldiers in the end.

Well, dyadically speaking, that is. Expand your scope, and Luba strategically won: the Amina surge remains neutered - note the predictable loss of Kuta to Ethiopia - and the Line, the stabilising force of African geopolitics, is secured. Luba’s raison d'etre is safe. That being said, Set help Sungu if Amina returns to strength and returns, however.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Joint Advances

27: Joint Advances

As the twin green powers start chipping at Sumer, Pakistan celebrates an entirely separate form of advance as they too enter the Modern era. They’ve been a rising star in terms of tech for a while, and Mysore did just beat them out this episode to this milestone, but I suspect they have the momentum heading forward.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of An Ethos of Yore

28: An Ethos of Yore

Visitors to Rouran, or the Socialist State of Rouran as is becoming known locally, are unlikely to miss out on the new exhibit the Grand Palace at Mumo boasted; an artifact of great mystery so impactful on Yujilulu Mugulu that it completely shifted the course of Rouran politics as they entered modernity.

Back in the 1870s, amateur archaeologists began plunging the depths of Lake Baikal for whatever may be brought up, having fewer legal challenges than disrupting horse grazing on the steppes. Persistence won out over many years of minimal returns when a diving bell reported a gleam in the depths, some metallic structure unusually stainless beneath the icy waters. Divers swarmed the area, and the picture emerged of a ruined ship, maybe only a quarter of one broken up, but nothing like a citizen of Rouran had seen before: pure grey metal, triple the size minimum of the carracks currently swarming the lakes surface, with strange cannons the size of valleys for weapons.

King Yujilulu attended the ceremony when one slab was brought up, and could not hold his gasp when the piece finally buoyed up and was brought onto shore. Yes, the engineering itself was almost alien to him, the envisionment of artists minds more than current technological reality, but what struck him most was the iconography on this panel: a large plaque with some undecipherable language with two images of flags above, one dark blue with a yellow intricate symbol in the middle, and one pure red with a man riding a horse and the central letters ‘TAR’. Without delay his best scholars were put on the case, and in time they sourced some of the language on the plaque as a derivative (or ancestor?) of the Vyatkan language, the text declaring favour on this ‘Ship of Battle’ for the glory of ‘our united socialist people, brethren in arms under the banner of Tana Tuva’.

Did he know what the hell a ‘Tana Tuva’ was? Nope. But he knew firepower when he saw it, and he knew a vision for society when he felt it. As more and more relics were dredged from the site, the Rouran king fell more and more into obsession with this past vision for the present future. In 1880, he dramatically declared that the newfound industrial power of Rouran required new visions of shaping society, one could say a new Order of things. The Socialist State was declared, with a museum fervently built in the palace to commemorate these near-mystical Baikal artefacts. He despaired at the amount of his peers rejecting the message of Tuva, and lashed out at some reactionaries with pointless war declarations. Surely one day they’ll understand the egalitarian beauty of his ideology?

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Well, you can’t say Rouran has dismissed the legacy of their famed Wriggling Riders looking at this carpet, can you? I can only imagine what they’ll look like should they hit armour technology in the mid-future, hoo boy. While ultimately irrelevant, I am intrigued by their declaration of war on Lanfang, that’s a big power to declare on another big power. Then again, should I be shocked that the first Order civ is going against the mining corporate-state?

29: Cool Tension

A second major civ randomly declares on Lanfang with the Itelmen throwing their lot in, a civ with the theoretical naval power to throw a few ships down that way. As ever, their empire looks solid if a touch limited, both speaking of further expansion routes and peak yield potential given the dismal land here.Their naval numbers also disguise a seemingly starkly lacking land army, both in tech level and simple numbers. They ought to be targeting Green Ukraine ASAP, but they need a touch of productivity first.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of ‘A worthy temple for the divine friend…’

30: ‘A worthy temple for the divine friend…’

You must admit, the concept of Neuschwanstein rising out of the karst peaks and river valleys of Central China is a stirring image. While it has a low rating on the stats sheet, I actually think it’s a very solid wonder for this game, and especially Tang: extra happiness from every castle in a domination game is a valuable source of happiness for a civ with historic issues in that department.

31: Bwum Bwuuuuum

We need to promote Agent Peshgaldaramesh (hmmm, doesn’t have quite the same ring as Agent Em); because they clearly got some hot info! New South Wales has indeed decided, only a short white after their mixed results with Mysore, to hit a harder target closer to home in Lanfang. I’ll be frank, I think this is foolish, and as someone generally rooting against NSW I welcome it. Lanfangs home fleet is much better positioned than the Aussies off the bat, and the Javan cities placement on the North coast will make attacking them a pain from the South. Dharwad could honestly be the first victim city here, as if they weren’t having a bad enough century yet.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Tested Ethos

32: A Tested Ethos

The state of Rouran may have been the only one to publicly proclaim a philosophy of rule based upon relics of past realities, but they aren’t the first in a private capacity by a long shot.

No, deep in the bowels of the Bjarmian King Harekr’s immortal memory, the dawn of his own civilization lingers. Scrounging berries and game from the land back to the then-village of Vina, just a nostalgic vignette in his head now. Above all, he recalls the text he found in one cave he chased a bear into, some form of pamphlet long before the invention of paper, let alone print. It felt… destined for him to find, and despite the fact he knew he shouldn’t be able to comprehend the language, he felt the presence of another immortal in the words and sensed their meaning.

The author proclaimed themselves the Great Rijkuo-Maja, and the message they imparted to Harekr would forever touch his soul and influence his rule:

‘Just do fucking nothing and prosper, lol’

Even now, in 1905, it brought a tear to his eye thinking about it. Of course, some traitorous ministers occasionally opposed this agenda, but then they were reminded Harekr can turn into a dragon and eat people. Funny how people forget this, honestly.

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The pace of this long running conflict has been thematically appropriate: that is to say, glacial. Umpi looks set to flip again, should Vyatka find room for melee amidst their crossbow brigades, although Bjarmia’s fleet have the upper hand in the Arctic Sea.

33: Brass Tongued

A hit to Tang here, we all know how embargo votes go on the Cylinder. You’d think the famous Tang diplomats could have swung the direction of this policy another way, but oh well. It is a shame to distract from Tang's more game-relevant achievement here: to my knowledge Qixian is the first Tang city to boast aircraft! A carpet they may not possess, but they do possess the cutting edge.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The disappointing sequel

34: The disappointing sequel

Apologies, agent Peshgaldaramesh, but this intel doesn’t quite hit as hard. Come back when Rourans plotting against any of their actual neighbours, mayhaps?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Old Paths, New Vehicle

35: Old Paths, New Vehicle

In a familiar scene, Kish falls to Pakistan and may flip a few times, but unlike the last temporary conquest one can spot a critical amount of reinforcements and an even more critical innovation: Uruk, near the frontlines, boasts 4 planes. Flight must have been Jinnah's path to the Modern Era, and suddenly the stonk-holders of Sumer must be getting a touch panicked. Elimination is absolutely viable, maybe even likely, here and now.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Pain.

36: Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Pain.

If Lanfang are planning to redirect forces from Bangladesh over to their new front, they haven’t done so yet. The resistance seems pretty fierce, and the land travel is naturally a hard path, so for now the former capital of Pegu holds up fairly well. Were I a citizen of said city, I’d certainly be cheering on the defenders once Francois l’Olonnais shows up, a French buccaneer of the Caribbean who certainly wasn’t a jolly variety of pirate, more renowned for his sacking of Spanish port cities and open love of torture.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Pale-Pinkish Blues

37: Pale-Pinkish Blues

Hard to see this as anything but a full Autocracy game at this point as yet another big player on the Cylindrical stage joins up to Team ‘Problematic’. Old Sheehays is of course probably making the right call, they certainly are going to need all the fight they have to conquer the daunting North American continent. Unfortunately for that dream, their current two-tile war with Ponca isn’t an auspicious sight for those dreaming that dream, and no matter how cool the icon is, it’s a touch worrying how committed they remain to their Iae'aetsin Musketman UU. In an episode full of the future, Susquehannock might need to leave the past behind, as soon as they can.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Heads turned upwards

38: Heads turned upwards

Despite being the birthplace of archaeology, the public of Pakistan broadly felt little need for its fruits in the same way other civs found themselves enthralled, and this was an attitude matched in Jinnah himself. For sure, digging up Pakistan's own heritage was valuable for national pride, and some of those incredibly ancient sewer structures found beneath the earth in the Indus valley were impressive, but in Pakistan the past was overshadowed by the future. A glorious future.

The capital of Karachi heaved with life, banners out of windows as a procession of newly reorganised infantry sporting the cutting edge in rifles marched through the streets, followed by carriages carrying Jinnah and Pakistan's high society. Their destination: the square outside the newest pearl on the city's coastal skyline, a magnificent building of worship that screamed modernism, the Sagrada Familia. Once considered a bit player on their own subcontinent, between the recent conquests to the West, land grabs to the East, and the general prosperity of life in the core, this was a people firmly looking forward rather than behind them.

A nasal sound began infesting the scene, and while some members of the public rub their ear or get a bit nervous, Jinnah and his military staff look upwards. No, the riflemen wouldn’t be the cherry on top of today's celebrations: the sight of a craft of wood frame, paper and iron flying between the top of the new wonder would be. Pakistan had tamed the power of flight itself, Sumer will be a walk in the park.

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For those unaware, the Sagrada Familia is a modded wonder that starts a golden age and boosts Great Person points in the city by 50%. On the stats sheet it’s rated at 6, which I think can often be a bit generous - it’s usefulness is very dependent on where the AI decides to stick it - but Karachi is a magnificent spot for the wonder. Plus, of course, no better time for a Golden Age than during a fairly vital war to keep those units pumping and the gold up to afford them, so a double win for Pakistan.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Goals before Gold

39: Goals before Gold

On the other end of the impressiveness spectrum, Chono has decided to devote their time to Big Ben, a wonder rated at just 1 on our sheet. Those who know its power, cutting all gold costs to purchases by 15%, may think that’s a little harsh, but well, we have never found the AI to be sensible or even sporadic in their gold purchasing capabilities, so a wonder bolstering that (not to mention piling on dreaded Great Merchant Points) is a waste. Then again, Chono is not what you can call ‘hard-up’ in the runnings right now, and can afford a little luxury indulgence like this, perhaps sensing how whimsical it is to place Westminster on the sight of IRL Buenos Aires.

40: Vlad, why?

Vlad…

Why?...

They haven’t even chosen to burn down this one, you can’t resettle it, it’s just gone.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Desperate Times, Strongman Measures

41: Desperate Times, Strongman Measures

Sheikh Mujibur Rahman takes the opportunity of this great defensive national struggle to insert himself into the growing Autocrat movement, joining the ever-expanding list. The Lanfang front looks a little weaker than last seen, and Sadhum surprisingly looks on the brink, although I think at best that would be a flip and most likely the defence wins out. India is such a balanced region this season, even the supposed ‘third civ’ of the land has hands.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Top 10 Brain Illusions

42: Top 10 Brain Illusions

This has to be up there in terms of wars this season that you’d instinctively think should be big deals but simply aren’t due to the deceptively insane borders this map has ended up with. Maybe the Qara-Bactrian war can contest it for the title? In any case, the grand scale of this new war between solid, stagnant Kalmar and the plucky Estonians is… the coastal tile south of Gotland. That is genuinely the sole point of contact between these civs, so maybe don’t keep your expectations too high for this conflict.

43: The Nameless

An update on the Ethiopia-Zazzau front further confirms the former's advantage, with Fatika and Kuta looking surprisingly secure for the moment. Amine does have troops, but perhaps in paranoia of further pincer attacks they are mostly stationed to the South by poor ravaged Kushaka. Perhaps the most tragic sight here is the Ethiopian Great General highlighted: it appears we have our first sign of a GP name list being exhausted. So much character lost, replaced by faceless NPC’s from now on.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Giant in a Sandpit

44: A Giant in a Sandpit

See, ain’t that better? Maravi can’t boast of much anymore, but they do have a tactical brain of the Napoleonic era on their side, the Austrian field marshal who, albeit with a mixed record of loss and victory, eventually helped develop the Trachenberg Plan that defeated the Emperor of the French. I somehow don’t see him achieving anything so grand here, but a marshal may dream.

45: Bombs Away

Where some dreams, others get to act, and so it is for General Opechancanough, in our world leader of the Powhatan Confederacy and thus propagandised as a raider of the Jamestown colony, plus being Pocahontas’s uncle. I imagine the required quickfire logistics and ambush tactics skills he possesses earned him a ticket to this frontier, as Kish flips more confidently into Pakistani hands. Scariest of all is the fate of Nibru, the theoretical fallback of Sumer when the capital falls: already in the black from bombing and vulnerable to naval attack once one caravel dies. A new era of war has dawned.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Lines in the Ice

46: Lines in the Ice

What a mess of a landmass we have here, and pretty perfectly designed to ensure that no civ has enough space of production to dominate it without having to lug over their main armies for the fairly pointless trophy of barren rock and ice. We’ve seen civs in past seasons create decent power bases here, but I don’t see it in this case, at least for now.

Scotland and Susquehannock are at war, and while that theoretically matters it practically doesn’t.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Peaceful Sea (not)

47: The Peaceful Sea (not)

Not too sure what I can comment on here, the Pacific sure is Pacific-ing. Tang’s visual spread on the waters is seemingly growing by the turn, although an indulgent amount of workers seems to be contributing to that.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Twist and Grind

48: Twist and Grind

Well, I stand corrected on the matter of New South Wales decision making. In characteristic fashion, they pulled off their signature move: making a ton of units show up out of nowhere from the general direction of their continent!

Dharwad is bruised but secure, and a boisterous armada of Australian pirates are bombarding Bakuwan with all their might. The land campaign however is still a touch stillborn at the moment, no matter how many advanced gunmen NSW send out to land on Java.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Echoes in the Mesa

49: Echoes in the Mesa

Being a citizen of Hubdon was a depressing enough experience when it meant sending off your children to become Washa’be and sent to the slaughter against the ever-encroaching Susquehannock, but the bells and drums ringing out in 1908 for the declaration of yet another Anishinaabe assault was soul-crushing. The city reeked of despair, and only state policy against internal movement, plus the cutting off of the road, prevented a mass exodus to the mountains.

White Eagle was not immune from the morose atmosphere, and it took all his strength to still stand and declare a commitment to defensive action - helped a little by the reports that Pontiac's offense was a touch lacking. Still, he stayed up at night often, wondering where things went wrong. Reading treatises, seeking advisers, visits to the troops, all follies in terms of giving his mind rest.

A common spot for contemplation was, naturally, the Grand Mesa. What better scenery for a ruler's solitary meditation. And so, a few weeks after the declaration of war, White Eagle controversially left his capital for time to think in the grand mountain space. He ditched his entourage at a lodge and walked up and up, climbing at parts, sliding down slopes at others, just contemplating failure. That’s when he saw it. Literally. The word failure written on a cliff wall in a calm clearing. What?

He rushed towards the painted text, and looked around at this eerie space. Secluded and clear, yet somehow warm, with signs of a long-long-long dead firepit near the wall. Moreso, White Eagle sensed a presence, a feeling he had only ever gotten from rare diplomatic meetings with other immortals. A touch of a dissipated presence, lingering long after it should have gone. He checked again, and realised he shouldn’t even be able to understand the text, it wasn’t in his language. Yep, definitely the work of an immortal then, they all had some understanding of each other.

Walking right against the wall, he studied the strokes of the words, the fingerprints of the author left to time on this wind-sheltered shelf. Beneath the word a little icon and signature sat, a red dreamcatcher and the letters I.J. White Eagle stood back and, oddly, felt a kinship. Maybe failures can be remembered too, in small ways, far in the future. He dipped his hand into the dead firepit, working the ash into a fine sticky powder with a dash of water from his canteen, and made an addendum to the wall: a Maithi and Pipe drawing with W.E next to them.

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If you were feeling good about White Eagle’s defence against the Susquehannock invasion, I apologise for giving that much of a blip of triumph. Everyone knows Ponca and triumph are antonyms. Now, that being said, Anishinaabe do not look assault ready right now, and I genuinely wonder if they've been brought in off guard by Qara-Khitai or another civ yet to declare, because they don’t have a semblance of a carpet nor even the positioning near Ponca to pretend otherwise.

The stats tell the story though, Pontiac could rest for three turns and wake up without his civ having taken any real damage, only to shrug and build up an army double the strength of Ponca. It’ll take a little bit for a sensible formation to emerge, but once it does Hubdon is Hub-done.

50: A Green Tide

Nibru flips one full cycle between Sumer and Pakistan as the Gulf fleet shows their purpose. It’s dramatically over for Sumer already, and the only question left is how the final divying-up will go between the snipes and flips left.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Player 1 Disconnected

51: Player 1 Disconnected

You’d think after all the resources wasted in that bloody corridor between them that Susquehannock would keep the persistence up once Anishinaabe came in to distract the defenders, but nope!

Maybe this is a 4D chess game, and Old Sheehays would rather sit back and watch Ponca inconvenience some Plains cities with swordsmen full force than split their attention. I can respect petty, and it certainly isn’t a lightning start for Pontiac, although to be clear, he is going to bring the hammer down soon.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Player 1 Disconnected 2: Electric Boogaloo

52: Player 1 Disconnected 2: Electric Boogaloo

Well then. I guess Circassia just didn’t need that capital. They’re chill like that. What a rad civ…

…

For fucks sake Berzeg, I can’t tell whether you lost the snipe-off then gave up or, even worse, gave up and watched Pakistan march in, but this was a genuine moment for you! A Capital or even an elimination to notch on your belt, but nooope, gotta ensure Jinnah’s rise continues. Oh yeah, let’s move to that side, this has already been a fantastic episode for the crescent-moon civ and they haven’t even solidified the elimination yet. It’s not just grabbing 3 Sumer cities, although that’s an achievement for sure; it’s that their expansion options westward just grew significantly.

The cherry on top? Their UA has new victims to claim in Pesedjet and Eastern Orthodox following cities. The Middle East shall never escape bordergore.

53: -10 HP

Adama falls to the red, suggesting a return to a status so quo to before Zazzua’s resurgence Ethiopia even regains all its lost cities. Ouch, this hurts to see. Oh, and I did check, Hyksos isn’t at war with anyone here to my understanding, just loitering. They are looking surprisingly advanced, although I imagine the small size of their lands allows their carpet to be denser, and thus they look stronger. They are also citadelling into Ethiopia, and a sudden side attack from them would be appropriate karma for Luba.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Tyranny of Time

54: The Tyranny of Time

Bunuba being the latest to join the Omni-Autocracy of this season does provide us a great shot of the full scope of their core, a very dense engine of anti-Macarthur sentiment. Seriously, I do love the structure of this civ, it's just spoiled by the sense that it’s getting rapidly outpaced. The hourglass has turned, especially with Dynamite approaching and with it the loss of their Great Wall protection. New South Wales has the better infantry, ranged and cavalry units already, so I don’t think the narrative of unbreakable Bunuba has much longer to live if tested.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of They dang got it!

55: They dang got it!

They’ve got it? The shrimp-lovers have gone and got it! They’re advancing, and seiging, and look decently set to take at least Sombrero Negro, after which Guaycuru’s capital will be isolated and easy prey. See folks, never give up on even the deadest looking seed!

56: Whisper Games

I like you, Old Sheehays, but you haven’t been making the smartest war decisions lately, it must be said. An attack on Teotihuacan by Susquehannock just sounds like an efficient way to lose a city, many boats, and a needless amount of embarked units.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Buccaneers of Bakuwan

57: The Buccaneers of Bakuwan

Battered though they may be, with frigate support the pirate crews of New South Wales have brought Bakuwan to the brink. Maybe bringing up that fleet from Ross would help, but that would be so less dramatic and rugged, wouldn’t it?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Prioritisation

58: Prioritisation

And here’s the other side of the coin. A tiny loss to NSW might be justified by the units focused instead on the Bangladeshi front, where the fate of a capital hangs in the balance, and perhaps even more once Rahman's thinning army is further reduced. His navy is arguably worse, stuck at galleass tech, making Khulna with its three tiles of coastal vulnerability a juicy target, following on from the razed city of Cumilla (although then again, would that conquest not face the fire too? Dammit, Civ 5 AI).

59: Hand in Hand

Fled from Lagash. Harassed through the roads to Nibru. Trusted courtiers and loyal guards blown to pieces without even the honour of a battle as the damnable flying machines of their enemy bombarded the last fortifications of the Sumerian Empire. And through it all, two people joined at the hip.

Eannatum despaired, to put it mildly. It was clear that hope no longer remained: the last envoys he sent to to negotiate a quickfire piece were returned via ship cannon in chunks. Green-clad cavalry openly trotted outside the walls, and the ruined harbour of Nibru had Pakistani sailors disembarking into the city. What troops the Sumerians had left were not loyal, but zealous and/or foolhardy, fully aware they were spending their lives for the sake of honour. He dared to look out of a window, only to find his cheek gently grasped and turned away. “My darling, let us simply cherish our presence together, as this may be the last chance.”

Shots outside. An order to open the chamber door.

Eannatum took his wife's hand. “I hope with all my heart you know that you have always been more than just my partner. You’ve been my rock. My passion. The muse on which a civilisation was built, all so you could better live in comfort and style. You’re so much beyond my hot Sumerian wife; you’re my eternally loved wife.”

The hinges rattle as the chamber door begins to collapse to the troops battering it.

Eannatum stands up straight and faces the door, prepared for honorable death. That is, until a spark and glow begin to emerge around him, a shallow light glow of physics beyond his understanding. “What the…” he murmurs, feeling his body quake under the waves. In a split second, he reaches to his wife's hand, and she his. The glow expands, and then, with a click and a poof, the couple disappear, whisked away to the far south. When the siege breaks into the room, they find nothing but a dropped crown, and stories persist for centuries thereafter about the fate of the King of Sumer and his, the stories insist, hot Sumerian wife.

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And thus, with one short and sharp swoop of a war, I invite you to press F in the chat once more in honour of Sumer. I know the eulogies are best saved for the Power Rankings, but I was a backer of this civ out of the gate so this is a sad sight for me, if not a shocking one. I thought having a civ so old, but in terms of the leader and the mod itself, was a cool concept, and somehow convinced myself their UA population boost would make them an early game shooting star. That didn’t quite happen, and frankly I fear Sumer will be an easily forgotten civ of this season when we look back. They got a few hits in on Phoenicia and Ma’in, but never did much bold otherwise. You could say their personality was a touch homebody. Should Pakistan continue their rise, Sumer may have a legacy as a first stepping stone, and that itself would be more than earned, debatably. F, you bald wife guy!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Unsavory Combos

60: Unsavory Combos

Look here, Mr Rene. Declaring war on Luba, fair. They have an island city you can quite simply surround and grasp in your maritime hands, and are unlikely to coordinate an effective force against your landbound cities. Declaring war on Ethiopia? I’d have waited to have a few more units on the border for sure, but also a fine idea; they’re committed and depleted against Zazzau, and if you could grab Debre Berhan it’d be a legend-making achievement.

Declaring war on both? At once? There’s a fine line between brave and foolhardy, mate, and you crossed it. Kamina ought to still be in play, but you’ve made this needlessly hard for yourself. I half wonder if this was a rare defensive pact being triggered, we almost never get those in the CBR!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Pirates Life for Them

61: A Pirates Life for Them

Much boozing and plundering goes down as the pirate armada break into Bakuwan harbour at long last and have their fill, I’m sure. Really shouldn’t be hard for it to be retaken - just look at all those Lanfang frigates hiding away in reserves to the north - but one can’t deny New South Wales’s ability to probe his rivals.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Ah, the obvious Triumvarate

62: Ah, the obvious Triumvarate

Ket, Kipchaks and the Aures have all decided Estonia’s getting a little big for their britches and added to Meri’s war list. Interesting to see Ket and Kipchaks fight side by side, even if their comradery is a bit distant from being relevant in the actual conflict.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Doff your black hat

63: Doff your black hat

Sombrero Negro hits the red with plenty of melee around it to see the job through - maybe even a little too much, moving up the cannon wouldn’t hurt - while Mision El Toba is sensibly left until after as it starves down to 7 pop. I really can’t say what turned the switch in Camarao’s military brain, but I appreciate it for the spectacle alone, not to mention continuing the steady clearing out of South America’s also-rans.

64: A Lesson

This season is really a lesson for us all; let's not take for granted all the nice, clean, cool Pacific empires we’ve had throughout the CBR and hopefully will have again. I genuinely forgot this low level conflict was ongoing, and based on the mild spattering of units present one must suspect some of the leaders involved have too.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The White Heat of Technology

65: The White Heat of Technology

Soaring westwards from oppressed Hubdon, through the plains and over the jagged peaks of the Rockies, a leader is on the march as far from the legacy of the Comanche as one can be. Nay, at this time Lawspeaker Sheiyksh I is doing about the opposite of pondering the past. Eyes pink with sleeplessness common for him when a campaign heats up; he diligently pages through reports and summaries until the depths of the night at the Generals Camp in Waraqah. War consumes his mind, but of course it must: to not let it do so would be the most severe form of disrespect for those whose life it takes, surely.

And so it’s possible for him to be surprised by the simple flicker of a light on as he enters a new room supplied by his army. “What’s that light?” he barks, unusually shocked and a little on edge after days of cannon drills as background noise. “The l-lightbulb, Lawpeaker? It was in the science reports you’ve been given, a-although I fully understand if that's, ummm, fallen by the wayside…” the underling responds, eyeing another pile of reports barely touched given the focus of Skeikysh's life right now.

The Lawspeaker shrugs, then slowly walks over to a window. The city, newly settled to his perception, sleeps beyond and he silently watches the details in the horizon. The primitive lights going out as citizens turn to sleep, bicycles wheezing through streets, clouds of smoke pumping out of hearty industry more than ever. “My mind… it’s been on war for so long… and MUST yet still…” the leader delicately states, maybe more for himself than the perturbed underling watching him. “The future requires sacrifice. This, this progress before me, is built on what we’ve done, and will continue to do. Right! Right?”, his question slips away as he continues staring out at his people, more advanced than ever. The attendant slips away, leaving the Tlingit leader alone.

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My fanciful scrawls aside, nothing too surprising going on here. E’lem is securely Tlingit, Teotihuacan are keeping Ta’tem in the red but have little chance of re-acquiring it, and Dali plus Shetqale are being prodded for weakness without impact. Tlingit entering the Modern era is only surprising in terms of which civs got there first, frankly, and what we’ll start to see showing up in their lands.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Yes to the Flying, No to the Carpet

66: Yes to the Flying, No to the Carpet

Tang joins a select advanced few in the early aeronautics business, already having cranked 24 planes visible on my screen! That’s- I mean wow, it’s just… really damning of Tang, because it proves how fast they could crank out units IF they actually wanted to. Tang's army is advanced but remarkably tiny, and this explosion of airplane production makes it hard to argue against the reality that Taizong just doesn’t want a carpet. They are pretty disharmonious, to be fair, can you blame him?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Inland Forever!

67: Inland Forever!

Coming straight outta the South Side (of where the Amazon used to be), Christopher Wallace, Biggie Smalls, the Notorious B.I.G himself has walked into the frontlines to hypnotize some Yanomami fools with his flashy ways, representing the inland tunes music scene. Those North Coast bastards couldn’t ever make tracks so juicy! They were the first to do it and will always be the best to do it!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Coastal Forever!

68: Coastal Forever!

North Coast Worth(-ier) coast! Every Yanomami soldier knows those inland fools don’t really know a thing about quality music, and Tupac Shakur is among them to confirm it with some ‘YAN-O-MAM-I LOOOOOOVE’! So how do you want it, inland scene losers? Cannon fire, horse trampling, or a musket ball?

I’m sure nothing bad will occur to either of these two Great Musicians, especially in close proximity to each other.

69: Open Goal

Potiguara, come on buddy, I’ve hyped you up way too much this episode for you to move all those troops away. The main gate isn’t even locked now, you have the units nearly, just slide that longswordsman in or whatever! Please, for little old me?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Fort Fort Fort

70: Fort Fort Fort

Like building a blood bank in Wallachia, placing three citadels in a row to expand your land in a city you’re actively razing seems like an exercise in wasting resources on rewards that will vanish in a flash. Momentarily funny, I can’t lie, but maybe not the development Scythia needs at a time of great doubt in their capacities amongst us readers.

71: Beef

The war between Yanomami and Xavante, which now seems a little more culturally tinged than when I began this episode, simmers. Even without the jungle, this continent’s sleepy reputation persists, it seems. Even the Chono seem unable to make a dent in Xavante despite overwhelming statistical advantage. Finally, of course, we must register Yanomami also selecting Autocracy, I guess. Next!

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Fun and Blockades

72: Fun and Blockades

The Delegates return from Dongwanlu with great news: all the nations of the world are to bid to host a grand fair of advancements, showcasing the best this modern age has to offer. A touch irrelevant to our game, but in the spirit of progress we’ve seen over this episode nonetheless. Of course, the citizens of Kamina are probably not too focused on this whimsical news, given the blockade they are essentially already under, only one layer of their own navy holding back a bold blue reckoning. On the Ethiopian front, skirmishes in the region seem to be going nowhere fast, although I am only now noticing how outrageous the citadelling has been up there, bloody hell Rene.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Loss Victories

73: Loss Victories

Taizong sat in the central audience chamber of his palace, face stoney with a hint of boredom, as an unusually visible degree of protest bounded through the room. Merchant representatives screaming their lungs out, financial advisors rebuking his policy, even a few generals imploring he renounce the Diplomatic Corps on this occasion. The uproar went on for the better part of 4 hours, representative by representative venting their displeasure. The root? The total failure of the political apparatus to beat back the World Congress’s embargo of Tang. Surely, after all the lofty vaunting they’ve awarded themselves for centuries, they could put in the work to prevent economic catastrophe befalling the state!

Finally, silence fell, and Taizong rose. “I shall issue a moderate rebuke in writing of this policy defeat. Thus the matter shall not be discussed further. This audience is over!”. To say the crowd was disappointed would be understatement, but they know better than to criticise their emperor directly when he declares the matter closed, so the hall emptied out. As the final malcontent left, Tang’s face relaxed immediately, and he strode back to his throne, and the balcony beyond it. “Finally. Such useless words thrown carelessly.”

One of his foremost advisers, a high priestess of Shaktism, followed him out. “If I may say, my Emperor, it is strange to see such a happy expression adorn your visage in these circumstances. I am no economic adviser, but we suffered a loss with this embargo, did we not?”.

The Emperor allowed himself a wry grin to the High Priestess. “Did we now? Hahaha”, and leaning on the balcony to face her, he continued “It has long been known to me and other in high office that the resources taken on foreign trade with be of more use to our common good as a state spent internally. But outlawing external trade myself? No, impossible to consider, going against the merchant lords so nakedly would invite chaos to the lands. But… were the global community to impose it on us…”

“You mean to say this was desired?” she shot back, surprised and bemused.

“Desired? Why, it was intended. The Tang Diplomatic Corps knows what it aims to achieve, and excels in doing so. They performed their roles to perfection, it is such a shame I will have to publicly rebuke them to calm the waters. Oh well. The future comes anyway.”

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Yes folks, I, your trusted narrator, misled you earlier! Tang losing this vote is not actually a bad thing, or at least that’s my opinion on it. Why? Well, recall the Tang UA. Simply put, all internal trade routes are boosted for Tang based on the science output of the city they’re being sent from, and I can attest from trying them out in a game myself that it’s a very satisfying ability. By all accounts, Tang should not be wasting their traders on external trade in the first place, and a congressional embargo is the perfect way to ensure the AI actually does this. Tang had 421 gold per turn coming in last episode, so they shouldn’t be forced into bankruptcy from this, of course.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Sea of the Wasted

74: The Sea of the Wasted

Beslan, a lowly sailor of the Circassian navy, may never appear in history books, but had the honour of being the last casualty of the overwhelmingly forgotten Caspian War between his nation and Bactria. A rigging hand of the Galleas fleet near the Sarai front, a snipers precise musket ball penetrated his lung mere minutes before the conclusion of the battle and subsequent knowledge of the peace declaration, one of many lives spent entirely fruitlessly when the handshake has already closed a war on the books over the history of the cylinder.

Beslan toppled off the sails as he was struck, crashing without dignity or an offer of aid from his crewmates into the Sea’s calm blue depths. No one but him, in his state of terror, can know how long his consciousness lasted under the debris-strewn waves. Even the subs almighty surveillance would throw its arms up. But between the air immediately leaving through his bullet hole, and the cold shock of the water around him, it is feasible the sailor saw lifetimes not unlike his before he succumbed to a watery grave. For the Caspian has seen the corrupt cycle of the Cylinder like few other places on its surface.

Down in the darkest depths, what wonders of pre-antiquity could Beslan have drowned besides? The discoloured banner of Tamar, lost from a destroyed trireme; a somehow still blinking panel from an exploded Turkish nuclear submarine, the tragic skeletons of drowned Kalmyk cavalry stupidly placed on boats instead of the Steppes. Maybe Beslan even floated down past a nearly unrecognisable set of bones bearing a uniform very similar to his own, that of a galleass rigger, but bearing the banner of the Timurids rather than Circassia.

Above all else, should he have kept consciousness enough to see these wondrous sights lost to all watchers, the thought might cross his dying brain that so much has been lost to this godforsaken Sea, ever stuffed with boats and embarked units, with so little gain, and that this has happened every time before, and will happen over and over again. Would he find any comfort in joining this cycle? That is not for me to tell.

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Y’all remember this war was happening? I sure didn’t.

75: A-damned-A

Adama fell off screen, in a harder fashion than I even suspected. Were Ethiopia to peace out here, this would unfortunately have to be classified as an overall win for them, if just for what they were about to lose in comparison. That being said, I can’t help but wonder if we’re about to be another silly runaround of Lake Chad, as Fatika remains in the red and Amina’s army honestly looks a touch healthier in size and position than Ethiopia’s, albeit less so in tech. If this war genuinely continues on and on in a loop of each other's armies surging and getting depleted just enough to grab then lose these three cities, I might just give up on both parties entirely.

Maybe the bigger question we should be asking is why Hyksos and Aures aren’t feasting on this tired prey for now?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Kampuku’s Realm

76: The Kampuku’s Realm

I don’t really see Japan vs Yunnan as a conflict of astounding significance, it must be said, but a highlight slide is always appreciated, if not by me or the readers then at least by Power Rankers tired and looking for an easy slide pic. Hello gang, I’ll join you again someday!

I do very much appreciate the irony of the Second Unifier not quite unifying Japan but actually managing in this reality to rule over the Korean peninsula. Japan overall is in such a weird place, strong and fairly advanced, even up to riflemen at this point, but definitively lacking in an edge and opportunities. The adaptation of the Tlingit faith throughout their lands must surely be helping, but in a world where everyone's got busted faith bonuses, no one has busted faith bonuses.

77: Take a Breath

The announcement that Teotihuacan is still flipping that city is a good sign for those rooting against an ever expanding Tlingit blob victory, turns out they ain’t undefeatable. In celebration, why don’t you contemplate the serenity of a perfect Kiwi sunset or something, I can only assume that’s why we’re staring at New Zealand.

78: And Party!

OK, stop relaxing, start partying hard. You thought taking Catu was hardcore already, Potiguara has actually achieved the unthinkable and conquered a city they’ve had overwhelming numbers against for centuries.The Guaycuru capital looks to be next up, and after that the Guaycuru will just be a Uruguayan trio and some island colonies.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Squeezed Fruit in Dry Plains

79: Squeezed Fruit in Dry Plains

The press of Anishinaabe against Hubdon has similarly started in earnest, maybe a touch slower than some would predict but creating an inescapable net around the ancient city. As stated many time before, the loss of Hubdon is by no means the end of Ponca when they have such a great citadel-city in the Rockies, but it’ll certain still be demoralising and an end to all relevance in wider continental struggles, Wain-Xude being in fact too mountainous and small to affect transport or de desirable.

80: Make Me Move

Revenge sure is a sweet dish, one a certain lancer seems to be enjoying as he blocks Lanfang movement into Hongsawatoi’s harbor, surely remembering how his proud nation was swiped at during their recent peak. Anything to prevent Lanfang ascension after that is a pretty honourable move, no matter how ultimately useless or petty. However, Lanfang seems to have this city knocked hard and has more than enough reserves to squeeze some unit, any unit, in soon.

81: WOAH

Wow, look, Estonia and Kalmar made peace. Wow, look, it accomplished nothing. Truly the soul strengthening experiences peak CBR is founded upon.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Literal Path of Industry

82: The Literal Path of Industry

Never really took note of how many Great Engineers Susquehannock seems to be piling up, jeez. I mean, better than Great Merchants but still, why not spent on a wonder or invested into manufacturies? At the very least Nikolaus August Otto, the German inventor of the modern petrol combustion engine, should feel spiritually at home in North America, happy to wait around for his time to shine in an era or so.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Transatlantic Tiffs

83: Transatlantic Tiffs

You gotta hate when you finally decide to get off the couch and touch some ocean; and that’s the day the owner of the coast you’re swimming near decides they want to declare war on your nation. Happens to all of us one time or another.

In seriousness, this is a classic ‘could be a real war; but won’t be’ scenario. Potiguara doesn’t have a lacklustre navy and could certainly make a go at Herero’s west coast, but I just don’t see it happening. Better spent on the Rio Plato region anyway.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Davi Gets Around

84: Davi Gets Around

Biggie slinks away as the North Coast scores a victory, suddenly locking in and realising Marimbu was ripe to pluck. South America seems keener each episode to disprove its old reputation, and I appreciate the effort. Flip possibility aside, where does that army grind next?

85: Glaaaaacial

When I last reported this battlefront, Vyatka had an edge on land and looked ready to grab Umpi while Bjarmia had a stronger navy. Now, in breaking news, Vyatka holds the edge on land and looks ready to grab Umpi while Bjarmia has the stronger navy AND is actually making a move on Koloperem, another city that has flipped between the two multiple times. Never an end to the action here.

86: Set’s Favour

“Thank you, thank you audience” country star Mac Davis bellowed out to the crowd at the rock church that for this night only would serve as a dramatic amphitheater. Audiences cheered from high above and down below, but Mac kept a cool face. The man who wrote ‘A Little Less Conversation’ knew a thing or two about keeping the action going. “Finally, I have a special guest to this concert: the one, the only, our immortal leader Zara Yacob!”

The religiously minded leader swaggered out of the church with the full confidence of a prophet, seizing the stage from Mac to the astonished cheers of his people. Ethiopia didn’t have much to applaud objectively for a long time, but its people retained hold of faith in place of results: faith in their version of the Pesedjet faith; faith in their nation and its future; and faith in the wisdom of Zara Yacob. With saintly dignity the Grand Prince opened his arms, accepting the adulations of his subjects, before booming out “Ethiopians, we resurge! We persevere, and Set himself sends glory our way! The sin of Zazzau drives their defeat, and our victories of late!”

The cheers went into overdrive, but Zara had one more pull to turn this hype into national glory. “Our victories are pre-ordained. I know, for our wise archaeologists have brought forth evidence of the justness of our conquests. Behold!”. He stood aside as staff brought out a large map, carefully handled and unfurled, its significance clear. It showed, in remarkably accurate cartography, an Ethiopian realm that stretched from the domains held by Luba all the way to beyond Arabia. “My scholars discovered a holy cavern, containing a stele and this map amongst other astounding relics of both future and past. They dated it to beyond the founding of our civilisation, but it clearly shows, in our Amharan tongue and our states name, conquests we are due. Conquests that shall surely occur, for Set has destined it. There is no other explanation for this map!”

Cheers can be the greatest mask from scrutiny.

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Whatever the ambitions at home are, Ethiopia is pretty damn stretched right now. To the east a large blob, primarily cavalry in nature, charge to their likely deaths in Somali Seychelles, while the veteran forces of the Zazzau front hold firm in the west. Their actual core, virtually empty.

87: Snatching

Lanfang can cheer at two victories this turns, the reconquest of Bakuwan offscreen (moderately suggesting the New South Wales invasion isn’t going much anywhere) and the second conquest of Pegu’s former capital spotlighted here. Hands up if you’ve seen this before, one civ has a solid reserve of defenders on land, the other has command of the seas. What are the chances we see this war settled before the city flips down to 3 or 2 pop?

88: Snatchbacks

Confirming what we could assume before, the forces of New South Wales seem just plain inept here. I don’t know what goes on in Ross, but no-one wants to leave it behind seemingly. Lanfang's navy has either built up more in response to the threat or just filtered a few south, the end result either way being that the approaches into Indonesia proper seem much more guarded than previously, which sucks for a leader who’d rather party than put in effort.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Bulged Brownish Line

89: The Bulged Brownish Line

The Romantic strings of Borodin soundtrack a nation gearing up for battle once more, on familiar turf but perhaps not with similar momentum. Herero and Luba have tussled many a time, but Herero declaring was always the more common direction of aggression. Luba is making a risky move, weighing up the risk Seychelle poses to the East as minimal and the potential of a sweep southwards as more than worth it.

Musketmen and crossbows against line infantry and skirmishers does serve as a good justification for this choice, and either Herero is hiding many more troops on the Cape or the Maravi wars cleared them out to a greater extent than I realised. As ever, the stalemate potential between these two is high, and I would warn Luba against underestimating the bold blue bois, but were they to break through, Luba could set themselves up as masters of South Africa without dispute.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Repeating Record

90: A Repeating Record

Oi, you were already talked about in the last few episodes, Mr Magnum, I swear. Get a new bit!

Ahem, putting that aside, Pakistan is looking pretty fine. Big army, if a tad low on the actual melee compared to skirmishers and cavalry, but hey, when you have planes and the other civs don’t it’s hard to criticise you..

CBR In-Game Screenshot of The Untended Garden

91: The Untended Garden

Aures has always been rich in opportunities, and with Dihya signed up to Autocracy their military potential ought to be going up. This begs the question, why aren’t they doing more? They certainly have a bit of a Tang issue, with an army more net than carpet no matter how advanced the troops are. I fully believe they could grab Rome for themselves at their choosing right now regardless, but stomping on the weakest civ they border won’t actually enhance them all that much, and it’s sorta an indictment on Aures lack of urgency that Portugal and Hyksos have been allowed to develop into meddlesome thorns. They’d ultimately win a conflict with either, but it’d be messy and painful.

92: The Derby

Oooo, it’s been a while since we had a proper Derby war between the League and the Union. It’ll be an eternal shame for me regarding this season that these 2 civs were so mid, given them being in the same CBR is some of the best historical synergy we’ve ever had between immediate neighbours; the historical legacy both have IRL being deeply intertwined. What’s even better, both have their UU boats deployed full-force (although frankly neither is especially impressive, Hansa’s Cogs being caravels that unlock early and help civilian movement whale Kalmar’s Gun Holks are weaker galleases with double movement in coast).

It’s honestly a bit odd how little I expect this to go anywhere meaningful. Kalmar has the better stats and armed forces, but with all of the Leagues frontline cities being one-tile-coast harbours I struggle to see sieges being competently planned. Meanwhile Ribe is probably the most vulnerable city in the war, but Wullenwever's history of warfare is so dog-awful, and army too small, for me to see him pulling it off. A W for historical authenticity here, and probably naught else.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Not a culotte in sight!

93: Not a culotte in sight!

The oft-disputed fields of Western Europe were a stark sight from Beatriz’s native Amazon Rainforests as she took this experimental musical tour when she really has more expertise as an artist. To tell the truth, it didn’t feel like it was going well. She had been excited to perform in France, a place renowned for radical thought and practice, only to find that, well, they weren’t taking all the change in the world right now in the healthiest of ways.

There are so many ways for a society to face the future and the lessons of the past. The vignettes seen today should have more than displayed that. However, no one did it quite like Robespierre, and France was in a rapture of guillotine chopping and National Guard roundups at present. The future had enemies, and the enemy of the future was an enemy of the people, and these enemies had to be rooted out and purged and- yada yada yada, one can get the gist from there. Odd foreign guests travelling through the lands were a key focus of suspicion, and Beatriz quickly decided to reroute her travels up into Inverness instead.

Of course, even her brief observations on France permitted her to see the truth. It wasn’t clamour for the future creating chaos in France, nor traitors trying to turn the clock back. It was the deadliest ailment a nation can face of them all: stagnation. Where others now flew, the French trod the same old ground. Where others made discoveries, France trailed in their footsteps. National Guard were partisan soldiers desperate to fight for an ideological cause, yet they had none. The nation was indeed restless for change, and amazingly, Robespierre was not able to give that.

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OK, France are maybe not in as dire a situation as my fiction makes out, but everyone seems to agree that the potential they had out of the gate has dimmed significantly. Major players don’t have an enemy citadel against their capital, for one.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Banditry: The Hippest way of Life

94: Banditry: The Hippest way of Life

10 slides and 1 whole turn on from the last update on this frontier, we can see that Marimbi, to Xavante’s credit, did actually get a flip in. Outside of that little else is of practical note. A solid defensive blob surrounds Abelhinha, but if Yanomami put focus on it or even the capital alone they’d have a decent shot at doing damage. Masterminding this new stage of the war is a very fitting figure: Virgulino Ferreira da Silva, although everyone just calls him Lampiao, foremost of all the Cangaço’s of Brazilian history. Essentially, during the hard times of the late 1800s-early 1900s in Brazil's Northeast, a good chunk of people turned to nomadic banditry as a lifestyle, and Lampiao’s band of ~100 were the best of the best, capturing towns momentarily and defeating the law outnumbered. Davi has simply commissioned him now to think a little larger.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Hold your Hongsawatio-ses

95: Hold your Hongsawatio-ses

I dare say that appears to be a Rapa Nui scout blocking Hongsawaoi from the Lanfang fleet (if they actually want to bring a melee ship in) now! Even in death, Rapa Nui culture demands they be the class clown, it seems. Great news for Bangladesh, who have recaptured the pivotal city quite confidently. In defence of my own earlier predictions, Lanfang could certainly be more aggressive here, Fangbo is just a little precious about reducing his cores carpet seemingly.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of I’ll Aid your Kink, umm I mean-

96: I’ll Aid your Kink, umm I mean-

Blockade blasted, the naval siege of Kamina has begun proper. Lending their expertise to this endeavor is the great Thomas C. Kinkaid, one of America’s foremost Admirals in the Pacific campaign of World War II. As commander of the Seventh Fleet he played a central role in the Battle of Leyte Gulf, the last battleship battle in history (to date, haha), and perhaps the largest naval battle in history period with over 200,000 souls entering the frey. Crossed fingers he sticks around long enough to see Seychelles get their first battleships, eh?

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Mision Focused

97: Mision Focused

I swear, Potiguara heard all our community's jeers and boos, and rather than getting mad they’ve decided to get down to business. Mision el Toba looks fairly doomed, albeit the affair would be performed far quicker with a few siege units. At least they have a stable head leading command with General Al-Harith ibn Jabalah, 6th Century King of the Ghassanids and foremost Arab ally of the Byzantines against the Persians during the time of Justinian and Khosrow I. To be honest, my biggest criticism right now lies not with the army, but Potiguara’s navy, who have the numbers to at least attempt a move on Laguna Los Paces but seem content to patrol their own coast instead.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of A Worth-less Sacrifice

98: A Worth-less Sacrifice

Whew, a hat trick of military figures so close to the episodes end, my treat. Well, not a treat for the undefended Great Generals of Ponca who with honorable patriotic valour have decided to block Pontiac's approach with their bodies. Romantic, if a touch useless (like all the best Romantic things in life).

Then again, when I just researched the dude he’s yet another one of those 19th Century American generals who did a bit of stuff in 1812, a bit of stuff against indigenous peoples and a larger bit of stuff in the Mexican-American war, so not exactly inspiring to me. Seeya sucker.

CBR In-Game Screenshot of Forget Cerro, what’s Blanco is the stakes here!

99: Forget Cerro, what’s Blanco is the stakes here!

Things I’m shocked by:

CBR In-Game Screenshot of This Map Shall be pure and clear again someday…

100: This Map Shall be pure and clear again someday…

Not unlike a Tang audience chamber, the bridge of the sub was a mess of rancorous noise, albeit with more dispersed anger. Ego-rich leaders accusing other similarly large-headed leaders of mistakes; blaming one another for the failure of map clearout that had so clearly occurred over the past games. Pedro looked about ready to sucker punch Gusmao, al-Rahman was tearing up, minor forgotten leaders of the past were making the case for their relevance; just about everything that shouldn’t be brought up in a very tight, very personal space like an ultra-advanced nuclear sub. Minutes of debate turned to hours, the organisers of the Royale bounding across the room setting out plans to fix things and inevitable locking heads when they each decided something else. Finally, a quiet settled and an insistent cough brought Captain Nebuchadnezzar back to attention, away from his beloved game screens.

“OK Captain, we’ve done some digging, some negotiating, and we have a 30 page plan to remove all these relics of past games that shouldn’t be there. It’s… been debated…” Goguryeo carefully started, before Lawtiliwadlin stepped in with characteristic aggression.

“First, we all agree, get rid of the failure in charge!” he bluntly stated, causing Queen Maria in the corner to stir from a nap, murmur ‘o que?’, and slumber again. “Then, we institute a global mind wipe using sleeping gas to come in and grab the artefacts and destroy any leftover sites, before resetting all calendars and clocks to make them think they dreamt 40 ye-”

“Yeah no, that sounds dumb.” Captain Nebby interrupted. “And I like these cameos. I say we do nothing. Leaders en masse, do you like the chance to have even the slightest bit of attention again?!” He called out to the wider hall, away from the big leaders of each game. A rustle of activity swept through the crowd, followed by the unmistakable sound of at least 150 people lightly agreeing at once. “See, folks like it. Maria, keep doing the job!”. The sleeping queen didn’t even move her head from the table, just throwing a thumbs up at the captain.

The unseemly sound of passionate disagreement roared from the major leaders and former winners, and would have continued if not for a metallic knock at the door. The entire chamber aligned to see the two people entering the room.

“Salutations, compatriots in leadership. My name is Eannatum; I’m just settling in, and thought an introduction would be a perfectly fine idea. Oh, forgive my manners, this is my forever beloved wife, her name is-”

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AND I’m afraid that’s all we have time for on this episode of the Civ Battle Royale X5! I have, to put it mildly, blabbed on plenty so I’ll leave you to peruse the map in peace. Have a wonderful week, thank you for reading.

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